Archive for June 2020

Batter up?

June 30, 2020

 

MLB legally can’t identify players who test positive during the pandemic.  But hey, expect that information will remain as confidential as those “anonymous” early MLB steroid tests.

MLB just announced there will be no Minor League Baseball in 2020. “Who are we, chopped liver?” responded the Mets.

Trump campaign is so desperate they are running anti-Biden ads on MSNBC?
Isn’t that in a normal year like running an ad for Yankees tickets in Boston?

On a brighter note if we will all have to keep wearing masks indefinitely it’s going to be a lot easier to find presents for dads this year for Christmas that aren’t ties or socks.

 

So how long until Trump tweets an attack on Mississippi for abandoning the Confederate flag?

The “most informed person on earth” wants us to believe he retweeted a tweet with someone yelling “White Power” because he doesn’t know how to turn the sound on on his phone?

Trump actually tweeted about Donna Brazile “She gets fired by CNN forr giving Crooked Hillary the debate questions, and gets hired by Fox News.   Where are you Roger Ailes?” Another sad symptom of dementia I remember from my mother – talking to dead people.

Speaking about Donald Trump today “He sprays a mask on his face every day for vanity, but an actual mask that would protect other people, that he will not do.” Anderson Cooper has no more f*cks to give. And I am so here for it.

Remember Christine “I am not a witch” O’Donnell? Lauren Boebert, who just won GOP primary in Colorado 3rd district makes O’Donnell look reasonable by comparison.

 

A virtual fundraiser for GOP Senator Martha McSally in Arizona featured McSally and George W. Bush. Along with GOP Senators Susan Collins (ME) , Thom Tillis (NC), and Cory Gardner (CO)
“Siri, tell me five people who won’t have a job next January.”

 

As someone who has been going to bars since I was 16 (yeah, statute of limitation has passed on that one), & who loves & misses the conviviality of a good bar, WTF are y’all thinking? Instead of “Bar Lives Matter,” more honest slogan should be “We’re dying for a drink.”

So at these “Bar Lives Matter” places, are they doing 2 for 1 Happy Hour prices on bleach cocktails?

Between the lines.

June 30, 2020

NBA and players union have agreed to have “Black Lives Matter” painted on the courts  at the ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex when season hope to resume on July 30.

Thereby not only addressing racial inequality, this should keep Trump from even THINKING of attending an NBA playoff game.

42% approval rating for Trump on Rasmussen? That seemed as likely as NFL actually ever seriously punishing Patriots for cheating.

 

Mayor of Eagar, AZ, Bryce Hamblin, will not require masks nor cancel town’s 4th of July parade “My response from the onset of COVID-19 pandemic has been that we will err on the side of freedom.” What’s that line “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose?”

Justice Clarence Thomas, in scathing dissent today “Iidea that Framers of the 14th Amendment understood Due Process Clause to protect right to abortion is farcical.” Uh, Justice Thomas, “Framers of the 14th Amendment” didn’t think Blacks should vote, let alone sit on Supreme Court.

I’m so old I remember Kayleigh McEnany telling the press “I will never lie to you.”

Saw a report that Barack Obama has counseled Joe Biden to trim his speeches. Makes sense to me. Think Joe is a great guy but only have seen him give one speech live. It was a great 20 minute speech. That lasted an hour.

 

 

 

Susan Collins now claiming in a statement “Kavanaugh gave no indication in his dissenting opinion that he supports overturning Roe.” It ignores the “precedent” of other abortion cases.” So is Collins that duplicitous, or should she be testing herself for dementia?

Rachel Maddow Monday night  says “I am old, I am 47.” Excuse me, 47 is NOT old. Even if we all feel we’ve aged decades since January 2020.

Meanwhile on Maddow,  Susan Rice seemed like a very plausible VP. And she was really p*ssed off. As she should be.

 

 

When we get Trump out of office and onto the scrap heap of history, anyone but me feel they never want to watch a movie or read a book about a foreign power trying to infiltrate US government and take down the country again?

Your reminder, as we wonder how many Americans may have died because Trump ignored stories of Russian bounties on our troops, millions of Americans may not have voted for Hillary Clinton simply because of oft-repeated idea a private server MAY have exposed her emails and thus been a US security threat.

 

Meanwhile, Trump fundraising email of the night starts out “You up?” (no joke) So even prostitutes and porn stars aren’t answering him these days?

 

Is it wrong to hope the SS Trumptanic is way short on lifeboats?

Whatever it takes.

June 28, 2020

NFL penalized New England Patriots  $1.1 million and loss of a draft pick for their television crew filming the Bengals-Browns game in December ahead of New England’s game with Cincinnati.

Wait, when you have to cheat to beat the BENGALS?

But meanwhile, did anyone expect the Patrios would replace Tom Brady with a likable mild-mannered quarterback?

 

So as retail slowly returns, who’s going to make a fortune making and marketing to Republicans a line of jewelry made of clutchable pearls?

Guess I understand why White House cult members feel compelled to defend their boss, but what’s Chris Christie’s excuse?

VP Mike Pence has canceled events this week Florida and Arizona. So much for that victory lap speech for him to brag about how after “Memorial Day weekend we had this coronavirus epidemic behind us.”

