Posted tagged ‘Bobby Petrino jokes’

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South American Stupidity.

April 15, 2012

Apparently the Secret Service prostitute scandal came to light with a dispute involving one woman who claimed she wasn’t paid and talked to police. Moral of the story, “Always pay your whores.” (As long as you don’t use campaign funds, yes I mean you John Edwards.)

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Augie’s response to my comment that this “More unemployment to blame on Obama – these men would never have been fired if Bill Clinton were President.”

“Not only would they not have been fired, they would have been his security detail while he visited the brothels.”

Though to give Clinton his due, not sure Bill ever had to pay any woman at the time. He did pay enough for his lying later.

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Not to say that the Sharks’ loss Saturday night to the Blues was overly fight-filled. But I heard St. Louis won by a TKO.
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Once again, “To Kill a Mockingbird” is on the U.S. top ten list of banned books. Wonder how many of these folks who ban books actually read.

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For those worried about signs of the apocalypse, it may be a relief to know that Barry Zito does now have an ERA in 2012. On the other hand, the Washington Nationals are in first place.

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Robin Gibbs is in a coma. And “Glee” has a Bee-Gees episode planned for Tuesday. Following their Whitney Houston episode earlier this year. The show could be getting more dangerous than the cover of “Madden NFL.”

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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have announced their engagement. Apparently the ring took almost a year to design. That’s longer than Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries whole relationship.

(Nick Coombs adds “No word yet on if Jolie will try to adopt the child who mined the diamond for her ring.”)

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According to SI.com, Bobby Petrino’s mistress Jessica Dorrell’s “interview feedback” notes say she had “the most overall experience of building relationships that the football program is looking for.” Well, “building a relationship” is one way to put it.

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What was Bobby Petrino thinking? Being in Arkansas, getting involved with a young woman, and putting her on the university payroll? Why, the gal wasn’t even his relative.
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Mitt Romney’s campaign has sent out a fundraising solicitation looking for the first 1,000 people who can donate $50,000 and become a “Founding Member” of “Romney Victory.” Well, guess now that he’s looking to the General Election, Mitt decided he needed to reach out to the middle class.

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Great game by Matt Cain yesterday in the SF Giants home opener. Only two disappointments: The one hit he allowed in an otherwise perfect game. And his total of 11 strikeouts was two short of the 13 required for all fans to get a coupon for free bratwursts.

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Description of the movie “Titanic” in today’s newspaper TV guide: “The ship hits an iceberg.” Gosh, really?! Talk about a spoiler.

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What money can’t buy.

April 14, 2012

Mitt Romney has filed for an extension on his 2011 taxes Friday afternoon. A spokeswoman said Romney does not yet have “sufficient information to provide an accurate return.” Really?! The guy wants to be in charge of the U.S. economy and he can’t keep track of his own millions?

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Weather satellite or military tool, in any case North Korea’s expensive rocket flamed out spectacularly. With this kind of money to reward ratio you almost expect the Yankees to be involved.

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Paul Ryan said – as a compliment – that Mitt Romney is “kind of a throwback to the 50s.” Did he mean the 1950s or 1850s?

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Mitt Romney may be having a rough 2012 campaign so far, but it could be worse- he could be running against Cory Booker.

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Today was Matt Cain’s THIRD game where he came a single batter away from a no-hitter. Can San Francisco Giants fans officially start referring to him as a “one-hit wonder?”

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Apparently as many as 12 Secret Service agents sent to provide security for Barack Obama in Columbia were relieved of duties and sent home after allegations of personal misconduct involving prostitutes. More unemployment to blame on Obama – these men would never have been fired if Bill Clinton were President.

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French psychologists have discovered that baboons are able to tell real words from fake words. Wonder how they would do on the NFL Wonderlic test?

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Tampa Bay’s Luke Scott ragged on Red Sox fans about “their arrogance,” saying “The fans come in and they take over the city. They’re ruthless, they’re vulgar, they cause trouble…” Now before Boston’s home opener, he’s referring to Fenway Park as a “dump.” Even Ozzie Guillen is thinking “Luke, Luke, less is more…”

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Bobby Petrino says he will not appeal his firing as Arkansas’s football coach. Probable translation- there are still more texts, and probably pictures, that we don’t know about.

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And what was Petrino thinking? Being in Arkansas, getting involved with a young woman, and putting her on the college payroll? Why, the gal wasn’t even his relative.

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You can’t win department. So Democrats from the White House on down immediately condemned Hilary Rosen’s comment about Ann Romney not working. And Mary Matalin is upset, because they came down too fast and too hard, and should have been more supportive of Rosen. Right. And if they had defended her it would have been more intellectual elitism. Ah, politics.

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From Gary Bachman: Florida Rep. Allen West said that up to 81 House members are communists. To which Ozzie Guillen responded that he admires each and every one of them.

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To text or not to text, that should have been the question.

