Posted tagged ‘Ozzie Guillen jokes’

Dumb and dumber, another sequel.

April 11, 2012

Arkansas has fired Bobby Petrino, saying the now-ex football coach, “knowingly misled” and “engaged in reckless behavior” with an employee less than half his age. Gosh, if there had only been another example of such a thing happening to a powerful man from Arkansas that Petrino might have learned from.

You think you’ve had a rough month with your relationship? How’d you like to be Josh Morgan? He’s the fiance of Jessica Dorrell – Bobby Petrino’s passenger during his ill-fated motorcycle ride that ended up costing the Arkansas coach his job. Uh, how’s that June wedding planning going?

Ozzie Guillen was suspended for five games for his comments about Fidel Castro. And somewhere Marge Schott is thinking, “In Miami, Ozzie, how could you be so stupid?”

Not defending Ozzie Guillen and certainly not defending Fidel Castro. But one of the things Cuban-Americans rail about regarding their home country now is that there is no right to free speech.

Thursday’s historic pitching matchup in Coors: Madison Bumgarner, 22, against Jamie Moyer, 49. Wonder if after each time the Rockies bat Moyer will yell to Madbum “Hey, punk, get off my mound.”

Rick Santorum is ending his Presidential campaign. “Say it ain’t so” cried America’s comedy writers.

Rick Santorum, with his campaign allegedly $1 million in debt, has suspended his run for President but has not endorsed Mitt Romney. Wonder if Santorum is waiting for Mitt to give him one million good reasons….

A Japanese company has come up with “Sushi Robot” that can crank out 3,600 pieces per hour. Yikes. Should we be staying tuned for “Sushi McNuggets?”

Speaking in support of the “Bush Tax Cuts,” George W. said in a speech he wished his name wasn’t so firmly attached to the cuts. Some in the GOP wish W’s name wasn’t so firmly attached to the Republican party.

Newt Gingrich’s $500 check to pay the filing fee to get on the Utah ballot bounced. It’s this kind of intelligent attention to detail that has the former Speaker where he is today – third or fourth in a race where no one likes the front-runner and the #2 guy has dropped out.

The Denver Post is doing a Titanic “100 Years Later” retrospective. Titled “Unsinkable, Unimaginable, Unforgettable.” Well, two out of three ain’t bad.

From Gary Bachman: “The London tabloid The Sun reported Sunday that the final autopsy report of Whitney Houston has revealed 11 missing teeth. Today Houston will be granted posthumous British citizenship.”


The times they are a changin’

April 10, 2012

Great final round at Augusta yesterday. A complete reversal from 1997, when a black man won the Masters, and Bubba was in the White House.

Got to hand it to Ozzie Guillen. The guy reigns amongst sports figures for getting into the most trouble while still both avoiding arrest and keeping his pants on.

Just added to the Miami Marlins ballpark giveaways in 2012? A commemorative Ozzie Guillen mouth gag.

Two New Jersey men have filed a petition challenging President Obama’s place on the Democratic primary ballot because they claim he is not a natural-born citizen. And Snooki and the Situation responded “Wait a minute, and we’re supposed to be the stupid ones?”

Marlins pitcher Mark Buerhrle apparently sliced the thumb on his pitching hand while opening a jar of mayonnaise. “I came in to make a sandwich and they said ‘You know we have people who can make sandwiches for you,’’’ Buehrle said. “(I said) ‘I’m a grown man, I can make my own sandwich.” Well, apparently not.

Four-hit shutout for the SF Giants’ Barry Zito against the Colorado Rockies. WTF? Next thing someone will be trying to tell me the Mets are 4-0.

Are New Yorkers going from Lin-sanity to DeMEnTSia?

How improbable was Barry Zito’s shutout. In his post-game interview you almost expected to hear him thank “My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.”

Actually, maybe God was behind Zito’s gem today. I mean, who else in the San Francisco area has done a better job of getting people on their feet screaming “Jesus Christ.”

Even Jamie Moyer was thinking that it was time for Barry Zito to hang it up.

Some wonder if Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino can survive the scandal resulting from his motorcycle crash involving his 25 year old assistant and the “inappropriate relationship.” Survive as football coach anyway. Petrino is now pretty well set up for running for Governor of Arkansas.

Rick Santorum’s daughter is in the hospital, and Mitt Romney’s campaign is pulling its negative ads in Pennsylvania. Saying “We have done this out of deference to Sen. Santorum’s decision to suspend his campaign for personal family reasons,” (That and, “we think we’re winning anyway and this is a good way to save money.”)

From Marc Ragovin: “So Mike Wallace has died. His funeral will take place immediately after the conclusion of the Raiders/Chiefs game, except on the west coast, where it will be held at its regular time.”