Posted tagged ‘New Orleans Saints jokes’

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Saints be praised.

November 11, 2013

New Orleans Saints 49,  Dallas Cowboys 17.   The only time they usually see scores like that in Louisiana is when LSU schedules one of their out-of-conference cupcakes.

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How bad did the Saints make the Cowboys defense look? In the Kiffin family for a change, Lane was feeling sorry for his dad.

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Looks like it’s a good thing for the NFC Least that the NFL’s requirements for winning your division aren’t as strict as the NCAA’s rules for being bowl-eligible.

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SF 49ers, who play New Orleans on the 17th,  are just hoping the Saints offense tired themselves out by going up and down the field so often.

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So who wins the “most embarrassing day in the division” award? The Colts for getting spanked by the Rams or the Titans for losing to the Jaguars?

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Now backup Green Bay quarterback Seneca Wallace is injured. Think that Brett Favre’s wife has hidden his cellphone?

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Singer Miley Cyrus smoked a joint on stage and twerked with a dwarf during the MTV EMAs today. Guess she’s not happy with only offending music fans on one continent.

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It just gets better…. Apparently GM Jeff Ireland spoke at a Dolphins meeting this week and singled out head coach Joe Philbin for creating a team of high character. Would hate to see what a team of low character was….

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But not that long ago I’m sure the folks at MNF looked at tomorrow’s Dolphins Bucs matchup and thought – “how are we ever going to come up with a story line for this turkey of a game?”

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Two people were shot and injured, one reportedly an innocent bystander, after a shooting at New York City’s Bryant Park ice rink. If only all the skaters had been armed.

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Hillary Clinton made a speech in SF stressing bipartisan unity. Translation, going to be fun to see her and Chris Christie each trying to claim ownership of the centrist platform in 2016, after they both try to run in opposite directions in the primary.

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Crazy?

March 3, 2012

An article in an upcoming article in CFA magazine (a trade publication for investment professionals) says that one out of every 10 Wall Street employees is probably a clinical psychopath. Only one in 10?

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Darwin runner-up of the week: A 9 year old boy is recovering after being attacked by a cheetah when he, his mother, and two friends decided to get out of their car at a Dutch Safari park. The park said in a statement that, “Sadly, they missed the warning signs telling them to keep doors and windows shut.”

(Follow-up thought and bad pun of the week – was the cat looking for Chee-toes? Or Chee-fingers?)

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The Yankees have indicated they will cut payroll from $210 million to $187 million by 2014. This is like Mitt Romney saying his wife won’t always have the latest model Cadillacs.

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$187 million? Isn’t that about a decade’s payroll for the Pittsburgh Pirates?”

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Email from R.I.M./ Blackberry “Totally new. Completely exciting. All BlackBerry.” I’d settle for “We’ve figured out how to keep our system from crashing.”

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Reactions around the NFL from other teams to the Saints’ bounty program. 1. We are outraged. 2. Quick, purge all our computer files.

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Here we go. Now it comes out that the Washington Redskins also had a bounty system for their defense. Fortunately for Redskins opponents the team was as good at taking out opposing players as they were at everything else.

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Regarding that 41 year old Modesto high school teacher who quit to shack up with an 18 year old student. Is he hoping to be Secretary of Education in a possible Gingrich administration? (The age gap is the same actually with Newt and Callista)

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Sleep Train has dropped their advertising on Rush Limbaugh’s show after his “slut” comments about a college student who wanted to testify on birth control insurance. A bizarre sidelight is that Rush, on his fourth marriage, at least one that started with an affair while he was married, would dare call ANYONE a slut.

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Saints be praised.

January 8, 2012

For anyone who wanted to see what Andrew Luck would be like with really good receivers, I refer you to highlights of Drew Brees tonight against the Lions.

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Not to say the Saints were unstoppable. But in the second half, they were scoring faster than Tiger Woods during his marriage in a room full of waitresses.

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Barry J. Sanders, who committed today to Stanford, said he looks forward to playing with other great “student-athletes.” The number one response from most other top high-school football recruits? “What’s a student-athlete?”

