Archive for December 2016

Don’t come join this band?

December 11, 2016

The LSJUMB – aka the Stanford Band – has been suspended again, this time in large part for breaking “alcohol rules at gatherings.” Uh, okay, but did anyone really think the Stanford band can do what they do sober?

My friend Rich said that maybe the band like many alums doesn’t want to have to go to El Paso for the Sun Bowl either.

=

Navy lost to Army for the first time in 14 years. Can we blame Trump?

If there was real justice in tomorrow’s #Jets #49ers game both teams would find a way to lose. @NFL

December 11. .Means we’re less than a week away from the start of college bowl season. Although quick, name one team playing in one of the SIX bowls on the 17th.

 

Congrats to #Heisman winner #LamarJackson. Many didn’t know him before this season. To be fair how many knew #Louisville played football?

Got a Facebook ad today for a Hallmark Tony Romo Christmas tree ornament. Hmm. Assume it’s expensive but not as good as the cheaper  Dak Prescott ornament?

Trump at the Army-Navy game. “I don’t know if it’s necessarily the best football, but boy do they have spirit more than anybody.” Well, of course, unless Trump University played football, because then they would have the most spirit AND be the best.

 

Phrase I never thought I’d say. “Damn I wish Trump had put Romney in charge.”

So how did we become a country where millions accept what Breibart says as gospel but dismiss CIA as fake news?

Remember those innocent days when we thought W’s administration was as bad as it could get with oil company influence? #Tillerson

Patti Smith apparently forgot the lyrics when she tried to sing Bob Dylan’s A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall at the Nobel Prize ceremony in Stockholm. But really, had she just mumbled could anyone tell?

 

 

Losing

December 10, 2016

 

On December 19th, Samsung will send out a software update to keep remaining Galaxy Note7s from charging at all. Although considering the publicity on the recall and the fact that the phones have been banned from flights, maybe Samsung could just leave the Note7 alone as an option for those aiming for a Darwin award.

Apparently a Cleveland Browns fan is planning a “Perfect Season Parade” if the team finishes 0-16. Wonder if the 1972 Miami Dolphins will show up and crack open a case of generic beer?

 

 

Bristol Palin is expecting her third child. Someone told her you could actually have a baby and be married first?

Among many things that hurt Hillary Clinton was the fact that many Americans are just tired of the same old same old families in politics. So of course it makes sense that Trump will appoint as RNC head Ronna Romney McDaniel.

 

 

The Wall Street Journal reports that the DOT is considering allowing passengers to talk on their cellphones in flight. Now if Trump wants REAL bipartisan agreement in this country he will issue an executive order against it.

 

While Spurs lost last night they won their first 13 games this season away from San Antonio. One of the best road to home scoring ratios since the younger days of Bill Clinton.

Donald Trump has picked his head of the White House National Economic Council, Gary Cohn, who is currently President of Goldman Sachs. All those folks who didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton over those speeches must feel so proud.

 

Trump said tonight that exit polls were rigged for Hillary. Can anyone imagine how the Donald would be if he actually LOST the election?

Just maybe MSNBC could have given Brian Williams the night off on this one? Tuesday night of this week the anchor said “Fake news played a role in this election and continues to find a wide audience,” #whythereisnosatire

 

NSA pick Michael Flynn last August, “I know from my friends in the Border Patrol in CBP that there are countries — radical Islamist countries, state-sponsored — that are cutting deals with Mexican drug cartels for some of what they call the ‘lanes of entry’ into our country, And I have personally seen the photos of the signage along those paths that are in Arabic. They’re like way points along that path as you come in. Primarily, in this case the one that I saw was in Texas and it’s literally, it’s like signs, that say, in Arabic, ‘this way, move to this point.’ It’s unbelievable.”

And over at the Onion some writers are going “I give up, can’t top this.”

Apparently Rudy Giuliani has “removed his name from consideration for any Cabinet post in the new administration.”
Because even Trump knows Rudy is bat-shit crazy?

