Posted tagged ‘Barry Zito jokes’

Move over Babe, here comes Barry.

April 10, 2013

If the National League had the DH, SF Giants fans wouldn’t now be enjoying the great slugging run of Barry Zito, currently batting .750 with three sacrifice bunts.

Zito’s doing so well, MLB was about to check him for PEDs….  Until they noticed the radar gun and that 70mph fastball…

Okay, it’s early, as of this afternoon  9 days into the season, the SF Giants’ Barry Zito has as many hits as the LA Dodgers’ Matt Kemp. (3.  Though Kemp got 2 tonight. Zito also only has 1 less than Josh Hamilton.)

A University of California, Davis professor said in a presentation today that we need more research on hangovers. Sounds like the SEC has a new potential project for their football student-athletes.

MSN reports that Carnival Cruise Lines has slashed prices for some inside cabins to $38 a night per person, barely more than the cost of a Motel 6. But of course at Motel 6 they promise to leave the light on for you.

Taco Bell says they are going to provide “balanced food choices.” And that by 2020, 20 % of their combo meals will meet nutritional guidelines for calories and fat set out by the federal government. Which should thrill Taco Bell customers who care about that sort of thing. Both of them.

Notre Dame QB Gunner Kiel says he is transferring to Cincinnati. In high school Kiel committed to Indiana and then LSU, before he finally ended up at Notre Dame. But now Gunner, who wants to start, is leaving the Fighting Irish because they won’t commit to him.

Amazing, the same people who don’t think ANYONE should have a background check to buy a gun don’t want to let a sexually-active 17 year old girl buy her own birth control….

Really? – Joe Paterno’s widow Sue, speaking at a child-abuse prevention program, says she and her husband had no idea that Jerry Sandusky was a sexual predator. Isn’t having a Paterno speak about child-abuse like having Mike Rice speak on anger-management?

And we think Americans are harsh towards politicians. In England, while many mourn Maggie Thatcher’s death, a Facebook campaign, called “Make Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead number one the week Thatcher dies”, has the Wizard of Oz song up to #3 with over 10,000 downloads in two days.

Ouch. Poor Karen Carpenter is dead, but if not that American Idol performance from Lazaro might have killed her.

(on the other hand, Candice Glover’s “Lovesong” on Youtube is worth 4 minutes of your time, IMHO.)

The #MiamiHeat beat the Washington Wizards 103-98 with James, Wade and Bosh sitting out. So will David Stern fine them anyway?

Police said a Northern California woman used a stun gun today to break up a fight over a seat aboard a BART train. Cool, wonder how she is on obnoxious cellphone users…

 

The Washington Nationals’ game was delayed 20 minutes tonight because the umpiring crew was stuck in traffic. I blame Obama.

 

From Bill Littlejohn:  The Fenway Park sellout streak ends at 820.   Many Sox fans feel that the most signifigant sellout during the streak was when Damon signed with the Yankees”

The times they are a changin’

April 10, 2012

Great final round at Augusta yesterday. A complete reversal from 1997, when a black man won the Masters, and Bubba was in the White House.

Got to hand it to Ozzie Guillen. The guy reigns amongst sports figures for getting into the most trouble while still both avoiding arrest and keeping his pants on.

Just added to the Miami Marlins ballpark giveaways in 2012? A commemorative Ozzie Guillen mouth gag.

Two New Jersey men have filed a petition challenging President Obama’s place on the Democratic primary ballot because they claim he is not a natural-born citizen. And Snooki and the Situation responded “Wait a minute, and we’re supposed to be the stupid ones?”

Marlins pitcher Mark Buerhrle apparently sliced the thumb on his pitching hand while opening a jar of mayonnaise. “I came in to make a sandwich and they said ‘You know we have people who can make sandwiches for you,’’’ Buehrle said. “(I said) ‘I’m a grown man, I can make my own sandwich.” Well, apparently not.

Four-hit shutout for the SF Giants’ Barry Zito against the Colorado Rockies. WTF? Next thing someone will be trying to tell me the Mets are 4-0.

Are New Yorkers going from Lin-sanity to DeMEnTSia?

How improbable was Barry Zito’s shutout. In his post-game interview you almost expected to hear him thank “My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.”


Actually, maybe God was behind Zito’s gem today. I mean, who else in the San Francisco area has done a better job of getting people on their feet screaming “Jesus Christ.”

Even Jamie Moyer was thinking that it was time for Barry Zito to hang it up.

Some wonder if Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino can survive the scandal resulting from his motorcycle crash involving his 25 year old assistant and the “inappropriate relationship.” Survive as football coach anyway. Petrino is now pretty well set up for running for Governor of Arkansas.

Rick Santorum’s daughter is in the hospital, and Mitt Romney’s campaign is pulling its negative ads in Pennsylvania. Saying “We have done this out of deference to Sen. Santorum’s decision to suspend his campaign for personal family reasons,” (That and, “we think we’re winning anyway and this is a good way to save money.”)

From Marc Ragovin: “So Mike Wallace has died. His funeral will take place immediately after the conclusion of the Raiders/Chiefs game, except on the west coast, where it will be held at its regular time.”