Posted tagged ‘presidential debate jokes’

C is for Cuts?

October 4, 2012

President Obama may have been overly subdued last night, but he’s really on the attack today over Mitt Romney’s promise to cut PBS. In short, Barack is metaphorically “Flipping him the Big Bird.”

All these folks who figure that Romney really has it in for Big Bird because he wants to cut PBS funding – maybe instead it’s that Mitt has figured out that Bert and Ernie are shacking up together.

Another mistake from President Obama. He said that last night he “didn’t debate the real Mitt Romney.” As if there was a “real” Mitt Romney.

Or  did Obama figure it wouldn’t sound presidential to respond “Liar, liar, pants on fire?”

From my good friend, Michele Eggars,  who doesn’t share my political views  – “I think I heard Obama say say “Not tonight Sweetie, I have a headache”.

And from Marc Ragovin:   “At the outset of the Presidential debate, Jim Lehrer reminded the audience that one of the ground rules was no cheering. Hell, they just could have bused in a bunch of Red Sox fans.”

Foxnews.com headline this morning about the debate: “It’s not over.” So this means they thought it WAS over?

Facebook is reportedly offering some users the chance to pay $7 to promote their posts with better visibility. This worries me less than the idea that they may start charging us to hide stuff like Farmville requests.

 

Headline said that the Red Sox didn’t waste any time in firing Bobby Valentine. Some Boston fans would say they wasted a whole year.

Missouri Senate candidate Todd Akin amended 10 years of federal financial reports after he failed to list $130,000 in state pension payments, saying it was an “unintentional oversight.” Does he expect the story to shut down since it was a “legitimate mistake.”

 

Five University of Missouri freshman football players were suspended after police found them on campus with marijuana in a white Lincoln Navigator. Well, no surprise that students have pot….have to wonder, where are they doing with a Lincoln Navigator?

NY Jets QB Mark Sanchez is now insisting he’s not worried about the possibility of being replaced by Tim Tebow. Uh, maybe that’s part of the problem.

New pre-flight announcement on American Airlines? “Please make sure your seat belts are securely fastened and your seats are securely bolted to the floor.”

TCU starting QB Casey Pachall has been suspended after being arrested for DWI this morning, This after he failed a drug test in February. The lengths some athletes will go to to prove they are NFL ready….

The Seattle Mariners, last in MLB with a .234 batting average, have fired their hitting coach. Which shocked many Mariners fans – “We HAD a hitting coach?”

Two longtime vintage bookstores in San Francisco’s Mission District may have to close due to rent hikes. “Bummer,” said most of the 20 somethings who pack the neighborhood’s bars and restaurants. “But what’s a bookstore?”

Debatable.

October 3, 2012

Now that the debate is over we can get back to the issues that America really cares about, like what really happened in that “American Idol” Mariah Carey – Nicki Minaj catfight?

For many Americans, tonight’s debate was like a Nascar race, they only tuned in to see the potential wrecks.

In swing states, tonight’s Presidential debate might be the only television show until November that’s not interrupted by political commercials.

Watching this debate one thing is clear, do we really want an America where people like Jim Lehrer, 78, have to make complicated and tough decisions about their own healthcare?

Mitt Romney said Wednesday night  –  “I like coal.” But does he love lamp?

Anyone else but me would have liked to see a debate tonight between Romney 2012 and that guy who was Governor of Massachusetts from 2003-2007?

Okay, message from Mitt Romney to those of us who are 50 something. If you are not healthy you are f*cked.

For those who wanted to watch the debate but didn’t want to miss a baseball game with postseason implications, would like to thank the Boston Red Sox for doing their best to make this entire week irrelevant.  Don’t let the door hit you in the back, Bobby.

Forget this Presidential debate stuff….what’s the controversy with AL MVP? Trout for Rookie of the Year no doubt, but when compared to a TRIPLE CROWN winner whose team won their division? Fox and MSNBC should both agree on this one.

 

The Texas Rangers have just been declared the official baseball team of the U.S. Ryder Cup squad.

According to a CBS Sports story, the Red Sox will fire manager Bobby Valentine this week. “I’m shocked,” said absolutely nobody.

American Airlines is advertising a new sale, with the tagline ” Take off to cities across the U.S.” Uh, at this point travelers on American aren’t so worried about the take off, they’re worried about how and where they land.

Big news today for  baseball fans: Teddy Roosevelt actually won the Presidents Race at Nationals Park today. What? Did they shut the other presidents down early?

Got to love it, heard some NY Jets fan claiming the team will never score if they switch to Tim Tebow at QB. As opposed to last week?

The Mets R.A. Dickey now admits he pitched the entire season with a torn abdominal muscle. Wonder how many mediocre pitchers are thinking about going out and tearing their own muscles.

Last thought for the night:   As the Red Sox stagger into the offseason, have to wonder, what if beer and fried chicken were actually PEDs?