Posted tagged ‘Kim Jong Il jokes’

When the lights go down in the city.

December 20, 2011

The Monday Night Football game between the 49ers and Steelers was delayed tonight due to a blown transformer. Biggest power outage involving San Francisco sports since the Giants were batting.

In fact, a second power outage of the night stopped the already delayed game for about 20 minutes at Candlestick. The only people smiling are those behind the efforts to move the team to a new stadium in Santa Clara.

Said my friend Tammy Serna from the game – ” Now we know how Raider fans feel (blacked out).”

Nice win for the 49ers tonight. But to be honest, Big Ben didn’t look to be in good enough shape even to score on a co-ed.

All kinds of potential songs to set the video of the 49ers-Steelers game to -“Lights”, “Back in Black,” “You don’t see me….”


They have smart guys at Stanford. Great answer from former Cardinal and current 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh when asked what it was like in the San Francisco locker room when the lights went out. “It was dark.”

House Republicans are heading towards a pre-Christmas showdown about the payroll tax with President Obama. But in a chicken game about getting home for the holidays, Obama may well win — he doesn’t need to get a reservation on a commercial plane.

A Marist poll of over 1,000 Americans found the most annoying word of 2011 is “Whatever.” Said most Americans under 30 – “Whatever.”

The South Korea military is on full alert after the death of Kim John Il. Maybe, considering how well North Korea does everything else, they are a little worried about any potential funeral fireworks show.

A Northern California man who has fathered 14 children as a free sperm donor has been told to cease and desist. The FDA has he could face a $100,000 fine or prison time because he’s giving away his sperm without the proper blood tests. Uh, someone better rein in this government agency before it decimates the NBA.

Another example of why procrastination can be a good thing. Think of all those people who sent in their 2012 Death Lotto’s with Kim Jong Il high on the list.

From Paul Seaburn: Somewhere in hell, Osama bin Laden looked up, saw Kim Jong Il arrive and said, “Are you my virgin?”


Up in Canada, the Quebec government is upset because the Montreal Canadiens hired an interim coach who can’t speak French. Big deal, down in the U.S. we’ve elected a President who can’t speak English.

(and a Governor of California)

A Marist poll of over 1,000 Americans found the most annoying word of 2011 is “Whatever.” Said most Americans under 30 – “Whatever.”

Newt Gingrich’s stay at the top of the Republican polls may be over. I don’t agree with Michelle Bachmann on much, but her “flavor of the month” line about the GOP primary appears to be right on. (Except when someone is only the flavor of the week.)

Surging in the polls, Jon Huntsman is up to TWO percent in the last CNN GOP primary poll. This puts him only seven percent behind “undecided.”

Penn State Quarterback Matt McGloin is taking full responsibility for his locker room fight with Curtis Drake. Amazing. Someone at Penn State is taking responsibility for something?


Meanwhile, as Jerry Sandusky keeps talking about “horsing around,” the equine community has filed a grievance -they want their word back.

The Jets-Giants rivalry game is six days away, and Rex Ryan has already started on the “we’re better” talk. And if this matchup doesn’t decide anything presumably players from both teams can have a “Words With Friends” game during the Super Bowl.

Kim Jong Very Ill. (Dead actually.)

December 19, 2011

Kim Jong Il died at the age of 69. “What a shame” said absolutely no one outside North Korea.

Not a great year for evil dictators. Shame the North Korean press release just said it was due to “overwork” and not “overwork fighting against the evil United States.” Though it might be a bit much even so for President Obama to take credit for this one.

The New York Times said tonight about Kim Jong Il – “He fostered perhaps the last personality cult in the Communist world.” “Who am I, chopped liver?” responded Fidel Castro.

Added Mark Brickman, “He was outlasted by his playful mother, Ma Jong.”

Okay, okay, we get it, Tim Tebow is not a good NFL quarterback. Although today neither were Aaron Rodgers and Eli Manning.

Apparently God looked at that Patriots-Broncos matchup, and said “Over my pay grade, I’m just going to help Tim Tebow by helping Matthew Stafford and the Lions.”

My friend Daniel Silveira commented, “God had a prior commitment in North Korea. After taking care of Kim Jong , Jesus pointed to the sky and said, -“thank you Tebow.

The Indianapolis Colts won their first game today, and after the game announced that Peyton Manning won’t play in 2011. Makes sense, the Colts are just one win away from having to flip a coin with the Vikings or Rams to get Andrew Luck.

Thinking some of those 1972 Miami Dolphins are getting too old to be able to pop their own champagne corks.

Mitt Romney is trying to show his softer side. So he went on Fox News Sunday to and talked about his wife and his personal history. Wonder if this week he’ll try to fill stockings for all those underprivileged corporations at Christmas?

The Redskins beat the Giants 24-10, and it wasn’t that close. Even Nancy Pelosi looked surprised. Oh, right, she always looks surprised…but this time she really was.

How bad a day did the Giants and Eli Manning have against the Redskins today? New York fans started to count down the days until Mets spring training.

Bob Dole endorsed Mitt Romney, thereby surprising many Americans. “Bob Dole is still alive?”

Nice win by Carolina over Houston today, but Jeremy Shockey claimed he was motivated because the Texans “weren’t showing respect to America during the National Anthem.,There were about 10 players who didn’t put their arms across their chest. This is America.” Uh, okay, but I grew up learning you put your hand on your chest for the Pledge of Allegiance. You sing (and take hats off) for the Anthem.