It’s over….

Posted January 8, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Yes, the college bowl season is over. You know it probably went on too long when the last truly awful football plays of the year weren’t made by the Detroit Lions.

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Congrats to the Crimson Tide for winning the BCS National Championship Game against a Colt McCoy-less Longhorns team. And over in Idaho, the Boise State Broncos are thinking, with some reason… we could take either of these teams.

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Tonight’s BCS championship game between Texas and Alabama was played over a month after both teams played their last games. The players have been so bored, some of them have actually gone to class

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Longhorns quarterback Colt McCoy was injured and out of the BCS Championship early. It was the most desperate time Texans could remember without a real leader since George W. Bush was governor.
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The BCS championship game was played over a month after the regular season ended. “And the problem with that is?” said Bud Selig.

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Of course, the reason for the huge delay until the final game was for hype, and television ratings. Which means someday the World Series could be known as the “Thanksgiving Classic.”

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It now appears Gilbert Arenas’s teammate Javaris Crittenton actually cocked and loaded his gun during their locker room confrontration. But come on, he’s a Wizard. There was no chance he would get off a good shot.

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USC quarterback Aaron Corp, who lost his starting job to Matt Barkley after being injured, announced that he was transferring to the University of Richmond. Corp must really want out. Being at Richmond is likely to be a heckuva pay cut.

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A sting operation caught as many as 58 nine potential illegal immigrants last Sunday in Foxboro. The men were their way to shovel snow off the field at Gillette Stadium before the Patriots game. This could be the biggest immigrant roundup in sports since the Yankees took their team picture.

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According to the New York Post, White House party crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi are apparently being paid $5000 to headline a party at Caesar’s Palace nightclub. Well, that will discourage them.

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The organizers for the party who are paying gate-crashing Salahi’s a $5000 appearance fee expect to sell several hundred tickets. With an actual attendance figure of about 20,000.

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John McCain has released an anti-Obama commercial to kick off his own re-election campaign. Senator McCain wanted the commercial to look as up-to-date and modern as possible so he insisted it be shot in Technicolor.

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Not so cheap shots…

Posted January 7, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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The NBA has suspended Gilbert Arenas indefinitely. Bummer for Wizards fans. This really puts a dent in their hopes of catching the Charlotte Bobcats for fourth place. (In a five team division.)

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David Stern says he has concluded that Arenas “is not currently fit to take the court in an NBA game.” Stay tuned tomorrow, when the commissioner suspends the New Jersey Nets.

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How strong is the new Gilbert Arenas cocktail? You’re out of commission before you take the first shot.

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New York Jets coach Rex Ryan proclaimed that his 9-7 team should be the favorites to win the Super Bowl. “Is he out of his mind?” asked Joe Namath.

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Mike Shanahan was introduced as the new coach of the Washington Redskins. Fans have high hopes for him. Who knows, Shanahan could even last three years out of his five year contract.
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Brit Hume has stated that he thinks Tiger Woods should convert to Christianity. Yeah, that’s worked so well for Mark Sanford, Robert Ensign and Bill Clinton.

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Beginnings and endings.

Posted January 6, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Mike Shanahan appears to be ready to accept the job as coach of the Washington Redskins. For non-sports fans, this is essentially the equivalent of signing on to be the fifth trophy wife of a billionaire. The odds favor the contract being dissolved, but you can profit nicely on the pre-nup.

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The Big Unit, Randy Johnson, retired tonight after 22 seasons. He received a number of phone calls, texts and emails from fellow athletes, including one from Brett Favre. Which simply said “The first time is the hardest.”

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Game time temperature was 48 degrees in Miami for the Orange Bowl. But the Iowa Hawkeyes prevailed, despite the blazing heat. (Note to non-midwesterns, game time temp in Iowa City, minus 1 degrees, wind chill to -12.)

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USC penalized their basketball program themselves after an internal investigation into recruiting violations regarding O.J. Mayo. In related news, the investigation into payments made to former Trojan Reggie Bush continues, and the NCAA hopes to wrap it up before Bush retires from the NFL.

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The FAA suspended all flights in and out of Bakersfield airport Tuesday after “hazardous material” was found in luggage there. Americans were shocked. Bakersfield has an airport?

