Posted tagged ‘GM jokes’

500 strikeouts in Washington…

June 3, 2009

 

Tim Lincecum got his 500th strikeout Tuesday night.  Which is amazing.  He’s only 24 years old.  And he hasn’t been able to pitch against the Giants lineup.

The last time there were 500 strikeouts in Washington, it was a Star Trek convention looking for dates to the final dinner..

 

The NBA finals are finally starting on Thursday.  The League’s goal is to have them finished in time for the 2009-10 preseason.

The Obama puppy, Bo, chomped on a reporter’s microphone.  The President apologized profusely and said the dog made a mistake; they were training him to take the mike from Biden.

Will Ferrell’s “Land of the Lost”  is opening Friday.    But I’m just not sure how interested Californians will be in a documentary on the Republican party..
 

In the next issue of Rolling Stone,  American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert will apparently admit he is gay.  This will come as quite a shock to both people who are just getting over the discovery that Clay Aiken is gay.

So now Americans have been told they will have to see their tax dollars continue to subsidize an aging relic from a past generation.  But the public financing from John McCain’s campaign is almost paid off.  It’s this GM thing that is troubling.. 

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Carly Fiorina wants to be a California senator, but she has only voted in about 20 percent of elections since she registered to vote in the State in 2000. Meg Whitman wants to be governor, but has voted in less than half the elections since she registered in 2002.

Don’t they understand?  You don’t miss votes until you get elected and then you start campaigning for your next office.

 

The Ohio State Buckeyes were eliminated in the NCAA baseball regionals with back to back losses  – 24-8 to Georgia and 37-6 to Florida State.  (No, those aren’t typos.)   Only smiles around baseball diamonds in Columbus have to be on the faces of potential walk-on pitchers.

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Natural talent…

May 16, 2009

A resolution presented to the Vista, California school board to declare June 1 Carrie Prejean day failed this week.

The resolution stated  that Prejean is an example “of what great things can be accomplished with natural talent, hard work and dedication.” Considering that pageant-paid “boob job,  honoring Prejean for her  natural talent is like honoring Joe Biden for his natural hair.

Wonder who drafted that resolution, maybe the same guy who drafted the Dodgers’ resolution to honor Manny for HIS natural talent.

Whoever said numbers don’t lie apparently wasn’t a fan of beauty pageants or baseball.

GM said they will close over 1000 dealerships.  Which means that next year those dealerships will sell about as many cars as they are selling now.

While it’s anyone’s guess who will be the next Governor of California, it’s pretty sure who won’t be getting the endorsement from Northern California’s largest newspaper.

San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom apparently said to a reporter from The Economist  if the SF Chronicle were to fold, “people under 30 wouldn’t even notice.”  Although my money’s on the Chronicle to survive longer than Gavin’s gubernatorial bid.

Michael Phelps’ mom Debbie  is apparently unhappy about “those cheap girls” – cocktail waitresses, strippers, etc, that her son is dating.

But hey, now that he’s already the new Mark Spitz, maybe Michael has set his sights on being the next Bill Clinton.

This just in…

March 12, 2009

GM says they will not need $2 billion from the government in March. They may, however, need $20 billion in April.

The new UFL – United Football League – plans to work as a feeder league for tne NFL, by providing a place to play for players who just miss making pro rosters. Then the UFL season will end before Thanksgiving, allowing NFL teams to pick up the best players for the stretch run and the playoffs.

In other words, the same model the Yankees use for the rest of major league baseball.

The new UFL will be composed of players who aren’t quite good enough for the NFL. Don’t we already have that? I think they are called the Detroit Lions.


The UFL says their season will be over by Thanksgiving. Raiders fans said “And your point is?”

John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston have ended their on-again, off-again relationship. Again. Even Brett Favre says, “Folks, make up your minds.”