Posted tagged ‘Melky Cabrera jokes’

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To every thing, there is a season.

August 21, 2012

For the second year in a row, Wisconsin will start a QB who graduated from his previous school, but had eligibility left so transferred for grad school to keep playing. Wonder if the Badgers tried to recruit Andrew Luck too?

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Of course,  all these graduate transfers of older players are certainly, per NCAA rules, for academic reasons.   Right.   And for readers who believe that, Melky Cabrera has a website he’d like to show you.

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Here’s what I don’t get. Todd Akins said he “misspoke.” “Misspeaking” to my mind is Obama saying he campaigned in all 57 states, or Romney introducing Ryan as the next President of the United States. Saying something you believe is only a mistake when it blows up in your face.

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When Todd Akins said he “understood from doctors” that pregnancy from “legitimate rape” was rare, is it just possible he took that “But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night” commercial a little too literally?”

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Anyone else beginning to wonder if Todd Akins was “shut down” by more than a few women he wanted to date?

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You can’t make this “stuff” up post of the day. Todd Akin, he of the women rarely get pregnant from “legitimate rape” quote, sits on the House Science Committee.

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All these investors bemoaning buying Facebook stock. It could be worse. They could have invested in a business selling SF Giants “Got Melk” shirts.

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Todd Akin is vowing to stay in the Missouri Senate race. And privately a lot of people are hoping he does. Those people are called “Democrats.”

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Marketing fail of the day: A snail mail letter addressed to me personally from the Mitt Romney campaign – “I am running for President of the United States and because you are one of America’s most notable Republicans, I want to personally let you know why.”

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The Boston Red Sox, 11th in the AL in ERA, have fired pitching coach, Bob McClure. Maybe they need to bring back the beer and fried chicken.

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Scott McKenzie, who sang the 1960s anthem “San Francisco”, has died at the age of 73. Funeral attendees will no doubt be asked to “Be Sure to Wear Some Flowers in Your Hair.”

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The Western Athletic Conference apparently will drop football after the upcoming 2012 season. This is shocking – there are still football-playing schools left in the WAC?

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Philadelphia WR DeSean Jackson told ESPN that he didn’t give a full effort in 2011 because he didn’t want to get injured before signing a new contract. Well, that should make all those people who paid full price for Eagles tickets last year feel warm and special.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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WWW.STUPID.COM

August 20, 2012

It just gets stranger.  Now a story has emerged that Melky Cabrera hoped to use a fake website and a product that didn’t excuse, to claim that he had ordered a tainted supplement by mistake.  And thus he would not be suspended….    But, apparently the scheme was as poorly executed as his use of the testosterone.

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A thought on Melky’s website idea to beat the PED charges? Wouldn’t it have been easier to say he found the supplements when he was pushed into that lifeboat?

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Wonder how many other major leaguers have gotten to work on their own websites.

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Ah cellphones. Hard to think that it was less than 20 years ago that if you wanted to share a long, obnoxious conservation with everyone within earshot in a public place, you actually needed to be yelling at someone right next to you.

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According to the NY Post, the Red Sox are now saying a text message sent from Adrian Gonzalez’s cellphone to ownership complaining about Bobby Valentine, was really instigated by former catcher Kelly Shoppach. Ah technology – we’ve moved from “I got the stuff from his locker.” to “he used my phone.”

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Rep. Todd Akin, running for Senate in Missouri, is against abortion in case of rape. But he “understands from doctors, that’s really rare. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” Okay, even by Florida and Arizona standards, this dude is crazy.

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Shame we can’t put Akin in a locked room with some of the men who have said “if rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it.”?

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The more I think about this Todd Akin rape-pregnancy comment, the more I’m surprised. Not that he’s a Neanderthal. But that as a candidate for the U.S. Senate he hasn’t learned to keep his more extreme beliefs quiet until after the election.

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The Houston Astros, with MLB’s worst record at 39-82, fired manager Brad Mills and two coaches last night. Could have been worse, they could have made Mills stay for the whole year.

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As the ads ramp up for the 2 months of the campaign, voters especially in swing states may to want remember this quote about Citizen United: “the most misguided, naive, uninformed, egregious decision of the United States Supreme Court I think in the 21st century.” From that noted liberal John McCain.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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No crying in baseball…

August 16, 2012

Or at least for the San Francisco Giants,  no crying over spilled Melk.

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Well, on the brighter side at least the SF Giants hadn’t signed a multi-year deal with Melky Cabrera…

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A thought about the Melky Cabrera suspension. What’s more shocking, that he got caught, or that he admitted it: “My positive test was the result of my use of a substance I should not have used.” (What, no “tainted” supplement or “I got it from a friend?”)

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Giants fans are thinking, if a iconic SF Giants player had to test positive this year for PED’s and get suspended, what a shame that it wasn’t Tim Lincecum.

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A new book said Joe Paterno sobbed after being fired from PSU, saying “My name…I have spent my whole life trying to make that name mean something. And now it’s gone.” And all it might have taken to keep that good name was one phone call to the State College police.

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Pac 12 commissioner Larry Scott doesn’t like the USA Today coaches’ poll, saying it’s 1 – a conflict of interest, and 2 – coaches are focused on their own games. (And of course the unsaid 3 – East Coast and Midwest coaches never vote for teams out West.)

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Ah border wars: A FB group has sprung up asking for “American only hours” at Costco, saying that the store “should make a special time during the day that is American members only.” Texas or Arizona? No, Bellingham, WA. Oh, those pesky Canadians.

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Wonder how long it will take for the Yankees to ask for the All-Star game results to be thrown out so they have a chance for home field advantage?

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Congrats to Felix Hernandez of the Seattle Mariners on his perfect game.   And for making the Tampa Bay Rays, at least, look like a lineup that was PED free.

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Meanwhile, back in the innocent world of college sports….  The University of Alabama self-reported 27 NCAA secondary rules violations over the past year, mostly regarding texts and phone calls. 6 were from men’s basketball, and 4 were from football. Other than that, the program was completely clean. Right.

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All this GOP outrage over Joe Biden’s “put you in chains” comment. Where were they last year? When Rick Santorum said in Iowa “They will put you in chains called ‘Obamacare,’ and you will never break away.”

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