 

Innocent until proven guilty. But imagine if Hillary had won & Canadian government was accused of influencing election against Trump.

Numbers and other games

December 9, 2016

Yeah, baseball is a business. But with some franchises, fans DO matter. And values. SF Giants GM Bobby Evans, saying their “hearts and minds were really focused on one guy,” (Mark Melancon)
SF never met with Chapman, Evans said the off-field stuff was “not lost on us.” The Giants knew many of their fans were strongly opposed to a Chapman deal. …

 

Former Baylor football coach Art Briles is now suing a school VP and 3 regents for libel and slander. He said falsely said he didn’t report assaults and alleged gang rapes even though he knew about them.
So his defense is, I’m not a douchebag, I’m just an idiot?

NFL says that the pending domestic violence investigation against star Cowboys RB Ezekiel Eliott is “active and ongoing.” And no doubt the league will get serious about the investigation the week after the Super Bowl.

Weather well below freezing for tonight’s #Chiefs #Raiders #TNF game. So coaches planning pre-game strategy had no need to call time-outs before field goals. Kickers already iced.

Mick Jagger, 73, and girlfriend Melanie Hamrick, have welcomed Jagger’s 8th child, a boy. I see a marketing opportunity for father-son diapers..

So sad about the Oakland “Ghost Ship” fire that killed 36 people. Now the city planning director says building hadn’t been inspected in 3 decades. But hey, who needs burdensome regulations?

Andy Puzder, Trump’s new Labor Secretary, and CEO of Carl’s Jr., is against raising the minimum wage to more than $9 an hour, and has said of using machines instead of humans “They’re always polite, they always upsell, they never take a vacation, they never show up late, there’s never a slip-and-fall, or an age, sex, or race discrimination case.”
Yeah, yet another thank you gift from Trump to his lower and working class voters.

So Trump’s EPA pick believes in not protecting the environment, and now his Labor pick believes in reducing # of workers. #consistency

Rep Steve King, attacking “dreamers.” The reason they’re called ‘dreamers’ because that’s the most sympathetic term that could be applied to people.Among all of these dreamers, there are some awfully bad people.”
No doubt. But there are some “awfully bad people” born here in the USA. Can we kick them out too?

 

Donald Trump will remain as an executive producer of Celebrity Apprentice. Which as CNN reports, means as President he will have an interest in a show aired by a media company that also reports on his presidency.”
What could possibly go wrong?

 

Maybe we can relax about serious news bias.  Maybe  Donald  Trump will only stay as executive producer at @NBC until he can get Alec Baldwin fired.

Trying to live in infamy?

December 7, 2016

Newt Gingrich tweeted today: “75 years ago the Japanese displayed professional brilliance and technological power launching surprises from Hawaii to the Philippines.”
Is Newt trying to prove he can be outrageous enough on Twitter to be in a Trump cabinet?

Joe Buck said in an interview that he once peed in a trash can while on-air covering a game. And millions of Americans are thinking “Big deal, we once threw up in a trash can while we were listening to you on-air covering a game.”

In a recent poll, 58% of NJ voters gave Chris Christie a “D” or “F”, while 3% gave him an “A.” Wonder what that 3% thought “A” stands for.

Orioles GM said the team is not pursuing Jose Bautista because Baltimore “fans don’t like him.” Well, that and maybe Bautista’s 2016 .234 batting average.

#ChristianMcCaffrey will enter the 2017 #NFL draft. Makes sense. He’s ready for a pro offense. Or if unlucky the 49ers or Browns.

 

Mets hitting coach Kevin Long said today “I won’t be surprised if @TimTebow makes the majors” Or at least the Phillies.

At new Amazon stores, customers will be able to “grab and go” while their purchases are scanned electronically. And of course those automatic charges work so well, as anyone who has ever dealt with a hotel minibar knows.

Royal Caribbean Cruises and Norwegian Cruise Line says they’ve received approval for cruising to Cuba. Trump may think he’s going change a lot of Obama’s policies… but heaven help him if he gets between middle-America and their cigars and rum.