 

Dr. Fauci today, worried even vaccine may not stop COVID-19 in US-“there is a general anti-science, anti-authority, anti-vaccine feeling among some people in this country — alarmingly large % of people, relatively speaking.” Trump really IS going to try to kill us all, isn’t he?

So how many scarves did Trump give Dr. Birx for her soul?

Used to live in Central Florida. Even a fraction of the residents protesting Trump at wealthy retirement community “The Villages” is as likely as Mississippi or NASCAR getting rid of the Confederate flag.

A Trump spokesperson said Donald didn’t hear a MAGA supporter at the Villages yelling “White Power” on a video he retweeted? “Siri, is hearing loss another symptom of dementia?”

Latest Trump fundraising email is from ERIC Trump, “My father needs your support.” Okay, with all due respect, who’s the genius in the MAGA world thought up – a direct appeal from Donald won’t work so let’s see if we get better response from Eric?

IF you believe Press Secretary Barbie that neither Trump nor Pence were briefed on the Russian bounty intelligence report… what else haven’t they been briefed about?

 

Trump tweeted “actually Absentee Ballots are fine. A person has to go through a process to get and use them. Mail-In Voting, on the other hand, will lead to the most corrupt Election in USA history.”   Who wants to tell him?

Glass dugouts?

June 26, 2020

Florida is still telling travelers from New York, New Jersey and Connecticut to quarantine for 14 days. This would kind of be like the Houston Astros making a video telling the rest of baseball not to cheat.

 

Clemson announced Friday that 14 additional football players tested positive for COVID-19.  So now that’s 37 players, about a 1/3 of the roster.

I suppose it would be churlish to say that’s the most players on a NCAA CFB playoff football team in a month ever to have taken a test?

Apparently several employees of the Texas Rangers have tested positive for COVID-19, and ESPN reports some employees said they fear for their health and want to work from home.

And MLB really thinks they’re going to have a season?

Trump signed an “Executive Order protecting American Monuments, Memorials, and Statues.” Biden will sign Executive Orders protecting American lives – starting by mandating masks.

Trump  also claims “I was going to go to Bedminster, New Jersey, this weekend, but wanted to stay in Washington, D.C. to make sure LAW & ORDER is enforced.” Translation, New Jersey probably secretly warned Donald as someone who had been in Arizona last week he would not be welcome.

Pence at today’s COVID-19 task force briefing – “The reality is we’re in a much better place.” Uh, “in a much better place” is a phrase usually used at funerals.

Founder of Re-Open Maryland admits now has COVID-19. But he says he’s starting a church & “No one ever got sick at any of our rallies, to include me! I got it because Satan deemed me to get it. Because he wanted to quiet my work.” Uh, even Satan is going, “Nah, Hell has enough stupid.”

Some opponents of DC statehood are saying the District, with a population under 1 million, should just become part of Maryland. So by that logic when are we combining North and South Dakota?

Reading some of GOP arguments against statehood for D.C. Wonder if we’d have the same resistance if our nation’s capital were Virginia Beach, which is about 2/3 the size, but also about 2/3 Caucasian.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis says he won’t mandate masks but “trusts people to make the right decision.” Uh, if Floridians had made the right decision, they wouldn’t have elected DeSantis.

 

If Trump wants the biggest most memorable Fourth of July celebration ever he should pick that date to resign.

Woke NASCAR?

June 25, 2020

Lots of talk yesterday how the whole Bubba Watson potential hate-crime was just made up, especially as the rope was “just a garage pull.”

So NASCAR released a picture of the “garage pull.”

Two words. Yeah. Right.noose

 

I will really miss Chuck E Cheese’s pizza said nobody.

ESPN headline today is about fantasy football. Beginning to think in 2020 the fantasy is that we can play football.

 

Headline “Dennis Quaid says 39-year age difference with new wife ‘just doesn’t come up'” You know, there are drugs for that…

 

As House prepares to vote on DC statehood, Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton argues agains it. “Yes, Wyoming is smaller than Washington by population, but it has three times as many workers in mining, logging and construction, and ten times as many workers in manufacturing. In other words, Wyoming is a well-rounded working-class state.

That’s  a pretty long-winded way of saying Wyoming is white.

Trump apparently has ordered that the Washington DC statue of Confederate Gen. Albert Pike, torn down last week by protesters, be put back up. Could Donald even tell you who Pike was? And uh, paging Mayor Muriel Bowser –  Trump is not the boss of DC.

 

Trump in Wisconsin  “if we didn’t have testing we wouldn’t have COVID-19 cases. Next up – Donald eliminates police radar and breathalyzers and claims he has stopped speeding and DUIs in US.

More Trump in Wisconsin “If we didn’t wanna test, or if we didn’t test, we wouldn’t have cases. But we have cases because we test.” Dear gawd. Donald probably killed fewer people when he talked about drinking bleach.

Hey Trump supporters and science deniers. You DO have a choice about whether or not to wear a mask. Wear one …. or stay home.

You know who doesn’t need to wear a mask? Dead bodies in coffins. Pass it on.

