Posted tagged ‘Lakers jokes’

« Left Coast Sports Babe home page
Newer Entries »

Tweets and twitts.

May 3, 2011

Osama bin Laden’s last tweet? “Winning.”

What was more unlikely? The U.S finally getting Bin Laden? Or Kobe missing an open potential game-winning three-point shot?

–

There was almost a “24” quality about this military action that killed Bin Laden. In fact, rumor has it that a line cut from Obama’s speech was “The mission took place between 1:00am and 2:00am.”

–

A little perspective for a change. Just for one day at least, people in Cleveland have remembered there was a man they hated more than Lebron James.

–

What a week. The stock market hits a three year high, Hawaii releases a long-form birth certificate, and the U.S. gets Bin Laden. Fox News is considering dedicating this week to a 24/7 recap of the Royal Wedding.

–

Since he had already authorized the attack on Bin Laden, how did the President deliver this joke Saturday night with a straight face?

Talking about an episode of Celebrity Apprentice, Obama said to Donald Trump – “You didn’t blame Lil’ Jon or Meatloaf. You fired Gary Busey. And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled sir. Well handled.”

–

Apparently the attack on bin Laden’s compound was originally scheduled for Saturday, but delayed due to bad weather. So not only did President Obama show off his comic timing at the White House Correspondent’s dinner, Barack also showed he would be great on “I’ve Got a Secret.”

–

It’s after midnight in Washington,  D.C.  And both Generalissimo Francisco Franco and Osama bin Laden are still dead.

–

The rumors that Sacramento would lose their NBA team turned out to be greatly exaggerated. Who’d a thunk the Kings would last longer than Osama bin Laden?

–

from Marc Ragovin:  Did you hear how loudly the Phildadelphia fans cheered word of Bin Laden’s death? For a minute there they must have thought he was Santa Claus.

–

Ohio State already has several players and coach Jim Tressel, suspended for five games over the selling memorabilia scandal. Now the school has announced that linebacker Dorian Bell has been suspended for the entire 2011 season for a violation of team rules. This came as a shock to Buckeyes fans – OSU has team rules?

–

To be fair, Donald Trump did make a gracious statement today – “I want to personally congratulate President Obama and the men and women of the Armed Forces for a job well done. We should spend the next several days not debating party politics, but in remembrance of those who lost their lives on 9/11 and those currently fighting for our freedom.”

Possible translation “I can’t figure out how to take credit for this one.”

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Sunday Night Yankees Baseball?

April 18, 2011

As we watch the New York Yankees on the game of the week AGAIN, baseball fans can be glad for one thing. Major League Baseball doesn’t have a BCS. Otherwise it would be Red-Sox Yankees in EVERY ALCS. (And if they could tweak the rules enough, in the World Series too.)

–

Meanwhile, over for the fans over in Queens, the Mets ended a seven game losing streak with a 3-2 win over the Atlanta Braves.   Not that their fans are completely mollified, but a win a week puts them on par with expectations for the New York Giants and Jets.

–

Meanwhile,  the Grizzlies and the Hornets knocked off the San Antonio Spurs and the Los Angeles Lakers.  Or as the networks are trying to spin it  “A funny thing happened on the way to the NBA Western Conference Finals.”

–

And re that final in Los Angeles –  Hornets 109 – Lakers 100:   Should someone tell Kobe and company the regular season is over and they can start playing now?

–

According to Glenn Beck, the GOP, his own party, now wants to “politically assassinate” him, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. Actually, no. All three are all doing a fine job of doing that themselves every time they open their mouths.

–

Okay, who had this headline two weeks into the season? “Indians win, knock Royals out of first.”

–

Some of the worst storms in decades have killed dozens of people and wreaked incredible damage in Oklahoma, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia and North Carolina. As awful as things have been, however, somehow no conservative commentators have suggested it was God’s revenge on anyone’s actions in these Red States.

–

Now, I’m not voting for Mitt for president in this lifetime, but really? Donald Trump today criticized Mitt Romney’s business skills, saying “I’m a much bigger business man and have a much, much bigger net worth.” This from a man with as many bankruptcies as wives.

–

And meanwhile, back in New York.  Okay, it was close. But it’s hard to view the team who made an orchestrated trade for Carmelo Anthony as hard luck losers.

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

It’s over….

June 18, 2010

But how bad did the Lakers and Celtics look on offense in the NBA championship game Thursday? Soccer fans who tuned in because there was no competing World Cup match said “How do you Americans watch this game? So much running around and no scoring.”

