Posted tagged ‘gun control jokes’

Is it safe?

January 6, 2016

Many are condemning President Obama’s executive orders on guns , although they seem relatively mild. But let’s be real, if the car makers of America had as much political clout as the NRA, there would be an outcry if Obama made safety proposals about driver’s licenses.

 

Actually President Obama probably has it wrong; if he REALLY wanted to get serious gun control passed, he would quietly encourage the formation of American “Open Carry” Muslim groups.=

 

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says the team is open to “some risks” in getting a new young backup QB. Let’s see, wonder how many seconds after that remark went online did Jones get a phone call from Cleveland?

Just waiting for someone to ask those ‪#‎OregonMilitia‬ men who they are endorsing for President.

 

Eight Ohio State Buckeyes so far are foregoing eligibility to declare early for the NFL draft. Knowing Urban Meyer and his players, have to wonder how many of them might have worn out the patience of the Columbus police?

The new “Bachelor” season has begun. Might not bode well for some of the presidential candidates – Americans now have another way to get their regular dose of “crazy.

A six-year-old Canadian boy, Syed Adam Ahmed, has apparently been on Canada’s no-fly list since he was a toddler because of his name. Waiting for Donald Trump to weigh in and say “You can’t be too careful.”

 

 

Tonya Couch, the mom of “affluenza” teen Ethan, waived an extradition fight and will be returned to Texas. Her lawyers issued a statement While the public may not like what she did, may not agree with what she did, or may have strong feelings against what she did, make no mistake — Tonya did not violate any law of the State of Texas and she is eager to have her day in court.”
Just guessing this might be one of the few times a bipartisan jury might agree otherwise.

SF  49ers reportedly talking to Mike Shanahan about coaching vacancy. Makes sense, after Dan Snyder in Washington,  49ers owner Jed York might seem almost normal

 

In Texas, a 20-year-old young woman who was acting as a designated driver New Year’s Eve for her sorority sisters was shot dead in an apparent road rage incident. Now a suspect has been arrested, and he is an active Marine. So how do you stop a “good guy” with a gun? ‪#‎ifonlythesisterswerearmed‬

 

Arkansas  Senator Tom Cotton, a Republican, endorsed Bernie Sanders in the Democratic Primary. Wonder which Democrat in Congress might respond by endorsing Rand Paul?

A California Sheriff’s Deputy, Mark Heath, who drove cross country on vacation this December was arrested along with two friends, allegedly with 250 lbs of marijuana and $11,000 cash that they planned to deliver in Pennsylvania. In Yuba County, Heath was part of a drug and gang task force. He has now been placed on leave. (And he couldn’t have driven the pot to Oregon?) ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

 

 

Florida Atlantic University has officially fired James Tracy, a tenured professor who has publicly claimed the Sandy Hook killings were a hoax, and then feuded with parents of the victims. Good for them. But why do I think that there will no doubt be some who will be lining up to hire him?

Decisions, decisions.

August 4, 2014

The Green Bay Packers scheduled  an announcement Monday regarding Brett Favre and the Packers Hall of Fame. Although if they really wanted to honor Favre they will change their mind about the announcement and reschedule it later.

Yesterday at Penn Station, Amtrak accidentally sent over 200 passengers to the wrong platform and an Acela train headed for Washington without them. Even U.S. airlines were impressed.

 

Wonder what kind of odds you could have gotten in 2008 that Jack Nicklaus would hold off #TigerWoods for the lead with the most golf majors?

In Hewitt, Texas, a firearms instructor for the Police Department will miss at least two months of work after shooting himself in the hand. He was trying to teach family members how to clear the chamber of a jammed semi-automatic pistol. Raising the question, how do you stop a stupid good guy with a gun?

One of the anti-immigrant lines in the U.S. these days is about immigrants taking American jobs. Wonder why none of these folks has a problem with one of the only 100 positions in the U.S. Senate being taken in Texas by a man from Canada.

 

Arizona 1st baseman Paul Goldschmidt’s fractured left hand probably means he will miss the rest of the season. Except maybe for a couple Giants-Dbacks games. Even one-handed Goldschmidt probably can hit .500 against Tim Lincecum.

Random scary thought if you are an MLB team with World Series aspirations. Right now the #5 starter on the Detroit Tigers is Justin Verlander.

 

Opening night at Levi’s Stadium, an MLS game, featured traffic gridlock, technology problems, and not enough parking. A little scary for season ticket holders and potential ticket re-sellers. But potentially great news for the NFL network

 

Apparently Prince Charles is “furious” about a new book coming out by a former Buckingham Palace press officer that supposedly will expose marital secrets between him and Diana. Shocking. There are any secrets about that mess of a marriage left?

First things first but…

April 18, 2013

After we find and prosecute the Boston Marathon bombers, think there’s any way to prosecute some of the media who printed photos of innocent men as suspects?

Derek Jeter apparently has a small crack in his surgically repaired left ankle and will be out at least until the All-Star break. At this point the Yankees may decide to seek a second opinion from an expert paleontologist.

Mitt Romney said today that President Obama gave a “superb” speech at the memorial for the Boston Marathon bombing victims. Well, heck, if the Yankees and Red Sox can get along for a few days, maybe bipartisan goodwill is possible. For a few days anyway.

And on the subject of bipartisan agreement….    My friend Ed Murrell and I will probably would never vote the same way on anything. But I agree with him on this post of his today.    So what – the league put out a schedule today…..“Sports radio has become a boring, monotonous NFL advertisement. Who honestly gives a !@#$%^& about the NFL schedule. You’ve got no life if you’re into that mess.”

NY Mets vs. Colorado Rockies today in 30 degree weather in Denver. 30 degrees? That’s colder than the Mets’ bats. MLB says more stringent security measures will be in place at ballparks. So fans may need to arrive earlier as the league tries to guard against terrorists attacks on big crowds. Well, at least Marlins fans are safe.

A thought  from Michael Hayne that would be funnier if it weren’t rather true.  ” The great thing about being white is we’re never a terrorist, we just have a mental illness.”

Chris Culliver, the SF 49ers’ player who ended up in trouble for his anti-gay comments during Super Bowl week, now posted on Instagram photos of a iPhone conversation referring to women as “bitches” and “hoes.” There is just no cure for stupid.

Now that Britney Griner is officially out, really rooting for Mark Cuban’s idea. Would be fun if the first openly gay athlete in a major men’s professional sport turned out to be a woman.Another thought about the Senators who voted against more government control over guns. So why doesn’t their support of individual freedom extend to things like legalized marijuana and prostitution?

Turns out the man suspected of sending letters contacting ricin-laden letters to President Obama and Sen. Roger Wicker is an Elvis impersonator from Tupelo. Geez. If Elvis wasn’t dead, this kind of stuff would kill him.

Whichever side you’re on, it seems pretty clear that if Senators were afraid they would lose their next election for voting against background checks, some of them would have put aside their principled defense of gun rights.