(note, the hazardous substance turned out to be honey. seriously. the weight loss fanatics are taking over…)

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San Francisco 49ers coach Mike Singletary said in a post-season news conference that his team is “just a few players away.” Unfortunately, those players are Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, and Ronnie Lott.

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In the category of “wish I’d written this,” from Jerry Perisho:
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South Carolina first lady Jenny Sanford’s memoir about dealing with her husband’s affair will be released in February, rather than May as originally planned.… Mark Sanford’s Argentine mistress said, “A typical Sanford, always finishing early.”

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Taking a shot at it…

Posted January 5, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Unclear on the concept award for Gilbert Arenas, who said the guns in the locker room incident was “a joke.” Note to Gilbert, real guns are never a joke. Now the Wizards’ record this year – THAT’S a joke.

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The next home of the NHL Winter Classic – an outdoor hockey game – is rumored to be Citi Field. Presumably the game could even be played in September. That’s when Mets fans are most used to seeing a cold team.

Or they could schedule the outdoor game at Citi Field in October. The Mets won’t be using it.

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A new biography of Warren Beatty puts the actor second only to Wilt Chamberlain in the promiscuity department, claiming Beatty slept with over 12,000 women. But to be fair, they haven’t publicity released all of Tiger’s texts yet.
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Warren Beatty now says that reports of him having slept with 12,774 women are a “gross exaggeration.” Apparently he says the number is 11,000 max.

One issue with this alleged “body count” is simply the time involved. If the number is anywhere near accurate, then the movie Beatty should have made was clearly “Gone in 60 seconds.”
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75 years ago this week United Airlines announced they cut the travel time for U.S. transcontinental flights down to 18 hours. Which, curiously enough, is about as long as it will take once TSA finishes tinkering with security.

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So despite Redskins coach Jim Zorn having signed a five year contract, he was fired today after two years for poor performance. Any chance Americans could work out a deal like that for those elected to Congress?

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After NFL week 17.

Posted January 4, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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The Vikings beat the Giants. So their fans can look forward to a bye-week. The Redskins had another late minute loss against the Chargers. Now THEIR fans can look forward to 35 bye-weeks.

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After trailing at halftime 3-0, the San Francisco 49ers scored 21 points in the fourth quarter to beat the St. Louis Rams 28-6. Making them the winner of one of the day’s “Stupor Bowls.”

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With so many playoff berths already decided, several teams decided to rest some starters. Others just decided to mail it in. Which gave folks across the country a little taste of what it’s like to be Rams fans.

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So the latest rumor on the Wizards gun incident: Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton started arguing on the team plane about a card game, the argument escalated, and then Crittenton jokes that he would shoot Arenas in his often-injured knee. Then when the team showed up for practice Dec 21, Arenas put three guns on a chair next to Crittenton with a note that read, “Pick one.” Which he meant as a joke. But Crittenton got angry, threw one of the guns across the room and said he had his own gun.

This isn’t an NBA season, it’s a remake of “Dumb and Dumber.”
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A tacky but funny joke from Alex Kaseberg:

An 18- year UCLA study reveals 75% of kids see their parents naked and are not traumatized. Unless either of their parents is named Michael Moore, Kirsty Alley or Al Gore.

Alex also does a bit on “Words that should never appear together,” as in “Interpretive Jazz” or “Discount Sushi.”

And in that spirit – “Rams Highlights.”

Redundant phrase of the day- Raiders Interim Coach

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While the Cincinnati Bengals had clinched a playoff spot, and didn’t have much to play for except pride, they still undercut all expectations by losing 37 to 0 to the New York Jets. Normally when the Bengals have been involved in something this embarrassing, the police are involved.

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American Airlines is being investigated for three botched landing incidents, two when the planes touched wingtips to the ground upon landing, the third where the plane ran off the runway and broke apart in Jamaica.

The airline says they are cooperating, and will update their slogan from “Something special in the air” to add “but something less so on the tarmac.”

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Another American slogan is “Doing what we do best.” Apparently that’s just takeoffs.