There are reports Kim Kardashian wants a divorce from Kanye West. If true, can only imagine what Trump will have to tweet to grab the headlines.

So was anyone at #TimeMagazine tempted to send out fake news @realDonaldTrump WASN’T #PersonoftheYear, just to see his Twitter reaction?

In a recent poll, 58% of NJ voters gave Chris Christie a “D” or “F”, while 3% gave him an “A.” Wonder what that 3% thought “A” stands for.

 

At least when #ScottPruitt leaves Okla for #EPA it will be no longer be his problem to get federal funds for the state after future fracking-induced earthquakes.

 

So can any Trump supporter name one time when someone has criticized him and he responded with a reasonable or even apologetic tweet?

A report from “TheWrap” says Trump’s inaugural committee is having a hard time trying to get big name performers for his parties and balls. Time for a political remake of the movie “Indecent Proposal?”

To be fair to @realDonaldTrump over choice of #ScottPruitt for #EPA, maybe Trump just wanted to help US companies who sell bottled water.

Pruitt as head of #EPA makes some sense. If there’s clean water in our swamps Americans could see all of Trumps big new alligators

So if Trump was supposed to be candidate of Main Street over Wall Street how come the Dow has jumped over 1,200 points since the election?

MLB Sock Exchange?

December 7, 2016

Well, what else do you call a major trade between the White and Red Sox?

Chris Sale is now with the Red Sox. Could be a good fit, since Boston’s “Turn Back the Clock” uniforms aren’t much different than their current uniforms, assume he will have no need to cut them up.

 

 

After the Red Sox landed Chris Sale, Brian Cashman said “Boston is the Golden State Warriors of baseball now.” Maybe. But guess the SF Giants aren’t too upset with being baseball’s Spurs or the Cavs.

After the Sale  deal,  #DavidOrtiz tweeted ” You guys got me thinking” Brett Favre thinking “1st retirement is the hardest.

 

Pablo Sandoval has apparently lost a lot of weight this off-season. Maybe they can have Chris Sale use his scissors to guard food in the Red Sox clubhouse.

The Mississippi State Department of Health has issued a
state imposed “Boil-Water Alert” in one county after water sampling showed the presence of E. coli. But hey, who needs the EPA?

Alec Baldwin talking about life after the election. ” “Both sides are very passionate so it’s been a very, very difficult time in this country.” Well, yes, and also there went any plans Baldwin may have had for taking most Saturday nights off.

Trump says he is going to cancel the order with Boeing for new Air Force Ones. Because he wants to replace them all with Trump planes?

Apparently @realDonaldTrump got his #Boeing #AirForceOne numbers from the same place he got that “3 million illegal voters” number.

Real estate brokers in Manhattan are now apparently advertising Secret Service protection as an amenity for prospective Trump Tower tenants. “The Best Value in the Most Secure Building in Manhattan.” #WhataCountry

 

 

And again, a rare serious, if still snarky note.  Donald Trump finds time to tweet out his victory tour and to make statements as if he’s already President. But he somehow can’t find time to send condolences to Oakland fire victims and families. Because they were not killed by terrorists or immigrants they don’t count?

Monday night musings

December 5, 2016

LeBron James and some of his teammates have found alternate accommodations next week in Manhattan rather than stay at the Trump Soho in rooms booked by the team.
Standby for anti-Cavs tweets from our President Elect in 3.2.1….

Not only should he make the Pro Football Hall of Fame, Adam Vinatieri making strong push for AARP Hall of Fame.

As rough as tonight was for #Jets fans, good news is on the horizon. Next week New York plays the #49ers

Seeing tickets for many of these lesser bowl games going for well under cost and less than regular season games for many teams, can’t help but wonder, since it’s all about the $$$$, why not turn them into a playoff system? Can’t really be the idea that athletes need to go to class….

Justin Bieber said he will go on his first American stadium tour in August, with stops in Pasadena, Foxboro, Minneapolis, Denver, and the Meadowlands. Haven’t blue states suffered enough?,

Narendra Modi won the TIME Person of the Year Poll. Forget the controversy, millions of Americans are going “Who?

