Posted tagged ‘Fed Ex jokes’

Shuffling Jack Flash.

July 27, 2013

Sir Mick Jagger turned  70 on Friday.  Now he probably Can Always Get What he Wants… if he can remember what it is that he wanted..

Mick Jagger, at 70, just completed another U.S.tour with the Rolling Stones. I think we can all be glad the band has kept relevant and profitable. Would hate to see them reduced to licensing “Start Me Up” for a Viagra commercial.

Newly released home surveillance photos show Aaron Hernandez holding what appears to be a gun shortly after his friend was shot. The most shocking thing is not that the former Patriots TE might be a murderer, but that as stupid as he is, he hasn’t been arrested before.

FedEx is firing an employee caught on camera throwing delivery boxes into her truck in Manhattan. Wonder what the woman’s defense was – that she always wanted to work for the airlines?

A woman was asked to leave from Milwaukee’s Miller Park because she had modified the B and the N on the back of her Ryan Braun t-shirt to an F and a D.  Thinking if this gal has a contact who can mass produce them she’s got a serious money making opportunity.

The University of Florida has given coach Will Muschamp a $250,000 raise, bringing his salary to $2.928 million a year. The real shocker… that makes him the SEVENTH highest-paid football coach in the SEC.

Apparently Antony Weiner is still getting donations to stay in the NY mayoral race from people who are supporters of his wife, Huma. These donations, however, probably pale in comparison to those from comedy writers.

Be careful what you wish for. As the New England Patriots open training camp you figure Bill Belichick had to have thought at some point during the offseason “Please don’t have all the media questions be about Tim Tebow?”

ESPN headline “Lebron James passes Kobe Bryant as most popular.” This might be the only time that “Kobe Bryant” and “passes” appear in the same sentence.

News flash from England. Little Prince George is still born. ‪#‎RoyalBaby‬

A new study of over 200,000 subjects indicated that those who drink 2-4 cups of coffee a day are 50% less likely to commit suicide. And those who drink it in the morning are probably at least 50% less likely to murder their spouses or coworkers.

#‎SFGiants‬ doing it all lately. Not throwing the ball, not hitting the ball, not catching the ball….

From Bill Littlejohn:   “To please his new wife, Michael Jordan allegedy wants to have his vasectomy reversed. He reportedly told the doctor, ‘Just Un-Do It’.