Posted tagged ‘flopping jokes’

Going down.

June 29, 2014

Would baseball be more popular around the world if batters could fall to the ground writhing in agony if the pitch got near them and then be awarded 1st base? #WorldCup #flopping

Brazil coach Luiz Felipe Scolari said he and his team “can’t be polite anymore” after barely beating Chile. Are they flopping too gracefully?

A fire broke out in the boiler room of a Holland America cruise ship leaving Seattle yesterday. But it was quickly extinguished, the ship returned to port without incident, and was cleared to sail again this morning. “Darn” said CNN.

In the 9th inning of a 4-0 loss, the #SFGiants won a review and have a play overturned. So where do you go to request the month of June be overturned?

Open note to #SFGiants. This is not the World Cup. You don’t have to wait to score with penalty kicks.

 

So according to Bochy, Sergio Romo will no longer be closing games for the #sfgiants. Of course that’s been true for over two weeks.

SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy today said the team “as a group, we’ve hit a bump in the road.” A bump? Feels more like a Giant sinkhole.

 

 

As of Sunday night, at SeaWorld San Diego, apparently several people have been stuck on the Skytower ride for several hours due to a power issue. The San Diego Fire Department is on stand-by.but says “no one is in distress.” If they’re not in distress after several hours guess this makes the Skytower perhaps the world’s highest outhouse.

Texas Tech has dismissed their top football recruit, CB Nigel Bethel II, for allegedly punching one of the their star woman basketball players in the face during a pickup basketball game. Next stop for Bethel, the Baltimore Ravens?

No injuries fortunately when two Ryanair jets ran into each other at London’s Stansted Airport yesterday morning. A spokesman said they hit wing tip to tail cone while one was approaching a gate and the was pushing back. Maybe enough passengers didn’t pay the “light stick” fee?

 

 

The Cleveland Browns owner reportedly told Johnny Manziel to “tone it down” and watch “what goes up on social media. Manziel reportedly responded that he’s not going to change his ways and will enjoy his time off. Of course, if Johnny can’t deliver on the field in the NFL, he could end up with a lot more time off.

 

Wanna get away?

June 9, 2014

southwest

 

Hey, we all were student drivers once.

 

(But Southwest pilot happy hours have been cancelled until further notice.)

The CIA, besides being on Twitter, now has a Facebook account. So my fellow Americans, our privacy is safe. Our spies will be spending most of their days looking at cats.

 

Dwyane Wade was fined $5,000 for his Game 2 flop that resulted in a foul against Manu Ginobili, who didn’t touch him. Let’s see, $5,000 when you win a 2 point game…? Guessing the Heat will tell Wade to keep that move in his playbook.

This season the Jacksonville Jaguars have replaced 9,500 seats with a party deck with two pools and 16 cabanas, which can be rented for $12,500 a game including food and drink for 50 people. Which might be worth it for fans to have something to do other than having to watch the Jags on the field.

Barbara Walters is coming out of retirement to interview the father of the young man who killed six people at UCSB last month. “Atta girl,” said Brett Favre.

So would someone like to ask #CaliforniaChrome owner #SteveCoburn what he thinks of baseball’s DH?

The GOP in Texas ratified a platform endorsing so-called “reparative therapy,” psychological treatments that try to turn gays straight. Too bad there isn’t a reparative therapy for stupid.

Oakland mayor Jean Quan was involved in a traffic accident this weekend, and said at first just that “another vehicle struck my left-rear tire. I immediately pulled over and checked to make sure no one was hurt” Now she said she’s “unsure” if she ran a red light.But I was “not on my phone.” With this much equivocation is Quan trying to show she is ready for higher office?

Congressman Jeff Miller, denying that people have had anything to do with climate change: “Then why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Were there men that were causing — were there cars running around at that point, that were causing global warming? No. The climate has changed since earth was created.” Back on your game, Florida.

A public service announcement from my friend Julia Park Tracey. For future reference: If your white supremacy neighbors brag about “doing another Columbine,” maybe you ought to report that. #helpfulhints

So how did this #LAKings team ever get down 3-0 to the #SJSharks? #StanleyCup

 

Lebron James said that to clear his head between games 1 and 2 of the NBA finals, he went to see the movie “Malificent.” Wonder if he identifies with the title character?

 

Today, Donald Sterling says he will “fight to protect my rights,” withdraw his support for the sale of the Clippers, and again pursue a $1 billion lawsuit against the NBA. Well, this ought to do wonders for those who say Sterling is no longer capable of decision making.