 

If you need a couple hours diversion and a reminder of when Texas had a REAL governor. (PS Again, I miss Molly Ivins, who was Ann’s friend.)

Ann

 

In a day when US COVID-19 cases hit their highest number ever, the Trump administration urges Supreme Court to invalidate Affordable Care Act. Once again, four words. “Pro Life My Ass.”

I miss sports but…

June 24, 2020

When ESPN headlines have to do less with game results than positive test results, we have a problem.

Trump has a planned golf weekend at his Bedminister club in New Jersey. Donald has recently been in Arizona, but a White House spokesman said he will not abide by new 14-day quarantine regulations. #LockHimUp

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States, who will not wear a mask to protect Americans, says he will issue an executive order to protect statues. November 3 cannot come soon enough.

 

Donald Trump indicates he’s going to issue an executive order protecting statues.  If Donald cares so much about these Confederate statues perhaps he can reinstall them on the grounds of Mar-A-Lago?

Trump tweet tonight  “How Trump Is Making Black America Great Again, The Untold Story Of Black Advancement in the Era of Trump.” By Horace Cooper A great new book!

So this is a blank book, right?

Latest poll has Biden ahead of Trump by 22 points with women. And 3 points with men. Well, this should take care of the myth of male supremacy once and for all.

Wait…. if NY/NJ/CT edit holds, this means residents of those three states who go to Republican National Convention will have to quarantine for two weeks upon returning. Bummer.

So what’s AG Bill Barr’s excuse going to be for not testifying? No prize, but serious bragging rights for the winner.

As COVID-19 spikes cause the Dow to fall 700 points & even Texas Gov. Abbott to consider restrictions, Trump fundraising email is about his wall & “Radical Left” ignoring “dangerous illegal criminals who illegally cross our borders.” Time to start a pool on tweets about caravans!

Psst… Poland is paying for US troops like Mexico is paying for the wall. Pass it on.

So what time Friday night will Trump fire today’s DOJ whistleblowers?

Maybe play ball?

June 24, 2020

Trying to be happy about baseball’s return. And looking at COVID-19 spikes, don’t see how they’ll make it through a second spring training.

 

Southern California and Houston have two of the worst COVID-19 spikes in US. Angels manager Joe Maddon is 66, Astros manager Dusty Baker is 71. MLB better not f*ck this up. Seriously.

Of course I wish Novak Djokovic a full recovery from COVID-19. But maybe mean bitch Karma was listening when in April of this year Djokovic declared himself an anti-vaxxer.

175,000 people (including me) attended grassroots virtual fundraiser for Joe Biden with Barack Obama.  Minimum donation was $5.  It raised $7.6 million.

But 175,000 people?  We should not share this number, it will make Donald Trump really upset and jealous.

Trump seems so fixated on not testing as a way to pretend COVID-19 cases don’t exist, have to wonder, has Donald himself ever been tested for an STD?

Uh oh, Cadet Bone Spurs up late and rant tweeting about John Bolton. Think Donald had someone secretly buy him a copy so he can check to see how many times he’s mentioned in the book?? Narcissists gonna narcissist.

If Americans are banned from traveling to some countries it will be the largely the Southern states, reopening early & not wearing masks, that made us such pariahs. Is it too late to let them secede?

 

As Arizona announces their hospital and ICU beds are well over 80% full, a reminder, it is currently 105 degrees in Phoenix. But yeah, the virus goes away in the heat.

If Jesus were watching today’s unmasked, tightly packed, Trump hate rally, would he say again “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do?”

At this point cult leader Donald Trump will kill exponentially more people than cult leader Jim Jones.

 

 

 

132 days from Tuesday night is Election Night, Nov 3. To give you idea how much things can change in 132 days… 132 days ago  we thought we had no COVID-19 deaths in US, Breonna Taylor & George Floyd were alive, Bernie Sanders won NH Primary over Pete Buttigieg & Amy Klobuchar.

Short stint.

June 22, 2020

Trevor Ariza with 29-37 Blazers, and Davis Betrans with 24-40 Wizards, are both opting out of the NBA restart in Orlando.
Well, not like either Portland or Washington will be around long anyway.

 

MLB owners today voted to proceed with 2020 season of indeterminate length based on March 26 agreement.
Uh, I miss baseball as much as anyone but looking at COVID-19 spikes in Arizona, Florida and Texas, wonder if they’ll get more than about four-five games in.

A man found dead in ocean near Diamond Head last week turns out to have been Oklahoma tourist who was supposed to be obeying Hawaii’s 14-day quarantine law. Give the guy a socially-distanced Darwin award.

Yikes. Did not have Saharan Dust Cloud on my 2020 Apocalyptic Bingo Card.

All families have issues. But when you need to claim your own NIECE had to sign an NDA, your family might have more issues than normal.

Trump now bragging about ratings on Fox News for his empty seat rally. Well to be fair, his riff on the ramp was a funnier and more absurd monologue than some of SNL’s skits.

Time for a double pool. 1. When will Trump deny the Vanity Fair article saying campaign manager Parscale is on the way out? 2. When will Donald fire Brad?

