Posted tagged ‘Adrian Peterson jokes’

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Days and confused.

September 17, 2014

Tuesday there was a press conference blasting the NFL and Roger Goodell over their handling of domestic violence cases – held by Gloria Allred. So congrats to all those who had Sept 17 in the pool.

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Scotland is voting September 18 on a possible declaration of independence from the United Kingdom. And the number one response in the U.S.A. “So what is the United Kingdom?”

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The Vikings, on deactivating Adrian Peterson “After giving the situation additional thought, we have decided this is the appropriate course of action for the organization and for Adrian.” Translation, we don’t want to lose any more sponsors. ‪#‎Followthemoney‬

 

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The NFL fined Colin Kaepernick $10,000 for inappropriate language last weekend, and fined Buffalo Bills linebacker Brandon Spikes $8,268 for an unnecessary roughness penalty. So the lesson is clear, if you’re really unhappy on the field, don’t swear at someone, stomp them.

 

 

#‎TMI‬ Baltimore WR Steve Smith posted a picture of his new son along with the tweet “The last time me and my wife were in elevator heading to our hotel room!!! We got this guy 9 months later.. ‪#‎Realtalk‬” And not that long ago that would have been the most unfortunate story most of us could imagine involving a Ravens player and an elevator.

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Jameis Winston has been suspended for the 1st half of FSU’s game Saturday against Clemson for standing on a table in the student union and repeatedly yelling an obscene internet meme – “F*ck her right in the p*ssy.” Considering that the Heisman winner is still being investigated for alleged sexual assault the suspension has to be as much about stupidity as obscenity.

 

 

Well, this kind of sucks. Rob Ford’s doctor says the Toronto mayor is battling a rare and “fairly aggressive” form of cancer. And Ford is probably thinking, “Hell, if I knew that I’d have kept smoking crack.”

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Adrian Peterson’s mother ” When you whip those you love, it’s not about abuse, but love.” Sounds like the apple didn’t strike far from the tree.

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Aaron Hernandez, trying to get evidence tossed in his murder trial “I felt helpless in the face of the occupation of my house by the police. I was also very concerned about what would happen to my fiancée and our baby if I refused to answer their questions. I did not feel free to leave at any time during the search.” “I feel so sorry for him”, said nobody.

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Now some are slamming the new Miss America Kira Kazantsev because she interned at Planned Parenthood… Would they have been as angry if she supported raising welfare payments for poor children?

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Told to unload his bags from a bus in Altoona, PA on July 31 after a AA game for Richmond. Game winning single in Arizona for the SF Giants in a pennant race Sept 17. Quite a few weeks for Matt Duffy.

 

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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg  “It is so hot in Los Angeles, people are going to Dodger games just to feel the cool breeze coming off of Yasiel Puig’s bat when he strikes out.  ” (.183% in his last 31 games)

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Worthy punishments?

September 16, 2014

So if all these players are so big on whipping as appropriate discipline maybe it’s time to stop the fines and suspensions for various NFL transgressions and move to public floggings.

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Breaking news.  Adrian Peterson has just been placed on the “exempt” list by the Vikings and the NFL, which means he cannot take part in team activities “for the time being.” Translation, until it costs us more to have him sit than to have him play.

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Roger Goodell announced yesterday that he has appointed three women as “senior advisers,” And that they will “help lead and shape the NFL’s policies and programs relating to domestic violence and sexual assault,” Did Goodell get the idea from Bud Selig’s “blue ribbon committees?”

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So when they put out the NFL injury report each week for bettors and fantasy football players, how long until the league starts combining it with an arrest report?

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The University of Miami’s QB of the future Kevin Olsen is no longer enrolled at the school, after his THIRD suspension from the football program. This time for a DUI with 5 fake driver’s licenses. Is it too soon to start a pool as to which SEC school will give him another chance?

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Major NFL sponsor Anheuser-Busch says they are ”disappointed and increasingly concerned” by recent incidents. And that they have shared their concerns and expectations with the league. When you give a beer company the moral high ground, you know you have a problem.

 

 

Reggie Bush, on parenting “I have a 1-year-old daughter, and I discipline her.. I definitely will try to, will obviously not leave bruises or anything like that on her. But I definitely will discipline her harshly depending on, again, on what the situation is.” When asked directly about using a switch, Bush said, “I would possibly consider [it], depending on what she did.” He later added “”No, I didn’t say a branch or a stick,” he said. “I said spanking. Spanking is different than a branch or a stick.”

