Posted tagged ‘Bernie Sanders jokes’

Bonds away

June 1, 2016

In an interview, Barry Bonds said “I’m to blame for the way I was [portrayed], because I was a dumbass. I was straight stupid, and I’ll be the first to admit it.”
Not sure what’s weirder. Hearing him apologize, or hearing Bonds’ referred to as “the Miami Marlins’ hitting coach?” ‪#‎SFGiants‬

 

 

In Switzerland, they just had the grand opening of a railway tunnel through the Alps dubbed “the longest tunnel in the world” at 35.5 miles. And down in Mexico they’re just giggling.

#‎StephCurry‬ let slip in a news conference that he uses Uber in the SF Bay Area. Wonder if they give him 3.0 pricing? ‪#‎Warriors‬

 

 

Is there a more annoying sound in sports than the tomahawk chop? ‪#‎Braves‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎Stopthechop‬

 

Santiago ‪#‎Casilla‬ has now blown 4 of 16 saves. So he’s right about as often as an NBA referee? ‪#‎damningbyfaintphrase‬

‪#‎Casilla‬ lost composure & blew lead so fast tonight you’d wonder if underneath his ‪#‎SFGiants‬ jersey he was wearing a ‪#‎OKC‬ ‪#‎Thunder‬ t-shirt.

 

 

No,  I don’t play fantasy baseball. But saw this on Rotoballer.com, talking about closers in the NL West and their “status” (from a few days ago.)

: Stability Rating – Team Name  – Current Closer
Solid – Diamondbacks – Brad Ziegler

Solid Rockies – Jake McGee

Solid Dodgers – Kenley Jansen

Solid Padres –  Fernando Rodney

Questionable – Giants – Santiago Casilla

yeah, we know

Anyone else feeling like an old baseball fan in remembering when players didn’t have hamstrings?

Last night #‎JakePeavy‬ pitched 1 hit ball for 7 innings, singled and scored the go-ahead run for the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ to win on his 35th birthday. “It couldn’t have happened to a nicer young man” said Jamie Moyer.

First ‪#‎BernieSanders‬ got ‪#‎Hamilton‬ tickets. Then court side seats for ‪#‎OKCvsGSW‬ ‪#‎Game7‬. Guessing his own private plane can’t be far behind?

 

Former Baylor president Kenneth Starr, who so zealously prosecuted Bill Clinton, and who was reassigned as chancellor after the school’s sexual assault scandals, is now resigning that new post. Starr will, however, continue to teach in the law school.
What’s his first course this fall – “The law and people who think they are above it?”

A Seattle burlesque dancer returning home from a Boston performance was told by a JetBlue crew the shorts and thigh-highs she was wearing were “inappropriate.” She had to buy pajama pants to get on the plane.
This would not have happened on United. They’d have let her board and just charged other passengers an entertainment fee.

A USA Today article shows that Donald Trump “and his businesses have been involved in at least 3,500 legal actions in federal and state courts during the past 30 years. Ranging from skirmishes with casino patrons to million-dollar real estate suits to personal defamation lawsuits.”
Are we sure the Trump campaign didn’t leak the information in a shameless push to get more endorsements from lawyers?

The PGA Tour is moving their Cadillac World Golf Championship from the Trump Doral course to Mexico City. Trump’s gracious response “I hope they have kidnapping insurance.”
I am beginning to see the Donald’s plan to have Mexico pay for that wall…. in order to keep him out.

 

Hillary Clinton with Cory Booker in New Jersey: Hmm, could think of a lot worse tickets for November. ‪#‎GoStanford‬

 

Stupid is as stupid does….. and you can’t fix it.

August 10, 2015

You REALLY cannot make this “stuff” up. Now Michigan State Rep. Todd Courser, who allegedly tried to cover up an affair by sending a fake email accusing himself of paying a male prostitute, is saying he will not resign. Courser says he will stay on to expose “political shenanigans” in the Capitol, that he only sent the email because he was being blackmailed, and that the Lansing “mafia” establishment is out to get him.

This guy is delusional enough you have to wonder if his next step is to declare for the 2016 GOP Presidential nomination.

A man who was arrested 2 weeks ago for joy-riding on a jail lawn was arrested again today, for doing the same thing, on the same lawn. Do I even have to write that this is a Florida story? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Meanwhile, a reporter asked Andrew Luck who his fastest teammate was, and the Colts QB responded “That’s like asking a parent who their favorite kid is.”   These Stanford kids aren’t stupid.

Leaving aside issues like actually running the country, anyone but me think you could make serious pay-per-view money on a Bernie Sanders-Donald Trump debate?

The younger generation may not understand all the tributes pouring in for Frank Gifford, who started with Howard Cosell and Don Meredith on Monday Night Football in 1971. Mostly because these days it’s hard to imagine only one night a week for NFL football.

Yellowstone rangers have captured a bear that allegedly killed a hiker Friday. They will do DNA tests, and if they get positive identification, “she will be euthanized because of the facts that she was feeding on the person.”

Makes some sense as a predatory bear is dangerous, but, hey, unlike some human hunters at least she was actually eating what she killed.

The Red Sox have announced that closer Koji Uehara has fractured his wrist and will miss the rest of the season. Well, not like Boston was giving him many games to close anyway.

Okay, Donald Trump is an ass, and insults women. Got it. Meanwhile other GOP candidates, yes, I am talking about you Scott Walker and Marco Rubio, won’t even declare they would allow abortions to save the life of the mother. ‪#‎priorities‬?

Oops, Disney Japan attempted to send out a “Merry Unbirthday” tweet from Alice in Wonderland, and managed to translate it as “Congratulations on your not special day.” This on the anniversary of the atom bomb being dropped on Nagasaki.

Sounds like a Mickey Mouse translating operation.

#Cantfixstupid, California division.

The SF Chronicle reported San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi’s driver’s license has been suspended since February after he didn’t notify the DMV about a non-injury car accident he was involved in last October. And the newspaper says as of today, he “Mirkarami still had neither filed the required accident report nor provided proof of insurance as required under law, state records show. He had also not paid the $55 fee to regain his full driving privileges, the records show.”

And why should he know the laws? He’s only the sheriff.