Archive for June 17, 2020

Out of order

June 17, 2020

Since the Kentucky Derby and Preakness have been postponed until the fall, the Belmont Stakes on Saturday will become the 1st leg of the Triple Crown.

Fine, but the race will also become 1 1/8 miles instead of 1 1/2 miles. Nobody better think of touching Secretariat’s record.

 

Random thought, movie theaters, already struggling to survive, are going to open with social distancing and other restrictions.
I’m just wondering, how will they survive without the overpriced supersized shareable popcorn?

 

From Marc Ragovin “Trump says that if we stopped testing we’d have no new cases of Covid-19. Yeah, and if MLB didn’t report the scores, the ’62 Mets wouldn’t have lost 120 games.

 

Good thing that Quaker Oats is finally getting rid of Aunt Jemima brand. But can we stop calling their pancake topping “Maple Syrup?” Nothing actually “Maple” about it.

Scary thought. This spring MLB commissioner Rob Manfred actually might be making NFL commissioner Roger Goodell look good by comparison.

What happened during Trump’s 20 hour Twitter silence today? Did he try to pick up his phone with one hand and dropped it in a glass of water?

In Santa Clara County, California, Public Health Officer Dr. Sara Cody has received email threats over her cautious approach to reopening the economy. WTF is wrong with people?

Now FDA has revoked permission for hydroxychloroquine to be used for COVID-19, and federal government is stuck with 63 million doses of the drug, how long until Trump tries to blame the fiasco on Obama?

Trump administration hopes you don’t notice, but COVID-19 deaths were in the range of  1,000 Americans today. Again.

Amy Klobuchar tweets ” More than a month ago, I urged the Administration to take action to help prisons as they face the coronavirus. The virus continues to spread throughout prison systems. It’s critical the Administration provides guidance & protects incarcerated people now.”

You’d think Trump administration would care more about conditions in prisons as many of them may be residents in those prisons starting in 2021.

Maybe it’s just me, but officials in White House take an oath of office on defending “Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic…” Shouldn’t that include speaking up against a treasonous president without waiting for a book to be published?

If you’re with someone who commits murder and do nothing you can be charged as an accessory to murder So if you’re with someone who commits treason and you say nothing, until you can make money out of it….? #Bolton #BoltonBook

 

Anytime you start falling for fantasy that Donald considers Joe a weak opponent, remember Trump may now have committed treason with TWO countries, the Ukraine AND China, to try to get dirt on Biden. 

Joe Biden says Trump is “acting like he does not care about Coronavirus.” Uh, Donald isn’t acting.

Fumble recovery

June 17, 2020

Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy,  after fallout from him wearing an “OAN” network t-shirt has apologized to his players “Once I learned how that network felt about Black Lives Matter, I was disgusted and knew it was completely unacceptable to me.”

With all due respect,  claiming you don’t know that OAN feels about Black Lives Matter is like claiming you don’t know how ESPN feels about baseball teams not named the Red Sox and Yankees.

Rachel Maddow “”We are not a well-run country right now.”

We have another nominee for understatement of the year.

And since I miss baseball can I suggest the sports version of Rachel’s comment.  “Our country is now the equivalent of the 1962 Mets. Run by less lovable idiots.”

As hotels are announced for NBA teams at Disney World, I think I speak for all comedy writers in saying it’s a real shame the Knicks aren’t part of this. The jokes just write themselves with “Mickey Mouse Organization.”

Is it overkill if you see someone disregarding “one-way/do not enter” aisle signs in grocery store to politely remind them of it. And then when they ignore you to feel like throwing a can or something at them? Asking for a friend who’s had enough of COVIDiots.

Have to ask…Trump didn’t try to sue over Bob Woodward’s book “Fear”, which was deeply sourced by a Pulitzer Prize winning writer with impeccable credentials.
So what does Bolton have that really scares Donald?

 

Years from now, when our grandchildren whine about life being tough, will just living through 2020 be all of our equivalent of past generations’ “I walked to school in snow for miles, uphill, both ways?

So has Gov. Brian Kemp used the same strategies to remove people from Georgia’s COVID-19 count as he used to remove residents from the state’s voting rolls?

 

So if testing is the only reason we have a spike in coronavirus cases will Trump administration next ban breathalyzers and declare that they have eradicated DUIs?

So now we know the real reason Trump came down that escalator 5 years ago to announce his candidacy. He was scared of using a ramp.

But yeah, as we look back on that Trump Tower escalator ride Donald took five years ago, can’t help but wonder – what would the world be like now if he stumbled on that escalator then like he did Saturday on that ramp?

 

 

As Texas COVID-19 infections spike, Greg Abbott criticizes young people for not taking coronavirus seriously. Yes, is same Gov. who opened churches, youth camps & recreational sports programs for youth & adults w/ NO capacity restrictions 2 wks ago. Would be funny if not so sad.

As Trump keeps pushing his Tulsa rally and his Jacksonville convention – can I suggest a new slogan for Biden? “It won’t kill you to support Joe.”