Posted tagged ‘Thunder jokes’

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Just the way they are.

May 30, 2016

Watching  Oklahoma Thunder with a 13 point lead just made many of us curious how they would choke it away this time. ‪

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Why do I get the feeling the ‪#‎Cleveland‬ ‪#‎Cavaliers‬ enjoyed the heck out of this ‪#‎Game7‬?

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Although in  Cleveland they were really rooting for at least triple-overtime with ‪#‎OKCvsGSW‬ game 7. That and one more flagrant foul from Draymond Green to get him suspended.

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#‎Spurs‬ have to be wondering, with all their teamwork, how did they ever lose to this bunch of talented selfish clowns. ‪#‎Thunder‬ ‪#‎Game7‬

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Spurs also have to wonder if it’s too soon to send Kevin Durant a first date rose.

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Two floor seats for tonight’s game 7 between Golden State and Oklahoma City went for $29K each. $29 thousand just to watch a game? Most of the Thunder late in the 4th quarter of game 6 got paid for that.

 

#‎SJSharks‬ made a valiant effort tying things up in the 2nd period.  But they did their best late in 1st to make it easier on SF Bay Area fans deciding whether to watch ‪#‎StanleyCup‬ or ‪#‎OKCvsGSW‬ ‪#‎Game7‬

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Demar DeRozan says he wants to stay, and Bismack Biyombo is apparently open to taking ‘hometown discount’ to stay in Toronto. The question is whether the Raptors can get another star.
Of course, with the US election Canada might be looking better and better…

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Donald Trump attacked New Mexico Gov, Susana Martinez for “not doing her job.” Well, that’s just because she’s a Democrat. Oh wait, never mind…

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According to the Washington Post, Texas has sued the Federal Government 41 times since Obama took office. So here’s a solution to a lot of things -let them secede, and let Trump bury the hatchet with Ted Cruz so they can run for president and VP of the new country. ‪#‎Madematchinheaven‬ …. or somewhere.

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The Marlins’ Derek Dietrich apparently escaped serious injury when he was struck in the head by a foul ball while sitting in the dugout. Hope he wasn’t texting at the time.

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Former MLB pitcher Spaceman Lee is running for Gov. of Vermont, on the Liberty Union (socialist) Party ticket. Lee’s issues – marijuana legalization and single-payer healthcare. And bringing the Expos back to Montreal. Well, that’s a whole lot more of a coherent platform than Trump started out with. Or still has.

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So is there a Prius ad in ‪#‎AlexanderRossi‬‘s future? ‪#‎whoneedsgas‬? ‪#‎Indy500‬

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Have to love rookie ‪#‎Indy500‬ winner Alexander Rossi who won the race on fumes. “I have no idea how we pulled this off.”. ‪#‎honesty‬

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Lots of ads and emails – “Last Day of Memorial Day Sale.”. To be followed Tuesday by “First Day of Fourth of July Sale?”

 

A eight-hour internet server failure at JFK Terminal 7 meant that thousands of people had to be manually checked in yesterday, and many were stranded for hours. Terminal 7 was shared between British Airways and United until United moved to Newark last year.
So, yes, they said it couldn’t be done. But there are worse things than flying out of Newark..

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
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Groin gate?

May 23, 2016

#‎NBA‬ had to decide whether or not to suspend ‪#‎DraymondGreen‬ over groin kick of ‪#‎StevenAdams‬. So once again a playoff game could have turned on deflated balls

 

New ‪#‎Warriors‬ cheer? – “Raa Raa REE! Kick ’em in the knee! Raa Raa RASS! Kick ’em in the other knee!” ‪#‎DraymondGreen‬

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With the NBA upgrading Green’s kicking Adams to a Flagrant 2 foul, since Draymond also had a flagrant 1 vs. the Rockets, he is now one more  flagrant foul of any kind away from suspension. But I am sure the Thunder won’t try to provoke him

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As ‪#‎Spurs‬ fan, have no dog in this fight, or rather in this kick. But does anyone really expect ‪#‎DraymondGreen‬ to say ” Of course I meant to kick him in the nuts.”

 

I guess someone forgot to tell the Toronto Raptors that the Eastern Conference NBA finals were over after game 2.

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But uh oh, tonight refs called a foul on ‪#‎LeBronJames‬. Time for a congressional investigation? ‪#‎CAVSvRAPTORS‬

 

Can only imagine how much the ‪#‎NBA‬ and its advertisers love the possibility of ‪#‎Raptors‬ vs ‪#‎Thunder‬ in the finals.