In all seriousness, since even the most servile lackeys end by being thrown under the Trump bus, why would ANYONE now take a job in this White House?

Trump planning to sign an executive order to halt temporary work visas for skilled workers, managers & au pairs in the H-1B, H-4, H-2B, L-1 and J categories. Has someone explained to Donald this covers a lot of workers at his golf clubs, hotels and resorts?

Can’t wait until many Trump supporters realize his new executive order banning work visas, including for au pairs, means they may have to start taking care of their own children.

As I understand Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’s latest idiocy, which says not everyone with COVID-19 in ICU gets counted case unless they are actually receiving  INTENSIVE CARE,  maybe they have to be almost dying to be reported?   For example Amy Klobuchar’s husband, who was very sick in March with COVID-19, was on oxygen in the ICU but not a ventilator, so he wouldn’t have counted?“ WTAF

NY Times reporter Maggie Haberman, who attacked Hillary regularly over her emails, today called Biden a “flawed candidate running a flawed campaign” And defended herself by saying even Biden supporters joke about him staying in the basement.

Uh, Heck, doesn’t matter who Democratic nominee would be at this point. Even if were much younger Klobuchar or even younger Pete Buttigieg, the way Trump has been melting down, staying in a basement and watching Donald dig himself holes might be best strategy for ANY candidate.

Open seats

June 21, 2020

About 6600 people at Trump rally. And some people showed up days in advance? Must have felt like showing up really early for a bobblehead giveaway you’d expected to be more popular than it was, and then discovering you could have walked in at the last minute and still gotten one.

On April 8, 2019, the Baltimore Orioles, after losing 115 games in 2018, played the Oakland As at home. It was a Monday night with rain expected. And THEY still drew 6,585. 

As MLB tweaked their “final offer” for a 2020 season again, players have decided not to vote yet
This negotiation procedure makes those interminable September 40-man roster games with pitching changes every batter look good by comparison.

Just going to post this picture without comment.  hillary

 

Amy Klobuchar never polled higher than 7% in Oklahoma. But love this tweet from one of her staffers about March 2, the night Amy ended up endorsing Joe Biden in Dallas:

“Fun fact: the night the Klobuchar Campaign ended, she was scheduled to have a rally in Tulsa. We had more people confirmed for that event than Trump has at his rally tonight.”

As we get to less than 4 1/2 months before Presidential election, between the polls and Friday Night firings, how long until Trump can’t find enough sycophants to accept his job offers?

Trump has a picture of himself in front of Air Force One as his Twitter background picture today. Wonder why it’s not a picture of last night’s “epic” rally?
2
23

 

On ABC John Bolton says he’s going to “write in a conservative Republican” instead of voting for Trump OR Biden. Fortunately Maryland where Bolton lives, is a state Hillary Clinton won 60.33% to 33.91% so John can be a coward without it mattering.

 

Who know what the John Bolton book will do to Trump’s re-election chances. But once again, T.S. Eliot nails it ‘”The last temptation is the greatest treason, to do the right thing, for the wrong reason.”

 

Bolton asked “Do you think Trump believes Kim Jong Un loves him?” Uh, anyone who’s been around Donald for five minutes thinks Trump believes EVERYONE loves him.

Numbers game.

June 21, 2020

Apparently Trump rally tonight in Tulsa drew 6,611 people. Even the Miami Marlins think that’s pathetic.

But really, just over 6600 people showed up for Trump rally? With all due respect, Walmart can get more people by advertising a Black Friday $99.00 big screen TV.

 

Not bad social distancing for Tiz the Law at today’s Belmont Stakes either.

 

tiz

 

So is “Tiz the Law” winning Belmont States in New York a sign for how Trump’s battle with SDNY will go?

Difference between a Trump rally and a Klan rally? At the Klan rally they wear masks.

Ah, Trump is already blaming MEDIA for frightening people away from his rally. Wait, you mean he’s acknowledging his disciples watch something other than OAN and Fox News?

 

When Donald Trump says the quiet part out loud. “”Here’s the bad part… when you do testing to that extent, you’re going to find more people; you’re going to find more cases. So I said to my people, slow the testing down please.”

And just how many taxpayer dollars did it cost for Donald Trump and Mike Pence to take Air Force One AND Air Force Two to Tulsa for that vanity rally?

Somewhere Joe Biden is thinking “Cancel my prerecorded commercials for the week, just broadcast this Trump rally where he rambles on about that ramp and drinking water with two hands.”

Trump wants to make it a minimum of one year year in jail if anyone  burn the American flag.

“United States Flag Code (4 USC Sec 8 Para (k) Amended 7/7/76) states: “The Flag, when it is in such condition it is no longer a fitting emblem of display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning.”

 

Testing.

June 20, 2020

 

Now it’s 23 Clemson players testing positive. If COVID-19 weren’t so deadly & our President wasn’t so incompetent this would be a great time for a joke about this might be the most tests top college “student-athletes” have actually taken in recent memory.

 

Just wondering, if Gov. Ron DeSantis screwed up Florida’s re-opening so badly NBA has to cancel their season, how long until league tries to sue him and the state?

