Posted tagged ‘Mitt jokes’

Going to not-so-great lengths

March 3, 2016

Peyton Manning, in a speech last night at the Florida Forum “Many of you have probably heard that I have a significant announcement to make, so I thought I’d go ahead and make it with all of you here tonight. Papa John’s is offering 50 percent off tonight through Friday.”
Someday Manning may have the only funeral where they hand out pizza coupons.

South Africa’s highest court has dismissed Oscar Pistorius’s appeal against his murder conviction, so he could be facing a minimum 15-year jail sentence. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.

 

Anyone who thought the GOP campaign couldn’t go any lower? I think this CNN headline might mean we just hit bottom.”Donald Trump defends size of his penis.”

John Kasich isn’t someone I would vote for, but I still think he’s a capable human being.  Watching him on the margins of the GOP debate recalls an anecdote about Adlai Stevenson in the 1956 presidential campaign:   A woman called out “Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!” Stevenson called back “That’s not enough, madam, we need a majority!”

So if the GOP is really serious about stopping Trump, it should be noted that in Alaska the Donald got Sarah Palin’s endorsement. And the winner was Ted Cruz. ‪#‎coincidence‬?

Now Mitt Romney apparently is focused mostly on keeping Trump from having 1,237 delegates, the number he needs to secure the nomination, so that the GOP can block the Donald at the convention.
Well, this ought to do wonders for convincing potential Trump voters that the establishment isn’t rigged against them..

Mitt Romney just attacked Donald Trump for dishonesty and pointed to Trump’s “greed,” “showing off”, and “misogyny,” Hey wait, aren’t those real GOP values?

Mitt Romney called Donald Trump a “phony” and a “fraud” who would hand the election to the Dems in November. So which Mitt was talking? The moderate governor of Mass., or the “severe conservative” who ran in 2012?

An Australian writer, Helen Garner, got what she thought was a spam email with “good news” and saying somewhat at Yale needed her phone number. It turned out to be real; she had won a $150,000 writing prize.
And a whole lot of spammers just got a new idea.

Scott Kelly grew two inches while he was in space. And wonder how many men are telling women, “Well, I used to be an astronaut.”

Jim Harbaugh and Tennessee coach Butch Jones are now in a Twitter battle, where Jones went after Michigan for practicing in Florida, and Harbaugh told him to “focus on his own program.”
So how can we get a game between the Wolverines and Volunteers? ‪#‎ratings‬ ‪#‎whatsyourdeal‬?

LeBron James is getting some criticism for working out with Dwayne Wade during a couple off-days, especially as the Heat also are probably a playoff team. But really, who expects Miami to be around long enough in the postseason for it to matter?

Jeb Bush is trying to make a difference and redeem his status within the GOP. So if he’s really serious can Jeb endorse Trump?

 

Has someone told the ‪#‎Thunder‬ that hockey has three periods, basketball has four quarters? ‪#‎Warriors‬ ‪#‎NBA‬

Banana Republic and other states.

January 28, 2012

A Mitt Romney Florida television ad talks about Reagan and Gingrich. “Newt Gingrich uses Ronald Reagan’s name 50 times. Ronald Reagan mentioned Newt Gingrich once.” Not quite sure the point but is it just possible Reagan didn’t remember Gingrich’s name? Or anybody else’s?

Herman Cain today said he endorsed Newt Gingrich: “he is not afraid of bold ideas and I also know that Speaker Gingrich is running for president and going through this sausage grinder. I know what this sausage grinder is all about.” Uh, was Cain endorsing a candidate or promoting pizza?

Newt Gingrich vowed Saturday to stay in the race for the GOP presidential nomination until the Republican National Convention this summer no matter what happens in Florida on Tuesday.

Wonder how much of his statement might have been prompted by a large donation from the Committee to Re-Elect President Obama.

Alec Baldwin told CNN’s Piers Morgan, “I do want to run for office one day.” Okay, count me in for those who might actually pay to watch Baldwin vs. Newt Gingrich.

Apparently sales of Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together” have gone up 490 percent since President Obama sang a line from the song at a fundraiser. Hmm. Maybe Obama should sing part of a new song every appearance for an economic stimulus for the music industry.

49ers rookie star Aldon Smith was arrested for DUI and booked into a Miami Beach jail at 932am. (Yes, 932am!) At 100am he had tweeted “Does anybody sleep #Miami?” Shame someone didn’t answer “maybe you should be.”

(My friend Daniel responded “Followed by tweet. “Kyle Williams was my designated driver, but he dropped his keys” #guessI’lldrive #somethingsneverchange #easytarget.”

After the Orlando Magic blew a 27 point lead Thursday against the Celtics and lost 91-83, some die-hard fans said “It could be worse.” Friday night the Magic lost to the 3-15 New Orleans Hornets 93-67. Yeah, it just got worse.


Meanwhile, the woeful Washington Wizards won their first road game of the season tonight against the Charlotte Bobcats. Thereby postponing at least briefly their team name change to the Washington Generals.

Apparently Jerry Sandusky is asking a judge to modify the terms of his bail so he can see his grandchildren. I believe the appropriate action is “Just Say No.”