Posted tagged ‘umpire jokes’

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I’ll be watching you…maybe.

July 23, 2014

So there were NYPD officers working graveyard shifts in four marked cars at the Brooklyn Bridge while the lights were dimmed and white flags were raised Monday night. None of them noticed anything. And the NY Daily news quotes a police source as saying none of them will be disciplined. Well, not like anything really bad could have happened…

 

 

A man claims he was kicked off a Southwest flight in Denver after he tweeted a complaint over a gate agent not allowing his daughters to board early with him. He claims he won’t fly the airline again. Well, and hey, why not, when he can take advantage of the great customer service at Denver from United….

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Mark McGwire says of Jose Canseco. “I don’t care to ever speak to him again.” Well, of course not, Canseco’s in the past.

 

St. Louis CF John Jay tonight struck out on a 4-2 count. That’s bad. What’s worse, no one in the Cardinals dugout, including the manager, noticed it. #whoneedsmath?

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18 runs given up in two days?  All of a sudden #Dodgers pitching is looking like maybe Josh Beckett’s been bringing beer and chicken back into the Clubhouse #sfgiants

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Cameron Maybin has been suspended for 25 games for testing positive for amphetamines. But come on, it’s the San Diego Padres. Couldn’t Maybin have used the excuse he needed the drugs to stay awake?

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Wednesday Alabama coach Nick Saban talked about his team’s loss to Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl and said it was a challenge to “try to play in a consolation game.” Well, that ought to do wonders for the image of college football players as egotistical babies.

(Also, for the uninitiated, please note. The Sugar Bowl, with a $17 million per team payout, is not a consolation game. Now, the “AdvoCare V100 Bowl” just might be a consolation game….)

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Eagles tackle Lane Johnson is the latest NFL player suspended four games for PED’s. Johnson said in a statement he “mistakenly and foolishly” took a prescription drug in April and failed to clear it with the Eagles’ athletic trainers or check the banned substance list. Just once would be nice to hear someone say, “Yeah, I was cheating and got busted.”

 

Another thought about all these NFL players who plead ignorance when they get caught for PED’s. Wouldn’t you think if they were smart enough to read their playbooks, they’d be smart enough to read the the rules and their drug labels?

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‘What if I decide to run?’: Michele Bachmann saying she might try for Presidency again in 2016. Comedy writers: “Thank you Jesus.”

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You have been warned.  From Alex Kaseberg.  “‘Comic Con’ begins in San Diego on Thursday, so get your computers and internet servers fixed now.”

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So what does Rick Perry have against all these kids? The Texas governor doesn’t want more people in America who can embarrass him by counting to three?

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California’s teen birthrate has fallen 63% since 1990, the biggest drop of any state in the country. Instead of “Abstinence Only” education, California has chosen comprehensive sex education, and increased access for teens to contraceptives. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

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From T.C.  ” The #1 selling NFL jersey today is Johnny Manziel. Sitting at #5 is Michael Sam. Neither one of them has yet to play a down in the league. That should be enough to bring Brett Favre out of retirement again.”

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MLB Rule 2.00

October 5, 2012

MLB Rule 2.00 is the infield fly rule.  (which is currently posted on the Atlanta Braves website…. without comment.)

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The rule states that an infield fly is a fair fly ball (not including a line drive nor an attempted bunt) which can be caught by an infielder with ordinary effort.   To give the umpires some benefit of the doubt,  with all the errors Atlanta made tonight, they might have been confused about this “ordinary effort” stuff.

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Women baseball fans are still especially stunned by that so-called infield fly tonight in Atlanta that ended up well into the outfield – normally when men misjudge length they don’t err on the low side.

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Chipper Jones has to be  thinking,  for his last MLB game, maybe he should have loaned the umps his reading glasses?

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Even the replacement refs who saw that play are saying  – “What were they thinking?

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This just in, Al Gore blamed that infield fly call in the Cardinals-Braves game on the altitude.

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Dear Gawd, and Bud Selig thought the worst thing that could happen with this ridiculous one-game playoff idea is that the NY Yankees might end up out of the post-season by the weekend.

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If there’s a karmic silver lining in tonight’s Cardinals-Braves game, is Don Denkinger finally off the hook?

(for non-baseball fans,  Don Denkinger was the umpire whose blown call at first base cost the St. Louis Cardinals the World Series against the Kansas City Royals in 1985.)

Listening to an aging Jack Welch rant today that the unemployment numbers “don’t smell right.” Uh, a potential one word answer on that smell issue – “Depends?”

Another post-debate thought. If Mitt Romney is determined to cut PBS why didn’t he reference a perceived elitist show like “Masterpiece Theater,” instead of “Big Bird,” – one of the most beloved characters on one of the beloved shows in America?

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Ohio State backup QB Cardale Jones tweeted today “Why should we have to go to class if we came here to play FOOTBALL, we ain’t come to play SCHOOL classes are POINTLESS.” And SEC players responded “What are classes?”

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Jim Lehrer said today that the “The likelihood of my doing another debate in 2016 is, on a scale of one to 10, a minus one.” Hillary Clinton is bummed, she was counting on Lehrer making her look young and vigorous.

