Posted tagged ‘Romney jokes’

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Dogged days.

August 23, 2011

After the violence this weekend at Candlestick Park the NFL is apparently going to end 49ers-Raiders preseason games. This isn’t a problem with Giants-As games. Oakland A’s fans don’t show up and SF Giants are too busy with their cellphones.

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T.C. (from B.C.) adds – Travel Advisory Canada issues warnings on visiting: Syria, Libya, London, Dodger Stadium, Candlestick Park.

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Actually the 49ers said they will ban tailgating after the game starts from now one. Which may mean less trouble post game. But considering the “last call” mentality it may behoove safety-conscious fans not to argue with anyone during the National Anthem.

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Meanwhile over in Libya, Qaddafi seems to have disappeared. Has anyone checked Abbottabad? (Apparently there’s a large rental compound available.)

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The U.S. Olympic Committee has announced it will not submit a bid to host the 2020 Summer Olympics. Guess with the budget issues there’s not enough potential bribe money available.

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Terrelle Pryor was chosen in the supplemental draft by the Oakland Raiders. Well, guess it’s a good thing he went to Ohio State – means he can look back when he retires on SOME postseason experience.

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Says Alex Schubert “Insert paycut joke here.”

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But really, Terrelle Pryor with the Oakland Raiders. What a great place for a young man who has shown himself vulnerable to bad influences and making bad choices….

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GOP Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman says he’d be open to running as vice president if rival and tea party favorite Michele Bachmann wins the nomination.

So much for that “Vote for me, I’m not crazy” strategy.

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Nathan Fisher is the lawyer for four LSU football players (including QB Jordan Jefferson), accused in a bar fight. He has asked for a postponement of planned interviews for the players at police headquarters.

When asked when he would ideally prefer to reschedule the interviews, Fisher allegedly replied “anytime after the 2012 BCS bowl games.”

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Lindsay Lohan apparently wore the same dress (different color) to Kim Kardashian’s wedding that Pippa Middleton wore to the reception after Kate and William’s wedding.

Makes a certain amount of sense. Pippa is world renowned for her ass. And Lindsay is now world renowned for acting like an ass.

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Just wondering, all those who think Obama should have chosen a more plebeian vacation spot than Martha’s Vineyard, okay, where should they have gone? Not like the family could have just pulled up to a motel at Virginia Beach or Walt Disney World, they’d have to displace most if not all other guests and it would be an expensive security nightmare.

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Meanwhile, Mitt Romney showed he’s not quite as out of touch as some say he is. Because he said he’s not going to tear down his $12 million, 3000 square foot La Jolla home to replace it with an 11,000 square-foot home until AFTER he is done with his current campaign.

Makes sense, and I do note that Mitt at least has the grace (or sense) not to complain about Obama’s Martha’s Vineyard vacation.

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Back to back

June 17, 2011

Not titles,  but posts.    Apologies since apparently my attempts to hit the “publish” button last night were as successful as the Canucks’ efforts to put a puck in the goal.

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But there’s a silver lining after last night’s Canucks Stanley Cup loss and the subsequent riots: Al-Qaeda probably will not be attacking Vancouver any time soon – the terrorists have decided “Those people are scary.”

 

After an opening round 65 on Thursday, Rory McIlroy, 22 is leading the U.S. Open. How young is McIlroy? Why, he can’t even remember a time when famous golfers had to call their mistresses on payphones.

 

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So much for Anthony Weiner’s grand ambitions – He probably expected that he would some day walk into a room to “Hail to the Chief.” Instead it’s more likely to be “Sorry seems to be the Hardest Word.”

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Now that Weiner has resigned, we have to wonder how many Congressmen have as yet undiscovered potentially embarassing pictures and texts out there. This is known in military parlance as “unexploded ordnance.”

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For my non-English friends, in Britain a cellphone is known as a “Mobile.” So this means the past month will go down in history across the pond as the “Weinermobile” scandal.

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Once Anthony Wener resigns, as a private citizen he can sext and send pictures to anyone he wants without media attention. Of course, as a private citizen, he will find a lot few women interested in answering his tweets.

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A particularly offensive campaign ad in Southern California shows Congressional candidate Janice Hahn as a stripper hanging out with gangsters. The ad has received bipartisan condemnation, although Hahn herself has reputedly now received some texts from Anthony Weiner.

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An editorial in the Manchester Union-Leader, which sponsored the first GOP debate, has gone after Mitt Romney for acting “high-falutin” and “haughty.” Responded Romney, if they’re going to criticize me, the correct word is “supercilious.”

 

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The Texas Rangers accused the New York Yankees of stealing signs. The Yankees responded they don’t steal anything. They buy the signs fair and square.  (Or as my friend Karen says “they fell off a truck, I know a guy.”

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Former NY Giants wide receiver David Tyree said gay marriage is the first step towards “anarchy,” partly because two men or two women together cannot raise a child. So if he feels that way, why have we heard nothing from Tyree about other players like Ray Lewis, Antonio Cromartie and Travis Henry, who all have more than a half dozen kids by various women.

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And finally, here’s the question of the day. Father’s Day is Sunday. How many cards will Arnold Schwarenegger get?

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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