Posted tagged ‘Rielle Hunter jokes’

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“I’ll have what she’s having.”

June 27, 2012

If there’s a heaven, it  is no doubt a funnier place tonight.  And wonder who will be to say that to Nora Ephron. –

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One of my  favorite Ephron quotes: ““Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.”

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On November 16, 2008, the President-elect appeared on CBS’ 60 Minutes and called for a college football playoff. So once again, tonight we blame Obama. –

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Following Obama’s “thank you” to Boston for trading Kevin Youlikis to the White Sox, Mitt Romney’s campaign accused the President of choosing to “mock” Red Sox fans “when the team is struggling.” But Boston is now over .500 and has won 7 of 10. Sounds like Mitt is as in touch with baseball as he is with the rest of the country.

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Train wreck update: Rielle Hunter has announced that “as of the end of last week, John Edwards and I are no longer a couple,” saying “media scrutiny” had worn them down. Gosh, wonder if a tour for a “tell-all” book had anything to do with that?

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Even Kim Kardashian is starting to think that Rielle Hunter is a media whore.

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Egypt’s new president Mohamed Morsi apparently will appoint a woman as vice president. And yet another country jumps ahead of the U.S.

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Tumi, the high-end luggage, briefcase, handbag manufacture, is now advertising a $495 carrier for your small pet. And we wonder why other countries hate us?

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The San Diego Padres (27-47)), beat the Houston Astros (30-43), 8 to 7 Monday night in 10 innings. Wonder how many of the announced crowd of 14,483 (includes season tickets sold) were left at game’s end?

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Jamie Moyer is heading to Toronto. Good for him but what a waste with the timing – Moyer gets into the Canadian healthcare system just when he would have been eligible for Medicare.

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Will this make Moyer the first  Toronto “Gray Jay?”

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The real reason Jamie Moyer signed with the Toronto Blue Jays? He always wanted to play with that “nice young man,” Omar Vizquel.

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My friend Ben Burnett’s comment “Toronto signed 49-year-old left-hander Jamie Moyer to a minor league contract, according to a report on the team’s website late Monday……his fastball sounds great if you convert to metric.”

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Mitt Romney has a t-shirt design contest for supporters. Presumably the winning entry will have different and opposing slogans on each side?

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The NBA fined Amare Stoudemire $50,000 after he tweeted a response to a fan using an expletive and a gay slur. Smartphones really should come with a warning: “Caution, engage brain before putting fingers in gear.”

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Guilty, guilty, guilty.

June 23, 2012

Jerry Sandusky will probably be assigned to the geriatric unit of a minimum security prison. We can only hope it’s not solitary confinement.

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Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer told reporters today he would be shocked and “die of a heart attack” if the ex-coach were acquitted on all counts. Heck, after hearing the testimony, he’s probably shocked Sandusky even got bail.

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You can’t make this stuff up, Friday edition: A 46 yr. old mom was sentenced to probation, parenting classes and banned from Nordstrom’s for leaving her 11 wk old twins in the car while she returned purchases. The part you can’t make up, her job is program director at the Bay Area Surrogacy Program, providing professional advice to new parents.

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Well, at least the Jerry Sandusky verdict got Lebron and the Heat off the sports front page.

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And for that matter,  “poor” Rielle Hunter.   The Sandusky verdict Friday night made it a bad weekend for to be a media whore on a book tour.

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Rielle Hunter is saying she has no regrets about her affair with John Edwards. Duh. The woman is so publicity and money hungry, she’s been made an honorary Kardashian.

 

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Charlie Sheen, who is returning to television in FX’s new “Anger Management,” says It’s “I’m done playing a drunken, womanizing, immature character. This time I’m playing an adult.” But enough about his life, what’s the show about?

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Mary Cheney married her longtime partner Heather Poe today. Fox News is trying to figure out how to blame this on Obama.

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The Heat partied until 6am at the Fountainebleau Hotel after their championship win last night. No wonder Miami was so set on winning at home. Only place open until 600a in Oklahoma City probably is an IHOP.

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Some are saying that this year’s NBA finals mark the beginning of a long rivalry between the Oklahoma City Thunder and the Miami Heat. Meanwhile in Seattle and Cleveland they’re joining together for the NBA version of the “First Wives Club.”

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Winners and losers and ties, oh my.