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Curiously, American is the featured airline in the movie “Up in the Air.” Who knew the title would also turn out to be the safest place for their planes.
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Jean Carroll passed away last weekend at the age of 99. While the name originally didn’t mean much to me, her obituary appeared in Sunday’s New York Times. She was one of the very first female comics, and had to endure a lot of criticism from those who felt it was inappropriate for women to do stand-up. She was also apparently an inspiration to the great Lily Tomlin, amongst others. The following is what the Times considered her best joke.
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“… The thing that attracted me to my husband was his pride. I’ll never forget the first time I saw him, standing up on a hill, his hair blowing in the breeze — and he was too proud to run and get it.”

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The Red Raiders, Spartans, Wizards, and other soaps…

Posted January 3, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Who says soap operas are on the decline. Lately it seems like they’ve just all moved over to ESPN.

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Fired Texas Tech coach Mike Leach may face legal issues regarding his alleged mistreatment of player Adam James. Meanwhile, 14 Michigan State players were suspended from for their involvement in a campus brawl, and 8 of them are facing assault charges. Maybe the Alamo Bowl should have been sponsored by Aladdin Bail Bonds.

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Gilbert Arenas and NBA teammate Javaris Crittenton may have drawn guns on each other in the Washington locker room. As disturbing as that sounds, the guns apparently weren’t loaded. And besides, they play for the Wizards, so it’s not as if they shot they would have hit anything.

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Arenas said of the incident that he used “bad judgment.” But didn’t we already expect that? After all, he chose to sign with the Wizards.

Suppose it’s just coincidence that the team used to be “the Bullets.”

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Wonder how long it will take before someone makes and sells retro Arenas “Washington Bullets” jerseys on Ebay..

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On the brighter side for some Washington sports fans, at least for a little while the Redskins are not the most embarrassing story on the sports page.

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Don’t show your children this post…

Posted January 2, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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But, okay, wasn’t Adam Lambert “fired” before appearing on “Dick Clark’s Rocking New Year’s Eve” was that his behavior and/or appearance might be inappropriate for children.

I guess the point was to focus the show on more wholesome acts like Jennifer Lopez?

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Crawling into 2010

Posted January 1, 2010 by left coast sports babe
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Which could be the unfortunate slogan of the Cincinnati Bearcats. It’s not that fans in Cincinnati aren’t used to being embarrassed. It’s that usually the Bengals, and the police, are involved.

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It’s now officially 2010. Which could make Brett Favre the first NFL quarterback to retire in three different decades.

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Washington Wizards star Gilbert Arenas has not only been cited for possession of a firearm in the team’s locker room, but also allegedly he “presented” the gun to a teammate during an argument. Okay, now THAT’s stupid, said Plaxico Burress.

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Coaches Bobby Bowden and Joe Paterno both won their New Year’s Day bowl games. Thereby proving the old adage – “Age and treachery shall overcome middle-age and skill.”

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Saying good-bye to 2009

Posted December 31, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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So it wasn’t a great year for 49ers or Raiders fans. But who knew both teams would win more game this fall than the New Jersey Nets?

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Stanford’s Tavita Pritchard said before the Sun Bowl he had hopes of being an NFL quarterback. Who knew that unfortunately he meant Rex Grossman?

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A T and T is dropping its sponsorship of Tiger Woods. Actually, when you consider the number of women he was juggling all over the world, Woods should be a pretty good advertisement for great cellphone coverage.

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A new app, “FindmyIphone” locates your phone anywhere in the world. It can make it beep, display a message “Hey, return my phone,” or destroy personal data. Now THERE’s a product for Tiger to sponsor.

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And as an American, I have to hope that our public figures behave more heroically than they did in 2009. But if they don’t as a comedy writer I just hope they continue to lie about it as badly.

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On the eve of New Year’s Eve…

Posted December 30, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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Remember, when life seems tough, it could be worse. A little over a month ago sportscasters were commented what a bummer it was for Tiger Woods to be honorary Stanford captain when the football team played Cal and suffered one of their more embarassing losses of the season.

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Texas Tech coach Mike Leach was fired before the Alamo Bowl for his treatment of a player. Which has some sportscasters wondering what would have happened had Texas Tech been in the BCS Championship game?

