Archive for August 2010

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High into the San Francisco Night….

August 10, 2010

Many San Francisco fans may recognize, “There it goes, high into the San Francisco Night” as a home run call from Jon Miller….

But on a related note? Monday night’s Giants-Cubs game at A T and T Park in San Francisco was also Jerry Garcia-Grateful Dead night. Best line of the night, from retired player and current broadcaster F.P. Santangelo, alluding to all the Deadheads at the game, “that’s not fog wafting up to the bridge…”

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Suspended Houston Texans linebacker Brian Cushing says his positive test for a female fertility drug was the result of overtraining. Either that or too many Lamaze classes with Manny Ramirez.

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Maybe Cushing mean “Overstraining,” as in “Overstraining credibility.”

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NBA commissioner David Stern announced Monday that the Toronto Raptors and New Jersey Nets will play a pair of regular-season games in London this season. And we accuse China of exporting poor quality junk overseas..

or

The NBA has announced that the Toronto Raptors and New Jersey Nets will play two regular season games in 2011 in London. So much for David Stern’s promise of having meaningful games in Europe before the 2012 Olympics.

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How can you miss him if he won’t go away department:

Levi Johnston, the on-again, off-again fiance of Bristol Palin, now tells the world he has political aspirations and will run for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Is he nuts? The guy has no experience and may not even have voted. You don’t run for mayor with that background, you run for Governor of California.

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Question of the night – You go to a sporting event, it starts on time. You go to a movie, at least the previews start on time. So why is it when you go to a concert, you’re lucky if the opening act starts half an hour after the time on the tickets?

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Jodie Fisher is the reality television and one-time R-rated movie actress, whose lawsuit led to the resignation of HP CEO Mark Hurd. She issued a statement through her lawyer Gloria Allred saying,”I was surprised and saddened that Mark Hurd lost his job over this, that was not my intention.” Stay tuned for her next role, on the new show – “Dancing with the Skanks.”

(open note to Ms. Fisher, if you DON’T want to look like a skank and a publicity whore, maybe it would be a good idea not to hire as a lawyer the woman who is most recently known for representing Tiger Woods’ porn star mistress.)

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A $40 million severance package for Mark Hurd, $42 million for Carly Fiorina…. If they really want to help the California economy, maybe Meg Whitman and Jerry Brown should both consider a campaign promise to be both hired and fired as HP CEO, and then give their severance package to the state.

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Vacations, probations, etc…

August 9, 2010

The First Lady is taking some heat for this trip to Spain with Sasha. But hey, her daughter is probably taking Spanish in school and Michelle wanted to take her somewhere where they speak the language.

Of course, the GOP would argue in that case it would have been cheaper just to go to Los Angeles.

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All these Republicans complaining about the first lady’s European vacation…. I guess they feel the Obamas should act like a real American family and buy a multimillion dollar Texas ranch or Maine compound for their summer vacations.
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This week a California company recalled over one million pounds of ground beef. Worried savvy consumers are flocking to Jack in the Box – it’s one place they can be assured there is no beef in those hamburgers.

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The University of Tennessee is under investigation from the Lane Kiffin days for allegedly hiring attractive women to serve as hostess for recruits. Regarding these hostesses, there are pictures of them with players and recruits that have been widely circulated, yet, Kiffin says after practice at USC “that the investigation won’t find any wrongdoing.”

Yep, I can see why the Trojans thought he was a worthy successor to Pete Carroll.

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-from reader T.C.

Plaxico Burress has applied for a work release from prison. No word on whether he plans on working for the Cincinnati Bengals or the Washington Wizards.

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In the CFL (Canadian Football League) the Toronto Argonauts, with a history of being doormats, are actually 4 and 2. Which means maybe there’s hope for the NFL Detroit Lions? Okay, let’s not get carried away.

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In the Little League World Series, not only will they be using instant reply, the managers will be allowed to challenge calls on force outs, tags, missed bases and hit batsmen. Well, it’s good to see baseball deciding to get the important games right.

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The Chicago Cubs are coming to play the San Francisco Giants this week. Now, okay, I understand if you were born in Chicago and became a Cubs fan. But I have met many fans over the years from all over the U.S. who just adopted the Cubs as their team.

