Posted tagged ‘college basketball jokes’

Final two.

April 6, 2013

Now that #Michigan is in #NCAA championship, over-under on number of times we’ll see #ChrisWebber’s 1993 attempted timeout before Monday?

If Louisville wins thinking Rick Pitino’s wife is about as likely to let him go out without her for a celebratory dinner as Kobe Bryant’s wife is to let him order room service.


(short version for those saying “what?” – Pitino,  married since 1976,  was involved in an 2009 extortion trial with a woman he admitted meeting in a Louisville restaurant in 2003 ,  and having sex with in the bathroom. He also admitted giving her $3000 for an abortion.  But that story somehow hasn’t made CBS’s weekend’s narrative..)


A 18-pound tortoise named Cashew who disappeared from a museum in Dubuque, Iowa, was found alive and in good health two days later in a building elevator. Officials believe the tortoise was stolen and then returned. Which would be easier to explain than her just having run away.

A rate Honus Wagner baseball card just sold for $2.1 million. What’s crazier, the price for a single card, or the fact that these days $2.1 million might get you a mediocre middle reliever?

A 22-year-old Oklahoma mom was arrested for allegedly trying to sell her 2-year old and 10-month old kids on Facebook. What kind of monster tries to sell little children? Teenagers, well, okay that makes sense.

(My friend Abbe Nelson says says you get better prices for kids on Ebay..  And Michael M. adds “More sad tales of the demise of newspapers. Once upon a time, it was very easy to sell small children through classifieds.”)


Is there a worse invention in college basketball than the possession arrow? Seriously. How hard is it to learn how to throw up a basketball for a jump ball?

Free-agent DB Charles Woodson, 36, says no NFL teams have offered him a contract because they think he’s too old. Shame Woodson didn’t take up baseball instead of football. He’s almost old enough to be signed by the Yankees.


Not a Rick Warren fan but very sad to hear his report his son shot himself: “Today, after a fun evening together with Kay and me, in a momentary wave of despair at his home, he took his life.” Without a gun a “momentary wave of despair” might not have been fatal.

CNN reports North Korea has told diplomats it cannot guarantee their safety if war breaks out but is encouraging tour groups to stay. Well, at least daredevils now have a scarier vacation option than a Carnival cruise.


Oops. The NY Post reports that Yankees fans who google “Yankees box office phone number” will find a number for a phone sex line. Well, some (male) fans may decide the new number provides more value for money.

Santa Clara beat George Mason 80-77 for the College Basketball Invitational title. So do schools raise a CBI banner?

There’s always a silver lining for someone.   Mike Rice and company at Rutgers at least have meant that Chris Christie and Snooki are off the hook  as the top New Jersey punchlines.

John Lackey  exited his first start of the year with an arm injury. He had signed an $82 million, 5 year contract with the Red Sox in 2009. Who’d a thunk then that Barry Zito’s 7 year $126 million 2006 contract might look like the better deal?


Another thought on the whole Obama-Kamala Harris mountain of a molehill:   So where’s the outrage when someone suggests a male politician is good looking?



April 2, 2009

Does really this need a punchline?

University of Kentucky President Lee Todd’s salary $550,000.

New University of Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari’s salary. $3.96 million a year. For eight years.

John Calipari says he is “excited” to be the new Kentucky coach. Well, they did give him 31.65 million good reasons.

On the other hand, Rick Pitino says he is definitely returning to Louisville and a candidate for the University of Arizona coaching job.

Translation, Arizona hasn’t offered him $31 million.

Barack Obama is in London but he is still following his Final Four – Chase, Wells Fargo, Bank of America and JP Morgan..

Singer Elvis Crespo was accused by a fellow passenger of masturbating on a flight from Houston to Miami. In related news, US Air reported record sales of their hermetically sealed blankets.

Singer Elvis Crespo was accused by a fellow passenger of masturbating on a flight. In his defense, he just said he was following new airline policies that make you take everything into your own hands.

I’m not a 20 something, but… Lady GaGa – who appeared Wednesday on American Idol, is supposed to be one of the new hot stars. Seemed more like Marilyn Monroe meets Star Trek.

Barack Obama gave the Queen an I Pod. But for royalty, shouldn’t it be a We Pod?

And President Obama, who sat next to German Chancellor Angela Merkel has already gone a ways towards improving U.S. Germany relations. Three words – No shoulder rub.