Posted tagged ‘ted nugent jokes’

Poped out?

February 11, 2013

Pope Benedict, 85, is resigning because of his failing health. Too bad, says Larry King, he’s such a nice young man. .

Actually there’s a special coincidence with this story. The last Pope to resign, Gregory XII,  did so in 1415.  He was one of the first interviewees on “Larry King Live”

 

So now that Benedict is quitting, will he write a memoir – “Poping Rogue?”

Many are still trying to figure out the real reason for Pope Benedict’s sudden resignation. Could an imaginary friend be involved?

Texas Rep. Steve Stockman is bringing Ted Nugent as his guest to President Obama’s State of the Union speech. Can you imagine if a Democrat had brought someone to a Bush SOTU who had said “if (he) becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.”

Let’s put this Ted Nugent thing in perspective with a milder comparison:   What if a Democratic congressperson had brought the Dixie Chicks to W’s second State of the Union?

Two men are in jail in New York after being caught with 450 pounds of marijuana in Western New York. Authorities became suspicious when the local 7-11 reported being unable to keep Doritos in stock.

A-Rod is 37, Jeter 38, Petitte 41, Ichiro 39 and Rivera 43. Even the Los Angeles Lakers are saying these Yankees are OLD.

A Carnival cruise ship is adrift off the coast of Mexico after an engine fire. Carnival is refunding passengers’ fares, offering them another free cruise, and reimbursing all onboard expenses except for the casino and gift shop. Might be the only cruise in history where people wish they had had a bigger bar bill.

Police say three people, including two women and the alleged gunman, were shot dead in at a courthouse in Delaware this morning. If we only had armed guards at courthouses. Oh wait. We do. Never mind.

With this decision on a new Pope, have to wonder just how much the cardinals will move into the modern era. Will Catholics be able to text a vote for their favorites? And will the finalists be given roses?

SF Giants fans may remember that Sergio Romo wore a t-shirt to the World Series parade that said “I only look illegal.” Think there’s a lot of money to be made right now in shirts saying “I only look like Christopher Dorner.”

After starting the year 7-0, the San Jose Sharks have lost 5 in a row. Isn’t it a little early in this strike-shortened year for the team to be in playoff form?

Okay, I’m not a Kobe fan, but give him credit on this one. One of his 1..3 million Twitter followers tweeted “You’re gay” to another fan. Bryant tweeted back “Just letting you know@PacSmoove @pookeo9 that using “your gay” as a way to put someone down ain’t ok! #notcool delete that out ur vocab.”

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Does Beer Improve With Age?

April 28, 2012

Snooki has said pregnancy has made her “a little more mature.” Well, hard to see how it could have made her a little less mature.

At Coors Field in Denver Friday night,  Rockies 13, Mets 6, going to the bottom of the fifth. With a final score of 18 to 9.  Anyone send out a call for a humidor repairman?

Coby Fleener to Indy to join his buddy Andrew Luck. Hope Colts fans are ready to sing along to “All Right Now.

Joe Biden joked to the audience at a fundraising breakfast this morning that they were “dull as hell” and “the dullest audience i have ever spoken to.” Well, yeah, how dull do you have to be to find the idea of listening to Biden speak at breakfast interesting?

Well, at least Joe Biden didn’t say President Obama had a little stick.

 

The California parents who are suing their son’s school for kicking him out of a honors English class for cheating claim it might keep him out of an Ivy League college. If not, the notoriety the family is getting might take care of that anyway.


The Golden State Warriors won their coin toss with the Toronto Raptors. So they now have a 72.4% chance of making another bad choice with a lottery pick.

 

A photo currently going around the internet purports to be a naked Kim Kardashian cooking eggs. Kim denies that the picture is actually her. Makes sense. Who’d imagine the woman can actually cook?


A prankster made a fake call to Rutgers WR Mohamed Sanu saying he was taken in the first round by the Cincinnati Bengals. Not sure if crueler to make Sanu believer he was a 1st-rounder, or to have him believe he was going to be a Bengal.

(And then Cincinnati actually drafted him in the third round.  Poor kid.  Of course maybe it beats New Jersey.

Dallas Cowboys first-round pick Morris Claiborne hads a reported score of 4 on the Wonderlic test, the lowest score in a decade. He said he “looked on the test and wasn’t nothing on the test that came with football, so I pretty much blew (it) off.” Well, with that kind of attitude he’ll fit in perfectly in Texas.

Added my friend Alex Kaseberg.”He scored so low (wait for it, wait for it) he was diagnosed with Mad Cowboy disease. Boooooooooon shang.”

 

Rick Perry is now endorsing Mitt Romney. Well, makes some sense. Perry never actually said he had anything against vultures.

 

Jackie Robinson would be appalled by Delmon Young.


Ted Nugent said that he would be “dead or in jail” by this time next year if Obama were re-elected. Now he’s “insulted” because commanders at Fort Knox cancelled his appearance at a concert. Yo, Ted, in many countries around the world, make that kind of comments about a leader, and you WILL be dead or in jail.