Posted tagged ‘Carnival Cruise Line jokes’

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Missed it by that much.

April 17, 2013

Who in the media are making the decisions to go with this ever increasing number of incorrect  Boston stories? Have to assume their prior careers with the airlines announcing things like ‘brief delay,” and “we’ll be boarding in a few minutes.”

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American Airlines says their flights are “back to normal” after a computer glitch grounded all their planes yesterday. On the other hand, American has been named the official airline of Carnival Cruise Lines.

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Got to love that most of today’s GOP thinks you should be able to buy a gun with no background checks, but heaven forbid if you want to something REALLY dangerous, like voting.

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If as an SF Giants fan I have to wish the New York Yankees well for playing SweetCaroline last night, It is convenient that they’re playing the NL West AZ D’backs.

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No arrests as of Wednesday night in the Boston marathon bombings yet. In the meantime, if you are a man in Boston interested in buying a good-sized pressure cooker, might be a good idea to wait a week.

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So a compromise proposal to expand gun background checks “lost” in the Senate as the vote was 54 for and 46 against. 54-46?! Whatever happened to majority rule?

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Phil Jackson is reportedly ready to end his latest coaching retirement. Even Brett Favre is saying, “Dude, give it up already.

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Tonight is last night of #NBA regular season. So this means only 3-4 months until the playoff finals?

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The National Republican Congressional Committeesaid they will not be putting any more money into Mark Sanford’s congressional race. Allegedly because the GOP was caught “off guard” by Jenny Sanford’s trespassing charges and worry other damaging revelations about his personal life could emerge before the election. Gosh, and why would they doubt Mark at this point?

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American Airlines apologized for their computer glitch that grounded flights yesterday. Wonder how long it will take them to add a “computer maintenance” fee?

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More proof that women are tougher than men: WNBA #1 pick, Britney Griner, about sexuality and sports – “I wouldn’t say I was hiding or anything like that. I’ve always been open about who I am and my sexuality. If I can show that I’m out and I’m fine and everything’s OK, then hopefully the younger generation will definitely feel the same way.”

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From my friend Alex Kaseberg   “The movie ’42’ is out.  It is a movie about Jackie Robinson, so it is about class, courage, grace and dignity. Or as it is also known: ‘The Not Alex Rodriguez Story.’ ”

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Another story on “Sweet Caroline” last night.  We may hate other teams on the field, but we are all Americans:

http://aol.sportingnews.com/mlb/story/2013-04-16/new-york-yankees-sweet-caroline-boston-red-sox-marathon-victims-tribute

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Slip sliding away….

January 19, 2012

(The Carnival- Costa theme song?)

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Poor Joe Biden. All these reported GOP speaking gaffes must have him missing the spotlight. Or at least that’s one explanation why he told San Francisco Democrats in a private fundraiser today that “the Giants are on their way to the Super Bowl.

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Actually posted this on Facebook last morning before Biden’s speech: You might be a S.F. bandwagon fan if….. You say you are excited about the Giants game this weekend but admit you hadn’t thought the Giants started playing until April.

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The Captain of the Concordia now said he fell into the lifeboat. I think I like I cheated on my wife because of “how passionately I felt about this country” better.

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The NY Post may not usually appear on the list of America’s top papers. But they do win the prize so far for the best headline on the Costa Concordia disaster- a picture of the captain on the front page of their paper edition with the caption “Chicken of the Sea.”

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Wonder if Captain Francesco Schettino has had time to change his Facebook status? Presumably from “At the helm of the Costa Concordia about to impress passengers with a beautiful island view,” to “It’s complicated.”

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And watching the television shots of the Concordia on its side with the deck steeply sloped towards the ocean, have to wonder if parent company Carnival will reconsider those ads of the “longest, fastest, waterslide” at sea.

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True fact: The Costa Concordia is a sister ship to Carnival’s Splendor. All of a sudden being adrift for three days off the coast of Mexico (which happened to the Splendor in 2010), doesn’t seem so bad.
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From my friend Jerry Perisho, “A member of the Italian Coast Guard told the captain of that cruise ship, who had already abandoned ship, “Get on board, dammit” That, of course, is the same message the Romney campaign team is screaming at Republican voters.”

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Now that Yu Darvish has signed with the Rangers, many of us have a whole new reason to look forward to interleague play. If Darvish can handle a bat or work a walk it means we can hear the announcer say “Yu’s on first.”

