Posted tagged ‘Hugh Hefner jokes’

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Under covers man?

September 27, 2017

RIP #HughHefner. Bunnies across the world will put their ears at half-staff.

 

Seems so quaint talking about death of a man who put naked women on magazine covers when we have pussy-grabber in White House. #HughHefner

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At Hugh Hefner’s funeral will mourners say they are only there for the jokes?

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Matt Cain is retiring. I feel old.  #perfectgame  @SFGiants

 

As #Cubs win NL Central again, hard to believe only a year ago #SFGiantswere 1 inning away from forcing them to Game 5 w/ Cueto starting.

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Trump: “NFL has to change” or “their business is going to hell.” @NFL response? “Funny, we were thinking the same about your administration”

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Now it’s #RickPitino fired over latest NCAA scandal. Men’s college basketball is enough to make you long for the purity of pro wrestling.

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An Ohio woman was arrested for DUI when she drove to pick up her boyfriend. Police arrested her at the sheriff’s office where the man was after HE had been arrested for drunk drinking.
Your move, Florida.

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Magic Johnson – “Nobody said anything when Tom Brady said he wasn’t going when President Obama was sitting there. And now all the sudden Stephen Curry doesn’t want to go and he makes it a big deal? I think that’s wrong.”
“Loser Magic” tweets in 3.2.1….

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Jared Kushner is apparently registered as a female voter in New York. And he’s been going into men’s bathrooms. The horror. #lockhimup?

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Some of #RoyMoore‘s belief- gays should not be parents, Obama not born in US, etc, make you wonder if North should have let South secede.

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Trump on tax plan that eliminates estate tax – “I think there’s very little benefit for people of wealth.” He said it w/straight face. #WTF?

 

Trump touting tax cuts as “middle class miracle.” As in if they pass it will be a miracle if there are any Americans left in middle class.

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This overload of pumpkin stuff at Trader Joe’s is making me long for October when they will replace it with Christmas merchandise.

 

Admittedly there’s some evil cleverness in pushing tax cuts for rich while saying wealthy people could “call me all they want, it’s not going to help.”

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Yesterday was #NationalVoterRegistrationDay. Actually EVERY day should be National Voter Registration Day. If you don’t vote, don’t bitch.

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A WH official today says Indiana is ‘special’ to Trump. “It’s where he met then-Governor, now Vice President Pence, so it kind of holds a special place in his heart for that reason.”
Uh oh, did someone tell Karen Pence, aka Mother?

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That moment when man who accepted Russian citizenship attacks NFL players as “disgusting” & not respecting American flag. #StevenSeagal

 

3 Trump tweets pushing Alabama to vote for Luther Strange deleted last night after Strange lost. Because @realDonaldTrump is NEVER wrong?

 

Don Jr. is back w/ Secret Service protection. During week he was unattended he took big $$ trip to kill a moose. Sure it’s just coincidence.

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ABM

June 4, 2012

Nice win for the Boston Celtics in OT tonight. As they take over the temporary mantle of “America’s ABM Team.” (“Anyone But Miami.”)

 

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Two Ohio State football players were arrested Saturday night on charges of “obstructing official business.” (Apparently this involved public urination and running from police.)    Well, looks like coach Urban Meyer is well on his way to repeating  his record at the University of  Florida.  (31 Gators arrested in 6 years.)

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Actor Jason Alexander said on CBS’s Late Late Show that he considers cricket a “gay” sport. Today he apologized saying that conversations with his gay friends led him to realize his insensitivity, and that at first he didn’t grasp why some might object to the comment. Really? If true Alexander may not be bigoted, but he sure is stupid.

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Okay, time for another question where the ulltimate response is “Okay, all of you liars put your hands down.” As we head into June, how many baseball fans had Barry Zito with as many wins, and fewer losses, than Justin Verlander?

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Barry Zito, now 5-2 with a 2.98 ERA (Really.), was married over the winter. So maybe he’s proving Casey Stengel’s old adage. “Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It’s staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.”

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Joe Biden’s daughter Ashley was married Saturday. Dad should be finishing up his toast to the happy couple any time now.

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All these headlines about “Desperate Housewives” star Kathyrn Joosten dying. I and no doubt others would probably rather see “R.I.P Mrs. Landingham.

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Richard Dawson, the first host of Family Feud, has died at 79. Services are pending, once his relatives find out the answers to “What are the most importnat things to have at a funeral?”

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Former Oklahoma State University state and Jacksonville Jaguars top pick Justin Blackmon is in jail this morning after an “aggravated DUI” charge. Stanford fans are thinking, what a shame, especially that it couldn’t have happened the night before the Fiesta Bowl.

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Hugh Hefner and former fiancee Crystal Harris are back together, about a year after Crystal called off their wedding at the last minute. Guess the 86 year old Hef is the forgiving sort, either that or he just doesn’t remember being dumped.

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Regarding that Phoenix mom who drove off with her baby in a car seat on the car’s roof,  Mark Ricklis says “Willard said he did not see any problem with the her travel arrangements.”

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Jolly older men.

December 27, 2010

On Christmas Eve, Michelle Obama helped answer phone calls from children to NORAD’s Santa tracking hotline. Which is a change from the last two first ladies. Laura didn’t want to spoil the fantasy for George W., and while Hillary Clinton has many skills, keeping track of the whereabouts of large smiling men was never her strong suit.

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So Hugh Hefner, 84, is engaged to a 24 year old Playmate. Americans aren’t known for their higher math skills, but I suppose we may now find out how many times 84 goes into 24.

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Hugh Hefner tweeted the announcement of his engagement to his 24 year old girlfriend Crystal Harris . What’s more amazing, that the 84 year old Hef is marrying a woman 60 years his junior, or that he knows how to use Twitter?

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With their game against the Eagles now scheduled for Tuesday, the Minnesota Vikings have now had three games in a row delayed and/or moved this winter.  Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for Brett Favre to say privately that he would retire when “hell freezes over.”

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The Kraft “Fight Hunger” Bowl will be January 9  at A T and T Park between Nevada and Boston College.  Not to be confused with the San Francisco 49ers – Arizona Cardinals game on Jan 2 at Candlestick Park, which will probably be known as the “Fight Boredom” Bowl.

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Ever wanted to have a good example for the phrase “Addition by subtraction?” How about the Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday – with their best win of year, 34-20 over the Chargers? And due to injuries neither T.O. nor Ochocinco were involved.

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In Philly Disney’s ice show has been postponed along with Vikings-Eagles game. So with Brett Favre still hoping to play that makes two delayed “Fantasies on Ice.”

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So who had December 26 in the Mike Singletary pool?

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This just didn’t turn out to be Singletary’s year…. the man much remembered for his role in the “Super Bowl Shuffle,” will now be remembered for his role in the 49ers Quarterback Shuffle.

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After the latest census, New York lost two congressional seats while Florida gained two seats. Won’t affect things that much in Washington though, those new residents are mostly former New Yorkers who just fled south to avoid the winters.

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