Reminder from the late great former Texas Governor Ann Richards, quoted in PBS’s Great Performances – “Ann” “If you don’t participate (by voting), you let other people make decisions for you.”

It would be really petty of Joe Biden to give a speech on an elevated platform and then march briskly down the ramp afterwards. But I would be so here for it.

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo said today he’s now considering a quarantine order for travelers from Florida. Does that include now Florida resident Donald Trump?

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis blames coronavirus rise in his state on ‘overwhelmingly Hispanic’ workers. At this point DeSantis is being loathsome enough can only assume he’s angling for position in Trump administration.

Watching GOP Senate now is like watching the Wizard of Oz. Except that the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion thought it was a bad thing to live without brains, a heart and courage.

 

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis said mask wearing “has to be voluntarily because the Constitution is not suspended just because there is a virus.” So why, for starters, doesn’t DeSantis also suspend the state’s seat-belt laws and speed limits?

Actually, comparing masks to seat belts is wrong.  Seat belts are to save your own life. Wearing a mask says you also give a damn about lives of others.

It’s quite simple actually: If you don’t believe the doctors who tell you to wear a mask, then there’s no use wasting your time seeing those same doctors when you get COVID-19. Pass it on.

 

Don’t advocate violence at all but is there a way to tag Trump rally attendees tomorrow with something like semi-permanent Magic Marker or paint so those Americans who do believe in doctors and science can avoid them?

 

So who had SDNY attorney on this Friday’s night Trump purge list?

Even better, who had “refusing to be fired’ on the list.

Finally, let me take break from snark to say I don’t think I’ve never been prouder of a candidate I supported. Amy Klobuchar grew in my estimation when she instantly pivoted to support Biden before Super Tuesday & even more in her withdrawal last night. She is a true leader and unifier. Thank you, Amy.

(Secretary of State or Senate Majority Leader Klobuchar both have nice rings to them.)

Out of order

June 17, 2020

Since the Kentucky Derby and Preakness have been postponed until the fall, the Belmont Stakes on Saturday will become the 1st leg of the Triple Crown.

Fine, but the race will also become 1 1/8 miles instead of 1 1/2 miles. Nobody better think of touching Secretariat’s record.

 

Random thought, movie theaters, already struggling to survive, are going to open with social distancing and other restrictions.
I’m just wondering, how will they survive without the overpriced supersized shareable popcorn?

 

From Marc Ragovin “Trump says that if we stopped testing we’d have no new cases of Covid-19. Yeah, and if MLB didn’t report the scores, the ’62 Mets wouldn’t have lost 120 games.

 

Good thing that Quaker Oats is finally getting rid of Aunt Jemima brand. But can we stop calling their pancake topping “Maple Syrup?” Nothing actually “Maple” about it.

Scary thought. This spring MLB commissioner Rob Manfred actually might be making NFL commissioner Roger Goodell look good by comparison.

What happened during Trump’s 20 hour Twitter silence today? Did he try to pick up his phone with one hand and dropped it in a glass of water?

In Santa Clara County, California, Public Health Officer Dr. Sara Cody has received email threats over her cautious approach to reopening the economy. WTF is wrong with people?

Now FDA has revoked permission for hydroxychloroquine to be used for COVID-19, and federal government is stuck with 63 million doses of the drug, how long until Trump tries to blame the fiasco on Obama?

Trump administration hopes you don’t notice, but COVID-19 deaths were in the range of  1,000 Americans today. Again.

Amy Klobuchar tweets ” More than a month ago, I urged the Administration to take action to help prisons as they face the coronavirus. The virus continues to spread throughout prison systems. It’s critical the Administration provides guidance & protects incarcerated people now.”

You’d think Trump administration would care more about conditions in prisons as many of them may be residents in those prisons starting in 2021.

Maybe it’s just me, but officials in White House take an oath of office on defending “Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic…” Shouldn’t that include speaking up against a treasonous president without waiting for a book to be published?

If you’re with someone who commits murder and do nothing you can be charged as an accessory to murder So if you’re with someone who commits treason and you say nothing, until you can make money out of it….? #Bolton #BoltonBook

 

Anytime you start falling for fantasy that Donald considers Joe a weak opponent, remember Trump may now have committed treason with TWO countries, the Ukraine AND China, to try to get dirt on Biden. 

Joe Biden says Trump is “acting like he does not care about Coronavirus.” Uh, Donald isn’t acting.

Fumble recovery

June 17, 2020

Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy,  after fallout from him wearing an “OAN” network t-shirt has apologized to his players “Once I learned how that network felt about Black Lives Matter, I was disgusted and knew it was completely unacceptable to me.”

With all due respect,  claiming you don’t know that OAN feels about Black Lives Matter is like claiming you don’t know how ESPN feels about baseball teams not named the Red Sox and Yankees.

Rachel Maddow “”We are not a well-run country right now.”

We have another nominee for understatement of the year.

And since I miss baseball can I suggest the sports version of Rachel’s comment.  “Our country is now the equivalent of the 1962 Mets. Run by less lovable idiots.”

As hotels are announced for NBA teams at Disney World, I think I speak for all comedy writers in saying it’s a real shame the Knicks aren’t part of this. The jokes just write themselves with “Mickey Mouse Organization.”

