Archive for November 2010

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Bits and pieces.

November 10, 2010

A particularly random collection of thoughts tonight:

First a little NBA news:  The New Orleans Hornets are undefeated.   And tonight’s score from South Beach  – Utah 116 – Miami 114.

Maybe Lebron should have taken his talents to South Louisiana. Or the South Shore of Salt Lake.

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The latest from Alaska, which may soon change their state slogan to “And you thought Florida was weird”:

Joe Miller, the Republican tea party candidate who may have lost to Senator Lisa Murkowski and her write-in campaign, is now filing a lawsuit to invalidate ballots where “Murkowski” was spelled incorrectly.

Um, excuse me, if being able to spell correctly was any sort of  requirement in politics,  this country would never have elected George W.

(or for that matter, Dan Quayle.)

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Charlie Sheen is dismissing concerns about his New York hotel room meltdown, saying it was just “one bad night.” Yeah, by that standard, the Titanic only had “one bad night.”

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Dallas Cowboys fans who visit the team’s website were out of luck for a couple days. According to the Dallas Morning News, the team forgot to renew the dallascowboys.com domain, and the site was left blank. It’s that attention to detail that has made the Cowboys what they are today.

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Regarding New York’s contract negotiations with Derek Jeter, a source purportedly with “intimate knowledge” of the discussions told ESPN – “The Yankees are going to overpay him.” That’s “intimate knowledge”? The Yankees overpay everybody.

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You never know when there might be a silver lining.  Think of the schools who might have dropped out early in the recruiting battle for Auburn quarterback Cam Newton when the price seemed too high.

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Meanwhile at USC they are shocked?  Some other school actually might have outbid them?

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The latest allegations have Newton telling a Mississippi State recruiter that the Auburn “money was too much.”

Who knew that one of the main differences between the NFL and NCAA football might be that the NFL has a salary cap.

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(In all semi-seriousness I can see where this could be going.  Since it’s just rumors at this point, the young quarterback leads Auburn to a top ten season and a  BCS bowl. Fans have a great time.  Then when more details come out the school “forfeits” their wins and goes on probation.   And Newton signs a big NFL contract.   Yeah, that’ll teach them.  

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Go figure, in San Francisco just about anyone can get a medical marijuana prescription. But heaven help you now if you decide to satisfy the munchies with a small cheeseburger and fries and want a free toy to go with that.

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Carnival Cruise Lines’ new slogan? “When you’re hot, you’re hot.”

Or maybe “Row, row, row your boat.”

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It could be worse for those stranded passengers on the Carnival Splendor.  Kathy Lee Gifford could be stuck on board with them.

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Well,  Bristol Palin may not be the most talented on Dancing with the Stars, but at least she has proven she’s not a clone of her mother.  The competition is more than halfway over, and Bristol hasn’t quit yet.

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Meanwhile, Bristol’s mother is battling yet another member of the “liberal media,” this time calling out a reporter, Sudeep Reddy, who questioned her knowledge about inflation, or rather the lack thereof.  Palin accused him of “not reading his own paper.”   Except two things – first, Sarah misquoted the article in question, and second, this liberal paper Reddy writes for  is  the Wall Street Journal.

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Cowboy down

November 9, 2010

The Dallas Cowboys have fired Wade Phillips. No word on Phillips’ next career move but for now he and the rats leaving with him just plan to swim home.

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The Texas Rangers won only one game in five against the San Francisco Giants.  That’s still a better winning percentage than the Dallas Cowboys.

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Jerry Jones has now turned to Jason Garrett in his quest to find a coach who can lead Dallas to the Super Bowl. With all due respect, the way the Cowboys have been playing, it would be a stretch to find a coach who could take the team to a BCS bowl.

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The Dallas Cowboys are 1-7, the University of Texas Longhorns are 4-5. Okay, who’d a thunk the state’s football reputation might rest on the shoulders of the TCU Horned Frogs?

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A Florida woman and her boyfriend have been jailed and charged with trying to sell the woman’s 8-week-old grandson for $30,000. What kind of monster would try to sell a baby. Now a teenager….okay, that would make sense.

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Senator Jim Demint said “The Tea Party is responsible for just about every Republican elected around the country.” As well as the election of more than a few Democrats.

