Posted tagged ‘76ers jokes’

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Brackets, brackets, who’s got brackets?

March 13, 2016

So I wasn’t paying close attention to the NCAATournament  brackets. What seed did the Philadelphia 76ers get.

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Cal vs  Hawaii in an opening round match-up in the South bracket. And we wonder why American kids are so bad at geography.

 

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A two-hour ‪#‎SelectionSunday‬ show? Really?! But give the ‪#‎NCAA‬ & ‪#‎CBS a few years, they’ll probably get it up to four hours.

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#‎StMarys‬ is out of the ‪#‎NCAATournament‬. But maybe the Gaels can continue ‪#‎Stanford‬‘s Northern California ‪#‎NIT‬ dominance.
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LSU turned down an NIT invitation and said they will not play in this postseason. Well, with 38 points in the SEC opening game not like they played in that tournament either.

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SF Giants infield definitely leading the league in college boys – Posey/FSU, Belt/Texas, Panik/St. Johns, Crawford/UCLA, Duffy/Long Beach St, Susac/Oregon State, Tomlinson/Texas Tech… And Mac Williamson/Wake Forest, Osich/Oregon State, Samardzjia/Notre Dame….
Should be fun during March Madness.

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Mississippi State’s Dak Prescott, expected to be one of the first QB’s taken in next month’s draft, was arrested yesterday for DUI. So was Prescott just trying to prove he’s NFL ready?

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ESPN is reporting that at “at least 3 former University of Louisville men’s basketball recruits have confirmed to NCAA investigators that they attended parties inside an on-campus dorm where strippers danced for them and prostitutes were paid to have sex with them.”
Kind of makes you wonder what the schools that beat out Louisville for recruits offered?
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New York’s Mayor de Blasio tweets about Donald Trump “Of course he’s a racist.” Well, and I’m sure GOP primary voters care a lot what a liberal NY mayor thinks.
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A Florida man who warned officers he was speeding to get home to the bathroom was arrested and then ended up urinating and defecating in the police car. ‪#‎ifonlyhewasarmed‬ ‪#‎YourmoveTexas‬

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John Boehner has endorsed ‪#‎JohnKasich‬ for President. So much for any orange solidarity movement.

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Marco Rubio won the D.C. GOP Primary with 37.3 % of the vote. Does that mean there are at least 37.3 Republicans in Washington, D.C.?

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President Obama has apparently narrowed his choices to replace Antonin Scalia on the Supreme Court down to three. So will the GOP stand fast with their threats not to give them a hearing? Or will they roll the dice and take the chance on a replacement pick being from Clinton, Sanders, or Trump?

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Donald Trump, playing the blame game on violence at his rallies “Bernie Sanders is lying when he says his disruptors aren’t told to go to my events. Be careful Bernie, or my supporters will go to yours!”
Wait, I thought this was all Obama’s fault.

Categories: GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
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Fill in the blanks.

December 4, 2014

100 brains were missing from the University of Texas. Does this even need a punchline?

 

The Philadelphia 76ers actually won a game tonight, making them 1-17. If they keep improving, the team might have a chance of being favored against Kentucky.

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A Hawaii football announcer has apologized for referring to Fresno as the “armpit of America.” As well he should have. Everyone knows that’s New Jersey.

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#‎Stayclassy‬ Sarah Palin posted a picture on her FB page this weekend of President Obama captioned “I am signing a new executive order replacing the world ‘looting’ with ‘undocumented shopping.'”

Of course, Palin believes rioting should be confined to important things, like her family attending birthday parties.

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UAB says they are shutting down their football program for “the greater good.” And Raiders fans are thinking “You can do that?”

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In California, it’s amazing how short the distance is between “We need month-long storms to get us out of this drought” and “Will this rain ever stop?”

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Gloria Allred has a press conference Wednesday  with three women who have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault. So congratulations to everyone who had December 3 in the pool.

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The FSU student conduct code hearing over sexual assault allegations against Jameis Winston ended today without the QB testifying. A decision is expected in 2-3 weeks. Or more likely the day after the Seminoles’ last playoff game.

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Several baggage handlers at JFK Airport have been charged with stealing jewelry and electronic items from checked bags over the past two years. Including Apple iPhones, laptops, and a 2 carat pair of diamond earrings. Glad they caught them, but who put iPhones, laptops and diamond earrings in their checked luggage?

