Archive for June 2009

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A false prophet

June 9, 2009

So Jon Voight is calling Obama a false prophet.  Hey Jon, “24” ended last month.  Next up, Kiefer Sutherland calling for an overall of the FBI.

 

A court threw out a lawsuit by a San Diego woman alleging fraud because she just found out Cap’n Crunch Crunchberries weren’t a real fruit. She had previously sued after she discovered there was no real fruit in Froot Loops. Think she would have had a better chance if she sued on the premise that eating too much sugared cereal rots your brain.

 

Congrats to Stanford closer Drew Storen, chosen as the number 10 pick in the MLB draft by the Washington Nationals. Even though these days being a closer for the Nationals is kind of like being a wedding planner for Trekkies.

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Manny Ramirez  said he isn’t going to talk about what led to his suspension because “it’s in the past.”  Yeah, that line worked so well for Mark McGwire.

And in the  You-can’t-make-this-stuff-up department,  Ramirez added that he didn’t want “to be a distraction for this team.”

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The Major League Baseball draft continues Wednesday and Thursday.  MLB’s draft never receives as much attention as the NBA and NFL draft, partly because it goes on forever, and for the most part it features players most Americans have never heard of… Sort of like the Stanley Cup playoffs.

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Is anyone running Alaska?

June 8, 2009

Governor Sarah Palin is making San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom look like a homebody.

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Actually with all Sarah’s travel should we  as Americans be worried about Russia?  Because Governor Palin isn’t in her house enough these days to watch them.

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Governor Sarah Palin is travelling around the country claiming that  President Obama is  wasting taxpayer dollars with his expensive ideas. And this from a woman who went to New York and attended a Yankees game?

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Laura Bush says that her husband feels he owes some courtesy to the new President,  and thus won’t try to do or say anything to embarrass  Barack Obama. Besides,  Joe Biden is doing such a good job of it.
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As the NBA playoffs finally creep to a close, who knew that the Lakers might someday be known as the “Boys of Summer?”
 
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Rookie Marlins pitcher Sean West nearly no-hit the Giants Monday night. But really, isn’t no-hitting San Francisco’s lineup this year like winning a hot-dog eating contest with super models?
 
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The Minnesota Vikings have apparently issued an ultimatum to Brett Favre to make up his mind.  Actually Favre is great at making up his mind.  And then remaking it, and remaking it, and remaking it…
 
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Randy Johnson, 45, agreed to pitch on 3 days rest today for the San Francisco Giants against the Marlins.  Which no doubt was an act of valor designed to help the team.  And I am sure there was no chance that the fact he feels betrayed by Arizona management had nothing to do with it. 
 
 Because had the Big Unit taken his normal rest and pitched in Phoenix, it would have been a huge draw for the Diamondbacks, as no doubt thousands of fans would have bought last minute tickets and showed up to cheer their former pitcher for his first start after his 300th win.   Thousands more than would pay to see Cain,  Zito or Sanchez.     Nah, I’m sure that didn’t enter into his mind at all…

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We don’t need no stinking SATs

June 7, 2009

The University of Memphis said that their internal investigation showed no evidence of illegalities regarding their basketball players and SAT tests. They also told the NCAA they were eager to have the investigation wrapped up so their investigators could get back to their other job of helping O.J. find the real killers.

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The new Cowboys Stadium opened with a country music concert.  Let’s see, country songs are often about broken hearts,  drinking, cheating and trouble.   Yep, seems perfect for the Dallas Cowboys.

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Will Ferrell’s “Land of the Lost” had a disappointing opening at the box office.   Wonder how many people figured it was a documentary about the U.S. auto industry.

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Four buyers have emerged to try to keep the financially struggling NHL Phoenix Coyotes in Arizona.  Their first job, if they succeed, is to have more than four people buy Coyote season tickets.

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On ABC’s “This week”  Hillary Clinton indicated that she had originally not wanted to accept the Secretary of State job from President Obama.  But she changed her mind, some time after Barack told her that, unfortunately,  unlike being president there really wasn’t much of a role for a cabinet member’s spouse.

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And Hillary Clinton also said she had changed her mind about Obama’s readiness for that 3am phone call.  Even if when she calls at that time  Barack doesn’t usually know where Bill is either.

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Octomom Nayda Suleman will not divulge the name of her children’s biological father, but indicates that he would be upset that she used the sperm to have so many children.  Well, we may not know who he is, but that does eliminate Travis Henry.

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Los Angeles has been awarded the 2011 NBA All-Star game.   Apparently David Stern felt the Staples Center doesn’t get enough high-profile games and publicity. 