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The jobless rate fell to below 8% today. Which the GOP immediately said was bad news for job seekers – specifically Romney and Ryan.

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Amazing that some conservatives who think Obama is the most incompetent President ever still think he has the power to orchestrate a massive conspiracy on the unemployment rate.

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From T.C.  “I  just flew home on American Airlines and sat in rows 15, 14, 11 & 8.

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Oops, we missed it again.

July 28, 2011
 
 
(and yes, that white thing behind the catcher’s back foot IS the plate.)
 
Regarding that play at home in the Pirates-Braves game last night: Joe Torre, now MLB’s executive V.P. for operations, stated “Unfortunately, it appears that the call was missed.” In related news, Amy Winehouse’s death may have been drug related.
 
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When they play the National Anthem in future at MLB games this season, hope umpire Jerry Meals is ready. Because when they start out ‘Oh say can you see?,” everyone but Braves fans will loudly scream -“NO.”
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So with the Carlos Beltran trade to the Giants a done deal, the leading slugger on the trade market may be the Rays’ B.J. Upton. Who is referred to by Sports Illustrated as “enigmatic.” Translation of “enigmatic?” “Headcase.”
 
 
Some New York fans are enjoying their sour grapes  – this anonymous comment “few Mets fans will forget his at-bat during the ninth inning of Game 7 of the 2006 NL championship series against St. Louis. Beltran came up with the bases loaded and the Mets trailing 3-1, and struck out looking to end the game.”
 
Uh, yeah, almost the same thing happened in last year’s NLCS with Ryan Howard, in a one run game with two on, when he took a backdoor slider from Brian Wilson to also strike out looking to end the game. 
 
And I don’t think Phillies fans want Howard out of town. Yet anyway.
 
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Good thing for SF Giants that they aren’t in the AL East. After Brian Wilson’s All-Star introduction of Carlos Beltran – “the guy’s a phenomenal hitter, a switch hitter, there’s talks of him coming over to the Giants. More than welcome. Come on over, pal.”- the Yankees would probably get Selig to overturn the deal for tampering.
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Hugh Hefner’s ex-fiancee said they only had sex once and it was over “in two seconds.” Really? Come on. Nothing lasts only two seconds. Except maybe the Cubs’ pennant hopes in April.
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The IRS has said that airlines should refund passengers for the collected but currently expired federal aviation tax. Want to bet it how long it takes for the first airline to say that the cost of processing such credits is a service fee exactly equal to the proposed refund?
 
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 Speaker John Boehner told his fellow Republicans to “Get your ass in line.” In related news, Larry Craig has decided it might be time to run again for Congress.
 
 

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A tale of two franchises. Wednesday the San Francisco Giants acquired Carlos Beltran. And on the same day the San Francisco 49ers re-signed Alex Smith.

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Sarah Palin said that “Scaring the American people is exactly what President Obama is doing,” in regards to the debt ceiling. Oh please oh please can someone just ask Palin if she can explain the debt ceiling.

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Have the Giants considered just gifting Barry Zito to the Yankees to replace Phil Hughes? Could be an upgrade for both teams.

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Yet more off days…

October 22, 2009

Due to television scheduling the Yankees-Angels had a day between games four and five, and now have another day between games five and six. This is certainly a record playoff year for “off days.” Including for the umpires.

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For what it’s worth, had New York won tonight, the World Series wouldn’t have started for six days. Which might have given Yankees fans enough time to take out mortgages to buy Series tickets.

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Yahoo has now apologized for using lap dancers to entertain male software developers and engineers in Taiwan last weekend during a “brainstorming meeting.” Yeah, was that really the brain they wanted to encourage the men to use?

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So after bypassing Minneapolis the first time, a Northwest Airlines jet made a U-turn and ended up landing there safely. Who was flying the plane – Brett Favre?

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A Northwest Airlines plane flying from San Diego overshot Minneapolis airport by 150 miles yesterday before the crew discovered their mistake and turned around. My question, do the passengers get 300 extra frequent flier miles?

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Maybe Dodgers fans should cut Manny Ramirez some slack for his weak performance in the NLCS. It’s tough to play with post-partum depression.

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Manny Ramirez not only finished the NLCS with a .263 batting average and only 2 RBIs, he had left the dugout was taking a shower during the Phillies comeback in game 4. Though as Bill Littlejohn says “Well, he was the cleanup hitter.”
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It has now been 21 years since the Dodgers got to the World Series. On a more positive note, the team issued a press release saying that by not needing a victory parade, they have cut down on their carbon footprint.

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California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is trying to fast-track a potential new NFL stadium in Los Angeles in hopes of luring a franchise to the city. And he stated “A team does not have to necessarily come from a California city,” he said. “It can come from somewhere else, or it could be a new team that is created.”

Translation, not even Los Angeles wants the Raiders, 49ers or Chargers.

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For that matter, presumably Los Angeles doesn’t want the Rams back either.

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Listening to ESPN baseball analysts discuss Saturday’s Yankees-Angels game and claiming that a team’s history doesn’t make any difference to a current team of players who weren’t even there. Two words – Chicago Cubs.

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This last may not make sense to anyone under 40. But Soupy Sales died Thursday at the age of 83. Wonder if his tombstone will read “Fit to be Pied?”

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