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Stanford is #6 in the BCS standings and the Raiders are actually in the playoff hunt. which means as of now the 49ers are the third best football team in the Bay Area.

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Tim Tebow, who has yet to throw a pass in the NFL, is writing an “inspirational memoir” at the age of 23. 23?!! Now I know what they mean about saying God has a Tim Tebow complex.

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 Tiger Woods is getting VIP treatment and a warm welcome in Thailand, where he is playing in a charity golf tournament. Makes sense -remember “The King and I?” That guy had a LOT of concubines.

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from my funny friend Neil Berliner:  The Mets have named Paul DePodesta VP in charge of Amateur Scouting. He won’t have to look far on that team to find amateurs!

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Auburn quarterback Cam Newton apparently was caught cheating at the University of Florida in 2008 before he transferred to a junior college. Newton allegedly turned in a paper written by another student, and when caught, replaced it with one purchased off the internet.  This is shocking news. Florida football players have classes that require writing papers?

A similar scandal happened a few years ago at Florida State.  Apparently one player turned in an exam book where another student had actually done all the coloring.

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By a nose.

November 8, 2010

Super horse Zenyetta failed in her attempt to be the first racehorse in modern history to go 20-0 when she lost her final race, the Breeder’s Cup Classic, by a nose.   But to be fair, the 6 year old filly was running against 13 colts, and was running on an unfamiliar track in her first race at Churchill Downs.  Zenyetta was probably the only one who stopped to ask for directions.

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Speaking of by a nose, the Oakland Raiders and New York Jets both won in overtime. What’s the more shocking  story, that the Raiders actually had sold out their game against the Kansas City Chiefs?  Or that it took overtime for the Jets to beat the Detroit Lions.

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This is not a typo. Stanford is #6 in the latest BCS rankings. Yes, football.

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What a great week for Northern California sports fans. The Giants win the World Series, Stanford’s football team is ranked #6 in the country, even the Raiders and Warriors are winning.

And oh yeah, for the capper, the 49ers had a bye week.

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The Philadelphia Eagles upset the Indianapolis Colts 26-24, aided by an amazing 32 yard sprint from scrimmage by Michael Vick. I suppose it would be tacky to say he ran as if the hounds of hell were after him.

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MSNBC executives have decided two days was an “appropriate punishment’, so Keith Olbermann will be back on the air on Tuesday. Some of Olbermann’s supporters are so excited they may actually watch his show.

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In the California gubernatorial election, Jerry Brown spent $7.50 per vote. Meg Whitman spent $43 per vote. Just another example of why you can’t trust Republicans to spend responsibly.

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More than one domestic airline today reported problems ranging from  with online checkin to on-time departures because of the change away from Daylight Savings Time.  Yeah, I can see how that would just sneak up on them.

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The airlines hope to have all the problems corrected in time for the change BACK to Daylight Saving Time in Spring. For which they will charge a modest “time change fee.”

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Republican senate leader Mitch McConnell said that Republicans want to cut federal spending, but that it won’t be effective to cut “earmarks,” the practice of slipping funding requests for home-state projects into legislation. Translation, none of us want to cut spending that actually benefits our OWN state.

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Stanford’s football team  is now ranked #6 in the BCS standings.  But due to a deal made by the folks in Pasadena, (whereby the Rose Bowl, this year only, has to take a top ranked nonconference team if they don’t make it to the national championship, ) the Cardinal could lose out to TCU or Boise State for the Rose Bowl.

And while there are three other BCS bowls, the Sugar, Fiesta and Orange Bowls, since they can choose one team each, they would likely bypass Stanford and  choose lower ranked marquee name teams .

So all this means  Stanford could win out, be ranked #3 in the country, and end up at the Alamo Bowl. Just in case you didn’t hate the BCS already.

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Age and treachery….

November 7, 2010

 

It’s been a great week for Joe Paterno. Not only did he become the first Division 1 NCAA college football coach to win 400 games, he got to see that “nice young man” become governor of California again.

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During a press conference after his 400th coaching victory, Penn State’s Joe Paterno, 83, said “People ask me why I stuck around so long.” and gestured to the fans. Well, the fans plus the fact Paterno doesn’t remember his way home anyway.