Wow. Is the NFL going for the “excuse all our players because they have had concussions” defense?

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Rush Limbaugh “How many guys, in your own experience with women, have learned that no means yes if you know how to spot it?.. ” Is this Rush’s way of trying to take the negative spotlight off his friend Roger Goodell?

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Sen. Maria Cantwell today announced she would introduce legislation to remove the NFL’s tax exempt status if the league did not put pressure on the Washington Redskins to change their team name. Because the Senate doesn’t have anything better to do?

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The Browns’ Josh Gordon is currently under a season long 16 game suspension for marijuana. But new rule changes are expected to reduce the suspension to 10 games. On the other hand, Gordon just pleaded guilty to a DUI, which would be a 2 game suspension. So, 16 minus 6, plus 2. Who says NFL players don’t need to know math?

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Going down to wire of Sept. ‪#‎MLB‬ playoff chases, it’s really great to see traditional rivalry games like… the Pirates vs Red Sox? ‪#‎thanksfornothingSelig‬

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The Yankees’ Martin Prado had to have an appendectomy this morning. Stand by for the ESPN report on Derek Jeter’s reaction.

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This month, alas,  the NFL seems to be trying to prove Earl Warren wrong? “I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people’s accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man’s failures. ”

 

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Both the Nationals and the Orioles have clinched their baseball divisions. Standby for the GOP accusing Obama of being at fault for the resulting increased traffic.

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Making adjustments?

September 15, 2014

Jonathan Papelbon was ejected from yesterday’s game for making a lewd gesture to fans as he left the mound. The gesture was almost as obscene as the Phillies’ play this season. (Philadelphia, at $175 million, has the third highest payroll in MLB.)

 

MLB suspended Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon seven games for his gesture and then bumping an umpire yesterday. So he misses half the team’s remaining games. Other Phillies players are wondering, how could we get so lucky?

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Apparently Miss Nebraska had a wardrobe malfunction during the evening gown competition for Miss America last night and accidentally flashed viewers. A few more incidents like that and Americans will actually tune into the pageant.

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Russell Pearce, a former Arizona state senator, resigned as the state’s GOPs 1st vice chair. After criticism from members of his own party for saying.”You put me in charge of Medicaid, the first thing I’d do is get [women recipients] Norplant, birth-control implants, or tubal ligations,” Now, were his fellow Republicans condemning him for being anti-women, or pro-birth control?

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Coca Cola is bringing back “Surge”, a “loaded” Mountain Dew knock-off from the 1990s. Because we don’t have enough overly caffeinated kids on sugar highs?

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As of today,  #AdrianPeterson‬ is playing next weekend in New Orleans. Are ‪#‎Saints‬ defenders allowed to use sticks?

 

From Michael Hayne  “Adrian Peterson needs to know that if you want to abuse a kid, you make them dress in a pink bunny costume for Halloween.”Too true.

Or you do as a friend threatened her son starting in middle school, if he ever really misbehaved she would show up at his games and say “Hey sweetie, you forgot your lunch, and I cut the crusts off the sandwich just like you like it. Now come here and give mommy a big kiss.”

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Seriously though, regarding this ‪#‎AdrianPeterson‬ story and the debate over corporal punishment. Methinks the narrative has been sidetracked. I am from the generation that often got spanked. And many of us didn’t spank our own children. But there’s a difference between a spanking, even a hard spanking, and drawing blood and leaving visible injuries.

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Say what you want about the potential distraction of openly gay men in professional sports – and my guess is that in a generation it will be a non-issue – but at least they don’t father flocks of illegitimate children.

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University of Miami backup QB Kevin Olsen, 19, was arrested on charges of DUI and possession of a fake or stolen driver’s license. Olsen apparently had FIVE driver’s licenses with him. Wonder what tipped off the police that he was drunk…when he couldn’t figure out which license to show them?

 

Apparently some U.S. women are getting recruited to join the Islamic State. So what exactly do they get offered? Not seeing the allure of 72 virgins.

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Hillary Clinton was in Iowa this weekend, ostensibly to campaign for other Democrats, although she admitted “I’m thinking about it.” And this week no doubt she will slam Obama for not being able to make decisions.

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Mets rookie star Jacob deGrom tied a modern MLB record by striking out the first eight batters he faced today. Amazing. Especially since deGrom didn’t have the advantage of pitching against his own team.

 

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