Simple, had the Red Raiders been in that game, he wouldn’t have been fired.

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And while we are doing guessing games. Anyone want to imagine what the international media would be saying if say, a U.S. banker and former Congressman had called the Canadian Embassy about his radicalized and dangerous son, and had the kid been scheduled on a flight from Africa to Amsterdam to Toronto?

Okay, the Canadians probably would have kept him from flying, but what if a Canadian instead of a Nigerian had called the U.S. Embassy this time?

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Regarding Rush Limbaugh, who at the time of this writing is in a Hawaii hospital. If I were a perfect person I would wish him the best. As an imperfect person I just wish him the same level of healthcare he wishes for the average American.

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But don’t you want to be on the Hawaii tourist board now? Obama, Palin and Limbaugh agree on only one thing… where to vacation.

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Great one from Bill Littlejohn. Cuba Gooding, Jr may star in a movie about Tiger Woods. Only this time his signature line will be “Show me the honey.”

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The BCS, college football and other jokes.

Posted December 29, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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UCLA came from behind to defeat Temple, after USC beat Boston College. Thereby changing the PAC 10 from “Putrid Around Christmastime” to “Perfect After Christmas.”

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In a recent poll, 63 percent of Americans said they wanted to institute a college football playoff system and do away with the BCS.

Amazing, didn’t realize 37 percent of Americans were SEC fans.

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Most Americans, however, did not want Congress to get involved in a college football playoff system. Probably because it would end up taking six months and costing half a trillion dollars.

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Could Janet Napolitano have sounded any sillier bragging about how “the system worked?” About the only thing missing was “TSA, you’re doing a helluva job?”

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A personal aside to the would-be bomber story, as a Caucasian woman , I get patted down just about every time I travel in my favorite long skirt… and a Nigerian guy on the “watch list” doesn’t get touched?

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The NY Giants played their last game in their own stadium, which will be torn down after the season. After their embarassing loss, many fans suggested it be torn down with the team in it.

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Jason Bay will apparently turn down many other high-paying suitors to sign with the New York Mets. Of course, the Mets offered an extra inducment beyond money – Octobers off.

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Random thoughts

Posted December 28, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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The St Louis Rams only need to lose again next Sunday to lock up the number one pick in next year’s NFL draft. Let’s hope in the interests of the integrity of the game that they don’t pull their starters in the 3rd quarter and mess up their streak.

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Jim Zorn is expected to be fired after next week as coach for the Washington Redskins. He said last week that ‘better days were ahead.” Starting, presumably, by no longer having to coach the Redskins.

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ESPN is airing “No Limits” on New Year’s Eve. Another in a series featuring things like men in motorcycles jumping over trucks, buildings etc, ala the Kinievel family. “No Limits?” Maybe a better title would be “No Brains.”

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Speaking of which.

Okay, of all the signs that the now self-proclaimed Nigerian terrorist might be trouble, what about this simple one? He was flying all the way from Lagos via Amsterdam to Detroit with no frequent flier number. No luggage can be explained. A one way ticket could be explained. Flying that far without getting miles. Sorry, NO ONE does that.

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And just another thought. If an American banker and ex-government official had called the U.S. embassy and basically said that they should detain his son at least because the man had become radicalized and dangerous, would he have been ignored too?

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Apologies for this week’s posts, I have very sporadic and slow internet access until Saturday. Which means this blog besides being shorter than usual is probably way behind on Tiger Woods’ mistress count.

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After boxing day…

Posted December 27, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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And Boxing Day, for what it’s worth, is a British holiday celebrated in various parts of the old commonwealth. It has nothing to do with the Pacquaio-Mayweather fight, or for that matter, Charlie Sheen.

After Lockheed donated $400,000 at the last minute for a re-enactment of Washington crossing the Delaware, the 57th annual event was able to proceed as scheduled. Organizers of the event had had to scramble once they discovered that despite their hopes, President Obama would not be to simply walk across.

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So Florida Coach Urban Meyer’s retirement lasted about 24 hours. “Amateur” said Brett Favre.