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This morning America turned the clock back one hour. Big deal, in California’s gubernatorial election, we turned the clock back thirty years

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So after the most recent elections, California’s senators will be Barbara Boxer, who turns 70 on November 11, and Dianne Feinstein, age 77.  And governor-elect Jerry Brown is age 72. 

Or as John McCain says, “Nice young people, but in these tough times, do they have enough maturity and experience?

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Michigan 67 – Illinois 65.  Somewhere Bo Schembechler is rolling over in his grave. (for anyone who doesn’t remember Bo, he was a major practitioner of the “three-yards and a cloud of dust” offense. 20 points would have been a offensive explosion.)

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During that Michigan-Illinois game, it was 59-59 before the third overtime.  And the the ESPN announcer said that fatigue was becoming a factor, especially for the defenses. How could the defenses be tired? They hadn’t done anything.

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Silly World Series commemorative of the night.  Bradford Exchange is selling a $199.00 carousel music box featuring A T and Park, the World Series trophy, and the Giants logo.  The box plays “Take me out of the ballgame.” 

You’d think they would at least have the option of “Don’t Stop Believing.”

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It’s five days after the last game of the World Series, so we have reached the period of time in which free agents are able to negotiate with any club. Or as the Yankees call it – “shopping season.” 

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Go figure this one. After Arizona had an impressive no-huddle one minute drive to get back in the game against Stanford late in the third, the Wildcats got the ball back with about 12 minutes in the fourth quarter.

Arizona then not only then ran a slow drive with a lot of running plays to get to within 18 points,  the Wildcats didn’t go for an onside kick with nine minutes left in the game.

Maybe they thought the game had five quarters?

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From Bill Littlejohn,  after a collision during a Wisconsin high school cross-country meet between a deer and a sophomore named Sarah Glidden: “The deer was listed as a Jane Doe.’’ . .  

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For anyone who still cares about one-time ‘Bachelor’ fiancee Vienna Girardi, she hosted the Chippendales’ Ultimate Girls Night Out in Las Vegas Friday night.

And this is the woman who broke up with Jake because he was a “publicity whore?

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Top 10 things Meg Whitman could spend her next $150 million on…

November 6, 2010

10. A baseball team.  She may not win, but she’s likely to come closer than the $165 million payroll Chicago Cubs.

9. A new ballot proposition in California – change elections to include a “Buy it Now” button.

8. Just give $5 to every man, woman and child in California on a debit card.  If they all spend locally it could actually help the economy.

7. Hire really good hitman for whichever political consultant told her “don’t worry about your ex-housekeeper,” it’s old news and no one will care.

6. Buy governor’s job in 4 or 5 smaller states and take turns running them.

5. Buy congressmen and women in smaller states and run them that way.

4. 160 million lottery tickets – at least that way she’d be likely to win SOMETHING.

3. Have an autobiography ghost-written, buy up enough copies to be number one on New York Times best seller list.

2.  Go on Craigslist. Make many many attempts at trying to buy a clue.

1. Buy some small island and set herself up as Queen Meg for life.

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Orange haze…

November 6, 2010

Orange Haze:  That’s what happened to most SF Giants’ fans October.   (How did it get to be November already?)

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When a Dallas radio station asked Jerry Jones if Wade Phillips will finish the season as Cowboys coach, the team owner responded – “Yes.” Of course, the way things are going, the Cowboys’ season will be officially over in about two weeks. 

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Two players on the New England Patriots were fined by the NFL for their hits last week on Brett Favre. In addition, they may be charged with elder abuse.

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Now that they’ve won the World Series, the SF Giants will eventually end up making a trip to Washington D.C. to meet President Obama.  And Aubrey Huff will almost certainly end up bringing his red sequined rally thong. Which will be thus become the most famous thong in the White House since… oh, do I even need to finish this one?

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With a 96-93 victory, the New Orleans Hornets took their turn tonight at being part of what will become one of the most popular headlines in America this fall and winter outside of Miami – “”Fill-in-the-blank-team’ CAN beat the Heat.”

