Posted tagged ‘Miranda Lambert jokes’

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Cross at the border?

July 22, 2015

Donald Trump is visiting Laredo to tour the Texas-Mexico border. Though no doubt he won’t cross it. – because it would be embarrassing if the Mexican government deported him as being undesirable.

 

A Boston writer today wrote that the Red Sox needed to “cleanse themselves” of Sandoval and Ramirez.  Am sure SF Giants fans really feel sorry for Boston. Like you feel sorry when the ex who left you for someone else and slams you on the way has their next relationship fall apart….

 

NBA commissioner Adam Silver says “No doubt” that some day he can see a woman as NBA head coach. Although have to wonder, would a woman be dumb enough to take on say, the Knicks?

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Silver also says that the league may change rules to allow only the top 8 teams in each conference to make the playoffs. In other words, postseason teams in the East can still suck.

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Detroit manager Brad Ausmus says he is not giving up on the season as the Tigers are only 4 games out of the Wild Card. With a 46-47 record. Hmm, where does he think he is, the NBA?

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Shaquille O’Neal said the all-time Lakers team would beat the all-time Bulls team by 50. And the all-time Spurs team would probably jell togther better and kick both teams’ butts.

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So some rumors about Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert’s divorce say he cheated, some say she cheated. We can settle this real quickly if one of them turns out to have an Ashley Madison account.

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A source told People Magazine that the Duggars are “heartbroken” over the cancellation of their TLC Show, and that they want to return to TV. Alas, it’s been several years since they cancelled ‘To Catch a Predator.”
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President Obama Tuesday night on the Daily Show said he was issuing an executive order saying that Jon Stewart cannot leave the show. Guess Obama thinks he hasn’t done enough to infuriate the 2016 GOP presidential candidates?
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So Obama waited until Tuesday to lower flags to half staff for the Marines shot and killed in Tennessee. I would feel a lot less cynical about those criticizing the President if they weren’t also mostly the same people who want to send MANY more young men and women overseas to risk being shot and killed in foreign wars..
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Ted Cruz just convened a Senate hearing to investigate “abuses” by the Supreme court.. Saying recent decisions including on same-sex marriage are the “very definition of tyranny.”

The dictionary definition of “tyranny” includes words like unjust, oppressive and especially “cruel.” So who exactly suffers personally when gays get marriage?

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DeAndre Jordan, on his convoluted return to the Clippers – “When free agency started, this whole fiasco was not my intent.” Sounds like DeAndre’s intentions were as on target as his free throw shooting.
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Apparently a fire broke out today on the 4,000 passenger Freedom of the Seas cruise ship in Jamaica today, but it was quickly put out by the ship’s fire suppression system. Royal Caribbean says no passengers were injured, but one crew member suffered a first degree burn. Stand by for around the clock updates from CNN.

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Girls, girls, girls…..

July 21, 2015

The San Antonio Spurs, coached by Becky Hammon, just won the NBA Summer League. So, apparently real men don’t have a problem with sexual orientation in the locker room. ‪#‎yougogirl‬

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Ashley Madison, the “dating” site for married people, has apparently been hacked and the hackers are threatening to post information on millions of users on line. Who knows, the U.S. political scene could be about to get a lot crazier.

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With the Ashley Madison hacking story making headlines, I see a new business model for some enterprising person – A company that will create a credible online to make it seem as if your identity was stolen. “Honest, honey, I have no idea how they got my name and credit card, clearly our personal information has been compromised.”

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Anyone who misses watching baseball games at Candlestick Park must have loved watching the final round of the ‪#‎BritishOpen‬.

 

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Curt Schilling tweeted outrage that President Barack Obama failed to issue a proclamation to lower flags around government buildings to half-staff for the Chattanooga victims despite doing so for pop singer Whitney Houston.

Except that Obama didn’t do that. The only government official who ordered flags lowered for the pop star was NJ Gov. Chris Christie.

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A gay British man who voluntarily donates sperm says he has fathered 10 children with nine different women in just the last year. So the guy is either really altruistic, or he has delusions of being an NBA player.

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The Denver Nuggets have traded Ty Lawson to the Houston Rockets. Hoping it works out, but is it really a great idea to send a guy with 2 DUI’s in a year to a place with Texas’s very relaxed gun laws?

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A profile of Karen Hinton, who is New York Mayor DeBlasio’s press secretary, brings up a story from a 1999 book of how in 1984, when she was 24, then Arkansas governor Bill Clinton gave her a napkin with his room number on it. Shocking. Wouldn’t it be more of a story if Clinton in those days was talking to a pretty young blond woman and didn’t give her his room number?

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ACC commissioner John Swofford says the conference is “not trying to be Big Brother” in dealing with off-field issues like those at Florida State.

“Our approach $o far, and I don’t really $ee this changing, is that we have a lot of confidence in our in$titution$ to handle those $ituation$ when they occur.”

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In Iowa, a former lottery security official was found guilty  of rigging a game so he could win a $14 million jackpot, and then trying to get someone to cash the prize for him. Hmm, anyone but me worried less about him than about the ones who aren’t stupid enough to get caught?

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Palo Alto, California, has been sweltering with temperatures in the mid 80s and 61% humidity. Thereby bringing ZERO sympathy from anyone in the Midwest, South and East.

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Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert, probably THE reigning royal couple of country music, are getting divorced. No word who gets custody of the material for song lyrics.

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Between Blake and Miranda though, Taylor Swift might have some competition for “Best breakup song of the year.”

 

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Just in 2014, the NFL gave each teams each $226.4 million as part of national revenue sharing. But all the the league could afford was a $765 million settlement over concussion-related brain injuries for all its 18,000 retired players. I wish this were a joke.

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