Why not just wear a t-shirt saying “I am a masochist.”

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The New York Mets added a couple Triple-A players to their roster on Saturday, and released Alex Cora. But really, the way New York is playing, can we really refer to it as a call up from the minors? Seems more like a lateral move to me.

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Bristol Palin said that the reason she ended her second engagement to Levi Johnston is that Levi was “obsessed with the limelight.” Added her mother Sarah, “Yeah, thats MY job.”

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President Obama played basketball today with some current and former NBA stars in an exhibition game in Washington to entertain wounded troops. Apparently Obama had thought of giving them tickets to Washington Wizards games, but then decided that the troops had suffered enough.

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Fear of failure?

August 8, 2010

Jerry Rice said at his Hall of Fame induction ceremony that “the fear of failure is the engine that has driven me throughout my entire life.” Because he just couldn’t live with the thought of being labeled a failure.

Well at least that we know that fear doesn’t affect anyone on the Cubs.

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Most recently it was Kate Hudson, now it’s Cameron Diaz dating Alex Rodriguez. Considering what a shallow, self-centered egotist A-Rod seems to be, how bad must male actors be to make him look like good relationship material by comparison?

(Wait, don’t answer that.)

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You think you had a bad day -how about this pitching line Friday night from losing Mets pitcher Bobby Parnell, who came in in the eighth with a 2-1 lead. 0 innings pitched, 4 hits, 4 runs, 4 earned runs. Yikes.

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One day after the above Mets debacle, where New York ended up giving in 6 runs in the eighth, Johan Santana pitched into the eighth, and Mets manager Jerry Manuel went immediately to closer Francisco Rodriguez. The Mets won 1-0.

So for at least a day, filming was put off on “CSI- New York Bullpen.”

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As Marc Ragovin said, “how dire are things getting for the Mets? Their games may soon be broadcast on the Emergency Broadcast Network.”

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Despite a dismal past tenure, ranging from poor draft picks, to an $11 million dollar sexual harrassment settlement, to a horrible record as a coach, the New York Knicks have rehired Isiah Thomas as a consultant.

Who gets rehired with that kind of record? Re-elected, maybe.

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The University of Tennessee’s football program is has now joined the list of those being investigated for major violations, mostly for incidents that happened under Lane Kiffin. Kiffin, now at USC, may set a record for coaching at the most schools put on probation before leading anyone to a bowl game.

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At the University of Kentucky, rumors are swirling that star basketball recruit Anthony Davis was paid $200,000 to commit to the Wildcats. UK denies the allegations. And since their coach, John Calipari, only had his last two teams (Memphis and U Mass) have to forfeit their wins on his watch, who could doubt them?

Actually to be fair, $200,000 does sound like an unbelievable amount. For that much money Davis probably would have gone to USC.

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Lebron James finally got around to thanking fans in Cleveland, a full month after “The Decision.” With that kind of disaster management, when he retires Lebron will surely have a job waiting for him at FEMA.
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CEO Carly Fiorina, Chairwoman Patricia Dunn, CEO Mark Hurd…. So when did HP turn into BP?

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Fed up with Franken’s facial gestures and eye-rolling, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell told Al Franken “this isn’t Saturday Night Live, Al.” Of course not, some of the stuff senators say with a straight face is far funnier.

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Regarding Michelle Obama’s vacation, and the criticism she is facing from some conservatives. If she had said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Spain but decided that this year I stay close to home with Sasha because of the economy,” no doubt some would have condemned her for pessimism and putting a damper on the recovering travel industry.

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Not exactly the “HP way to go!”

August 7, 2010

Carly Fiorina, the fired former CEO of HP, is now running for Senate in California because she wants to be the Republican version of Barbara Boxer. Does the latest news out of HP mean that Mark Hurd wants to be the Republican version of John Edwards.?

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GOProud, which claims to be the “only national organization supporting gay conservatives, has announced their first annual party “Homocon.” And the event will be headlined by…. Ann Coulter?! Considering all the anti-gay statements Coulter has made, the party will likely be as well attended as a Lebron James pep rally in Cleveland.