A woman went into labor and gave birth on a 3p Southwest flight from Philadelphia to Orlando. The plane diverted at 430p to Charleston to drop off the parents and baby at a local hospital, then continued to Orlando to arrive only an hour late.
Men are thinking “only an hour late, impressive.” Women are thinking. “labor and delivery under an hour and a half , REALLY impressive.”

Donald Trump “If the press would cover me accurately & honorably, I would have far less reason to “tweet.” Sadly, I don’t know if that will ever happen!”
Well ,yeah, the evil press keeps reporting every thing Trump says #howdarethey?.

Trying to imagine reaction had Hillary Clinton won election & made it clear Chelsea & Marc Mezvinsky were going to be her top White House advisors?

Police have dangerous job; I sympathize. But what did video need to show for Michael T. Slager to be convicted of murder of #WalterScott ?

Safeway is touting a program to “end hunger” by asking customers to donate this Holiday season. At the same time the Los Altos Safeway has 1-2 of 10 checkouts manned by a human, and about 8 “self-checkout” lanes. Wonder how many people in need of donations this year had jobs as cashiers last year?

Now Trump has picked #BenCarson as Secretary of HUD, despite Carson’s lack of experience. Did Trump figure “Well, it’s not brain surgery?”

So with Ben Carson as HUD Secretary will we solve some inner-city problems by building housing in pyramids that double as food storage facilities?

Some high school student asked San Antonio coach Gregg Popovich if his team is going to win it all this year.

here.

(courtesy Darren Rovell on Twitter.)  And some wonder why I root for the Spurs.

Not exactly bowled over

December 5, 2016

So despite a #18 ranking, Stanford was passed over by the Holiday Bowl in San Diego and the Foster Farms Bowl in Santa Clara because bowl organizers didn’t think fans of the school would travel. And just guessing, a matchup with North Carolina in El Paso on Dec. 30 isn’t going to change that image.

 

 

A note about the Sun Bowl. Stanford opponent North Carolina ranks 100 out of 128 FBS teams in allowing rushing yards per game. Over 223 yards per game. Just for comparison, Iowa, the Cardinal’s 2015 Rose Bowl opponent had allowed 128 per game in 2015.
#runChristianrun

Meanwhile, Cal isn’t going to a bowl game, not because of their 5-7 record, but because their “APR” (Academic Progress Report” wasn’t high enough this year. What a disappointment for all those young men who just missed a .500 record.

Meanwhile the Cotton Bowl will be played at AT&T Stadium, home of the Dallas Cowboys, which seats  100,000. And their New Year’s day game features Wisconsin and,,, Western Michigan? Well, 100,000 might also be the number of television viewers.

So the #CFPlayoff is set with supposed top 4 college teams in US and Cleveland Browns are ignored again. #outrage

 

If you want to sum up the SF 49ers’ season in one incident how’s this? Dontae Johnson made a snow angel in the end zone to celebrate a blocked punt for a TD. Not only was he given a 15 yard penalty for “excessive celebration,” but he was ruled out of bounds at the 4 yard line.

 

#SF49ers had 6 net passing yards today;Gabbert & Kaepernick sacked 6 times. Real question. How did this team EVER beat the #Rams?

 

Well, probably too soon to say the @NBA MVP race is over. But Russell Westbrook has 10 triple-doubles this season; rest of the NBA has 11.

Colin Kaepernick apparently has decided to become a free agent after the season. Wow. He should be about as sought after as SF 49ers season tickets.

Top executives are leaving Sears, and there are rumors the company may go bankrupt Sad. Not that I’ve been in one of their stores in probably two decades, but who else besides me once thought the Christmas season really started when the Sears catalog showed up?

Credit Trump for saving another American job for four years. That job is Alec Baldwin’s.

So @realDonaldTrump does know every time he tweets against @snl millions of Americans tune in to see what he was complaining about? #ratings

Serious open hints to @realDonaldTrump. If you think @SNL & #AlecBaldwin are that lousy, don’t watch. And get some sleep, you’ll need it.