Heck, Phil (75) and Tiger (74) at Pebble almost outscored the Celtics.

–
In Los Angeles, there was some rioting in the streets after the game seven victory. Fans were hoping, however, that the police would give them a break. After all, the Lakers haven’t won a championship in 12 whole months.

–

And now that the NBA finals are over, you know what that means? It’s almost time to be thinking about next year’s preseason.

–

The Kansas City Royals with their refurbished stadium were awarded the 2012 Major League Baseball All-Star Game. Well, this is one reason actually to like the fact that the game determines home field advantage in the World Series. It will give Royals fans their first glimpse in in decades of a meaningful game in July.

–

Gonzalo Higuain scored a hat trick in Argentina’s 4-1 win over South Korea. 3 goals in one game? That’s amazing by most team standards. Heck, by both teams combined standards.

–
Mexico 2 – France 0 – Theme song of the day “When Irish Eyes are Smiling.”

–
Congrats to the Greeks for their first World Cup win. Actually, so nice to hear the word “Greece” on the radio and have it have nothing to do with the stuff covering Gulf coast beaches

–
Will $20 billion be enough to clean up the Gulf? At this point Meg Whitman is just hoping it might be enough to buy the California governorship.

–

Tony Hayward’s number one defense in from of Congress Thursday seemed to be that as BP’s CEO he was “out of the loop” and knew nothing of any problems. Well, that might help explain why former HP CEO and current California Senate candidate Carly Fiorina is defending the oil industry.

–
–
In the “if you care about this you probably really need a life department,” there are now rumors that Kate Gosselin has had breast implants. For many viewers, the first clue was the show’ s new title “Kate plus 2”

–
Unfortunate headlnes paired up tonight:

USA executes man by firing squad.

and

Congress takes shots at BP CEO Tony Hayward.

–

Illinois Senate candidate Mark Kirk, already under fire for “embellishing” his military record, may also have been less than truthful about his teaching experience. Actually, sounds to me like he might be practicing for the Senate.
–

Utah officially accepted an invitation to be the 12th team in the Pac 10. Guess the Oakland Raiders turned the offer down too?

One from Bill Littlejohn that I wish I had written…on the subject of the Pac 10, 11, 16, 12, whatever..and on coming up with some way to assimilate Utah(?!) into the Conference “Solution: change their name to the University of California at Salt Lake City.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: 4 Comments

Special delivery?

March 10, 2010

A 32 year old Kentucky woman , who says she didn’t know she was pregnant, successfully delivered her own baby in her laundry room today. Then the new mom even picked her other son up from school before she went with the baby to the hospital.

No, we don’t need sex education in school. Why?

–

With “the Hurt Locker,” Kathryn Bigelow became the first woman director to win an Academy Award. This might also be the first time, in speaking of the Iraq War, that we can really talk about a mission accomplished.

–

The Los Angeles Lakers beat the Toronto Raptors 109-107 to end a week that featured a three game losing streak. Thereby relieving all their fans who forgot that for the Lakers, the regular season is the equivalent of spring training.

–
But how spoiled are Laker fans? Had the losing streak continued a few more games, Kobe Bryant was thinking he would have to buy them all jewelry.

–

A Canadian reporter decided to follow up on the thrilling gold medal hockey game by calling random Americans and asking if they were now watching more NHL games. About 10 percent said “yes”, 10 percent said “no,” and 80 percent said “What’s the NHL?”

–
The Washington Wizards, 21-38, are having such a hard time attracting fans that they have joined with Dunkin Donuts shops in the DC area for an amazing new promotion: Buy five cups of coffee and you get two free Wizards tickets. Even better, when you buy that much coffee, you’ll be peeing enough that you won’t have to see most of the game.
–

Starbucks has decided not to get involved in the “Open Carry” debate, and thus will not ban customers lawfully bringing guns into their stores. In the meantime, the chain has introducted a new larger sized 31 ounce coffee called the “Trenta. Weapons and triple expressos? What could possibly go wrong?

Many Californians still find it unbelievable that Ray Ashburn not only voted against gay rights but is still defending those votes, even after admitting he is a gay man. But on the other hand, I believe Phyllis Schlafly has admitted she is a woman.

–
Another thought on Ray Ashburn being a gay man and voting against gay rights? Maybe he was following the lead of Robert Ensign and Mark Sanford who both supported DOMA? (Defense of Marriage Act)
–
Recent polls show a surprising number of New Yorkers want embattled governor David Paterson not to resign but to finish his term. Of course, most of those supporters are aspiring comedy writers.

