Posted tagged ‘trump joke’

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First in war, first in peace….

April 3, 2017

Nationals are undefeated when Trump avoids the stadium. Coincidence?

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So it was a rough ending to game one for Giants fans. But this morning’s MLB leaderboard still is one for the ages.

leaderboard

 

By Aug MLB players will be dinged up & desperate for a break. ESPN does Opening Day for six teams then gives them off day. Prioritie$

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And of course Santiago Casilla gets the save for Oakland As tonight. Baseball is a funny game. Though SFGiants fans aren’t really laughing

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Good news for Atlanta baseball fans, #Braves have a new stadium. Bad news, Braves have the same old players.

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Trump’s obsession with Hillary is as if Cubs this spring were ranting about Indians supposedly stealing signs.

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If @MLB was like the @EnglishPremier league the Padres would have been relegated to AAA a long time ago.

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Refs tonight clearly spent as much time in officiating school as some former North Carolina players spent in class. #NationalChampionship

 

If fans really wanted to watch an hour of free throws they’d tune into last five minutes of an @NBA game.

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The Wizards are upset that the Warriors, leading 137-115, tried to shoot a three with the clock running out. Now, was it great sportsmanship by Golden State, no, but Washington really should be more upset that they had gotten down 22 points.

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Trump mantra for the first 100 days “If at first you don’t succeed, make something else up.”

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Trump was golfing again today. But maybe we shouldn’t complain. Golfing is probably one of least dangerous things he does.

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Just imagine if President Obama had constantly touted MSNBC as being more knowledgeable than FBI & US intelligence agencies.

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The FAA has cleared Harrison Ford, 74, after he mistakenly landed a small plane on a taxiway at Orange County Airport, barely missing an American AIrlines 737, and he will be allowed to keep his pilot’s certificate.
So having flown the Millennium Falcon means never having to say “I’m sorry, take my keys?

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Trump calls for $1.6 billion cuts to Interior Dept but donates $74k of salary to National Park Service. Next will he donate $100 to PBS?

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Trump playbook. Make up a story, spread it around, then complain the media isn’t covering it. Lather rinse repeat. #wiretapping #SusanRice

 

Might be faster & simpler at this point to list the attractive women at Fox  News Bill O’Reilly hasn’t (allegedly) harassed.

Categories: March madness jokes, Uncategorized
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Comments: 2 Comments

Comes a time?

October 18, 2016

Cubs looking tonight like this may not be their century either.

 

At Dodger Stadium tonight Cubs fans were chanting “We don’t quit.” I think they meant to replace the “Qu” with an “H.”

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#Cubs hitters looked so lost wonder if to get in sync they’ll offer to pay #SFGiants bullpen to fly in & pitch batting practice?

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Way to grow the Major League Baseball. The ALCS with Cleveland vs. Toronto is on during the day when many are at work.  And the NLCS with the Cubs vs LA is on FS1, a channel many people, and most hotels, don’t get.

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Saddest thing about #NLDS is that 1 inning from #SF bullpen might have kept us from a great #Dodgers #Giants series for pennant. @MLB

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About time to put pictures of the #Cubs‘ bats on milk cartons. #NLCS

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If Donald Trump was a baseball coach he’d have been thrown out of the game by now.

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How statesmanlike of him: John McCain “”I promise you that we will be united against any Supreme Court nominee that Hillary Clinton, if she were president, would put up.”

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Scary Trump tweet of the morning. “41% of American voters believe the election could be “stolen” from DonaldTrump due to widespread voter fraud. – Politico”
What’s scariest is that Trump’s antics have convinced enough people that the tweet is accurate.

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So Donald Trump is bringing President Obama’s half-brother Malik to tomorrow’s debate. Malik, 58, while still a U.S.citizen, is a Muslim who lives mostly in Kenya, has been accused of domestic violence, and has at least 3 current wives, the last who he married in 2011 when she was a teenager. Just the kind of man the Donald thinks we need more of in this country….

 

Bill Clinton’s accusers, Barack Obama’s half-brother…. who’s next for @realDonaldTrump to bring to debates. Anyone seen Tipper Gore lately?

 

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Curt Schilling, upset at comparisons to his bloody sock game “Please don’t tweet at me about Bauer.He cost himself a start, likely more, AND his teammates, and fans, dicking around with a drone. #stupid”

Of course there’s no comparison. Nor is there any comparison to costing the state of Rhode Island $50 million by “dicking around” with a video game company. #38Studios #stupid

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For all those comedy writers worried about going through withdrawal for material after November 8; Curt Schilling announced today on Twitter he is going to run for the Senate in 2018 against Elizabeth Warren. #passthepopcorn

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If #CurtSchilling runs for Senate in Massachusetts, how long until #ElizabethWarren  tells him to put a bloody sock in it?

