Posted tagged ‘Los Angeles Dodgers jokes’

Blowing in the wind.

August 27, 2012

Got to love it – as the GOP bashes government spending in Tampa, Louisiana Gov. Jindal is complaining that President Obama’s “limited federal declaration” of emergency doesn’t provide for reimbursement of all expenses that the state is taking to prepare for the storm. And Bobby a “full” declaration, which would mean  more federal money…..

Hoping Isaac bypasses New Orleans, or only brings some moderately heavy wind and rain.   But if there is any damage,  especially while the GOP convention is going on, got to figure President Obama will get to the city faster than a Drew Brees pass gets to a Saints receiver.

There is some good news for the GOP with Isaac. The storm has temporarily stopped work on rigs that produce 24% of the oil in the U.S. part of the Gulf of Mexico. Meaning higher gas prices they can blame on Obama.

With Isaac resulting in the cancellation of the first day of the GOP convention, Donald Trump’s scheduled “surprise” role has disappeared. Maybe even God has had enough.

Mitt Romney is polling 0 percent with African-American voters.  And the last poll had a margin of error of 3.1%.  So he might be the first candidate to poll a  negative number.

The Los Angeles Yankees, er, Dodgers lost 10-0 today in Josh Beckett’s debut. And around Boston, the hills are alive, with the sounds of giggles.

Here we go again. Pennsylvania Senate candidate Tom Smith was asked about what he would do if a daughter or granddaughter were to become pregnant as a result of rape. Smith said that a family memberr went through “something similar” to rape: “Having a baby out of wedlock.”

The archbishop-elect of San Francisco was arrested in the wee hours of Saturday morning for alleged DUI in San Diego. The Vatican is just relieved there wasn’t an altar boy in the car.

The Red Sox-Dodgers blockbuster deal is complete. Where was David Stern when we needed him?

The New York Mets, despite their so-far miserable second half, say that Terry Collins’ job is safe.   Translation,  we can’t think of anyone else who would take on this mess.

Penn State has banned ‘Sweet Caroline’ from football games because of the ‘touching me, touching you’ lyrics. Uh oh, hope no one tells the Stanford band before they play Notre Dame….

Amongst Louisiana’s preparation for Isaac is the cancellation of classes for two days at LSU.   “Bummer,”  football players allegedly responded. “What’s class?”

Didn’t we pay for perfect?

August 26, 2012

The Dodgers lost today, 6-2 to the Marlins. You know what that means – time to trade for another $200 million in new players.

This just in, the Los Angeles Dodgers have offered Japan $100 million for a futures contract for  Kotaro Kiyomiya.

The Cowboys have ordained that Dez Bryant must follow some off-field rules, including not going to a strip club, while he is on the team. Let’s hope this doesn’t throw the Dallas area exotic dancing business into a recession.

USC announced that CB Isiah Wiley has been ruled academically ineligible for the 2012 season and has lost his scholarship. This should send a strong message to other Trojan players – do NOT blow off that final exam for ballroom dancing class.

T.O. has been cut by the Seattle Seahawks. And who saw that coming?

If it were the Democratic convention that was postponed  in Florida this week we’d be hearing nonstop from conservative preachers today how Isaac was an Act of God.

 

At a rally today, Mitt Romney accused the Obama campaign of continuing “to stoop to such a low level.” And then presumably he closed with another birth certificate joke.

Ron Paul said today of Mitt Romney: “I don’t fully endorse him for president.” Republicans are just glad Paul didn’t use the phrase “legitimate endorsement.”

 

An SF Chronicle article on Florida voters quotes Jim Tornabene, 76, who says he’s a former Democrat, and a retired firefighter with a good pension. He’ll vote for Romney because “He’s a capitalist, and I support capitalism. It used to be the Democratic Party. Now it’s the welfare party.” Right, and I got MY pension.

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Meg Whitman has been CEO since Sept 2011 of HP, which just recorded a record $8.9 billion quarterly loss. Though Whitman says the company is in the “early stages of a turnaround” she expects to take 5-6 years. Not quite the timetable she and others have set for President Obama.

Whatever you say about Paul Ryan as a running mate, I guess at least he doesn’t put Mitt Romney in a position of running with a politician from Florida or Louisiana, who this week might need to ask for federal funds and help to deal with Hurricane Isaac.