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Donald Trump says climate change is a “con job” and a “hoax.” But as reported by Politico, in Ireland, he wants to build a “nearly two-mile-long” stone wall to protect his golf course and hotel, citing “rising sea levels and increased storm frequency and wave energy associated with global warming.” ‪#‎nowallleftunbuilt‬ ‪#‎NottheOnion‬

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Former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell is still free on bail while appealing his felony convictions. Now current Gov. Terry McAuliffe is apparently being investigated by the FBI over possible illegal donations to his campaign. Who does the state think it is? Illinois?

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Your US post office in action. Mailing a first class 2 ounce parcel is $2.45 with tracking. Took a letter to the post office and asked if that was the cheapest way to get tracking. Nope. Must be first class certified for $3.77. Asked why I couldn’t do it as a parcel. Because it’s not in a big enough envelope. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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United Airlines is having a sale on miles. Not buying them, but simply transferring miles you have paid for and earned to another person as a gift. It’s 30% off the normal price of $15 per 1,000 miles. And airlines wonder why we hate them.

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Tom Brady’s 4-game “deflategate” suspension has already been revoked by the U.S. District Court, then reinstated, and now the Patriots’ QB and his team of laywers want the case heard “by a full panel of 13 judges on the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.” If they reject it, the appeal could go all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Forget deflating footballs, can we suspend Brady for criminal waste of taxpayer money?

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Apparently one of the excuses for killing those Santiago zoo lions when a man jumped into their enclosure was that since the lions had tasted a human, they’d look at humans as a food source in the future. Got news for these folks, if you jump into a lion’s home, you ARE a food source.

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From Marc Ragovin  “A 54-year old custodian at Wooster Polytechnic Institute graduated from the school this past week with a degree in mechanical engineering. And after reading about the job prospects for 54-year old mechanical engineers, he returned to his job as custodian..

 

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Decisions, decisions

May 22, 2016

 

Thousands of San Francisco fans who went to the Giants Cubs game and felt bad about missing the ‪#‎Warriors‬ vs ‪#‎Thunder‬ are feeling a lot better about their decision

 

And a national ‪#‎ESPN‬ audience just found out why ‪#‎SFGiants‬ mantra is ‪#‎WedontneednostinkinDH‬ ‪#‎Madbum‬ ‪#‎Pitcherswhorake‬

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Meanwhile, Buster Olney reported on ESPN that today was the latest date in the MLB season since 1947 for the Cubs and Giants to play each other with both teams in first place.  Once again, hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.

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But Billy Donovan works all year to get the Thunder focused.  And looks like – for now –  what it really took was Draymond Green’s kick to Steven Adam’s groin.

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Dodgers win 9-5 in 17 innings over the Padres. San Diego then gets on a plane to San Francisco, where they play the Giants tomorrow.   Pitcher Drew Pomeranz is starting.  Assume he’s been told he’s pitching a complete game.

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So is there a 17th inning stretch? ‪#‎Dodgers‬ ‪#‎Padres‬

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Not to say Lebron flopped  Saturday night, but he fell faster and harder without a serious hit than Jeb Bush’s one-time poll numbers.

 

Still kind of a surfeit of riches in the SF Bay Area, with the Warriors and Sharks in the playoff semi-finals, and the Giants in first place. Fortunately for fans of humility, the 49ers’ training camp is right around the corner.

 

 

When I see all these ‪#‎GameofThrones‬ posts I understand how my non-sports fan friends must feel about all my sports posts.

 

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A two-day sting in Simpsonville, S.C., netted 54 arrests, 28 accused prostitutes and 26 men accused of soliciting them. Simpsonsville has a population of about 20,000. There really must not be much to do in town.

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Two Tennessee pastors were arrested this weekend for answering an online ad to have sex with an underage girl. So add another category to those we want to keep out of public bathrooms?

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From T.C. “Phil Mickelson is planning to change that KPMG hat that he wears to KMPG – Keep My Personal Gains.”

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Okay, time for one of those serious snarky posts again. Americans are nervous about terrorism, and we give up a lot of our liberties and spend billions for safety. Yet, in the U.S. last year, over 1,000 women were killed as a result of domestic violence. Where’s the fear, outrage, and $$$$?

Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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And the Thunder rolled…

May 17, 2016

 

Golden State Warriors not happy about a non-traveling call on ‪#‎Westbrook‬. And refs are thinking “Calling traveling on a superstar? How quaint.”

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And the Spurs went from thinking at halftime  with the Golden State-Oklahoma City game-  “How did we ever lose to this team? to  “Maybe it’s not just that we’re old.”

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Beginning to think it’s just possible that Billy Donovan is a very good coach.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ are on the road but ‪#‎Westbrook‬‘s postgame outfit would fit right in at ‪#‎ATTPark‬. Trying to challenge ‪#‎OrangeandBlack‬ attack?

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Tim Lincecum reportedly signing with Angels. So maybe at this point in his career ‪#‎Timmy‬ doesn’t want to deal with any more playoff pressure?