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Actually, the Staples Center has the most experience hosting meaningless relaxed exhibition games. The Clippers have meaningless down pat, and the Lakers treat much of the season like a relaxed exhibition.

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We’ve all changed our minds..

June 5, 2009

Brett Favre’s agent, Bus Cook, says of the currently-retired-at-this-moment quarterback  “We’ve all changed our minds, I guess.”

Isn’t this like someone saying of Bill Clinton ‘We’ve all lusted in our hearts?”

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Definition of eternity.  Joe Biden trying to compress his thoughts into a 140 character Twitter.

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The San Francisco Giants are celebrating Randy Johnson’s 300th win.  Even though out of that 300 win total, he has more wins against the Giants than with them.

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this one from Bill Littlejohn:  A doctor says that Lamar Odom‘s inconsistency in the playoffs is due to a large amount of candy consumption that leads to highs and crashes.So, when Lamar is on the court, I guess the Lakers go into a Twinkie Defense”

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Mine that Bird is being hyped as a great Canadian horse because he raced as a two year old in  Toronto despite being born in Kentucky.    Maybe it’s payback for the “American” teams – Pittsburgh and Detroit-  fighting for the Stanley Cup.  (Since most of them were born in Canada, and Europe.)

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President Obama opened his speech in Cairo with a greeting in coherent Arabic.   Much of the Muslim world was shocked.  “Tell us about it”, said all the Americans who are still getting used to our President opening a speech in coherent English.

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While Obama’s away…

June 4, 2009

Some are worried that with President Obama away in the Mideast, that Vice President Biden could get into trouble.  Not to worry,  Barack has simply given Joe an assignment to keep him busy – figure out how to Twitter.

(and if that joke makes no sense – Twitter requires that you get your thoughts down to 140 characters, maximum.)

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Lebron James has been fined $25,000 for skipping the media press conference after the Cavaliers’ loss to Orlando.    Barry Bonds was especially unhappy to hear it, he now figures for a few million a year he could have skipped all of them.

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Actually, if David Stern wants to really benefit the NBA maybe he shouldn’t fine Lebron for staying away from press conferences.  Maybe he should pay Mark Cuban to stay away from them.

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The Lakers team showed up tonight.  Unfortunately the Orlando team that showed up was more like Dopey, Sleepy and Grumpy.

Randy Johnson got his 300th win today in Washington against the Nationals.  With these historic events, over the year the people who will  claim  they were there will grow exponentially.  Why, twenty years from now over 200 people will say they were in the stadium.

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No wonder Randy felt so comfortable going for his 300th.  The crowd reminded him of his days with the Expos.

 

Randy Johnson once killed a bird by accidentally hitting him with a pitch. Awful luck. If he had only been hit by Jamie Moyer,  the bird would be telling the story to his grandchildren.

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To 300 and beyond – Randy Johnson

June 4, 2009

 Randy Johnson was planning to pitch for his 300th win Wednesday night against the Washington Nationals.  Before the game was finally postponed,  officials considered starting the game as late as 1130p.  Considering the Nationals’ league worst attendance, such a game might have been apt  – 300 wins, 300 fans.

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Johnson’s next chance for his 300th win is scheduled now for Thursday afternoon, in an unplanned  make-up game.  The expected miniscule crowd might be appropriate, after all, the Big Unit did start out with the Montreal Expos.

 

 

People paid $1000 to hear Joe Biden speak at a fundraiser.    Which in these times is quite a value –   That’s less than a penny a word.

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Alex Kaseberg’s take on the same subject….

In New York, Vice President Joe Biden gave a speech at a $1,000-a-plate fundraiser dinner. That’s nothing, people paid $10,000-a-plate to attend the “Joe Biden Will Not Speak” fundraiser dinner.

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President Obama is in the Mideast, but he left the dog behind.  Following  the precedent Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been doing with Bill.

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Variation on an old joke.

The University of Memphis said their own internal investigation and found no proof that a player, thought to be Derrick Rose, had a stand-in take the SAT for him.  Apparently the investigation went like this – “Derrick, did you take the SAT?   “Why is there one missing?”

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The University of Memphis said their own internal investigation found no proof that a player cheated on the SAT.  Were these the same investigators who last year told John McCain to say “the fundamentals of our economy are strong?”

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500 strikeouts in Washington…

June 3, 2009

 

Tim Lincecum got his 500th strikeout Tuesday night.  Which is amazing.  He’s only 24 years old.  And he hasn’t been able to pitch against the Giants lineup.

