Posted tagged ‘Ellen jokes’

Selfie overload.

March 3, 2014

Ellen DeGeneres’s Oscar selfie with Meryl Streep, Jennifer Lawrence, Kevin Spacey, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt was retweeted so many times it disrupted Twitter service for 20 minutes. Gosh, does this mean that terrorists could shut down social media in the US if they find a cute enough group of cats?

 

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Jared Leto won an Oscar Sunday.. Either that or Jesus has shown up. #Oscars2014

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Add to the things that lasted longer than Russia’s post Olympics warm fuzzy feeling – Cate Blanchett’s Oscar acceptance speech #Oscars2014

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As long as the Oscars show is, they still don’t have time for all the potential awards. For best actor of the year in a political drama, we could have nominated Chris Christie – “I Had No Idea My Top Aides Were Involved In Payback Politics

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Jamie Foxx is with his lovely daughter at the Oscars. Note. Daughter. Casual views might think otherwise as the age difference is about the average that George Clooney has with his dates.

Congratulations to “12 years a slave.” And to non-movie fans, no, it’s not about an NFL player complaining about his contract.

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Jake Peavy was scratched from his first spring training start for the Red Sox when he cut a finger with a fishing knife this weekend. And in SF the Giants presumably added fishing to the list of prohibited dangerous activities for Jeremy Affeldt.

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#CateBlanchett deserved a Oscar for playing a  woman whose failing marriage made her crazier than any woman who didn’t actually marry Woody Alllen.

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$51 billion for the Olympics to show the world what a nice place Russia is, and Putin can’t wait a week to invade Ukraine. That warm fuzzy feeling lasted less time than the Cubs’ annual playoff hopes.

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Many in the GOP are urging President Obama to intervene in Ukraine. No doubt so they can then complain about him risking US lives and money in a war that is not our concern.

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Gov. Jerry Brown said he is not sure legalizing marijuana is a good idea in California. “And all of a sudden, if there’s advertising and legitimacy, how many people can get stoned and still have a great state or a great nation?” Right, because having pot illegal except for “medical” reasons has done such a good job of reducing the number of people who smoke now.

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Actually think this is kind of a cool compromise. In Boston, a deal has been reached to allow “MassEquality”, a gay advocacy group, to march in the St. Patrick’s Day parade. But no T-shirts or signs with the word “gay.” And no marchers can refer to sexual orientation. Of course this means no shirts or signs saying “straight” either.

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New NBA commission Adam Silver says he has considered having a play-in game for the last playoff spots. Right. Because 16 teams in the post season just aren’t enough.

One million morons?

December 7, 2012

Uh, really? This from “One Million Moms,” about the latest J C Penney cute holiday commercial: “A new JCP ad features Ellen (Degeneres) and three elves. JCP has made their choice to offend a huge majority of their customers again. Christians must now vote with their wallets.” And somewhere Jesus is probably thinking “Don’t lay this on me, morons, I love Ellen.”

(and actually, “One Million Moms” is reputedly an organization of about 40,000.)

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Jim DeMint is resigning his South Carolina Senate seat to take over as president of the Heritage Foundation. According to Charitywatch.org, the salary for the position is currently $1,172,321. No wonder DeMint didn’t want to raise taxes on the super rich. He’s about to become super rich.

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Rumors that some are trying to draft Stephen Colbert to run for senate in Jim DeMints’ place. Well, it sure would increase ratings for C-Span.

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The Yankees have apparently offered Kevin Youkilis a 1-year, $12 million deal. If he signs, expect an economic stimulus in Boston, as t-shirt vendors dig up those old traitor-Judas patterns they used for Damon.

 

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A Florida man was arrested after he told police he left a pit bull to watch a 10 month old baby while he went to a bar to drink beer. Scary thing, the dog was probably more responsible than the man.

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Some Americans who don’t like reading about the British Royal family don’t like the idea of people being important just because of an accident of birth. But hey, how’s that George W. Bush library going?

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Gay marriage and marijuana smoking are now legal in Washington. So get ready for some fabulous high times!

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Esquire Magazine has come out with a list of “Gifts under $25 that don’t suck.”  Of course, if you choose  any of them from the list, your recipients may now know you’re both unimaginative and cheap.

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Can’t understand how football players get the reputation for being neanderthals: Vikings LB Chad Greenway told a local paper that fans should get “super-duper drunk” Sunday to help Minnesota’s home-field advantage against the Bears- “Yeah I would say morning drinking. Why not? You could pull an all-nighter. Then you’d have the drunk, tired guys who will really be obnoxious.”

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Anna Gristina, known as New York’s “Hockey Mom Madam” says she is going to start naming client names, including some from the NFL. Well, not sure how their wives might feel, but on some level the idea that NFL players actually pay for consensual sex is better than many alternatives…

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NBA Commisioner David Stern defends his $250,000 fine of the Spurs for sending 3 stars home because the “club went beyond what owners agreed was a reasonable approach to resting healthy players”. Uh, one, does anyone think if San Antonio wasn’t playing Miami on TV that Stern would have noticed. And two, the Spurs still almost beat the Heat.


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