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Actually the coach now says he will simply take a “leave of absence.” The length of this leave is indeterminate, but for the National Anthem his first game back the Gators have already contracted with Cher.

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Bad news for serious NFL sports fans in the San Francisco area this Sunday. Since the Raiders game against the Browns was in Cleveland, it wasn’t blacked out in Northern California.

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Many New Jersey natives are speaking out against “Jersey Shore,” saying it casts the state in a bad light and should be cancelled. Which would then leave them the problem of what to do about the rest of the Nets season.

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Orlando Magic coach Steve Van Gundy is complaining about games on Christmas Day, saying he feels sorry for people who have nothing else to do on Christmas day, and saying most want to spend time with their families.

Well, judging by the record combined US $278 million take at the movies this weekend, people don’t want to actually TALK to their families.

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If we needed any more signs that the world has too many lawyers, this is an actual sign above a cruise ship bathtub. “For your safety please check water temperature before entering tub.”

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And you thought flying was fun before…

Posted December 27, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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It’s possible the alleged hijacker jas an innocent defense for setting off an explosive device close to landing. Being on a Northwest plane he may have just been trying to wake up the pilots.

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The Nigerian man who allegedly tried and failed to set off an explosive device on the plane was a Mechanical Engineering major. Good thing he wasn’t Chemical Engineering.

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Airports say they will step up security after a man tried to light an explosive on a Northwest plane flying into Detroit. Let’s hope that just doesn’t mean more secondary screening of 65 year old women. Or as my friend Rich Lieberman says “85 year old nuns.”

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On international flights no one will be able to leave their seat within an hour of landing. This means on flights say from Cancun to Dallas or Cabo San Lucas to Los Angeles passengers may never be able to leave their seats. Great, just what you want after a Mexican vacation.

Next upgrade on flights from Mexico – plastic seat covers.

Or as my friend Kevin T. says “Depends.”

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Florida coach Urban Meyer is retiring for health reasons. He says his heart is fine but the stress is causing him problems. Particularly the stress of imagining coaching after Tim Tebow has graduated.

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Bill Littlejohn, on Golf Digest suspending Woods’ monthly columns: “In the meantime, Penthouse Forum wants to print them.”

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You can’t make this stuff up, Christmas night version

Posted December 25, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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The following is an actual quote from Stanford football coach Jim Harbaugh.

“It struck me that here was a man who literally took his team on his back this year and a program and a university. Leading them back to their rightful place, a legendary place in college football.

It was biblical to me; Toby Gerhart was John the Baptist, out into the wilderness making things straight and being called back into the wilderness to bring Stanford football back.”

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Some might think Harbaugh’s comments were sacrilegious. Florida fans are just glad he didn’t really over-reach and compare Gerhart to Tim Tebow.

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Angelina Jolie gave an interview in which she said ” “I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship. “Why couldn’t I have married a nice girl like that?” said Tiger Woods.

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In the Emerald Bowl, USC’s rookie quarterback Matt Barkley, 19, will face Boston College’s rookie quarterback Dave Shinskie, 25. Known by his teammates as “Uncle Dave,” Shinskie spent six years in minor league baseball.

This might be the biggest age gap between quarterbacks since any Vikings game this year.

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Los Angeles Lakers fans, frustrated by their team’s play on Christmas night, littered the Staples Center court with giveaway foam fingers. As opposed to Golden State Warriors fans, who have been giving their team the finger all year.

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Christmas gifts and other thoughts…

Posted December 25, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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After the Tiger Woods story, wonder how long it will take someone to come up with a phone that allows you to text with the electronic equivalent of invisible ink?

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For parents whose kids get Zhu Zhu pet hamsters that end up breaking before New Years, here’s one positive thought. At least you won’t have to bury them in the back yard. Maybe.

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A little pre-flight tension for Santa Claus this year. TSA demanded first and last legal names for all his reindeer. And as for anyone who asked for perfume, bubble bath or anything like a snow globe, you may be out of luck. Nobody warned Santa about that carryon liquid ban.

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USAToday.com lists the most popular stories of the day. Number one for December 24 – “Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins split”. Number four, “Senate passes healthcare bill.”

Does this really need a punchline?