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Zenyetta, the super mare who is 19-0 and will finish her racing career in the Breeder’s Cup Classic on Saturday, is apparently a Guinness fan, which she will drink from a bowl. 

In fact, the brewery has invited the mare and her trainer to Dublin for her favorite beer fresh from the tap if she wins the race.

If she does win, however, does this mean Guinness could be classificed as a performance enhancing drug?

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R.I.P Jill Clayburgh  My favorite lines from “Silver Streak,”, in which she plays a woman being hit on in the bar car by a drunk jerk:

“Are you hot?
  What?
  I said, are you hot?                 
  Lady, I am always hot.             
  Maybe I can cool you down.”

And she pours an iced drink down his pants.

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All these writers and media types talking about the Giants dumping their World Series MVP Edgar Renteria…. Makes a good story but it’s WRONG. All the Giants did was decline to pay him  the club option $10.5 million for next year.

Renteria, who at most would play part-time, can still sign with SF at a reduced price, and may well do so if he doesn’t retire.

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A colloborative effort mostly written by Bill Littlejohn:    Recently “to honor America,” Major League Baseball has been playing “God Bless America” during the seventh inning stretch of playoff games.

So wonder if next year the SF Giants will honor their ace pitcher Tim Lincecum by playing “Toke me out to the ball game.”

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The latest to “fear the beard” – NBC censors.

November 5, 2010

 “The Machine” joined Brian Wilson on the Thursday’s ” The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”  Even Conan said, “Okay, now that’s twisted.”

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Apparently there was talk of censoring “the Machine,”  until the powers-that-be realized no one was really watching the Tonight Show any more anyway.

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Good thing Wilson chose baseball over football. Tonight’s appearance would have guaranteed a fine from the No Fun League.

(assuming anyone reading this is familar with “the Machine.”  For his origins, google “Brian Wilson” and “Chris Rose” interview.  Maybe without children under 10 looking over your shoulder.)

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They’re still cleaning up from the parade and celebration in S.F.  But says T.C.  – “At least the field at A T and T Park isn’t frozen over, like it would be at Wrigley if the Cubs ever won.”

Actually, my friend Alex Kaseberg had a great joke on the same topic:

“Isn’t the San Francisco Giant’s AT&T Park beautiful? I’d say it is as beautiful as Chicago’s Wrigley Field in late October, but nobody has ever seen Wrigley Field in late October.”

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Longtime New York Mets clubhouse manager Charlie Samuels has been suspended due to allegations of illegal gambling.   So far, however, the allegations,  are only for betting on horse racing and football, not baseball.  Makes sense, who in their right mind would bet on the Mets?

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Considering how many Americans seem to think the new Congress will just waive a magic wand and fix everything, it’s surprising more of them didn’t vote for someone who had at least dabbled in witchcraft.

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For the last three elections, especially in Congress, many Americans have voted for “change.” Translation “make MY life better.” Wonder how long it takes them to discover that this latest group of electeds won’t instantly make that happen. Stand by for another vote for change in 2012.

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After Tuesday’s elections, President Obama offered the Republicans a post-election olive branch. John Boehner offered one back, tipped with curare.

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Bristol Palin apparently was too busy to vote in this election. Does this mean that when she’s done with all these reality shows Sarah’s daughter plans to run for Governor of California?

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Actually, Sarah Palin didn’t take the news too badly.  Of course the bar has been lowered a bit when Bristol says “Mom, there’s something I need to tell you.”

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George W. Bush will apparently appear on “Oprah” to promote his memoirs. The former President has now joined an exclusive club – those who have written a book before they read one.

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One definite bit of good news about SF Mayor Gavin Newsom’s election as Lieutenant Governor. No one will be able to accuse him this time of focusing on a campaign for his NEXT elected office and neglecting his duties. (The California Lieutenant Governor doesn’t really have any.)

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The NCAA has dropped one of the serious charges against Michigan football coach Rich Rodriguez, and only added one year of probations to the team’s self-imposed punishment. Apparently looking at the Wolverines’ record lately, the NCAA couldn’t see that the school had gained any advantage from the infractions.

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Now what…

November 4, 2010

 Now that the playoffs, World Series and parade are over, Giants fans are being asked “What are you going to do next?” Well, laundry for starters.