June 15, 2012

A second contestant has come forward to alleged that the Miss USA 2012 title was fixed. Really? What do pageant officials think they’re doing…running a boxing match?

 

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So now that the Heat won Thursday and the NBA finals are tied 1-1, basketball fans are excitedly waiting for game three on…. Sunday? And they say baseball is a slow game.

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What’s  David’s Stern’s goal here by extending the  NBA season later and later?   Getting the playoffs to the point that a team’s first round draft pick has a chance to play in the same year’s playoffs?

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Former Utah Jazz coach Jerry Sloan withdrew his name for Charlotte’s head coaching job, saying “They were wonderful and there were no problems. I just took myself out.” If Sloan really thinks that about the Bobcats, he’s probably not smart enough for the job.

(added Vancouver comic Torbin Rolfsen,  ” He would have faced some tough interview questions, for example: “Are you the man who can lead us to double-digit wins?”) –

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Mitt Romney will make his first non-Fox Sunday talk show appearance this weekend on CBS’s “Face the Nation.” In honor of Mitt’s frequent flexibility on issues, will they temporarily re-title the show “Two Face the Nation?”

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So Tiger Woods shot a -1 during the first round of the U.S. Open. Anyone hear ESPN talk about who’s actually LEADING the Open? Yeah, me neither.

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Matt Cain threw a perfect game against the Astros on a Wednesday night. If the Giants had still been at Candlestick at least 3,000 people would have seen it. –

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A bit inside baseball, but Tuesday night,  the Giants’ Madison Bumgarner hit his first home run of the year.  On Wednesday,  besides his perfect game,  Matt Cain did get a base hit.     From reader Tom Dodd ” I can imagine Bumgarner talking to Matt after the game: “A single? That’s the best you can do?”

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NY Mets manager after R.A. Dickey’s disputed one-hit game earlier Tuesday night: “If anybody deserves a no hitter or a perfect game tonight it was him.” Uh, as it turned out, not exactly.

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Aubrey Huff may have to go on the DL after injuring his knee, when he tried to jump over the dugout railing to join the celebration of Matt Cain’s perfect game. Thereby answering a question for SF Giants fans – “Can a perfect night get any better?”

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Rielle Hunter is starting her book tour next week for “What Really Happened: John Edwards, Our Daughter, and Me.” Was the timing planned around the Sandusky trial to assure she and John won’t be the most hated persons in America?

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Friday ramblings…

April 30, 2010

Former President Clinton said that Chelsea asked him to do one thing for her regarding her summer wedding – which was to lose 15 pounds. Presumably her second choice request “Please don’t hit on my bridesmaids.”

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Eminem rips Pittsburgh’s wayward quarterback in his new song with the line “Get as rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall.” Okay, how low do you have to go to be morally chastised by a rapper?

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The San Francisco Giants were the least-hated team in baseball according to a Nielsen survey. Makes sense, they haven’t beaten anyone’s else’s favorite team in a World Series.

The Yankees, surprisingly, were not the most hated team. Which simply means the survey probably was mostly taken in New York. (With the exception of Queens)

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From Bill Littlejohn, who noted that famously hobbling Olympic gold medal-winning gymnast Kerri Strug was married this week, “Bela Karolyi didn’t carry her down the aisle, did he?”

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Popular governor Charlie Crist has left the Republican party and is running for Senate as an independent. Well, it’s 10 years late, but finally some amusing news for the Democratic party out of Florida.

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United and Continental announced they will merge. The goal, to manage to annoy more passengers than any other airline in the world.
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And we think Californians are too PC. Over in England, a British academic, Dr. Brett Mills, is now calling for an end to all wildlife documentaries, because they “capture animals’ most intimate secrets on camera without their consent” and fail to consider their “right to privacy.” No, I am not making this up.

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As of today, U.S. airlines can no longer keep you on the tarmac in a plane for more than three hours. They can, however, cancel the flight after 2 hours and 59 minutes and leave you stuck in the airport overnight.

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How bad is the oil spill getting off the Gulf Coast? Rumor has it Sarah Palin just washed “Drill Baby Drill” off her hand.

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Rielle Hunter said on the Oprah show that people “view her negatively” because they think she wrecked John and Elizabeth Edwards’ marriage. Not exactly, many people view her negatively because she just seems like a publicity-seeking skank.

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