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Apparently Mark Hurd, the now former CEO of HP, was “caught” and forced to resign because he falsified expense reports to pay off a female contractor with whom he allegedly had a relationship. Excuse me, the guy made over $24 million in 2009 – he couldn’t have used cash?

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Tacky time. I’ll say one thing for Carly Fiorina, when she screwed HP employees, she kept her clothes on.

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Speaking of tacky,

Famous White House gatecrasher Michaele Salahi complained that being interviewed on “The View” was “horrific” and that they wanted to torture her. Not true. The only people “The View” tortures are their viewers.

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USC cornerback T.J. Bryant had to have surgery on his left cheekbone Thursday after an altercation during a drill with a teammate. Guess maybe he should have chosen to play for the Fighting Irish.

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The University of West Virginia football program is being investigated for “major violations,” many of which occurred under former coach Rich Rodriguez before he jumped to the University of Michigan. (where he is also now under investigation.)

Isn’t this like being responsible for your ex-wife’s debts? With the only silver lining being that she is dragging her new boyfriend into bankruptcy too.
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The gift that keeps on giving…. While the San Francisco Giants are leading the NL wild card and are only a game out of first place in the NL West, it doesn’t mean it’s a painless season.

Like reading about the Minnesota Twins’ new ace, Francisco Liriano, who until he got roughed up tonight had been 4-0 since the All-Star break, with a 0.63 ERA while holding hitters to a .168 average.

Why does this hurt? For Giants fans who have repressed the memory, Liriano was a throw-in in the Joe Nathan deal, the one that brought the Giants A.J. Pierzynski.

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From Alex Kaseberg: Newspaper circulations are at an all-time low. To show how low newspaper circulation is, in London they are eating fish and chips off of an Apple lap top.

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And on an actual serious note – congratulations to former Stanford closer Drew Storen, who got his first major league save tonight. Against the Los Angeles Dodgers. Not a bad way to stay popular in the San Francisco area! .

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Fast food and fast times…

August 6, 2010

A woman was found guilty of extortion for demanding millions of dollars from Rick Pitino to keep their “close encounter” in a restaurant secret. Pitino said the sex lasted “15 seconds” and was “unfortunate.”

The University of Louisville for now is sticking by their coach, though Pitino may lose endorsement contracts. On the other hand, he stands to pick up a new offer from “In and Out Burger.”

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Taco Bell is introducing new “Cantina” tacos, which they say can compete with street tacos. Yeah, right, the only way anyone is going to get anything approaching real street tacos at Taco Bell is if one of those trucks is parked in their lot.

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Singer Wyclef Jean has filed the paperwork to run for president of his native Haiti. Well, he has more political experience than Meg Whitman.

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Just how crazy are some of the comments Sharron Angle has been making lately? Apparently even Sarah Palin is thinking of “refudiating” her.

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From Bill Littlejohn: Repair crews in Boston will soon be busy addressing the Green Monster.And once Shaq gets fixed up, attention will be given to Fenway’s left field wall”

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A number of billionaires, including Warren Buffett, Larry Ellison and Bill Gates, have pledged to donate half their wealth to charity. Said Meg Whitman, Jeff Greene and Mike Bloomberg, “Does spending it on running for office count?”

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The University of Texas and Notre Dame have agreed to a four-game football series starting in 2015. This is going to be tough. For sports fans outside Texas and South Bend, Indiana, who do they hate and thus root for to lose more?

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Despite mounting evidence against Lance Armstrong, many fans want to believe he was “clean.” Why is it so hard to believe that someone who has an inspirational story can’t also be a cheater? Hey, Bill Clinton grew up a poor kid with a widowed mom and abusive stepfather.

For Canadian readers: This is an unusual year for Toronto sports fans. This year it looks like the Argonauts may actually stay in playoff contention longer than the Blue Jays.

There are now rumors that Brett Favre sent sexy text messages to a young woman who worked as sideline reporter. Hard to believe, it’s not just that Favre is a married man, but if he were going to “sext” another woman, how would he decide which one?

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Last thought for the night on Prop 8, direct quote from Judge Walker’s decision “Religious leaders may determine independently whether to recognize a civil marriage or divorce but that recognition or lack thereof has no effect on the relationship under state law.” Separation of church and state?! What a concept. This could catch on.

