Posted tagged ‘Tebow jokes’

The good, the bad and the ugly.

October 31, 2011

Apparently when Texas A and M lost to Missouri last season, coach Mike Sherman set fire to the game plan, playbook and tape. The Aggies collapsed again in the second half against Missouri Saturday. College Station firefighters have been put on full alert.

USC safety T.J. McDonald aided Stanford’s last regulation drive when he got a 15 yard penalty for knocking receiver Chris Owusu semi-conscious. This after he got THREE similar penalties against ASU. Think McDonald is trying a little too hard to show he is NFL ready.

Millions will apparently be without power for a while in the Northeast. And for tonight, those millions included the Dallas Cowboys’ offense.

Tim Tebow fans have been adopting their hero’s kneel and pray habit. “Big deal” responded Detroit Lions fans. “We’ve been praying for years.” (And it’s beginning to pay off.)

So much for Tim Tebow leading the Broncos to the Promised Land. Or at least the playoffs.

Maybe God just wanted to hear a lot of new “Christians-Lions” jokes. (Please feel free to add them in comments.)


The Dolphins folded late, keeping their hopes alive in the “SuckforLuck” race. Could be a real shock for Miami fans if they get Andrew Luck – having a star who steps up in the fourth quarter.


Must be interesting as a defense attorney in the Conrad Murray trial: Basically your case is,”Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, Mr. Jackson was bound and determined to kill himself at some point. My client was just the unlikely doctor there at the time.”


Still, it would be weird if anyone in the courtroom had a heart attack or something. I can hear the cries now “Is there any other doctor in the house?”

To err is human, to really scr*w things up requires a computer: Stanford demolished #25 Washington last week and fell in the BCS computer rankings. This week the Cardinal needed triple overtime to beat #22 USC, and leapfrogged Boise State in the same rankings.

After indicating that he might just skip future debates, Rick Perry has now committed to at least five more. Apparently the Texas Governor feels the need for the public forums to expose Mitt Romney as a flip-flopper.

Now Fox’s Chris Wallace is complaining about Mitt Romney, that Mitt hasn’t appeared on any Sunday talk show since March 2010, and that he invited “Gov. Romney again this week, but his campaign says he’s still not ready to sit down for an interview.” Well, yeah, how can you do an interview when you haven’t figured out what your positions are yet?

Passengers on a JetBlue flight scheduled from Fort Lauderdale to Newark ended up stranded on the tarmac at Bradley International Airport in Hartford, Connecticut for more than seven hours Saturday. As awful as the ordeal was some said it was still better than seven hours in Newark.

India’s first Formula One raceDelhi event is basically sold out despite the cost, with the most expensive tickets costing up to about USD $200,000. Upon hearing this, Roger Goodell starting looking into the possibility for NFL games in Delhi.

Twisted joke (but I like it) from my friend Neil Berliner: “The Madoffs tried to kill themselves by prescription overdoses. But the pharmacist scammed them with worthless placebos.”

Lebron would feel right at home.

October 24, 2011

The Dolphins led 15 to 0 with less than three minutes to play, when Tim Tebow led an improbable comeback and the Broncos won 18-15 in overtime. What is it with Miami teams and fourth quarters?

Although actually Tebow’s rally did give the Broncos their SECOND win of the year. And kept the Dolphins winless. Wonder if Denver GM John Elway will now bench Tebow for hurting the team’s chances in the race to “Suck for Luck.”

Three interceptions from Kyle Boller, three interceptions from Carlson Palmer, and the lowly Kansas City Chiefs destroy the Oakland Raiders 28-0. If Al Davis wasn’t dead this game might have killed him.

Miami collapsed, St. Louis actually made Dallas look good, and Indy, well, they just s*cked. Wonder if Andrew Luck called John Elway for advice on a good hitting or pitching coach?

How do you beat a #25 team by 44 points and drop in the polls? Ask Jeff Sagarin. After Stanford’s 65-21 win over Washington, Sagarin’s computer ranking DROPPED the Cardinal from #15 to #21. (Behind two-loss Arizona State.) No, I’m not making this up.

Theo Epstein took out a full page ad in the Boston Globe, allegedly to thank the Red Sox for “10 Years, Two Championships, Countless Memories, Infinite Thanks.” Presumably he resisted the urge to add “Prior to me, 84 years, Zero Championships, Countless Miseries, Nyah, nyah, nee, nee, nah, hah.”

Meanwhile in Texas, the Rangers won 4-0, a day after getting destroyed 16-7 by the St. Louis Cardinals. Wonder if Nolan Ryan sent a private jet to Colorado to borrow the Rockies’ humidor?

Michele Bachmann is slamming Herman Cain and other GOP candidates for their “flip-flops” on things like abortion and gay marriage. Hmm, does this mean her new campaign slogan is “Consistently Crazy?”