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Ted Cruz wants to shut down the U.S. Government on Dec 11 over President Obama’s actions on immigration. Giving Mitch McConnell and John Boehner just a bit of a glimpse of 2015 when it’s their circus and their monkeys.

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The Chicago Blackhawks’ goalie Corey Crawford will miss at least two to three weeks because he said he fell at a concert. In related news the SF Giants have forbidden Jeremy Affeldt from going to concerts.

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So much for all those who said that video of what happened between Darren Wilson and Michael Brown would have made a difference. ‪#‎StatenIsland‬ ‪#‎EricGarner‬

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Late night thoughts on Staten Island. Look, I understand some people use any excuse for a riot and looting – including a sports win or loss. I also understand that some people on both sides like to overly politicize a single event. But does ANYONE doubt that if those cops had put a choke hold on some preppy white smart-ass asthmatic kid selling cigarettes or joints, and he had died, that the cops would have been indicted, or in jail, by now?

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A long, long, time….

March 27, 2014

Miguel Cabrera just signed a 10 year, $300 million contract with the Detroit Tigers. Wow. By current Dodgers’ standards that’s almost enough for a good utility infielder.

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The #Philadelphia #76ers , 15-57, have lost 26 straight games. The real question, how did they ever win 15?

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Some of the NCAA’s freshman basketball stars claim to be undecided about entering the NBA draft. Maybe the young men are just trying to figure out their odds of being stuck with the 76ers.

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The Milwaukee Bucks ended an eight game losing streak by beating the LA Lakers 108-105 tonight. And anyone who watched that game with the Sweet Sixteen as an alternative is probably guilty of March Madness.

 

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Will the video of the Stanford Cardinal’s lackluster performance in the #SweetSixteen be titled “Sleepwalking in Memphis?”

 

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Baltimore RB Ray Rice has been indicted for 3rd-degree aggravated assault. Maybe Rice was trying a little too hard to become a Ravens legend like Ray Lewis.

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Amazing, a sixth-grade girl in Oklahoma set a world record by selling over 18,000 box of Girl Scout cookies. What’s more amazing? She did it without living in Washington or Colorado.

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A 22 year old woman who killed her husband by pushing him over a cliff in Montana eight days after their wedding was sentenced today to 30 years in prison. Well, at least the marriage really was until “death do us part.”

 

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Start building that shelter in the backyard. Last year Stevie Nicks says there was “more chance of an asteroid hitting the earth” than Christine McVie rejoining Fleetwood Mac.

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Pat Robertson’s latest “Jesus wouldn’t bake a cake for a gay wedding.” As if they would have wanted Him to bake a cake. The happy couple surely would have preferred that water into wine bit.

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California State Sen. Leland Yee, who was arrested yesterday, today withdrew from the secretary of state race. His lawyer “This was a very personal decision on the part of the senator. This is what he wanted to do.” Uh, no, what Yee wanted to do was not to get caught.

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A taxpayer-funded report from a law firm hired by Chris Christie found that the NJ Govenor was not involved in the Bridgegate plot. Presumably the same firm will back up Bud Selig’s statement that steroid use in baseball is now virtually nonexistent.

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Despite an aide’s saying otherwise, Chris Christie says now he “does not recall” being informed about traffic jams near the George Washington Bridge last September. Guess the NJ Governor really does see himself as the next Ronald Reagan.

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An 18 year old Norwegian man had a McDonald’s receipt tattooed on his arm. And guess what, ladies, this guy is single.

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For all those who fly on commercial planes and think “It could be worse,” you are about to be proved right. Airbus is going to start making A380s with a 3-5-3 coach configuration.

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A number of employees at LAX have been arrested for allegedly stealing from passengers’ luggage. 25 (!?) police raids recovered belongings including clothes, electronics and jewelry. Scary, but really, why does anyone put JEWELRY in checked luggage?

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From T.C. ” The NFL will be penalizing the slam dunk celebration with the football over the goal post this year. So let’s say you celebrate your TD by taunting the defender covering you, dunk the football over the goal post and also call someone on the field the “N” word, your team will be kicking off from its own 1 yard line.”

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