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Lies, damn lies, and propositions….

August 5, 2010

An open question to all those in favor of Prop 8. Can any gay couple make more of a mockery of the idea of marriage than Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston?

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Semi serious note: I just don’t see why conservatives oppose gay marriage. Leave the moral and fairness issues aside and let’s talk money. Married couples pay higher tax rates. And weddings – including the reception and gifts – are expensive, which boost the state economy and bring in more sales tax. More sales tax revenue equals less need for raising income taxes.

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Brett Favre now said Wednesday that he hasn’t decided on retirement, and the decision won’t be about money. Too bad, otherwise there is a chance we could pay him to go away.

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Alex Rodriguez hit his 600th home run today. “That’s really awesome” said absolutely no one outside New York.

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Two women have been charged with misdemeanors for a fight that led to a brawl during a Southern California kindergarten graduation ceremony.
I guess we can expect felonies when their daughters try out for cheerleading.

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Redskins defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth skipped yet another conditioning test and still isn’t allowed to practiced. Haynesworth hasn’t blown off this many tests since he was at the University of Tennessee.

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Rudy Giuliani’s daughter was arrested for shoplifting in New York. It will be interesting to see how Rudy ties this to 9/11.

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In San Francisco, federal authorities today announced the a number of arrests, and seizure of more than 200,000 counterfeit retail items valued at $100 million, in one of the largest such busts ever in Caliifornia, The retailers, many near Fisherman’s Wharf, had been selling Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Chanel labeled items, for a fraction of the cost of the real thing

Local reaction was mixed. 25 percent said the arrests wer warranted, 25 percent said they were unnecessary, and 50 percent said they wished they had known the names of the stores earlier.

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NFL commissioner Roger Goodell says testing players for HGH is about the “integrity of the game.” When a player can be suspended for steroids and go to the Pro Bowl in the same season I would ask “What integrity of the game?”

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Happy Birthday to Barack Obama. Wonder what the over-under was on conservative commentators who both wished him a happy day and once again brought up the issue of his birth certificate? (Open note to all doubters – if he had faked being born in the U.S., trust me, Hillary would have proved it.)

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Meg Whitman said today “In all likelihood I will vote no on Prop. 23,” (the climate change law suspension proposition.) Actually given Whitman’s past history, the first six words of her statement would have been newsworthy enough.

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Cha-cha-changes…

August 4, 2010

Airlines are already starting to gather “Secure Flight” data, and as of November 1, you won’t be able to get on a plane without divulging your date of birth, full legal name, and gender. I see a lawsuit coming in San F-Francisco. The gender box only has two choices.

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Lady Gaga says that she thinks having sex saps creativity. Well, that certainly would explain all those incredibly intricate and imaginative new video games.

(It also explains some of the amazing things at Comic-Con.)

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Morrie R. Yohai, the inventor of Cheez Doodles snack, has died at the age of 90. In his honor, all the pallbearers will dye their fingers orange.

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Rough night for ESPN. Brett Favre retired again, A-Rod is still stuck on 599, and Lebron James wrote an open letter of thanks to fans in Akron but not Cleveland. The network had so much to cover they barely had time to read the scores.

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Brett Favre will apparently announce later today that he is retiring again. Yeah, well and Larry King has said “forsaking all others” a few times too.
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Brad Childress is dismissing reports of Brett Favre’s latest retirement, saying he has to hear it “from the horse’s mouth.” Considering all the time sports fans and reporters have spent waiting around on Favre, I’m not sure the mouth is the first part of the horse they associate with him.

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Super Bowl-winning quarterback Kurt Warner will apparently be the next former athlete to compete on “Dancing with the Stars. As opposed to Brett Favre who may appear on a show with Lebron James, titled “Dancing with the Decision.”

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Okay, the betting question of the night. Which will last longer? Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety? Or Brett Favre’s retirement?

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Lebron James took out a full page ad thanking the fans in Akron for their support over the years, but he doesn’t mention Cleveland at all. Another proud graduate of the BP School of Public Relations

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In China they are developing a huge catamaran inspired bus that can drive OVER cars. As opposed to San Francisco where Muni drivers just try to drive through them.