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Darvish’s name is actually pronounced “You duhr-veesh.” So will he be known to U.S. fans as a “Hurling Darvish?”

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Mitt Romney is having a tough few days talking about his 15% tax rate and making “only” about $375,000 a year from public speaking. I miss Ann Richards, who would no doubt be proclaiming “Poor Mitt, he was born with a platinum foot in his mouth.”

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Newt Gingrich has announced he pays a 31% percent tax rate, and is worth only about $6.7 million, much less than Mitt Romney. Wonder how much of that difference is Callista’s jewelry?

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Despite his positive PED test Ryan Braun will accept his NL MVP award at a banquet Saturday. Braun’s spokesman said “there are highly unusual circumstances surrounding this case which will support Ryan’s complete innocence.” Of course, aren’t there always?

My friend Karen wondered if he tripped and fell into a needle?

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Rob Lowe apparently tweeted that Peyton Manning is retiring. Could be true, or maybe Peyton is just floating a trial balloon to keep something awful from happening, like being traded to the Redskins.

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Some unfortunate stories of Saints fans being treated badly at Candlestick Park during the SF-New Orleans game. Well, this sort of harassment probably won’t happen if the team moves to expensive new digs in Santa Clara. The local folks who can afford tickets probably will be too busy with their cellphones.

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From Bill Littlejohn: It’s getting down to the wire for arbitration between Tim Lincecum and the San Francisco Giants. Lincecum demanded a Giants team batting average of .280 in arbitration—the Giants countered with .240″

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Poor performances.

November 17, 2010
Charles Rangel was found guilty on 10 counts by the House Ethics Committee. This was shocking news to most Americans – the House HAS ethics?
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Despite stories of Donovan McNabb’s new $40 million contract being guaranteed, the Washington Redskins only have to pay $3.5 million if they cut him at the end of the season.  Translation, Brett Favre has a better chance of playing opening day in 2011 than McNabb.
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Pick your punchline – bipartisan joke.
The Redskins’ being routed 59-28 by the Philadelphia Eagles night…..
a.  Was the most disappointing performance in Washington history, well, since the current lame-duck Congress.
b. Will be the most disappointing performance in Washington history, well, until the new Congress takes over.
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In New Jersey, residents can now buy personalized license plates proclaiming that they are New Jersey Nets fans. Although the DMV has been instructed to give anyone who asks for such a plate a breathalyzer test.
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Actually, there might be one reason to buy a New Jersey Nets plate.  As a ruse to cover up the embarrassment of actually being a Knicks fan.
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A bomb threat Monday at Ohio State resulted in classes being cancelled in three academic buildings and the library being closed. At least that means no football players were affected.
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In the first episode of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” Sarah showed off a “baby-gate” on the stairs that she said was not only for Trig, but to keep her 16 year old daughter Willow’s boyfriend from going upstairs. Yeah, that worked out so well with Bristol.
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Facebook is starting up an email application. Let’s see, so this means the site could thus be used for both things you post casually to share with hundreds of people, as well as private communications between only you and your closest friends. What could possibly go wrong?
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The makers of “Four Loko”, a sweet alcoholic drink, have announced they will remove caffeine from their product.  Apparently the FDA is planning to ban caffeinated alcoholic beverages as unsafe. Wow. Good thing no one’s ever tried to put whiskey, sugar and cream in coffee.
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Cam Newton of Auburn remains eligible while the NCAA and FBI investigate allegations of him or his family being paid for him to choose a university.  But the Heisman committee may be justifiably afraid of voting for someone who may end up stripped of their trophy.
Meanwhile there’s always Oregon’s LaMichael James, perhaps the best running back in the country.   He’s only on two years probation (legal, not academic) from this past spring, after serving 10 days in jail for harrassing his former girlfriend.
And they wonder why some NFL players seem to think they can get away with anything.
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Carnival Cruise Lines has cancelled all sailings on the Splendour through mid January because of the fire  
The bad news for many travelers, they won’t be spending the holidays at sea with their families. The good news for some travelers, they won’t be spending the holidays at sea with their families.
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Timing is everything:  Lloyd’s Register, the international standards organization for ship classification and design , apparently is working with several companies to look into the feasibility of nuclear-powered commercial ships, including cruise ships.

I can see it now, the Carnival Glow Worm.

