Posted tagged ‘British Open jokes’

Curses, Trumped again.

July 19, 2015

Donald Trump  said John McCain “is a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.” At this point calling Trump a douchebag is an insult to a perfectly good female hygiene product.

 

 

Now Rick Perry is calling for Trump to be disqualified from running for president. “His attack on veterans make him unfit to be Commander-in-Chief.” Well, that and there are only ten chairs at the first GOP debate, so any way that Perry can cull the herd….

 

Give ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ credit. It takes a lot of work to give ‪#‎RickPerry‬ the moral high road. ‪#‎McCain‬ ‪#‎ProofHellHasFrozenOver‬

And Donald Trump  also is now saying “I think we should boycott Mexico, frankly.” So okay, at least Taco Bell is safe, as there’s nothing actually Mexican about it.

Saturday at the British Open.  So the wind is strong enough to blow balls all over greens, &  players look about to fall over, but seagulls stand calmly.  Evolution in action?

But yeah, golf is not exactly a sport for the masses. British Open commentator, talking about how difficult it is for players because “the ball is oscillating on the green.”

 

Brett Favre today at his Green Bay HOF ceremony “When you look back and talk about my career, it will be from a Packers standpoint. You almost forget that I played for other teams.” And some Jets fans are thinking “Would that that were true.”

The Packets tweeted out on Saturday.  “Brett Favre’s No. 4 is officially retired.”  So Sunday will they tweet out “Just kidding”?

LAX is now going to allow Uber and Lyft pickup. Because clearly the airport didn’t have enough traffic?

 

A Texas man accidentally fatally shot himself at his 21st  birthday party, authorities said. He’d apparently been shooting the gun into the air during the celebration.  Police said “Alcohol was a factor in the shootings.”    Ya think?

Wonder if a Darwin award was on his birthday list?

 

Six runs on 16 hits Friday night, now eight runs on 14 hits Saturday night.  Maybe what ‪#‎SFGiants‬ needed after the All Star Break was 12 innings of batting practice against live pitching?

Lefty!

July 22, 2013

For non-golf fans, a 66 on the last day of the British Open is pretty close to a no-hitter in baseball: Well played Lefty, VERY well played.

 

And even cooler, the U.K. Telegraph notes how he spent much of the time waiting for others to finish signing autographs for fans.  Yes, we never know about athletes’ private lives – see Tiger Woods. But Mickelson is warm and friendly in public.  And while he may not get the most media attention, he is almost certainly the most popular golfer on tour.)

No royal baby yet. But hey, even Kate and William wouldn’t have wanted to compete for headlines in Britain with Phil Mickelson.

 

ESPN, sitting on some amazing British Open highlights, had to wait until 1a for the Yankees-Red Sox game to be over on the East Coast. Good game but the network was thinking it would have been a good night for a 2 hour NL pitchers’ duel.

Florida Gators LB Antonio Morrison was suspended from the team after his 2nd arrest in five weeks, this time for allegedly barking at a police dog and resisting arrest. But this, from ESPN, is the part you can’t make up “according to a police report Morrison’s defense was the dog barked first.”

Then there’s West Virginia DL Korey Harris who was arrested Friday for first-degree armed robbery.  Allegedly he and two others broken into a home and robbed two people at gunpoint.  Harris was arrested because one of the victims saw the player’s uniform number 96 on his official Mountaineers-issued sweatpants and gave the information to police.

Korey Harris has been dismissed from the team. No word if he got to keep his sweatpants.

(And wonder if he’ll get some interest from the SEC.)

 

 

John McCain said the Rolling Stone magazine cover with the Boston bomber was “stupid.” Wow. McCain knows what Rolling Stone magazine is?

 

 

Have heard the SF Giants are not bringing Gary Brown up because he can’t hit right-handed pitching. And compared to the rest of the team their point is?

A strained thigh may keep A-Rod from rejoining the Yankees Monday as scheduled. And millions of baseball fans are thinking “promise?”

From Bill Littlejohn:  “Expos fans flooded the stands in the game between the Blue Jays and Rays to make their case for bringing a team back to Montreal–but in deference to Steven Strasburg, the effort shut down in the seventh inning”

The almost-fairy tale – Tom Watson

July 19, 2009

Tom Watson almost became the oldest man ever to win a major PGA golf tournament. This after last year, Greg Norman almost accomplished the same feat. Let’s hope they don’t end up declaring Ensure a performance enhancing drug.


One silver lining, after his dismal playoff performance, Watson was declared a honorary San Jose Shark.


You almost feel sorry for Stewart Cink. In any almost other year, this 36 year old who had never won a major – after being PGA rookie of the year in 1997 – would have been a great fairy tale. And actually Cink did end up being a fairy tale character, unfortunately it was the Grinch.


Or as Jim Barach put it. “Stewart Cink beat 59 year old golf legend Tom Watson in a playoff for the British Open. After winning the trophy, Cink got a call from his parents who said ”Nice going, jerk.'”


Actually, Tom did say he will never forget the cheering he heard coming up to the 18th green Sunday. It was the loudest sound he has heard since “Watson, come here, I need you.”

Brett Favre again has said he will make a decision about playing this year on July 30. And on July 31, he will announce “Just kidding.”


The U.S. Soccer Team’s win over Spain won an “ESPY” for receiving the most fan votes as the “Upset of the Year.” Which means more fans voted for the award than probably watched the game.


The San Francisco Giants finally won Sunday’s game against the Pittsburgh Pirates 4-3. In the first two games of the series, the Giants had only ONE unearned runs and had zero RBI’s. With the that little scoring there was talk of renaming them the “San Francisco Trekkies.”