Trump is saying firms who outsource or move factories outside America will get a massive tax hike, while there will be benefits for those who stay or return. Does that mean a bonus for Ivanka if she moves production of her clothing line from China to the US?

 

Apparently Donald Trump is still looking for a qualified Secretary of State. Well, Hillary  Clinton is available

From T.C. “Carolina’s QB Cam Newton was benched for their 1st series tonight vs Seattle because he violated club dress code rules by not wearing a tie. Ex NFL QB Donovan McNabb said, “What? Ties are involved in NFL games!”

Thoughts with Oakland.

December 4, 2016

In all seriousness for a change, horrible news out of Oakland with that warehouse party fire. The snark will continue on this page, nearly nonstop. But even while being snarky hope we can all be nice to each other. #lifeistoodamnshort

Back to snark.  Dear Santa: On behalf of all of these people who have such nice cars but couldn’t afford turn signals – could you help them out this Christmas?

 

#Badgers blew a 28-7 lead tonight to be upset by #PennState. Hate to say it but the worst choke job in #Wisconsin since Hillary Clinton.

 

Not that it will happen, but looking at Alabama’s out of conference wins against those powerhouses of Kent State and Chattanooga, would be fun to see NCAA mandate playoff teams play at least bowl eligible teams for out of conference games.

The Warriors’ Draymond Green is not happy after his latest flagrant foul for a high kick – which the NBA called an “unnatural act.”

“I didn’t know the people in the league office were that smart when it came to your body movement. I’m not sure if they took kinesiology and all this stuff for their positions to kind of tell you how your body is going to react when you get hit at certain positions.

Uh, Draymond, maybe you can figure out how YOUR body is the only one that consistently reacts to a hit by kicking people in the face or groin?

#UCLA just beat #Kentucky in men’s basketball. Well, maybe Trump turning back the clock 50 years or more has some benefits?

Warriors coach Steve Kerr said he tried marijuana twice for back pain in the last year and a half, but “it didn’t help at all.”
Hmm, maybe he should ask around the NBA for help getting better stuff.

Darwin alert: An unidentified person who was “subway surfing” fell off and died after being crushed by the train in a Manhattan station. Did the newspaper story even have to mention the victim was male?

 

Hawaii’s Mauna Loa & Mauna Kea have received 2-3 ft of snow this week. Maybe both heaven along with hell freezing over w/ Trump’s election.

Okay, for a little bipartisan bitching — all of these Democratic emails suggesting that we sign petitions against various potential Trump objectives. Now, I’m as against some of Trump’s proposed plans as anyone, but does anyone really think he would give a rat’s ass about what Democrats think?

Who says I never say anything good about Donald Trump? He did manage to p*ss off Ann Coulter: “Sounds like the big sell-out is coming. Oh well. The voters did what we could If Trump sells out, it’s not our fault.”

Garth Brooks, who wouldn’t say who he voted for, says he would if asked considering performing at Trump’s inaugural “”I haven’t been asked yet But] it’s always about serving. It’s what you do.”
Okay, but can Garth sing “We shall be free?”

In a CBS “60 Minutes” interview, Paul Ryan said “Donald Trump was an unconventional candidate and will be an unconventional president.”
Well, who said I never agree with the Speaker of the House?

 

Burning not so bryght?

December 3, 2016

ESPN Headline “Tiger Woods fires 2nd-round 65 at Hero World Challenge, nearly aces No. 12.” So is anyone actually leading this tournament?

 

Since Huskies won the Pac 12 championship tonight they should make the college football playoff. Although it’s actually somewhat amazing w/ East Coast bias committee knows Washington and Colorado are even in the Pac12.

 

Fired Oregon coach Mark Helfrich says he hoped Chip Kelly would be hired as the new Ducks football coach. “Ditto” said many SF 49ers fans.