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The Pope was apparently knocked down by a woman who jumped the barrier at St Peter’s during the start of Midnight Mass. His Holiness was unhurt. And all I can think of is the old joke about the Italian woman who listened to a Papal speech about chastity and birth control… and approached him afterwards with the comment “Hey, no play-a the game, no make-a the rules.”

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Sad news from Washington that legendary George Michael has passed away on Christmas Eve. At least he won’t have to watch any more of the Redskins’ season.

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So rollcall for the healthcare bill at 700a Thursday morning, necessitating pre-dawn wakeup calls for all Senators. It was the first time that many of them had been up at such an early hour… unless they were sneaking home.

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A book was returned to a Massachusetts library almost 99 years overdue. The book was titled
“Facts I Ought to Know about the Government of My Country” and it was supposed to have been returned by May 10, 1910.
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Well, it’s good to see that even then the young Larry King was doing his pre-interview homework.

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Philadelphia Eagles players honored Michael Vick by voting him the recipient of the team “Courage” award, for what he’s been through. Does that mean that someday PGA players could vote Tiger Woods “Husband of the Year?”

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Twisted holiday thoughts…

Posted December 24, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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Republican senators were going to delay the healthcare vote into Christmas Eve or even Christmas day. But apparently they were getting a lot of pressure from their wives and girlfriends to come home. Sometimes from both of them.

And Alex Kaseberg reminds me to add. Don’t forget the pressure a few of the men are also getting from their boyfriends.

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Brett Favre has resolved his dispute with Vikings’ coach Brad Childress. In fact Favre allegedly said he originally thought Childress was all wet but thinks now the coach is the cat’s pyjamas

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Bad news for children of tightwad environmentalists. Apparently their parents are considering telling them that Santa has to stay home because he is worried about his carbon footprint.

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Actually Santa’s pretty amazing. Who else could be in and out of so many homes around the world in such a short time? Besides Tiger Woods that is.

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The parents of the the balloon boy were both sentenced to jail for devising the hoax that they hoped would get them a reality show. Well, they may not have gotten their show, but they got the real life version of “I’m a celebrity, get me out of here.”
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Now that Mark Sanford is getting divorced, many wonder if he will end up with his “soulmate” in Argentina. If he does, one question, what does he tell her if he really does want to go hiking?

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Many advertisers are taking Tiger Woods’ name out of their advertisements because the association is just becoming too embarrassing. In related news, New Jersey is thinking of removing their name from the Nets.

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Disappointing news for romantics from Hollywood. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins are splitting up. While they haven’t given a reason, I must admit part of me hopes she found a younger man.

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Jokes on trains, planes, but no automobiles…

Posted December 23, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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For the second time in less than a week, Blackberry users suffered major outages with email messages on their phones. The outages lasted several hours Tuesday night/Wednesday morning and were apparently caused by high holiday communication volumes.. Wonder how many outgoing messages were “Dear Santa, bring me an IPhone?”

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American Airlines passengers apparently escaped serious injury Tuesday night when their plane way overshot a runway in Kingston, Jamaica and crashed into a fence. American has offered, however, both to cover medical bills and to credit passengers’ accounts with the extra frequent flier mile.
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Apparently Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez have ended their relationship. Apparently A-Rod felt that Kate cared too much about appearances and camera time. And she was beginning to think she was as pretty as him.

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Isn’t Alex Rodriguez saying someone is obsessive about their image like Sarah Palin issuing a press release complaining that the media won’t leave her alone?

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New Fighting Irish football coach Brian Kelly says the Notre Dame program has “some things that need to get fixed,” but that it is “not broken.” I think to paraphrase an ex-president “It depends on the what the definition of broken is…”

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Penn State coach Joe Paterno celebrated his 83rd birthday yesterday. While preparing for his team’s appearance in the Capital One Bowl Jan 1, He took time out to wish good luck in the Gator Bowl to his young friend Bobby Bowden.

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Eurostar cancelled all Chunnel train service last weekend, stranding thousands of holiday travelers. They are starting a reduced schedule Tuesday to and from London with limited service through December 28. Hard to believe but they have accomplished the impossible – making Amtrak look good.