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Amazing thought. When this season started, Houston QB T.J. Yates was further down the depth chart than Tim Tebow.

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By the time most people read this, Saturday night’s GOP debate will have been eclipsed by Sunday morning’s debate. If eclipsed is the right word. But for now, so much for the rest of the GOP field beating up on Mitt Romney. The Detroit Lions defense did a better job against Drew Brees.

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Apparently catcher Jorge Posada has decided to retire from playing Major League Baseball. Many fans who watched the Yankees play in 2010 think he already did.

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An actual serious post, Jan 8 is the one-year anniversary of the horrible shooting in Tucson that killed six people and critically injured Congresswoman Gabby Giffords. While recovering, Giffords hasn’t decided whether or not to run again in 2012. Here’s a thought, let her husband run, hold the seat for two years, and then step down assuming she has recovered sufficiently by 2014.

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Headline about newly published “The Obamas’: Book Reveals Friction Between Rahm Emanuel, Michelle Obama.” Uh, really? Wouldn’t it be more of a headline if Rahm Emanuel didn’t have friction with someone?

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Mitt Romney said Saturday night that it ‘pains him to fire workers in order to make a company more profitable.” Sounds like the grownup version of the old parents’ spanking comment “This hurts me more than it hurts you.” And about as believable.

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Meanwhile, in Washington, D.C., Barack Obama is working on his re-election strategy. Number one campaign objective: “More GOP debates.”

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Jon Huntsman appears to be a reasonable likable man who might, in spite of his conservative social views, get some independent and even Democratic votes in November. Yet he apparenly has no chance. Wonder if the 2012 GOP is considering changing their mascot from an elephant to a lemming.

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Ah lawyers, just got an email from a Vegas hotel titled “Score your seat to watch ‘the Big Game.'” (inside the email it says Big Game XVLI Feb. 5, 2012) Add “Super Bowl” to the list of terms that must be copyrighted.

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Tiger’s worst drive continues…

December 1, 2009

After cancelling three meetings with police, Tiger Woods has announced he will simply not give a statement to law enforcement about his one-car crash. Which is odd, normally it doesn’t take Tiger that long to figure out how to play a bad lie.
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Or,

Continued stonewalling just doesn’t seem to make helping Tiger in the public relations department. You would think the best and perhaps smarter golfer in the world would know when to just take the penalty for an unplayable lie.

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So Tiger Wood’s reputed girlfriend claims she wants privacy and then hires Gloria Allred as her lawyer. Yeah, right. Even Sarah Palin refers to Allred as a “media whore.”

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(anyone who hates puns skip the next one.)

Rough Monday Night Football for Patriots fans. Who knew that the most damaging storm to hit New England this fall would be a cool Brees?

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Drew Brees threw for five touchdowns tonight to five different players. To put that in perspective, the Oakland Raiders have five passing touchdowns to three different players. For the SEASON.

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Serena Williams was fined a record $82,500 for her outburst during last year’s U.S. Open. Apparently it was the worst display of profanity in New York in September not involving the Mets’ bullpen.

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Mayor Bloomberg spent $102 million on his re-election. $102 million, for one win in New York. Curiously enough, that may be the final result for the Nets.

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Derek Jeter was named Sport Illustrated Sportsman of the Year. Apparently for his triumph over adversity in leading the Yankees back to a World Championship after an endless nine year drought and with only a $200 million payroll.

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In Charlie Weis’s final game at Notre Dame, Stanford’s Toby Gerhart rushed for 206 yards against the beleaguered Fighting Irish defense. Which means at least we got to find out the answer to an old question – “What happens when an irresistible force meets 11 movable objects?”

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A German tourist was arrested at Disney World after saying he had a bomb in his backpack. Apparently there was some confusion. What he meant was simply that he had an advance DVD copy of Old Dogs.

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A racing yacht, “The Kingdom of Bahrain,” and its British crew were seized by Iran, after the boat accidentally strayed into Iranian waters. The yacht is worth tens of millions of dollars. You’d think if someone spent that much on a boat they would have sprung for a TomTom.

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