Pirates 3B Jung Ho Kang was arrested and charged with DUI and leaving the scene of an accident after he allegedly hit a guardrail near a Seoul subway station and fled. His statement: “I’d like to apologize to everyone who is disappointed with me. Today, I got behind the wheel after drinking, and committed an irrevocable mistake. I panicked at the moment of the accident and did something that I never should have done. I am deeply regretting the incident. I will humbly accept whatever punishment is deemed fit for my actions.”
Wow, no tainted drink, no blame game? Are we sure this guy is a major league player?

Vikings QB Sam Bradford last night said the ref told him he didn’t get hit in the face mask. That’s right, Bradford got GRABBED by the face mask.

 

Former NFL player Joe McKnight, 28, was fatally shot in an apparently road rage incident outside New Orleans this week. Ronald Gasser admitted to shooting him and surrendered his gun to police. He was taken into custody but released overnight. Gasser, 54, is white. And some wonder why blacks are fearful and angry in this country.

What’s next with #SteveBannon and #Breitbart going after #Kelloggs? Accusations that Snap, Crackle and Pop are gay?

US unemployment has fallen to 4.6% #Jobsreport #IblameObama

In response to the House Science Committee tweeting a story from Breitbart News on climate change  Bernie Sanders tweeted out “Where’d you get your PhD, Trump University?  “Well played Bernie, well played.”

Trump backers are fighting hard to stop recounts in Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin. Wait…if you were worried about an election being rigged wouldn’t you want to do everything possible to make sure votes were counted correctly?

#WTF? Okay, credit where credit is due.  Sarah Palin just accused Donald Trump with his  Carrier deal in Indiana to be practicing “crony capitalism.”   Just guessing someone got told she isn’t getting picked for the Trump cabinet.

61 years ago this week #RosaParks refused to give up her seat on a Montgomery bus. Can you imagine if that happened in a social media era?

 

 

 

 

“What do you mean there’s only one China? There’s a North and South Carolina” #ThingsTrumpMightSay #Taiwan

Tough matchups

December 1, 2016

The 1-10 SF 49ers this Sunday take on the 2-9 Chicago Bears. The game promises to be almost as riveting as the Cleveland Browns vs. bye week

Who says there’s no good news anymore? MLB just announced that World Series home field advantage will no longer belong to the winner of the All-Star game, but to the pennant winner with the best record. #IblameObama

 

An English company is selling an advent calendar where each day brings a new small bite of cheese. Now if they can only figure out a way to add wine to that.

 

Our long national nightmare is over. #TIgerWoods is back playing on the PGA tour. At least until Friday.

A new report says Amazon, which has most of its employees in California and Washington, has eliminated 140,000 more retail jobs than they have created. What’s next? Tariffs on blue states?

 

 

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have had a second child. To show there are no hard feelings, Kutcher’s ex-wife Demi Moore generously sent over some of Ashton’s old toys.

A new poll from the Kaiser Family Foundation found only about 25% of Americans want Trump to repeal Obamacare. Wonder what else voters hope he didn’t actually mean?

So according to Politico, first daughter Ivanka Trump wants to make climate change one of her signature issues. Could she start by convincing her father it is real?

 

Glad to hear #IvankaTrump has decided to make climate change one of her issues. Hoping this isn’t just because she wants to sell more coats.

First it was #Starbucks over cups, now it’s #Kelloggs over Breitbart. Some boycotting conservatives going to have a hard time w/ breakfast.

I could deal w/ @realDonaldTrump’s angry tweets a lot better if he occasionally directed them at some of his SUPPORTERS behaving badly.

The CEO of Levi Strauss wrote an open letter “Recently, we had an incident in one of our stores where a gun inadvertently went off, injuring the customer who was carrying it….. So, while we understand the heartfelt and strongly held opinions on both sides of the gun debate, it is with the safety and security of our employees and customers in mind that we respectfully ask people not to bring firearms into our stores, offices or facilities, even in states where it’s permitted by law. Of course, authorized members of law enforcement are an exception.”
And now some are calling for boycotting Levi’s. #weregoingtoneedabiggerbasket