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Now Wikileaks’ Julian Assange is claiming that John Kerry cut off his internet at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London. And Kerry is thinking, if we had that power don’t you think we would have done it a long time ago?

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Actually it turns out Ecuador temporarily restricted Julian Assange’s internet access at their embassy. Might have been easier just to switch him to Windows 2000

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So tired of “urgent” fundraising emails  ” Like this one “don’t abandon Hillary, please when she needs us most” (before the last debate.)
Right about now what Hillary really needs is for Donald just to keep talking.

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Marc Ragovin “Melania says Donald should be excused for his crass remarks about women because he was egged on by Billy Bush. Hey, if you can get outwitted by Billy Bush, you iz too dumb to be president.”

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
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Comments: 9 Comments

Golden medal rule?

August 24, 2016

Hope Solo got a six-month suspension for being bitchy & calling opponents “cowards.” Bad behavior, she clearly should have hit or broken something

 

So what was the bigger sin for #HopeSolo after #USWNT didn’t medal in #Rio2016 ? Being a sore loser? Or being a loser?

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Headline that the U.S. women’s gymnastics team got to meet the cast of “Hamilton.” But the tougher question – did they get tickets?

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The San Diego Chargers say they have pulled their “best offer” to DE Joey Bosa, their 1st-round draft pick and #3 overall. Bosa will likely now be sitting out indefinitely
This is surprising, usually it takes at least a few games for the Chargers to start messing up their season.

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Wednesday was Kobe Bryant Day. Seems somehow wrong to say “Pass it on.”

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Reports are that #RyanLochte may go on #DWTS. Will they rename the show #DancingWithTheTruth?

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In all the lessons of #Lochtegate, there is one simple one “Do not lie to your mother.” #Rio2016

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Swimmer Jimmy Feigen, one of those involved in #Lochtegate, has issued a long apology and explanation which he posted on his lawyer’s website, ending with “I am so sorry for the drama this has caused in everyone’s lives. I am very thankful to be home in the United States with my family and that this ordeal has come to an end.”
We’ll never know exactly what happened, and my guess is there was some blame to go around on this one, but again, if you can’t say “I’m sorry” in a single sentence, it doesn’t seem like much of an apology.

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#SFGiants are depressing lately, at least this year’s #SF49ers will only suffer embarassing losses once a week.

 

If #SFGiants decided to take a post-game cruise no need for lifejackets tonight. Even if they fell out of boat no chance of hitting water.

 

 

#MLB commissioner Manfred has lots of ideas to speed up baseball season. #SFGiants would be okay in future with skipping All-Star breaks.

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Another 1-0 loss.  Not buying “one mistake” excuse. Cueto hung a pitch, Dodgers pitchers hung several. #Turner hit the mistake. #SFGiants missed all of them.

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Rush Limbaugh’s latest Obama attack is over the USDA’s “Rural Pride” program. which wants to have a ‘day of conversation about the struggles of gay and transgender individuals in rural America”:
“What they’re trying to do is convince lesbians to become farmers. They are trying to bust up one of the last geographically conservative regions in the country.”
Well, with Trump these days, guess Limbaugh really has to up his game to get attention.

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#RushLimbaugh ranting about #lesbianfarmers. And across America, sheep are thinking “Actually can we have more of those?” #bameansno

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Jennifer Lopez, 47, and Casper Smart, 29,, have apparently broken up after five years together. Too much to hope she left him for a younger man?

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#EricTrump said it would be “foolish” for his father Donald to release his tax returns. And Eric’s probably right.

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Donald Trump said Monday on Fox that he had met with a “top” Chicago PD officer to discuss how “tough police tactics” could help with violence in the city. After a rebuttal from the police department Trump admitted he had just talked to a regular officer.
I’m sure this is somehow Hillary’s fault.

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So one of Hillary Clinton’s weaknesses is an occasional defensiveness that opens her up to charges of Nixonian paranoia.
But okay, really, given Trump as an alternative, Nixon himself would be looking pretty good.

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Donald Trump ranted today about the Hollywood celebrities supporting Hillary Clinton “in many cases celebrities who aren’t very hot anymore.” As opposed to Kirstie Alley and Scott Baio?

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Donald Trump slammed the President for interfering in British politics when Obama urged Brits to vote “stay”. Then today he brought Brexit leader Nigel Farage to a rally to say “If I was an American citizen I wouldn’t vote for Hillary Clinton if you paid me.”
Apparently consistency is another commie-pinko concept.

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From T.C.  “Nike has announced it will be exiting the golf club business. Elin Nordegren has ordered some extra 9 irons before they cease production.”

Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, Uncategorized
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