Archive for December 29, 2015

High crimes and misdemeanors?

December 29, 2015

Ohio State RB Ezekiel Elliott says now he didn’t know his driver’s license had been suspended and “I’m doing everything I can now, my dad is doing everything he can now to get that handled and get my license back in good standing.” Uh, just guessing but maybe his dad taking care of things has been part of the problem?

The San Diego Chargers fined Eric Weddle $10,000 and placed him on IR for staying on the sidelines to watch his 7 year-old daughter perform at halftime instead of being with the team on Dec. 20 against Miami. Really, if he had only been in the locker room surreptitiously watching porn on his phone instead…..

Cleveland Browns coach Mike Pettine says he will ” have a conversation” with Johnny Manziel after the QB’s most recent social media partying post. What, and tell Manziel if he does this 5-6 more times there will be serious consequences?

 

The Olive Garden at Times Square, with a “limited view” of the ball drop, is charging $400 for a New Year’s Eve buffet with open bar. Which basically means about $10 for the food, $40 for the drinks, and $350 for a bathroom.

Former New York Gov. George Pataki is dropping out of the race for the GOP Presidential nomination. All together now – “who?!”

Whole Foods has settled with New York over allegations of overcharging and will pay the City $500,000. Wonder how much the store will have to raise prices to cover the fine?

Theater today advertising special ‪#‎StarWars‬ themed pet toys for furry friends who can’t come to movie with you. ‪#‎maythefarcebewithyou‬ ‪#‎overthetop‬?

 

Not a spoiler but anyone but me think  for all the talk about ‪#‎CarrieFisher‬ she’s aged better than ‪#‎HarrisonFord‬? ‪#‎TheForceAwake

 

Now Trump has retweeted a photo-shopped picture of Jed Bush supposedly picking his nose. So guess we have the answer to the question “Can his campaign get any more sophomoric?”

 

Dallas Cowboys owner and GM Jerry Jones on Tuesday says he doesn’t plan any major changes going into 2016. Which is awesome news. For comedy writers and the rest of the NFC LEast.

Steve Harvey is being a good sport about his Miss Universe flub. And it’s paying off for him. Why, I’ve heard Harvey has been asked to come to New York for the New Year’s Eve 2014 Ball Drop.

“Affluenza” teenager Ethan Couch and his mother were apprehended today in Puerto Vallartta. Now here’s an interesting question – how many undocumented Mexican immigrants do we have to allow to stay in the US before Mexico would agree to keep him?

Now that “Affluenza” teenager Ethan Couch has been nabbed, waiting for some Mexican politician to say Mexico needs to tighten their borders because Americans are clearly not sending their best.

So apparently the “affluenza” teen and his mom were caught in Puerto Vallarta when they used their cellphone to order a Domino’s pizza. This has to be a ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ X 2. One, for not realizing a cellphone can work as a tracking device, two, all the money in the world and you order pizza from Domino’s?!!

Deja vu all over again

December 29, 2015

 

Apparently ANOTHER video of Johnny Manzel drinking and partying has surfaced, this time from Christmas Eve in someone’s home. These regular pools are getting too easy – congrats to anyone who has the November 21-December 24 exacta.

Maybe not a moment of silence for the great  Harlem Globetrotters’ Meadowlark Lemon – wouldn’t it be more appropriate if we all hummed a few bars of “Sweet Georgia Brown?”

Hope watching the Philadelphia 76ers this year gave ‪#‎MeadowlarkLemon‬ some last warm memories of the Washington Generals.

 

Ohio State star RB Ezekiel Elliott, the team’s leading rusher, was cited after a “minor car crash” yesterday in Columbus in which one passenger sustained minor injuries. The citations were for “driving under suspension, driving without a license and failure to control his car.” An OSU spokesman said the incident will not affect Elliott’s status for the Fiesta Bowl Friday. “I am shocked” said nobody who knows Urban Meyer.

A former N.J. police officer who admitted to having sex with multiple women on duty, including inside his car, now is contending that he shouldn’t have been fired over the trysts. And so will he also demand a retro-active bonus for multitasking?

A 21 year-old Dartmouth College swimmer has died at a YMCA pool after trying to complete four laps underwater without surfacing to breathe. Awful for his family, but proof again that IQ points are no deterrent from a Darwin award.

Aroldis Chapman, under investigation for a domestic violence incident where he admitted to firing a gun several times in his garage, has been traded to the Yankees. Well, that ought to make the Bronx Bombers even more popular outside New York.

 

The four top seeds in the NFL playoffs may be the Patriots, Cardinals, Bengals and Panthers. Are we sure those last three aren’t a sign of the apocalypse?

#‎NFL‬ arrests are down this year. Still, always seems a bit odd to hear referee after the coin toss say “Good luck, gentlemen.” ‪#‎Gentlemen‬?

Former Louisiana State Representative and KKK Leader David Duke says that while he likes Donald Trump, “I don’t agree with everything he says, he speaks a little more, actually he speaks a lot more radically than I talk.” ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬ ‪#‎nottheOnion‬.

Holland America Line says that “Dancing with the Stars At Sea” is going away. This news no doubt disappoints tens of thousands of women and about two men.

 

‪#‎AshleyMadison‬ says they have added 4 million new users since their July hack. Two words: death wish.

David Spade, one of that rare breed of Hollywood Republicans, is criticizing Barack and Michelle Obama for their appearances on reality TV, saying the President is “thirsty,” and “should have a little more dignity.”
So what’s next, Spade’s endorsement of Donald Trump?

In Toronto, police are looking for the driver of a Lamborghini who crashed into another car this morning, then was picked up by BMW and fled the scene. Hmm…..any chance that affluenza kid and his mom from Texas headed north?

(Breaking news just when i posted this, he may have been caught in Mexico.)

From Marc Ragovin:   “The NBA has suspended Memphis guard Matt Barnes two games for his role in a preseason fight with Knicks’ coach Derek Fisher. Asked if would appeal the penalty, the chastened Grizzlie said he would “just grin and bear it.”