Posted tagged ‘Netflix jokes’

Sign of the apocalypse?

October 11, 2011

Is this a sign of the apocalypse or what? At the time of writing this post, the best professional team in Michigan plays football, and the best professional team in Texas plays baseball.

Okay, we all know that the SEC conference has the best on-field reputation in college football. (We won’t talk about stuff like academics and felonies, for now.)

But looking at the rankings, with Boise State over Stanford in most polls, when did the Mountain West Conference pass the Pac 12?

Apparently due to an outage, millions of BlackBerry users in Europe have been without Web and texting service Monday. What a crisis. Many teenagers were forced to actually talk to each other.

A legally blind high school student in New Jersey pitched a no-hitter. Which might be a first. Although many sports fans would say that legally-blind umpires have often called one.

Former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty says “if I would have known then what I know now” he would have stayed in the presidential race longer. Well, yeah, at the very least Pawlenty would have had his turn to have poll numbers equal to or better than Mitt Romney’s.

Netflix got a brief public relations boost Monday morning by announcing they are reversing their plan to split their streaming and DVD rentals into two companies with two logins, passwords, etc. But then all those happy customers realized, the price hike stays….

This is kind of like leaving your wife for another woman, returning, and saying “by the way honey, mind if she stays with us for a while?”

Hank Williams Jr, is coming out with a new song “I’ll keep my ….” Including the line “So Fox `n Friends wanna put me down/Ask for my opinion/Twist it all around….” And he urges Americans to boycott the show (along with ESPN.) Must give props to Williams – he’s done something few thought possible – accused “Fox & Friends” of being overly PC.

Okay, lies, damn lies and statistics time. And yes, the 49ers are somehow 4-1. But if you look at quarterback ratings, Alex Smith, at 104.1 is behind only Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers as the number three QB in the country.

Gov. Jerry Brown signed legislation banning “Open-Carry” of unloaded handguns in California. On the SF Chronicle website there are a number of comments saying “Well, he just lost my vote.” Okay, but if anyone cares so much about carrying an unloaded gun in public, did we really think they were going to vote for Brown in the first place?

Game two of the ALCS between Detroit and Texas was cancelled in advance due to rain. Except it never rained. So who made the decision about this over-hyped storm – a “Dream Team” of weather forecaster.

“Joe the Plumber” is back and running for Congress. Anyone else wish that Andy Warhol’s 15 minutes was a lifetime cap in some cases?

Apparently Rick Perry’s campaign staff is trying to reduce his future speaking errors and bad performances by making the Governor get more sleep. Is that really likely to work? The modern president who was most consistently the “early to bed” type was George W. Bush.


Start spreading the fabulous news.

September 20, 2011

In honor of the repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” at today at midnight, two quotes from a noted commie-pinko liberal: “Everyone knows that gays have served honorably in the military since at least the time of Julius Caesar.” And “You don’t have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight.” (Yep, Barry Goldwater.)

Mariano Rivera got his 602th save today – in front of 40,045, the smallest crowd of the year at Yankee Stadium. Wonder if that’s because of President Obama’s proposed tax hikes on millionaires – maybe a lot of New Yorkers figured they couldn’t afford seats anymore.

Darn shame for San Francisco Giants fans that in their longshot quest for a playoff spot the team isn’t chasing the Red Sox.

This Netflix price hike is looking like the smartest business decision since “New Coke.”

An 21 year old man in Lincoln, Nebraska somehow got drunk enough to mistake a police station for a casino. He wandered in and asked for blackjack chips. When a staffer sent him away, the man returned a few minutes later and asked again. (.273, in case you wondered.) So the cops threw him in a detox cell.

Talk about double or nothing. Even Mel Gibson is thinking “How drunk do you have to be to act that stupid?”

Signs of Autumn: Falling leaves, falling Red Sox, falling Braves……

‎49ers coach Jim Harbaugh may be regretting his decision not to accept a Dallas penalty that would have erased a field goal but given the team the chance to build up their lead with a potential touchdown. (The Niners would have had first and 10 at the Cowboys 22.) Have to wonder, would Harbaugh’s decision have been different if he were coaching against Pete Carroll?

The ACC, now home to Pitt and Syracuse, has a reputation of being one of the better conferences academically. And for a starter example, they’re smart enough not to put a number like 10 or 12 or 8 in their title that has to be changed all the time.

Michele Bachmann is still defending her comments about the danger of the HPV vaccine, saying on CNN tonight “I wasn’t speaking as a doctor. I wasn’t speaking as a scientist…” Amazed she didn’t add: “But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once.”

There are rumors that Bachmann’s campaign may not last that much longer. Which is bad news on the jobs front – for comedy writers.

President Obama said today – “It’s not class warfare, it’s math.” Wonder how long it will take for Rick Perry to respond “Math is a theory.”

But okay, closing with a commie-pinko thought. I get that many millionaires want to hold onto every penny they can. But it is truly amazing to me that the GOP so has many lower and middle class folks screaming class warfare when THEY are the class currently getting scr*wed.