Is it overkill if you see someone disregarding “one-way/do not enter” aisle signs in grocery store to politely remind them of it. And then when they ignore you to feel like throwing a can or something at them? Asking for a friend who’s had enough of COVIDiots.

Have to ask…Trump didn’t try to sue over Bob Woodward’s book “Fear”, which was deeply sourced by a Pulitzer Prize winning writer with impeccable credentials.
So what does Bolton have that really scares Donald?

 

Years from now, when our grandchildren whine about life being tough, will just living through 2020 be all of our equivalent of past generations’ “I walked to school in snow for miles, uphill, both ways?

So has Gov. Brian Kemp used the same strategies to remove people from Georgia’s COVID-19 count as he used to remove residents from the state’s voting rolls?

 

So if testing is the only reason we have a spike in coronavirus cases will Trump administration next ban breathalyzers and declare that they have eradicated DUIs?

So now we know the real reason Trump came down that escalator 5 years ago to announce his candidacy. He was scared of using a ramp.

But yeah, as we look back on that Trump Tower escalator ride Donald took five years ago, can’t help but wonder – what would the world be like now if he stumbled on that escalator then like he did Saturday on that ramp?

 

 

As Texas COVID-19 infections spike, Greg Abbott criticizes young people for not taking coronavirus seriously. Yes, is same Gov. who opened churches, youth camps & recreational sports programs for youth & adults w/ NO capacity restrictions 2 wks ago. Would be funny if not so sad.

As Trump keeps pushing his Tulsa rally and his Jacksonville convention – can I suggest a new slogan for Biden? “It won’t kill you to support Joe.”

Encouraging signs?

June 16, 2020

 

 

Mean bitch karma has to love fact that after Trump risked health of Army cadets to make them return to West Point for a photo op speech, the health concerns America now are  talking about are Donald’s own.

Pence says Oklahoma has flattened the curve. Well, if you look at a straight line going up sideways it does look flat.

Doesn’t it kind of just feel like the President doesn’t have ANY policy views…? He just says what he thinks he ought to say in the moment.” Kind of sums up the Trump White House years. #Maddow

So now there’s an argument over who’s actually  “qualified” on Joe Biden’s VP list? Personally, I was a serious Obama gal from late 2007, before he even announced his run, but can I say, folks, if “qualified” mattered so much, you all should have worked harder for one of most qualified candidates in history in 2016 – Hillary Clinton.

Does hydroxychloroquine cause you to have trouble with ramps?

 

Beijing considers 106 new cases a major and severe outbreak and China will start imposing new lockdowns and travel restrictions. Meanwhile, US cases are spiking especially in red states and Trump cheers reopening and is planning more rallies.

Today’s GOP in one statement. South Carolina Congressman Tim Rice, in announcing he and family have COVID 19, calls it the Wuhan Flu, and does not tell his constituents to wear masks.

Hard knocks

June 14, 2020

ESPN reports Ohio State football players and parents were asked to sign an acknowledgement of risk waiver regarding the coronavirus pandemic before returning to campus for voluntary workouts.
So when this pandemic is over will Ohio State offer a similar risk waiver for CTE?

After US soccer said they were repealing policy requiring players to stand during the national anthem,  Trump tweeted, “I won’t be watching much anymore!”

Okay, does anyone think Donald has ever watched soccer “much?”

As a woman with several friends of a certain age, know a  cane might help Donald Trump with his balance issues. Of course, does anyone expect a man who won’t wear a mask would use a cane?

Fox News didn’t cover West Point speech and certainly not Trump’s unsteady exit from stage, so most MAGA supporters would have had no idea how bad it looked. Until the stable genius mentioned it in a tweet.

So has Donald Trump sued the ramp yet?

Serious thought for a change.  Biden has tough decision. He needs VP to fill 2 roles – to have good optics for a 3 month campaign, AND to be a loyal & good governing partner to Joe through years of what may be one of toughest periods in US history. And it probably won’t be the same person who would be best at both.

Today’s Washington Post actually has a opinion piece -“Why the Republicans’ 2020 strategy is to keep as many people as possible from voting?” Can I respectfully suggest the entire article could be summed up in five words “if you have to ask…?”

If a white guy had fallen asleep in a Wendy’s drive-through lane Friday night, at worst he’d probably have been able to post bail and pick up his car from the parking lot Saturday morning.

If you didn’t already think Speaker Pelosi was bad ass –  Nancy Pelosi was asked if she’s embarrassed the KKK were once members of the Democratic Party. “Of course. We’re embarrassed Donald Trump was a Democrat for similar reasons”.

So in the Oval Office does Donald Trump have his own gold-plated Diet Coke sippy cup?

Your reminder, Hillary Clinton was at a Ground Zero ceremony for 90 minutes, with pneumonia. When she stumbled & appeared to faint, some called for her to drop out of the race.

No lie too small: WH official transcript “Tomorrow, America will celebrate very important anniversary: 245th birthday of US Army. Unrelated, going to be my birthday also. (Laughter.) I don’t know if that happened by accident.” There. Was. No. Laughter.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-2020-united-states-military-academy-west-point-graduation-ceremony/

Past time.