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Tow, tow, tow your boat….

November 12, 2010

This great post title “Tow, tow, tow, your boat,” suggested by reader Gary Morton. And yes, it would make another possible new theme song for Carnival.

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And tonight the Splendor is back in port, having been pulled in by six tugs.  But while the ship’s electrical system may be kaput, American ingenuity is alive and well.

As passengers disembarked they were met by enterprising salespeople with $20 “I survived the 2010 Carnival Cruise Spamcation.”

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The t-shirt titles no doubt have potential too.

“My mom tried to go on a cruise to Mexico and all I got was a stale Pop Tart.”

“Spam, who said one million Hawaiians can’t be wrong.”

“Spam, it’s not just for breakfast, lunch and dinner anymore.”

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Actually, a Carnival executive said no passengers were actually fed Spam.  Wonder what they used the stuff for instead.  A substitute for ice carving?

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One lesson from this cruise – be careful (or at least specific) what you wish for. Out of those thousands of people on the Carnival Splendor, there had to be at least one person who said, “You know what I’d really like is to get away from all technology for a while.”

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And a suggestion to passengers on the next Carnival Cruise, currently scheduled for November 21.  Probably not a good idea to be the first person to complain about cold eggs on the breakfast buffet.

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Apparently some passengers were joking that it might be the first cruise they had been on where they actually lost weight.  Just another way that cruise ships are different than the airlines – had some airline executive heard that he’d probably have tried to charge the passengers retroactively for a spa cruise.

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Okay, who’d have bet on this one? The last undefeated team in the NBA this season is the….New Orleans Hornets?!

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And the “Dream Team” Miami Heat are 5-4.  Making them right now possibly the most over-hyped and over-rated star-filled team in the U.S.

“Hey,” said the New York Yankees  “That’s OUR job.”

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Well, one good thing for the NBA out of Lebron’s “Decision.” It makes casual fans like me actually tune into at least part of some regular season games, just in hopes of seeing the Heat lose.

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Carlos Beltran said he would “consider” waiving his no-trade contract if the Mets asked. Actually I believe his precise words were “You can DO that? H*ll, yeah.”

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In a study involving 56 countries, the U.S. placed 31st in producing students with advanced math skills. Responded former President George W. Bush, “Well, at least we were in the top half.”

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Many people connected with “Dancing with the Stars” cannot believe Bristol Palin is still in the competition.  It’s not just that she’s not a great dancer, it’s that they figured that like her mom, she’d quit half way through and declare victory.

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From Bill Littlejohn:  Jets kicker Nick Folk didn’t know that his overtime FG had beaten the Lions, admitting that he thought that the Lions would get possession if he made the kick.Meanwhile, the NFL is investigating to see if , during the game,Folk had been exchanging texts with Donovan McNabb”

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The Cowboys and other amateur football.

November 11, 2010

On November 13, Cowboys’ Stadium in Arlington, Texas will host Manny Pacquiao fighting Antonio Margarito for the WBC super welterweight title. For local sports fans who have been watching the Rangers and Cowboys, this may be the first time this month they can cheer for some real hits.

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George W. Bush said it hurt his feelings when Kanye West said he didn’t care about black people. Besides, it’s not true. As President, George W. didn’t care about poor people of all colors equally.

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Now Cam Newton, the Auburn quarterback and Heisman frontrunner, being accused of academic cheating and selling his services to the highest bidder, allegations that might make him ineligible for the award..  Although.many voters say so far these allegations will not affect their decision..

 
Considering the committee just got Bush’s award back, maybe they should start referring to it as the “Interim Heisman.”
 
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While appearing in Dallas with Governor Rick Perry, Sarah Palin started her talk by telling family stories, while saying they were stories she had told before. And she stated “I need to run for office just so I have more material to share in my speeches” Uh, couldn’t Palin also have gotten more material by finishing out her last elected term?
 

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Queen Elizabeth of England now has a Facebook page. Wonder if there was a trace of a royal smile when under family and children she entered “It’s complicated.”

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Super Bowl winning quarterback Jim McMahon said at a Chicago Bears team reunion that he is losing his memory. Bears fans just wish they could lose their memories of Rex Grossman.