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The last time there were 500 strikeouts in Washington, it was a Star Trek convention looking for dates to the final dinner..

 

The NBA finals are finally starting on Thursday.  The League’s goal is to have them finished in time for the 2009-10 preseason.

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The Obama puppy, Bo, chomped on a reporter’s microphone.  The President apologized profusely and said the dog made a mistake; they were training him to take the mike from Biden.

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Will Ferrell’s “Land of the Lost”  is opening Friday.    But I’m just not sure how interested Californians will be in a documentary on the Republican party..
 
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In the next issue of Rolling Stone,  American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert will apparently admit he is gay.  This will come as quite a shock to both people who are just getting over the discovery that Clay Aiken is gay.

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So now Americans have been told they will have to see their tax dollars continue to subsidize an aging relic from a past generation.  But the public financing from John McCain’s campaign is almost paid off.  It’s this GM thing that is troubling.. 

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Carly Fiorina wants to be a California senator, but she has only voted in about 20 percent of elections since she registered to vote in the State in 2000. Meg Whitman wants to be governor, but has voted in less than half the elections since she registered in 2002.

Don’t they understand?  You don’t miss votes until you get elected and then you start campaigning for your next office.

 

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The Ohio State Buckeyes were eliminated in the NCAA baseball regionals with back to back losses  – 24-8 to Georgia and 37-6 to Florida State.  (No, those aren’t typos.)   Only smiles around baseball diamonds in Columbus have to be on the faces of potential walk-on pitchers.

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Michelle and Barack’s Date Night

June 1, 2009

President Obama has been criticized for taking his wife to New York City for a dinner and Broadway show.  But come on,  Barack didn’t do anything ridiculously extravgant, like taking Michelle to a Yankees game.

 

Randy Johnson will be going for his 300th win when he takes the mound against the Washington Nationals.  Which is an incredible accomplishment.  300 wins.. as of today that’s three more than the Nationals.   (True, on June 1 in their fifth year, Washington only has 297 wins.) 

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Jamie Moyer, 46, just got his 250th win.  So means he too could end up with 300 wins,  maybe if he only pitches until 50.  Which curiously enough is now the speed of his fastball.

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The Octomom has signed a contract for a reality show.    Which might be the first time Nayda Sulelman and reality have been used in the same sentence.

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The Octomom has signed a contract  for a reality show.   But isn’t Nadya Suleman hosting a reality show like George W. Bush hosting “Are you smarter than a fifth grader?”

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Some worry that President Obama’s Supreme Court pick Sonia Sotomayor is such a champion of the underdog, that she will never be able to make a decision in favor of the rich and privileged.   How can they worry?  The woman is a Yankees fan.

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Manny and the Octomom

June 1, 2009

So first there’s “Jon and Kate Plus Eight,”, then there’s the Octomom, now there’s Manny Ramirez.  Remember the good old days when the most hype we had about prescription drugs was Viagra commercials.

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Manny Ramirez is now only about a month away from returning from his suspension for being caught with the fertility drug HCG in his system.  The Dodgers are eagerly awaiting his return, and apparently Joe Torre has personally volunteered to host the baby shower.

 

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In the NCAA baseball regionals,  The University of Texas beat Boston College 3-2 in 25 innings.  Yes, 25 innings.  Fans showed up for a baseball game, and a cricket match broke out.

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When the interminable NBA playoffs are over, the teams in the finals will have played over 100 games.  And the Lakers have shown up for at least ten of them.

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Nadya Suleman will apparently star with her fourteen children in a reality television show to be aired only in Britain.  Which is shocking really, there is a reality show that even Americans find too distasteful?

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Working titles for the show?

Fourteen’s Company?

Eight is not enough?

Unmarried..with Children?

Are you smarter than a Fertility Doctor?

Whatever they call it, perhaps they could borrow a classic television song….as in starting out “She’s  creepy and she’s  kooky…”

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The show’s viewers?  Presumably those who want something less intellectually challenging than “Jon and Kate plus eight.”

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President Obama and Michelle went on a “date night” up to New York.  Former President Bush said it sounded like a nice idea, and former President Clinton said “you can date your wife?”

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Some fans worry that since the Cleveland Cavaliers disappointedly lost in the NBA semi-finals, that Lebron James will want out of town.   Well, the Cavs could always trade him to the Clippers, where at least he won’t have to worry about playoff losses.

 

from Bill Littlejohn

Close to 200 prisoners will cycle around France next month in their own Tour de France.  .For the REAL Tour de France participants–finally someone to set a good example”

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