Posted tagged ‘Biogenesis jokes’

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It’s just business.

August 5, 2013

Even if A-Rod is suspended today he is likely to appeal and actually plans to play Monday night. Where is Bob Gibson when you need him? Think this situation could be taken care of with one at-bat.

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Meanwhile, Joe ‪Girardi‬ says he has Alex Rodriguez “penciled” in for Monday’s start. And privately is he thinking “my kingdom for an eraser?”

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My friend Jeff Klein points out that if Nelson Cruz is suspended, the Rangers will probably call up…. Manny Ramirez?! I think I speak for comedy writers everywhere in thinking “Oh please, oh please….”

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Max Ball says  “Maybe Manny can come up and carry the Rangers to a world title and they can do a movie about it called “the Unnatural”

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While we’re doing “Manny” movies – how about “Field of Creams … (and Clears)?”

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Thomas Hurley III, an Connecticut 8th-grader, told a local paper he was cheated because he wrote “Emanciptation” Proclamation and lost $3000 of his winnings. (The winner had $66,600.) Can’t wait to see what happens when the kid doesn’t get into his first choice college.

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August 5, 2013, and the Kansas City Royals are ahead of the New York Yankees in the AL Wild Card race. No, it doesn’t mean much in early August, but I just like writing it.

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More off-field headlines for Johnny Manziel, as now ESPN reports that NCAA is allegedly investigating whether he was paid “a five-figure flat fee” for autographs in January. So congrats to all those who had August 4 in the pool.

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If the regular season ended today, neither the Yankees nor Mets would make the playoffs. And somewhere Bud Selig is saying “Is it too late to add a third or fourth wild card?”

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Already seeing some conservatives complaining that this supposed terror alert is fake and just a way to make the administration look good. And no doubt the complaints will get louder if nothing happens. (Of course, by calling the alert maybe it upset terrorist plans?) Nothing is certain, except that for some EVERYTHING President Obama does is wrong.

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High performance?

July 10, 2013

Reports are that MLB will suspend as many as 20 active players for PEDs, including Ryan Braun and A-Rod, possibly on the day after the All-Star Game. So much for ESPN trying to fill a slow sports news day.

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Just wondering, after last year and with the Biogenesis story lurking in MLB’s background has Bud Selig suggested to Jim Leyland that he NOT put Bartolo Colon in position to be the All-Star Game MVP?

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In an obituary published in the Columbus Dispatch, longtime fan Scott E. Entsminger, 55. requested “six Cleveland Browns pall bearers so the Browns can let him down one last time.” I see a new marketing opportunity for the Chicago Cubs.

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The Los Angeles Lakers had the highest luxury tax in the NBA last year – over $29 million. Really. And not even a senior discount?

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Details details… So IF Snowden decides to accept asylum in Venezuela, the flights between Moscow and Caracus go through Frankfurt, Paris, Rome, Madrid Miami, JFK or Madrid. All of which require a valid passport for transit. Oops. Add to the list of things Snowden should have thought through…. talking to a good travel agent.

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Barnes and Noble announced the resignation of their CEO today. Shocking! Barnes and Noble is still in business?

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So in the George Zimmerman circus, er, trial, now the defense planned to introduce evidence that Trayvon Martin had marijuana in his system at the time of his death. Because we all know how energetic and aggressive smoking pot makes you?

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After Dwight Howard said he would sign with Houston, the Rockets GM went on Twitter and TV to talk about it. Which is apparently against rules during the July 1-10 free agent moratorium.. So the NBA fined the team $150,000. Right. And flopping is $5,000…. Ah priorities.

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-A new rock bottom? San Francisco Giants don’t need a trade. They need a 12-step program.

 

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TC  trying to top my last week’s groaner about Morsi – that his countrymen thought “He Gypped”  them:

“Egypt’s President Mohammed Morsi has been overthrown by the country’s military. Of course he’s still in DeNile.”

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And the winner is….

June 5, 2013

The big Powerball winner turns out to be an 84 year old Florida woman. Lottery secretary Cynthia O’Connell said she took the smaller one-time amount and turned down the 30-year payout. Ya think?

 

 

The 84 year old woman who won the $590 million Powerball said she’s thankful to the person who let her cut in front of them in line to buy a Quick Pick ticket. Chivalry may not have been dead but this just killed it.

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One more thought about the winner of the Powerball lottery. She waited two weeks to come forward. Two weeks at the age of 84? That’s a significant fraction of your life as a multimillionaire.

 

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“The use of steroids and amphetamines amongst today’s players has greatly subsided and is virtually nonexistent… The so-called steroid era is clearly a thing of the past.” Bud Selig, January, 2010. Uh, not exactly.

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Apparently Biogenesis founder Tony Bosch asked A-Rod for financial help this Spring to fight an MLB lawsuit and was turned down. Proving probably once again, if you’re a public figure always pay off your mistresses, posse and pushers.

 

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Not a great PR week for baseball. Now drug agents are apparently investigating a narcotics delivery to the home of Cleveland Indians closer Chris Perez. If true, how stupid. Aren’t you supposed to have your posse take delivery of your drugs?

 

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Turns out the drug allegedly mailed to the suburban home of Cleveland closer Chris Perez was marijuana. Really? If so Perez couldn’t have just waited until the Indians’ road trip this month to Seattle?

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Some cruise lines have cancelled river cruises due to high water on the Danube. And at Carnival Cruise Lines they’re thinking “Bummer for them, but at least this time it’s not us.”

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You’d think Gordon Gee, 69, who is stepping down in July as Pres. of Ohio State after snide remarks about Notre Dame and the SEC, would have learned to keep his mouth shut. You would think wrong. At a press conference to explain his decision, Gee added “I’ve only got a month to ruin the university. I’ve got to get at it.”

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JaMarcus Russell may be getting a tryout with the Chicago Bears. If anyone could make Bears fans long for the halcyon days of Rex Grossman….

 

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Former Sen. John Edwards apparently is going to open a new law firm and specialize in personal injury. Well, if anyone’s now an expert at injuring yourself…

 

I’m sure the young man will have a great career. But the Los Angeles Dodgers are no longer undefeated in the #YasielPuig era.

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