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“Snuggies”, the blankets with arms, are flying off the shelves at most retailers. It’s an all-purpose gift; if a man gets one as a romantic gift for his wife instead of jewelry, he can use it himself when he sleeps on the couch.

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When things are annoying you it’s important to keep perspective. Just think of all those people after the 2008 U.S. Open playoff with Rocco Mediate who were complaining about too much Tiger Woods coverage.

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And this was forwarded me by a friend.

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again.. At this point it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.

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Military intelligence and other oxymorons

Posted December 22, 2009 by left coast sports babe
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Since the troops are stretched so thin, a new order from the general in charge of northern Iraq makes getting pregnant or impregnating a fellow soldier an offense punishable by court-martial. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just ban heterosexuals from the military?

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Three USC players were declared academically ineligible for the Emerald Bowl. Isn’t being declared academically ineligible at USC like being a woman and getting turned down for sex by Tiger Woods?

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Snow postponed and nearly NFL games in Philadelphia and Baltimore on Sunday. Unfortunately for Redskins fans their Monday night game went on as scheduled.

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NFL players are being encouraged to donate their brains to science. Washington fans are also encouraging Redskins owner Dan Synder to donate his brain as well. Since it hasn’t been used in years.

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So the AP male athlete of the year is… NASCAR’s Jimmie Johnson? I guess 800 horsepower of machinery isn’t considered performance enhancing?

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A new Department of Transportation rule will limit the time airlines can keep passengers stranded onboard on the tarmac to three hours. Unless Joe Lieberman is on board, in which case the delay shall simply be referred to as a “filibuster.”

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Congrats to country music star Carrie Underwood, who is now engaged to Mike Fisher, who plays hockey for the NHL Ottawa Senators. Her fans are asking “What’s hockey?” His fans are asking “What’s country music?”
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Adam Lambert appeared on Jay Leno’s show Monday night. I guess they figured if he kissed a boy NBC wanted him to do it somewhere where no one would notice.

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The New York Yankees luxury tax this year, over $25 million. The Florida Marlines payroll, $35 million. What more do you need to know about baseball?

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Cellphones and other hazards.

Posted December 21, 2009 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Maine may be the first state to pass a law saying that cellphone use may be hazardous to your health. In related news, after the Tiger Woods case, Florida may pass a law saying texting may be hazardous to your marriage.

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The Senate finally took the first vote towards passing healthcare reform, despite a winter storm that basically shut down the city, and required some senators to fly in on government planes for the vote. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for some opponents to say they would pass healthcare reform when Hell froze over.

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Despite the fact that healthcare reform has been debated in Congress since March, and by presidents off an on since Truman, Maine Senator Olympia Snowe said she will vote against the bill because it was “rushed.” and that the “process denies us the opportunity to thoroughly and carefully and deliberately evaluate what’s at stake.”

Her comments won’t win her any friends in the Democratic party. But she might get a campaign donation from Brett Favre.

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Democrats are celebrating what now looks like sure passage of the healthcare bill. Republicans are saying it might be the biggest mistake in Washington in recent memory, or at least since Dan Snyder was allowed to purchase the Redskins.
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After this weekend, three of the 34 college football bowl games are over. And if you can name the winners of all three, you probably have too much time on your hands.

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“Up in the Air” is already a favorite for “Best Picture,” and as a travel agent I can say that a surprising number of the details about frequent flier miles and travel are accurate. But not all of them. Without giving anything important about the movie away I can say without a doubt that the movie’s biggest “fantasy” is that there might actually be empty seats next to someone sitting in first class.

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So the prodigal quarterback (and potentially Oakland’s most expensive mistake ever), comes off the bench because there was literally no one else left. And he leads the Raiders to an improbable last-minute comeback. If this were a script it would be panned as too farfetched.

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And meanwhile in Charlotte, Brett Favre was unable to lead the Vikings to a comeback win over the Carolina Panthers. But let’s be fair, it was the Sunday night game. Which means the fourth quarter was way past his bedtime.

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The Panthers sacked Favre four times, and intercepted him once. Good thing the game wasn’t in Minnesota. Some of the Carolina Panthers could have been arrested for elder abuse.

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