April 12, 2012

Fired Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino, 51, apparently exchanged 4300 texts with Jessica Dorrell, 25, in the last seven months. Shocking! A 51 year old man knows how to text?

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Uh, this is not your 2011 San Francisco Giants. WTF?! Great hitting, shaky starting pitching…. Is it time to switch the uniform to black and orange pinstripes?

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It’s early days but don’t hear all those SF Giants fans complaining now about the team not signing Lincecum to more than a two year contract.

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The NCAA put Baylor’s men’s and women’s basketball on 3 years of probation plus reduced scholarships after an investigation into major recruiting phone and text violations. The teams, however, will not need to vacate wins or their women’s championship. Sounds like the university is about ready to join the SEC.

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Baylor women’s coach Kim Mulkey “Any compliance-related mistakes, even those that are secondary, are disappointing. The majority of mistakes in this matter were errors in sending text messages and failure to accurately document our phone calls.” Wow. Sounds like she has a great future in politics.

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Giants Rockies game starts at 110p Colorado time today. The teams hope to finish in time for Rockies starter Jamie Moyer to make his Early Bird Special reservation.//

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Bill Parcells says that while he was approached about the New Orleans Saints job he is “staying retired.” “Amateur,” responded Brett Favre.

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All these Miami fans who don’t want to go to Marlins game because Ozzie Guillen said something stupid about Castro… Yes, it was stupid, and offensive, but for another example, liberal Boston fans didn’t avoid Fenway when Curt Schilling campaigned in 2004 for George W. Bush.

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Wisconsin state senator Glenn Grothman said that women make less money because “money is more important for men.” Clearly this idiot has never been to a shoe sale.

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Sherri Shepherd from “the View” was bounced from “Dancing with the Stars” last night. What a shame said millions of women, what’s “the View” said millions of men?

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Florida Rep. Allen West said Tuesday at a town hall that he’s “heard” as many as 80 House Democrats are communists. With Rick Santorum out of the Presidential race is West just trying to fill a void for the whack job contingent?

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Newt Gingrich said his campaign’s $500 bounced check to file for the Utah primary was just “one of those goofy things.” And millions of Americans who are unemployed or living paycheck to paycheck said “Yeah, just hilarious.”

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You think you have a tough job. How’d you like to do jury selection for the George Zimmerman trial in Florida?

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Just think how much less worldwide outrage there would be had George Zimmerman felt threatened by Casey Anthony.

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Dumb and dumber, another sequel.

April 11, 2012

Arkansas has fired Bobby Petrino, saying the now-ex football coach, “knowingly misled” and “engaged in reckless behavior” with an employee less than half his age. Gosh, if there had only been another example of such a thing happening to a powerful man from Arkansas that Petrino might have learned from.

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You think you’ve had a rough month with your relationship? How’d you like to be Josh Morgan? He’s the fiance of Jessica Dorrell – Bobby Petrino’s passenger during his ill-fated motorcycle ride that ended up costing the Arkansas coach his job. Uh, how’s that June wedding planning going?

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Ozzie Guillen was suspended for five games for his comments about Fidel Castro. And somewhere Marge Schott is thinking, “In Miami, Ozzie, how could you be so stupid?”

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Not defending Ozzie Guillen and certainly not defending Fidel Castro. But one of the things Cuban-Americans rail about regarding their home country now is that there is no right to free speech.

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Thursday’s historic pitching matchup in Coors: Madison Bumgarner, 22, against Jamie Moyer, 49. Wonder if after each time the Rockies bat Moyer will yell to Madbum “Hey, punk, get off my mound.”

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Rick Santorum is ending his Presidential campaign. “Say it ain’t so” cried America’s comedy writers.

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Rick Santorum, with his campaign allegedly $1 million in debt, has suspended his run for President but has not endorsed Mitt Romney. Wonder if Santorum is waiting for Mitt to give him one million good reasons….

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A Japanese company has come up with “Sushi Robot” that can crank out 3,600 pieces per hour. Yikes. Should we be staying tuned for “Sushi McNuggets?”

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Speaking in support of the “Bush Tax Cuts,” George W. said in a speech he wished his name wasn’t so firmly attached to the cuts. Some in the GOP wish W’s name wasn’t so firmly attached to the Republican party.
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Newt Gingrich’s $500 check to pay the filing fee to get on the Utah ballot bounced. It’s this kind of intelligent attention to detail that has the former Speaker where he is today – third or fourth in a race where no one likes the front-runner and the #2 guy has dropped out.

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The Denver Post is doing a Titanic “100 Years Later” retrospective. Titled “Unsinkable, Unimaginable, Unforgettable.” Well, two out of three ain’t bad.

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From Gary Bachman: “The London tabloid The Sun reported Sunday that the final autopsy report of Whitney Houston has revealed 11 missing teeth. Today Houston will be granted posthumous British citizenship.”

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