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According to ESPN.com, in 2012, the Univ. of Denver, Texas-San Antonio and Texas State will join the WAC, joining Hawaii, Louisiana Tech, Idaho, New Mexico State, Utah State and San Jose State. (Boise State, Fresno State and Nevada are leaving for the Mountain West.) Stand by for the all-new “Who gives a crap” bowl.

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Actually the University of Denver will only join the WAC in basketball, as the school doesn’t have a football team. Undeterred, the WAC will continue to look for another team that would be a good match….although they haven’t heard back from the Denver Broncos.

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Latest Carnival Cruise Line slogan – “Cruising, unplugged.”

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Carnival’s “Fun Ships” may soon offer a whole new range of exciting activities. For starters – Spam carving and as my friend Steve suggested,  skeet shooting with Pop Tarts.

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Meanwhile, as the Splendor gets towed back to San Diego, you know somewhere else off the coast of Mexico, someone else is complaining about runny eggs and limp bacon on the breakfast buffet.

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And over in England,  Later this month, a stage adaptation of the movie “Love Story,” will open in London. And all around the city, men are telling their wives “Honey, of course I’ll get tickets, but are you sure you wouldn’t rather I go shopping with you instead?”

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But seriously, how many married men will voluntarily go to see the play “Love Story?”  Of course, buying tickets and going with their wives may end up being a new way for men to say they’re sorry.

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Bits and pieces.

November 10, 2010

A particularly random collection of thoughts tonight:

First a little NBA news:  The New Orleans Hornets are undefeated.   And tonight’s score from South Beach  – Utah 116 – Miami 114.

Maybe Lebron should have taken his talents to South Louisiana. Or the South Shore of Salt Lake.

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The latest from Alaska, which may soon change their state slogan to “And you thought Florida was weird”:

Joe Miller, the Republican tea party candidate who may have lost to Senator Lisa Murkowski and her write-in campaign, is now filing a lawsuit to invalidate ballots where “Murkowski” was spelled incorrectly.

Um, excuse me, if being able to spell correctly was any sort of  requirement in politics,  this country would never have elected George W.

(or for that matter, Dan Quayle.)

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Charlie Sheen is dismissing concerns about his New York hotel room meltdown, saying it was just “one bad night.” Yeah, by that standard, the Titanic only had “one bad night.”

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Dallas Cowboys fans who visit the team’s website were out of luck for a couple days. According to the Dallas Morning News, the team forgot to renew the dallascowboys.com domain, and the site was left blank. It’s that attention to detail that has made the Cowboys what they are today.

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Regarding New York’s contract negotiations with Derek Jeter, a source purportedly with “intimate knowledge” of the discussions told ESPN – “The Yankees are going to overpay him.” That’s “intimate knowledge”? The Yankees overpay everybody.

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You never know when there might be a silver lining.  Think of the schools who might have dropped out early in the recruiting battle for Auburn quarterback Cam Newton when the price seemed too high.

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Meanwhile at USC they are shocked?  Some other school actually might have outbid them?

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The latest allegations have Newton telling a Mississippi State recruiter that the Auburn “money was too much.”

Who knew that one of the main differences between the NFL and NCAA football might be that the NFL has a salary cap.

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(In all semi-seriousness I can see where this could be going.  Since it’s just rumors at this point, the young quarterback leads Auburn to a top ten season and a  BCS bowl. Fans have a great time.  Then when more details come out the school “forfeits” their wins and goes on probation.   And Newton signs a big NFL contract.   Yeah, that’ll teach them.  

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Go figure, in San Francisco just about anyone can get a medical marijuana prescription. But heaven help you now if you decide to satisfy the munchies with a small cheeseburger and fries and want a free toy to go with that.

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Carnival Cruise Lines’ new slogan? “When you’re hot, you’re hot.”

Or maybe “Row, row, row your boat.”

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It could be worse for those stranded passengers on the Carnival Splendor.  Kathy Lee Gifford could be stuck on board with them.

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Well,  Bristol Palin may not be the most talented on Dancing with the Stars, but at least she has proven she’s not a clone of her mother.  The competition is more than halfway over, and Bristol hasn’t quit yet.

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Meanwhile, Bristol’s mother is battling yet another member of the “liberal media,” this time calling out a reporter, Sudeep Reddy, who questioned her knowledge about inflation, or rather the lack thereof.  Palin accused him of “not reading his own paper.”   Except two things – first, Sarah misquoted the article in question, and second, this liberal paper Reddy writes for  is  the Wall Street Journal.

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