Posted tagged ‘Day of the Dead jokes’

Happy Day of the Dead.

November 1, 2016

Or as they call it in the U.S.  – “National half-price candy day.”

You think you have a hard week at work, imagine all the teachers who have to deal with kids crashing off a sugar high that started Monday night.

 

Election has really ruined #Halloween horror movies this year. No way to make fiction scarier than reality.

Interesting to see some people rooting against the Cleveland Indians because of their Chief Wahoo mascot. But many of those people have no problem with the Chicago Cubs despite their star closer being suspended 30 games for domestic violence. #Priorities

 

Tim Tebow, who is hitting 147 in the Arizona Fall League, apparently slightly injured his right knee trying to steal second base. Shocking many sports fans that he ever got to first base.

 

New England LB Jamie Collins will have his 4-year rookie contract expire at season’s end, and he was asking for big money. Today the Patriots traded Collins to the Browns. Talk about deflating.

 

Good news for #Bears fans, their team won on #MNF. Bad news for #Bears fans, now for a while they might be stuck with #JayCutler

In China, a 20-year-old man climbed into a giant panda enclosure to impress two women he was with. While the panda grabbed the guy, and head-butted him, the idiot escaped with only “his pants torn to shreds.” One of those moments you really wish pandas were carnivores.

A new poll found that while 46% of Americans view Hillary Clinton favorably and 47% unfavorably. those who prefer Fox News split 13% favorably, 84% unfavorably. In related news, the poll found that water is wet.

Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said today “we don’t plan on making the Comey investigation the main centerpiece of our messaging.” Sounds like Conway pays about as much to what the Donald actually says as Mike Pence does.

John #Kasich says he wrote in #JohnMcCain‘s name on Presidential ballot. How long until #Trump announces plan to build a wall around Ohio?

And finally,  while we’re on the subject of emails, there’s this letter from Harry Reid to James Comey: “In my communication with you and other top officials in the national security community, it has become clear that you possess explosive information about close ties and coordination between Donald Trump, his top advisers, and the Russian government – a foreign interest openly hostile to the United States, which Trump praises at every opportunity.
‘The public has a right to know this information. I wrote to you months ago calling for this information to be released to the public. There is no danger to American interests from releasing it. ”

This all would be a lot more fun if it weren’t real.

Morning after of the nearly dead.

October 31, 2013

Scariest thing for many of us on Halloween. No more MLB baseball games this season. But only 104 days until pitchers and catchers report.

In Mexico, November 1 is known as “Day of the Dead.”    In the U.S., it’s “National Half-Price Candy Day.”

All the talk about Halloween being such an unhealthy holiday because of kids going out to get and eat bags full of candy.  So what’s the most popular pre-Trick-or-treating meal in the U.S?’    Pizza

Google says they are “outraged” by alleged NSA snooping. They say if anyone is snooping on their customers it should be Google themselves.

Some people say we have children as an excuse to buy toys at Christmas/Hanukkah. Looking at pictures today I’d say there’s an equally good chance some people have children just to come up with adorable Halloween costumes.

Hallmark has changed an “ugly sweater” Christmas ornament they were selling from saying “Don we now our gay apparel,” to “Don we now our fun apparel.” Reportedly due to consumer backlash. But was it homophobic backlash, or backlash from gays who said they would never be caught dead in an ugly sweater?

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Dell Computers is admitting that some of its new laptops smell like a cat litter box. Are they sure it’s the machine and not the latest version of Windows.

An NFL game ended Thursday night in overtime on a safety? That’s almost as unbelievable as a baseball game ending on an obstruction call.

Kim Kardashian told Jay Leno her selfie in a skimpy swimsuit was her “big, like, middle finger to the world.” I thought the Kardashians themselves were a big middle finger to the world.,

So the new FAA regulations say passengers will be able to use their cellphones on planes with the doors closed, but not for phone calls nor text or email. And of course all passengers will obey that directive….

A number of media outlets are trying to make something out of the fact that Pamela Anderson cut her long blonde hair into a pixie cut. Perhaps they are oblivious to the fact that most men don’t pay attention to Pamela for her hair….?

Now there’s medical marijuana for pets. So what’s the next product, cat and dog food flavored like Doritos?

From T.C.  “Last night, the Red Sox won the World Series at home in Boston for the first time since 1918 vs the Cubs. Baseball fans were shocked, the Cubs were in a World Series?”

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From Bill Littlejohn   “O.J. Simpson can still vote in Florida while thousands of others can’t—-they’re hoping that some day he can find 2000’s ‘real voters'”