Posted tagged ‘Benedict resigning jokes’

Poped out?

February 11, 2013

Pope Benedict, 85, is resigning because of his failing health. Too bad, says Larry King, he’s such a nice young man. .

Actually there’s a special coincidence with this story. The last Pope to resign, Gregory XII,  did so in 1415.  He was one of the first interviewees on “Larry King Live”


So now that Benedict is quitting, will he write a memoir – “Poping Rogue?”

Many are still trying to figure out the real reason for Pope Benedict’s sudden resignation. Could an imaginary friend be involved?

Texas Rep. Steve Stockman is bringing Ted Nugent as his guest to President Obama’s State of the Union speech. Can you imagine if a Democrat had brought someone to a Bush SOTU who had said “if (he) becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.”

Let’s put this Ted Nugent thing in perspective with a milder comparison:   What if a Democratic congressperson had brought the Dixie Chicks to W’s second State of the Union?

Two men are in jail in New York after being caught with 450 pounds of marijuana in Western New York. Authorities became suspicious when the local 7-11 reported being unable to keep Doritos in stock.

A-Rod is 37, Jeter 38, Petitte 41, Ichiro 39 and Rivera 43. Even the Los Angeles Lakers are saying these Yankees are OLD.

A Carnival cruise ship is adrift off the coast of Mexico after an engine fire. Carnival is refunding passengers’ fares, offering them another free cruise, and reimbursing all onboard expenses except for the casino and gift shop. Might be the only cruise in history where people wish they had had a bigger bar bill.

Police say three people, including two women and the alleged gunman, were shot dead in at a courthouse in Delaware this morning. If we only had armed guards at courthouses. Oh wait. We do. Never mind.

With this decision on a new Pope, have to wonder just how much the cardinals will move into the modern era. Will Catholics be able to text a vote for their favorites? And will the finalists be given roses?

SF Giants fans may remember that Sergio Romo wore a t-shirt to the World Series parade that said “I only look illegal.” Think there’s a lot of money to be made right now in shirts saying “I only look like Christopher Dorner.”

After starting the year 7-0, the San Jose Sharks have lost 5 in a row. Isn’t it a little early in this strike-shortened year for the team to be in playoff form?

Okay, I’m not a Kobe fan, but give him credit on this one. One of his 1..3 million Twitter followers tweeted “You’re gay” to another fan. Bryant tweeted back “Just letting you know@PacSmoove @pookeo9 that using “your gay” as a way to put someone down ain’t ok! #notcool delete that out ur vocab.”