Posted tagged ‘Metrodome jokes’

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Not so dearly departed.

January 18, 2014

The Minneapolis Metrodome was deflated for the last time today, as a precursor to being demolished next week. “I’m really going to miss that place,” said absolutely nobody.

 

Meanwhile, Candlestick Park awaits its own demolition, probably later this year. But if they really want to give the place a fitting sendoff, perhaps the NHL might schedule there the Summer version of the Winter Classic?

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Houston’s mayor Annise Parker, has wedded her longtime partner, Kathy Hubbard, in California. Texas law still prohibits gay marriage. But it’s okay to shoot each other.

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Some talk that the French are becoming less tolerant because there is a fair bit of controversy over President Hollande’s relationship issues. My sense, not exactly…. but the French understand that their leaders are supposed to have affairs, not leave the First Lady over them….

 

 

“The Bachelor”, Juan Pablo Galavais, is apologizing for saying he didn’t like the idea of a gay or bisexual Bachelor because it would set a “bad example for children to watch” and that homosexuals are “pervert(ed).” He attributed the comments to a English as a 2nd language issue. But Juan Pablo was half-right, the Bachelor is a bad example for children to watch.

 

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New Vanderbilt coach Derek Mason says he wants the Commodores to someday play for the Southeastern Conference championship. Making me think that he left Stanford with a prescription for medical marijuana.

 

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For the first time in 28 years the Jamaican bobsled team has qualified for the Winter Olympics. Standby for fun, and for sled driver Winston Watt, 46, screaming “You punks get off my run.”

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Geno Smith was involved in a dispute with a Virgin America flight attendant, allegedly over cellphones, and kicked off the plane. So much for all those who said the New York Jets wouldn’t be relevant in the postseason.

(My friend Jon N says “Looks like Geno’s got to focus on his ground game.”)

 

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CNN reported that 66 out of more than 2,500 passengers on a four day Royal Caribbean Cruise to the Bahamas and Key West became sick with gastrointestinal issues- vomiting and diarrhea. Norovirus is suspected. But okay, 66 out of 2,500? Have to wonder how many of those folks have symptoms due to oversampling of the local beverages

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Streaks and geeks.

December 14, 2010

After this weekend, Minneapolis crews are working frantically to see how long it will take to repair their aging structure and have it NFL ready as soon as possible. And besides Brett Favre, they are hoping to fix the Metrodome too.

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So the Big 10 starting in 2011 will have 12 teams , and the Big 12 starting in 2012 will have 10 teams.  Here’s a radical idea. Swap numbers.

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Instead, the Big Ten, which will now have twelve members, is dividing them into two football divisions: Leaders and Legends. What, they thought the players would find “North-South” or “East-West” too complicated?

Leaders and Legends?  Well it’s hard to figure out who is in which category.  Except for the high-priced consultants who came up with this idea.   For them I think the term is “Losers.”

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But really, don’t those categories sound like a “Comic-con” seminar, or as my friend Tim Church says, a video game?   And then they added this baby blue logo. Just in case the whole package wasn’t dorky enough.

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Brett Favre’s string of 297 straight starts ended today. His continuous passing streak, however, ended when Deanna heard about those texts to Jenn Sterger.

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Current Yankees theme song. “Can’t buy me love, can’t buy me Lee either.”

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Cliff Lee to the Phillies? So much for all those who said it couldn’t get any worse than this year for Mets fans.

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Halladay, Lee, Oswalt, Hamels, Blanton…. Sorry Phillies, but that starting five might almost be as good as Cain, Lincecum, Bumgarner, Sanchez, and either “fill-in-the-blank” or Zito.

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Amazing photos of that deflated Metrodome roof going around. It’s absolutely the most ridiculous image ever to come out of Minneapolis, at least since Deanna Favre took Brett’s camera phone away.

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 More about Sal Alosi, the NY Jets coach who tripped the Dolphins runner from the sidelines. He may receive a fine and/or suspension from the league. But if he can do the same with Michael Vick or Ben Roethlisberger, PETA or NOW will send him a nice bonus.

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The international pole dancing championships are this week in Japan.  The sport is growing and becoming more mainstream, although fans say they were too late to make a serious bid to be included in the 2012 London Olympics.

Although rumor has it the mostly male IOC is looking through their records to see if there is precedent for an exemption.

If pole-dancing ever makes it to the Olympics, we will definitely see a first for the games…. men asking their wives, so when do the gymnastic competitions start?

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Snow place like home.

December 13, 2010

 Well, so much for those who said nothing in Minneapolis this year would collapse faster than Brett Favre’s dream of going back to the Super Bowl…

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Brett Favre has apparently told teammates that he doesn’t think he will play Monday night. And God responded  “You mean I collapsed that roof for nothing?”

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Unfortunately for Vikings fans, snow meant their game was postponed. Unfortunately for Bears fans, snow meant their game wasn’t.

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My friend Douglas Hudson commented “how embearassing.”

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But really, the Bears offense falling apart  because a game was played in the snow?    (They lost 36-7 to the New England Patriots)  What’s next, Drew Brees having a bad passing day due to Superdome air conditioning?

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 Meanwhile, in Washington, the Redskins continue their quest to find the most creative possible ways to lose a game. Today a great last minute drive negated by their holder not catching the ball on an extra point try. What’s next? For the price of a charter flight the Stanford band is available.

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In fact, as contentious as things might get in our nation’s capital, the one resolution that would probably get passed unanimously is a bill stating simply “Redskins Suck.”

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New York Jets coach Sal Alosi has apologized for a “total lapse in judgment” for tripping the Dolphins’ Nolan Carroll as he ran along the sidelines during a punt return today. No word on any potential punishment, but on the brighter side Alosi has been offered a job playing defense for the Dallas Cowboys.

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So coach Rex Ryan buried a game ball after his Jets were destroyed on MNF by the mighty Patriots. What’s he going to bury after they got beat by the mediocre Dolphins?

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‎49ers 40 – Seahawks 21. Today’s game at Candlestick Park was so embarassing for Pete Carroll that he had to think he was back with USC playing Stanford.

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 The 5-8 49ers are still inexplicably alive for a playoff spot in the woeful NFL West. And there are signs that coach Mike Singletary has gotten just a bit cocky after this week’s 41-20 drubbing of the Seahawks. For example, in the team’s locker room, Singletary has already hung a banner saying “Mission Accomplished.”

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Although to be fair, S.F.’s win did mean that at least for this year, they’re not the 4 and 9 ers.

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7-11 has come up with their own brand of wine, available exclusively at their convenience stores,, and known as “Cherrywood Cellars.”  Of course, wine snobs might argue that instead of cherries, wine is generally made from grapes.

On the other hand, if you care about what fruit your wine is made from, you probably aren’t shopping for it at 7-11.

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from Bill Littlejohn. on the Japanese space probe that’s hurtling toward the sun after it overshot Venus: “So much for JaMarcus Russell’s career as an aerospace engineer.”

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