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And San Franciscans who miss their near daily dose of torture will now have to wait until the next 49ers game.

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Although they lost the World Series, credit should be given to the Texas Rangers. They played meaningful games longer into the fall than the Cowboys.

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 Giants closer Brian Wilson is scheduled to be on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on Thursday night. Depending how this works out Wilson could be the most famous beard in America, well, other than Katie Holmes.

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There was a huge turnout for the SF Giants’ victory parade on  Wednesday, which wasn’t surprising, since the team hadn’t won the World Series since 1954.

Which curiously enough was about the same year Jerry Brown was sworn in for his first term as Governor.

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Meanwhile, some pundits seem surprised that Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorina haven’t announced what their future political plans might be.  But let’s be fair, a day after the election?  Meg and Carly probably haven’t even figured out if they are going to vote next time.

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There is a terrible Chase commercial running these days about a wedding couple in bad, talking about waiting all day for this. “This” being taking pictures of their gift checks with their camera phone, and depositing them in their Chase account.

It’s almost enough to make you miss political commercials.

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Well, now we know that Christine O’Donnell is really not a witch. Because even a mediocre witch should be able to cast a spell to change 50,000 or so votes.

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Carly Fiorina FINALLY conceded the California Senate race this morning, about 12 hours after all major networks called the race. She complained that she “couldn’t overcome the Democrats’ registration advantage.” Wonder how much of that “advantage” is due to the fact that people like Fiorina don’t register to vote until they run for office?

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From Marc Ragovin : “Meg Whitman’s new theme song “Can’t buy me gov.”

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So will the documentary about the 2010 campaign season, outside the West, be known as “The Hunt for Red November.”

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In his memoirs, George W. Bush said that, upset with media reports that he was justa puppet, he considered running without Cheney in 2004. But W. he asked permission, Dick just told him no.

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W. also said that the lowest point in his presidency was being criticized by Kanye West (who called him a racist.)   So, okay,  the former most powerful man in the world doesn’t quite have the maturity of Taylor Swift.

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They’re over….

November 3, 2010

The 2010 baseball season and the 2010 election.

Despite spending  $161 million, including $141 million of her own money, Meg Whitman finally conceded late Tuesday night. She told her supporters that they had been part of something important.

Meg may not be ready to be Governor, but she now might be more than qualified to be GM of the Chicago Cubs. (who spent $161 million, and didn’t even come in second.)

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Congrats to California Governor-elect Jerry Brown, on returning to the office after 28 years. There was just one embarassing moment, when Brown called New York Governor-elect Cuomo and said “Can’t wait to work with you again, Mario.”

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CNN says that Harry Reid’s victory is a testament to his ground game in Nevada. Really? I thought it was a testament to the fact his opponent was a fruitcake.

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And while Democrats and moderates were disappointed with the national results, at least there is one solace – now it’s John Boehner’s turn to herd cats.

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Political newcomer Rick Scott spent $73 million of his own money and won the Governor’s race in Florida. Looks like Meg Whitman, for all her Ebay experience, bid on the wrong state.

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Christine O’Donnell gave a defiant concession speech tonight in Delaware.  And then accompanied by her flying monkeys she flew home.

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Back to baseball, commission Bud Selig wants two more teams in the playoffs because he thinks it would be “more fair.”

Translation, ANYTHING to have the Red Sox, Yankees, Dodgers or Cubs have a better chance to get in and boost television ratings.

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The Prop 19 watch party is apparently a calm mellow get-together Tuesday night. Supporters, however, are getting ready for an energetic turnout at the polls on Wednesday.

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Meanwhile on November 2, Jamarcus Russell was working out for the Redskins. Isn’t election day in theory when we kick the bums out of Washington?.

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The Orlando Magic-New York Knicks game was postponed tonight because asbestos fell from the rafters at Madison Square Garden. Normally the only toxic thing at the Garden is the play of the Knicks.

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Great stat from my friend Michael Duca.   Pat Burrell has more World Series rings (2) than World Series hits. (1, none this series.).

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This just in from A T and T. Pigs were seen flying around the ballpark.

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Meanwhile in Dallas, they still have the Cowboys.

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We are the champions, of the world….