Got to love banks. My husband is travelling for business in Eastern Europe (9 hour time difference), and Wells Fargo’s fraud system went into overdrive when he took out less than $100 cash from an ATM over there. Three “urgent” phone messages this afternoon and evening. Of course, when he tried to call them back during European business hours, they are closed.


Watched Pan Am, sort of, tonight. So wanted to like this show, but the scripts seem to be written as intelligently as most current airlines’ business models.


And don’t we all feel so safe with all the hassles of flying these days…. Alaska Air luggage workers at LAX found a handgun when it fell out of a bag they were loading onto a flight to Portland. The gun at least was unloaded. But a TSA spokesperson said they check carry-ons but firearms in checked bags are “not the agency’s responsibility.” And Alaska said passengers should “self-disclose dangerous goods.”

But they are so good on those water bottles..

Quarterbacks, the Pro Bowl, and other jokes…

February 1, 2010

No matter what happens in the Super Bowl. on Feb 14, Drew Brees will be King for the New Orleans Mardi Gras Bacchus parade, which means he will stand on a float and toss beads, coins and mini footballs to parade goers. Other parade organizers thought of asking LSU grad JaMarcus Russell to do the same thing, but they didnt have enough liability insurance.


How bad a Senior Bowl week did Tim Tebow have? Rumor has it after the game he got a congratulatory phone call and expression of interest from Al Davis?


Tebow likes wearing bible verses in his eyeblack. It would be ironic if the most apt might end up being 1 Corinthians 13, the one that starts, “when I was a child” and ends “when I became a man I put away childish things.” (the childish thing being a football?)


Will Smith has confirmed that he is considering a future career in politics. Makes sense, with those two “Men in Black” movies he’s shown a real talent for dealing with aliens.

The Pro Bowl and Super Bowl are both played this in the newly named Sun Life Stadium in Miami. The financial services company was founded in Montreal in the 19th century and is now based in Toronto, Canada. Because nothing says “Sun” like… Toronto, Canada?


Sun Life Stadium was formerly named Land Shark Stadium, and is a dual purpose facility. Which might explain how it was chosen for the Pro Bowl. With the baseball Marlins as tenants it means locals are used to watching meaningless games.


The problem with the Pro Bowl is that players just don’t care that much and are often just going through the motions while trying to avoid injury. Which means for fans of many teams it’s just a repeat of week 17 of the regular season.

Matt Schaub was voted MVP of the Pro Bowl. Isn’t that like being voted the best show in NBC’s prime time lineup? Or the best men’s basketball team in the Pac 10?


What does this say about the Colts’ and Saints’ offenses (or maybe their defenses.). The over-under for the Super Bowl – 56 1/2, is basically the same as it was for the Pro Bowl – 57. And in the Pro Bowl they don’t even really hit and tackle. (Yes, I am aware some would say that especially about the Saints defense.)

And okay, you don’t even have to know anything about rugby to know how ugly this game was. Cal 99, Stanford 0. No, that is not a typo.

The countdown begins…

January 26, 2010

So the League Championship games are over and the interminable hype begins. Two whole weeks for the Super Bowl, and about thirty-two weeks until Brett Favre decides whether or not he will play next season.

After the Saints 31-28 win, there’s been more complaining about the NFL’s overtime rule. And it’s true, Brett Favre didn’t even get a chance in overtime to throw another interception.

Headline from Seattle Times: “Brett Favre’s Future a Big Question Mark in Minnesota.”

In related news, it rains sometimes in Seattle.


The NFL conference championship games last weekend drew the highest television viewership since 1982. Partly this was because the Jets-Colts and Saints-Vikings were compelling matchups. Partly it’s because many Americans now couldn’t afford to do anything else.


Washington guard Javaris Crittenton pled guilty to a misdemeanor gun charge stemming from his dispute with teammate Gilbert Arenas., and was put on probation. The Wizards may not make the playoffs, but they’re definitely in the running for best shooting team of the year.


Apparently Tom Brady won’t need surgery on his finger, so he won’t miss any of next year recovering. Which is mostly good news, on the other hand, if he missed much of the 2010 season he could win another “Comeback Player of the Year” award.


Much media hype about “Avatar” having now passed 1997’s “Titanic” in gross box box office receipts. Not that the movie hasn’t rung up impressive sales. But the average movie ticket price in 1997? About $4.59.

(source- Wikipedia.)


Commie pinko alert:

Apparently CBS is planning to air an anti-abortion commercial during the Super Bowl featuring Tim Tebow and his mother. If Tebow really wanted to be “pro-life” maybe he should have considered doing a commercial telling all his fellow athletes to pay their child support?