Back to back

Not titles,  but posts.    Apologies since apparently my attempts to hit the “publish” button last night were as successful as the Canucks’ efforts to put a puck in the goal.

But there’s a silver lining after last night’s Canucks Stanley Cup loss and the subsequent riots: Al-Qaeda probably will not be attacking Vancouver any time soon – the terrorists have decided “Those people are scary.”

 

After an opening round 65 on Thursday, Rory McIlroy, 22 is leading the U.S. Open. How young is McIlroy? Why, he can’t even remember a time when famous golfers had to call their mistresses on payphones.

 

So much for Anthony Weiner’s grand ambitions – He probably expected that he would some day walk into a room to “Hail to the Chief.” Instead it’s more likely to be “Sorry seems to be the Hardest Word.”

Now that Weiner has resigned, we have to wonder how many Congressmen have as yet undiscovered potentially embarassing pictures and texts out there. This is known in military parlance as “unexploded ordnance.”

For my non-English friends, in Britain a cellphone is known as a “Mobile.” So this means the past month will go down in history across the pond as the “Weinermobile” scandal.

Once Anthony Wener resigns, as a private citizen he can sext and send pictures to anyone he wants without media attention. Of course, as a private citizen, he will find a lot few women interested in answering his tweets.

A particularly offensive campaign ad in Southern California shows Congressional candidate Janice Hahn as a stripper hanging out with gangsters. The ad has received bipartisan condemnation, although Hahn herself has reputedly now received some texts from Anthony Weiner.

An editorial in the Manchester Union-Leader, which sponsored the first GOP debate, has gone after Mitt Romney for acting “high-falutin” and “haughty.” Responded Romney, if they’re going to criticize me, the correct word is “supercilious.”

 

The Texas Rangers accused the New York Yankees of stealing signs. The Yankees responded they don’t steal anything. They buy the signs fair and square.  (Or as my friend Karen says “they fell off a truck, I know a guy.”

Former NY Giants wide receiver David Tyree said gay marriage is the first step towards “anarchy,” partly because two men or two women together cannot raise a child. So if he feels that way, why have we heard nothing from Tyree about other players like Ray Lewis, Antonio Cromartie and Travis Henry, who all have more than a half dozen kids by various women.

And finally, here’s the question of the day. Father’s Day is Sunday. How many cards will Arnold Schwarenegger get?

Explore posts in the same categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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3 Comments on “Back to back”

  1. tc Says:

    Bruins victory parade goes Sat. The long list of celebities invited stretch from Orr and Espo to Don Cherry and Big Papi. (no invite was sent to Bill Buckner)

  2. Gary Morton Says:

    According to The Ticket, Anthony Weiner is sitting on a million dollar pension. Suppose they really mean ‘penis?’

  3. Gary Morton Says:

    Seattle Seahawk Raheem Brock has been arrested for the second time since signing with Seattle, this time on a charge of theft of services at a Philadelphia restaurant…over a $27.00 bar tab. Who’d a thunk that the NFL lockout would lead to shoplifting? Besides Ray Lewis, of course.


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