November 2, 2010

Well, the U.S. and Canada anyway.

SF Giants’ first World Championship in 1954.

Curiously enough, that was Jamie Moyer’s rookie year.

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This isn’t like some twisted episode of Dallas, is it? Where we wake up tomorrow and find out it was all a dream.

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Two reasons for folks in Northern California to celebrate. 1 – The Giants just won the World Series. 2. After tomorrow we are DONE with Meg Whitman commercials.

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Jerry Brown, Edgar Renteria. It’s shaping up to be a good November for re-treads.

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Actually the Giants haven’t won a World Series since 1954.  Coicidentally the same year that Jerry Brown was first eligible for Social Security.

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Brian Wilson quoted as saying that tonight the Giants will celebrate and “get a little weird.” Now, I am a major Brian fan, but in his case, mission already accomplished.-

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Edgar Renteria, a charming man even with limited English. Asked about his World Series home run, he said (Lee) “tried to throw me a cutter and the ball no cut.”

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Interesting, in their interviews, more of the SF Giants thanked the fans than thanked God.

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Fox announcers keep talking about the Giants having not won a World Series since 1954. Or as Cubs fans call it “Only yesterday.”

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Fox executives were unhappy with the low ratings for the World Series. Well, maybe if they ever put anyone but the Yankees and Red Sox on the “Fox Game of the Week” during the regular season, sports fans might be more familiar with, and more interested in watching, the teams that were actually playing.

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Giants Fever is sweeping San Francisco. Some folks who have jumped on the bandwagon were so excited they actually watched some of Monday’s game. –

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Nolan Ryan’s ceremonial first pitch before Game 3 of the World Series was clocked at 68 mph.  Which is still almost twice as fast as Tim Wakefield.

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Ironic to see W. in the stands Sunday night. Because the Rangers’ “shock and awe” hitting lineup ran smack into “Operation Bumgarner.

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Another irony, George W. Bush’s dream job was to become Commissioner of baseball. And while I am hardly a W. fan, he does love the game, and knows it pretty well, despite having traded Sammy Sosa for Harold Baines.

But can you imagine how different the world would have been had he gotten that job?  Not only would America not have had a Cheney presidency, we wouldn’t have had to deal with Commissioner Bud Selig either.

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After being unloaded by the New England Patriots, Randy Moss was now cut by the Minnesota Vikings after he ripped the team in news conference. At this point another NFL GM would have to be stoned to gather Moss.

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The SF 49ers are a disappointing 2-6. But they have won one more game than the Dallas Cowboys.

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Halloween destiny?

November 1, 2010

When you think about it, orange and black should rule on Halloween. Go Giants. 

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Actually “Day of the Dead” is Monday in Mexico. But it sure described the Rangers’ hitters on Sunday night.

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George H.W. Bush and George Bush came in on a cart to throw out the game four first pitch. From left field. Might be only time in their life they were on the left of anything.

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The only bad part of a glorious night for Madison Bumgarner and Buster Posey? The game got over so late they missed trick or treating.

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Buster Posey says he’s been a “baseball fan since I was little.”

What was that, last week?

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Okay, how bizarre is this? “The Simpsons” and Madison Bumgarner are the same age. Both born in 1989.

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Nothing against “God Bless America.” But requiring it at EVERY 7th inning in the post-season is making me root for the Toronto Blue Jays in 2011.

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Robocalls are stupid at the best of times. Robocalls during the World Series are a good way to get voters to vote against your candidate or cause.

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Remember that story about the construction worker burying a Red Sox jersey in the concrete at Yankee Stadium?  (The shirt was found and removed after the story leaked out.)

You have to wonder, who successfully buried what in the concrete at the new Cowboys stadium?

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Today’s sloppy game between the 49ers and Broncos in London did do one thing for British sports fans.  Helped convince them that they are right to have soccer as their national sport.

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A quote I remembered watching clips of the Jon Stewart rally, from Lucy Van Pelt of Peanuts.  Who knew Charles Schultz might so accurately predict today’s political climate:

“If you can’t be right, be wrong at the top of your voice.”

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The 0-7 Bills have lost their last two games in overtime.  Shame they aren’t in the NHL – forcing overtime but losing the game still gets you a point!

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