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Biggest disappointment for MLB after yesterday’s brawl – unless Toronto gets hot and makes the playoffs, the Blue Jays and Rangers won’t play again in 2016. ‪#‎ratings‬

 

This weekend’s series between the SF Giants and Chicago Cubs opens up with Jake Peavy vs. Jake Arrieta. Well, after Peavy’s good start in Arizona, there’s only a little more than 6 runs difference in their ERA. (7.43 to 1.29)
Hope the Giants have a good stock of beer at AT&T Park.

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Meanwhile, at the Atlanta Falcons’ new stadium, the team will offer some of the lowest concession prices in sports, with a hot dog being only $2 and a beer being $5. Maybe the SF 49ers should consider a similar idea, especially on the beer. Seems like fans are going to need it.

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EasyJet is bankrolling newly invented “Sneakairs”, which are shoes that connect to a smartphone via Bluetooth and vibrate to tell the wearer which way to turn. The airline hopes to sell them on board.
Just what we need, instead of looking at their phones, tourists will run into things because they are fascinated by their shoes.

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John Kasich said he is “not inclined” to serve as Donald Trump’s running mate. Hmm, what’s next, the Ohio governor saying he’s “1,000 percent against it?”

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Trump calls Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas.” Maybe a  bit of a “glass houses” insult coming from someone who wears a beaver pelt on his head?

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The NY Times reports that Donald Trump plans to bring up Bill Clinton’s infidelities in the campaign. Because a real man would have married at least one of the younger women he had affairs with?

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Ralph Nader is now complaining that Hillary Clinton is going to win the Democratic primary “by dictatorship’ Because Nader hasn’t done enough for moderates and liberals this century already? ‪#‎unsafeatanyspeed‬

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Rangers’ 2B Rougned Odor says he doesn’t regret punching Jose Bautista, but expects a suspension. And who knows, maybe an offer from more than one NFL team.

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Mark Sanchez just underwent surgery on his left thumb and will miss the the start of offseason training activities. Apparently a weight room injury. Butt, how did he fumble into this one?

 

RIP Dick McAuliffe. Damn. For the uninitiated, especially my SF Giants fan friends,  consider him the Joe Panik or Robby Thompson of the 1968 World Champion Detroit Tigers. ‪#‎youneverforgetyourfirstlove‬.

Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Let my people whine…

April 25, 2016

Just thinking, if Moses tried to lead his people out of Egypt today how many would have had to be left behind bitching about food allergies?

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Happy 40th Birthday to Tim Duncan. If the Spurs manage to win him one more ring, San Antonio will have the first NBA championship parade to do the entire route with their left blinkers on.

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Mark Cuban today before game 5 made a comment that Kevin Duran was the “one superstar” on the OKC Thunder, but that Russell Westbrook was ” an All-Star but not a superstar.”
Yeah, that worked out well.

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Grade 1 sprain for Steph Curry. Which means that millions of Warriors fans are suddenly going to become amateur knee doctors for the next few weeks.

 

 

ESPN reports that the NFL says no player tested positive for drugs during February’s scouting combine. Meaning either that this year’s draft class is clean, or that they were smart enough not to do anything until AFTER the combine.

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Yeah, professional athletes aren’t quite like the rest of us. Sunday’s “Style” section of the SF Chronicle focused on “FashionWarriors,” Golden State players and their post game looks. Andre Iguodola looked sharp in a sweater pants combination with some expensive jewelry but noted “it’s just an old Gucci sweater, a couple of seasons at least.”

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Panthers RB Cameron Artis-Payne was reportedly arrested for driving 102 in a 65 mph zone in rural North Carolina. Hmm, with that kind of speed maybe Artis-Payne should consider a career change to NASCAR..

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A federal appeals court has ruled in favor of the NFL in the “deflategate” case, and reinstated New England Patriots Tom Brady’s original suspension. Your tax dollars at work.

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Donald Trump is now referring to Ohio’s governor as “1 for 38 Kasich,” based on the 1 state Kasich won. Maybe the Donald isn’t really running for President – he’s trying to be “Triumph, the Insult Dog.”

 

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Megyn Kelly has announced that Donald Trump has agreed to sit down with her for an interview to air next month. Proving once again, that we CAN all get along – especially when rating$$$$$ are involved.

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Another thought on this bathroom craziness. The talk is mostly of men in women’s rooms. But leaving aside the fact that it isn’t always obvious, do all these alarmists want, for example, a big burly transgender with facial hair who was born female forced to use the ladies’ room?

 

Karma in mean bitch mode again. Some users want to sue Ashley Madison for revealing their personal information. Except a judge has ruled that to go forward with the lawsuit, they must reveal their real names.

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Sam Bradford has now demanded a trade because he figures the Eagles will draft a better QB. Hmm, sounds like the guy might be a perfect fit for the 49ers.

Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
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