June 14, 2020

Do I think baseball is boring. Hell no.

Do I think that this back and forth between owners and MLBPA is boring as hell. Yes.

Figure it out, gentlemen.   And if it’s safe, play ball.

You know the world has at least temporarily changed when ESPN actually has headlines about a golf tournament this weekend, and Tiger Woods isn’t involved.

Watching Trump struggle with stairs makes me wonder, what does he do when he hits his golf ball down into a bunker?

 

“As U.S. senators we can’t be silent…unfortunately legislators aren’t speaking out against president when he oversteps bounds…when he’s producing executive orders in threat to Congress that won’t do as he wishes. He’s become a dictator.” Joni Ernst in 2014, about Barack Obama

To be honest, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions always sounded like the name of one of Scarlett O’Hara’s suitors in “Gone With the Wind.”

Let’s be very clear. If someone told Mitch McConnell  hat Trump had advanced dementia and was very unwell, the only thing it would change for Senator Majority Leader McConnell to increase his urgency to confirm GOP judges.

Let’s put this in a simple statement: If Joe Biden were seen hesitantly mincing his way down a ramp like POTUS was seen on Saturday, Trump and GOP would be calling for him to step aside as Democratic nominee. Period. #rampgate

Trump tweeted “Ramp I descended after West Point Commencement speech was very long & steep, no handrail, most importantly, very slippery. Last thing I was going to do is “fall” for Fake News to have fun with. Final 10 feet I ran down to level ground. Momentum!” 2 words   “Sure, Jan”

Joe Biden can drink water with one hand. Pass it on.

Not so kingly

June 13, 2020

WNBA plans to pay players their regular salaries this season, which is a good thing Though your reminder, the average WNBA salary is $116,000

It’s a start.

By comparison, Lebron James makes over $400,000 per start.

 

If you believe Florida and Georgia’s are being honest about COVID-19 then you probably believe they are being honest about elections.

As reports of some supplies becoming more available emerge have to wonder if baking ingredients shortages early in COVID-19 pandemic will end up like shortages of open workout machines every January in American gyms.

 

 

Okay, on tonight’s insanity bingo card, I did NOT have “Cruise ships being considered to house to house delegates for Republican National Convention in Jacksonville.” 

If you believe Florida and Georgia’s are being honest about COVID-19 then you probably believe they are being honest about elections.

Not sure when it will be posted, but Mitch Landrieu with CuomoFriday night was very good -talking diversity as a strength, about his hope for America & about Americans being better than Trump’s hate speech – ‘We may have born at night, but not last night.”

There’s a new book on Melania Trump? I really don’t care do U?

Trump seems so concerned today with Christopher Columbus statues being attacked.  With all due respect, wasn’t Columbus the original undocumented immigrant?

Trump campaign manager Brad Parscale now saying 300,000 people will attend Trump Tulsa rally. So maybe now we know what White House is doing with the missing COVID-19 numbers, they’re adding them to campaign events?

No tweets from Trump after midnight Friday night. So maybe he fell asleep and forgot to fire someone?

 

 

Now Trump DID tweet earlier on Friday about next week’s rally “Unfortunately, however, this would fall on the Juneteenth Holiday. Many of my African American friends and supporters have reached out to suggest that we consider changing the date out..”

So who objected, Diamond or Silk?

Trump on Fox about Biden “Joe’s not all there. Everybody knows. And it’s sad when you look at it and you see it, you see it for yourself. He’s created his own sanctuary city in the basement or wherever he is and he doesn’t come out.” Once again, Freud NAILS projection.

Fore who the bell tolls?

June 12, 2020

PGA Tour had a moment of silence Thursday at 8 46 am for George Floyd. This would upset Trump if he cared about golf….

A tangential thought on NASCAR driver Ray Ciccarelli, who just quit the sport over a racist flag. Ciccarelli is an Italian name, in early 20th century through WWII Italian immigrants faced a serious amount of prejudice in US. So much for historical awareness.

Woke up Thursday to Trump tweet  “THOSE THAT DENY THEIR HISTORY ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT IT!

Uh, Grandpa, it’s “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” And your caps lock key is stuck again.  You’re welcome.

On a random nonpolitical note, anyone but me glad to still have a landline because it means you can call your cellphone when you misplace it?

Okay, who’s at the top of the list for Trump firing bingo this Friday night? So many people who’ve shown glimmers of principle, so little time….

 

I went to school before there were police on most campuses. And my ideal solution involves better gun control. But when schools reopen, if we get police out, in short run are we going to stop school shootings by arming more teachers? Asking for a confused country.

Seriously CNN – they just referred to Kamala Harris as “The most prominent African American woman in the Senate?”! Uh, Kamala is the ONLY African American woman in the Senate.

Let’s be very very clear. We don’t know everything about COVID-19 transmission; we do know it’s seriously reduced if people wear masks. And constant, even increasing disdain for masks, along w/ resulting death increases are & will be the fault of one man – Donald Trump. Period.