–

Vladimir Guerrero, playing now for the Texas Rangers when the Angels declined to re-sign him, says he feels he is still a productive player. And I believe him. Because if Vlad was on an unstoppable downhill slide he would have finally been signed by the SF Giants.

–
Great Benjamin Franklin quote found by my friend Ray Di Fazio. “We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” Which means that the hardest working woman in America is probably Sarah Palin.”

Elinor Burker, who interrupted her fellow director’s Oscar acceptance speech Sunday night now, says SHE was the one who was wronged because he should have let her do all the talking.

Even Kanye West says she is over the top.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

We don’t need no stinking SATs

June 7, 2009

The University of Memphis said that their internal investigation showed no evidence of illegalities regarding their basketball players and SAT tests. They also told the NCAA they were eager to have the investigation wrapped up so their investigators could get back to their other job of helping O.J. find the real killers.

–

The new Cowboys Stadium opened with a country music concert.  Let’s see, country songs are often about broken hearts,  drinking, cheating and trouble.   Yep, seems perfect for the Dallas Cowboys.

–

Will Ferrell’s “Land of the Lost” had a disappointing opening at the box office.   Wonder how many people figured it was a documentary about the U.S. auto industry.

–

Four buyers have emerged to try to keep the financially struggling NHL Phoenix Coyotes in Arizona.  Their first job, if they succeed, is to have more than four people buy Coyote season tickets.

–

On ABC’s “This week”  Hillary Clinton indicated that she had originally not wanted to accept the Secretary of State job from President Obama.  But she changed her mind, some time after Barack told her that, unfortunately,  unlike being president there really wasn’t much of a role for a cabinet member’s spouse.

–

And Hillary Clinton also said she had changed her mind about Obama’s readiness for that 3am phone call.  Even if when she calls at that time  Barack doesn’t usually know where Bill is either.

–

Octomom Nayda Suleman will not divulge the name of her children’s biological father, but indicates that he would be upset that she used the sperm to have so many children.  Well, we may not know who he is, but that does eliminate Travis Henry.

–

Los Angeles has been awarded the 2011 NBA All-Star game.   Apparently David Stern felt the Staples Center doesn’t get enough high-profile games and publicity. 

–

Actually, the Staples Center has the most experience hosting meaningless relaxed exhibition games. The Clippers have meaningless down pat, and the Lakers treat much of the season like a relaxed exhibition.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Curlin and Rachel Alexandra

May 18, 2009

Horse racing’s newest star filly, Rachel Alexandra, will apparently be bred to Curlin, a former superstar in his own right.   Which will make them the most famous parents in the thoroughbred world.

Wonder if Curlin and Rachel will then adopt zebra foals from Africa?

–

Or

Wonder if before they mate, if the filly will have to convert to Scientology?

–

Arnold Schwarzenegger received an honorary degree at USC, although he never attended classes there.    Does this make him an honorary football player?

–

Arnold Schwarzenegger received a honorary degree from USC.  The Trojans hope this increases the odds of a gubernatorial pardon for their basketball program.

–

President Obama spoke at Notre Dame commencement Sunday and faced several hundred protesters who were upset at his pro-choice stance.  The protesters said it was nothing personal but they would protest any speaker on campus who was not anti-abortion.   Unless he could lead them to a New Year’s Day Bowl game.

–

The NBA playoffs seem to go on forever, especially when series like Orlando-Boston and Houston-Los Angeles last seven games.  Though as the Lakers point out, in a seven game series, you only have to show up for four.

–

Okay, a political thought here… but.

Apparently Republicans are already gathering ammunition and preparing their arguments against President Obama’s Supreme Court pick, even though Obama hasn’t actually announced his choice yet.

Not that this might affect his decision, but in the spirit of this so-called bipartisanship, have Republicans thought of actually suggesting a few names of candidates they actually think ARE qualified?

–

Nancy Pelosi claims now that she did not know the CIA was engaging in waterboarding or other forms of forture.  Although in hindsight maybe she should have been suspicious when the CIA liasion who briefed her was Jack Bauer.

–

Though I admit it, I am a fan of 24.  And usually end up supporting what Jack and his new cohort Renee do to get answers on the show.  But let’s be real… expecting torture to work because it works on 24, is like writing an analysis of marriage based on Desperate Housewives.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Newer Entries »