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Meg Whitman is likely to spend $150 million of her own money to run for Governor in California. And she may still lose. If this politics thing doesn’t work out she has at least proved herself uniquely qualified to take over the New York Mets.

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Dog days…

August 3, 2010

August begins baseball’s “dog days of summer” – when exhaustion is creeping in for most players, but the pennant races are heating up. Which means fans of contending teams can face agonizing games with high hopes and crushing disappointments.

And in Chicago, the unofficial motto now is “August at Wrigley Field – one of the most stress-free experiences in baseball.”
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Ozzie Guillen is making waves, again, by saying that baseball should provide translators for Latino players like they routinely do for Asian players.

But why stop there? Heck, with translators most Americans could have actually understood George W. Bush. And politicians running in the general elections could find one translator for conservative groups and one for liberals. That way they wouldn’t have to come up with two different speeches.

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The Pac 10 is going to change their name to the Pac 12, so as new commissioner Larry Scott says, the conference can be “mathematically correct.” The commish’s next task, explaining to USC players what “mathematically correct” means.

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Quarterback Jeremiah Masoli was expelled from his first high school, and kicked off the University of Oregon team for repeated run-ins with the law, most recently driving on a suspended license and possessing marijuana. He just transferred to Mississippi, which was rated #5 on the top ten list of party schools. What could possibly go wrong?

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Mitch Miller died today at the age of 99. His last wish was to be buried in a round, rubber coffin, so mourners could “follow the bouncing ball.”

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California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman has suddenly started changing her positions on a several issues, from immigration, to climate change, to state furloughs. She said the timing has nothing to do with the fact she is now running a general election campaign, but that because she didn’t vote or pay attention until recently, it took her until now to learn how to act like a politician.

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A survey said cat owners are 40 percent less likely than the public at large to die of heart attacks. But the same benefit is not found from owning a dog.

This could be for one of two reasons – first, that cats are just inherently soothing creatures. Second, that cat owners know that if if the backup plan is counting on a cat for heroism, you had better stay healthy.

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just asking…….

An increasing number of conservatives want to update the 14th amendment to deny “birthright citizenship,” because they feel that the constitution should adapt to the modern immigration problem. In that case can we also look at the modern murder problem, and consider updating the 2nd amendment while we’re at it?

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A new broom…

August 2, 2010

The SF Giants swept the Dodgers for the first time in San Francisco in six years. How bad are things going for the Dodgers. The loudest people yelling “Dodgers Suck” are calling into Los Angeles talk radio.

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The New York Mets had their Mets Hall of Fame induction ceremony for Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry today, and then went out and lost 14 to 1. Maybe they should have had Gooden and Strawberry suit up?.

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Stuart Appleby won the Greenbrier Classic tournament today with a PGA record-tying round of 59. This was only the fifth round of 59 ever in PGA first, but the second in 2010. (The last golfer to shoot 59 before 2010 was David Duval in 1999.)

So this year, golf scores are falling like Tiger Woods endorsement contracts.

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A CHP video apparently showed Sacramento basketball star Tyreke Evans driving 120-130 mph on California Interstate 80 . Locals are shocked…. you can find room to drive that fast on I-80?

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Former Oregon quarterback Jeremiah Masoli was suspended and then kicked off the team for a variety of infractions, ranging from pleading guilty to misdemeanor second-degree burglary, to being arrested after a traffic stop for marijuana possession and driving on a suspended license.

Masoli is now attempting to walk on at Old Miss. Apparently he feels the school and program offer him the best option to start over. And it’s the SEC- where to be suspensioned, you really need a conviction for a felony.

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Coach Houston Nutt has indicated he’s giving Nutt a chance because he really believes in the young man. That and because the Running Rebels had been picked to finish last in the SEC.

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The rich get richer department: The New York Yankees, with their $200 million powerhouse lineup, picked up Lance Berkman at the trade deadline. Really? The Yankees needed another hitter like Tiger Woods needed another mistress.

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Or for those who remember: The Yankees need another high priced hitter like Imelda Marcos needed another pair of shoes.

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Sarah Palin’s latest book is titled “America by Heart.” The subtitle presumably, “Except what you need to write on your palm to remember.”
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