Trump talking about National Guardsmen being deployed to Minneapolis “I’ll never forget the scene, it’s not supposed to be beautiful but to me it was…And yes there was some tear gas and probably some other things, and the crowd dispersed.” He. Is. Insane.

Donald Trump in Dallas on dealing with with bigotry and prejudice in America: “I think we’re going to do it very easily and quickly and it’ll go very easily.” Something like 15 bigots down to zero? #WTF?

In case you missed it, in all of Trump’s ramblings about police today, he did not mention George Floyd once.

Btw, Trump’s “Transition to Greatness” event in Texas Thursday was an official White House event, not a campaign event.  Why does that matter?

Means we taxpayers paid for it.

 

Not flying the wrong flag?

June 10, 2020

Hell freezes over. In a good way. Did not expect to write “Well, played NASCAR.”  –

 

If you no longer want to attend NASCAR events because you can’t fly a racist antiquated flag then maybe your purpose for showing up had little to do with actual car racing?

More NASCAR, I like this: Daytona International Speedway, site of Sunday’s race, is hosting a Confederate flag exchange program for any fan who wants to turn in his/her Confederate flag for American flag. It’s a start. Thank you.

Okay, who had “NASCAR setting example & shaming Donald Trump” on their 2020 Insanity Bingo Card?

So can we start a pool on when Trump attacks NASCAR?

Trump RTed a conservative ally who wrote “I will never buy another NFL ticket until they go back to playing football and stop dividing America.” Does anyone think Donald has actually paid for an NFL ticket in recent memory?

Have seen some complaints Joe Biden, who has made some pretty progressive statements recently, hasn’t moved far enough left after George Floyd murder. Think the past few weeks have changed America, but they won’t change Joe into Bernie. (And Democrats CHOSE Joe over Bernie.)

 

Trump ranting that he won’t change base names with Confederate roots “Our history as the Greatest Nation in the World will not be tampered with. Respect our Military!” Uh, who wants to tell him what side Confederates fought on?

Now reports that, GOP, wanting a “no restrictions” convention, expects to move its convention to Jacksonville a over pandemic safeguard.” Donald does remember he won Florida by about 1%, only 100,000 votes? Those supporters can’t vote in 2020 if they end up dead.

Trump tells Gov. Inslee and Seattle Mayor Durkan to “Take back your city NOW. If you don’t do it, I will.” Uh, does Donald realize that Seattle is about 1,000 miles further from DC than Puerto Rico?

There are 100 statues contributed by states in US Capitol. Nancy Pelosi wants to get rid of those representing Confederate figures. One of Louisiana’s is Edward Douglass White. Can we replace him with Louis Armstrong?

 

Bummer that Iowa State Fair is canceled. But it may save lives. Not only from COVID-19 but also from heart disease resulting from large quantities of ingested fried everything.

 

All these beheaded statues are giving me flashbacks to college days when my studies focused on the time of Henry VIII.

If you have a few minutes,  former New Orleans mayor Mitch Landrieu’s  2017 (!) speech changed my mind, it;s well worth  the read.  “We have not erased history; we are becoming part of the city’s history by righting wrong image these monuments represent & crafting a better, more complete future for all our children.”

 

Boys of… what season?

June 10, 2020

 

As MLB and owners go back and forth over number of games in proposed season, are they planning to bicker until we can get about 25 games in before it starts snowing in Colorado and Minneapolis.

 

Ok, one reason I wasn’t pushing for team to sign Colin Kaepernick was that didn’t think he was that good a QB anymore. On the other hand, he might be least likely player to get overly rough hits right now from opposing NFL players.

Meanwhile, COVID-19 back over 1,000 American deaths today. Anyone seen the White House Coronavirus Task Force?

Dr. Fauci on coronavirus – “In a period of four months, it has devastated the whole world. And it isn’t over yet.” Those last five words are why Trump now won’t appear with Fauci in public.

 

Stephen Miller is writing Trump’s speech on race relations. I miss the days when I could write jokes about Dan Quayle writing George H.W. Bush’s speech on the importance of spelling.

Marco Rubio asked about Trump’s tweet “I don’t read Twitter, I only write on it.” Actually sounds more like how he deals with the Bible.

(for non Twitter folks, Rubio LOVES to share Bible verses.)

 

An aide to Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear said the National Guard fired the shot that killed a Louisville restaurant owner.  This is not how America wanted to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Kent State.

Actual Trump tweet “Buffalo protester shoved by Police could be an ANTIFA provocateur. 75 year old Martin Gugino was pushed away after appearing to scan police communications in order to black out the equipment. @OANN I watched, he fell harder than was pushed. Was aiming scanner. Could be a set up?”

So if Donald is impeached again he’s going to plead not guilty by reason of insanity?

 

In Orange County, Calif, Health Officer Dr. Nichole Quick issued an order requiring face coverings in the county.
Dr. Quick just resigned after threats to her personal safety.
WTF is wrong with people?

 

Watching hot mess that is voting today in Georgia,  Rachel Maddow reports company with the contract for new voter machines-“largest rollout of elections equipment in US history” is run by- wait for it…Gov. Brian Kemp’s former campaign manager.
Would be funny if it weren’t so f*cking despicable.