Archive for the ‘debate jokes’ category

Back to the future?

December 16, 2015

Marco Rubio, when asked about same-sex marriage, responded “I will appoint Supreme Court justices that will interpret the Constitution as originally constructed.” So Rubio’s going to look for justices who are in favor of owning slaves?

Pete Rose says he “accepts” Rob Manfred’s upholding his MLB ban – “You can’t rewrite something,” Wonder if Rose bet that would be the commissioner’s decision.

 

So for all those who think the ‪#‎Warriors‬ are invincible this year, remember this, they lost to a ‪#‎Bucks‬ team that c0uldn’t beat the ‪#‎Lakers‬.

Yasiel Puig was amongst a small group of players who returned to Cuba today as part of the first MLB trip to the island nation since 1999. And privately no doubt some in the Dodgers organization are thinking “Fidel, can you keep him?”

For anyone complaining on the East Coast about spring-like pre-Christmas weather, Denver residents and anyone with a flight scheduled to or through Denver International Airport on Tuesday have a brief message for you: STFU.

(The airport was been largely closed all day due to snow.)

United Airlines flight attendants will be picketing at 14 airports around the world Thursday to protest “unfair” contracts since the airline merged with Continental. So guessing the “Friendly Skies” will be even less friendly than usual this holiday season….

Wisconsin coach Bo Ryan, whose Badgers are 7-5, said he is retiring effective immediately. And a whole lot of NFL and NBA coaches are going – so Ryan wants to quit while his team is over achieving?

Dallas owner Jerry Jones says the “Cowboys will not shut Dez Bryant down for the season.” Well, of course not. The teams Dallas has faced all year have already done that.

So all Los Angeles County schools have been closed and over 600,000 children sent home over a “credible” bomb threat. Well, not sure about terrorism, but a whole lot of smart kids who hate school just got some great future inspiration.

Who knows who was responsible for today’s terror threat in Los Angeles. But if they catch him or her perhaps the best punishment would be to lock them in a room with some LAUSD parents: Hell hath no fury like a mom or dad who just discovered they needed last-minute daycare.

The Mayor of Birmingham, AL, and a city councilor are apparently planning to press charges against each other after the two men got into a fight during a city council meeting last night, and both ended up in the hospital. ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬

A pro-John Kasich Super PAC has a new ad Pro-Kasich super PAC refers to Donald Trump as a “hippo-crit,” and uses a picture of a hippo to drive home the comparison. Okay, who thought that a hippo would be used in an attack ad against anyone but Chris Christie?

Anyone else thinking this ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ might have been a lot more fun if all the candidates were armed?

 

Arrgh. Watching the local news and a young local Republican woman talking about wanting a candidate who kept her safe from terrorism. Fine, okay. But then she said she didn’t want to go to see the Star Wars movie and worry about being shot.. Uh, did she forget who shot up that theater in Colorado?

 

So all this talk about terrorism and “people who want to kill us.” Guess I missed the part where the GOP candidates talked about how Americans who have been murdered by other Americans with no Muslim ties weren’t truly victims?

 

 

Ben Carson asked for a moment of silence tonight for the victims in San Bernardino. Now, no American really has a problem with that. But where were Carson’s requests for a moment of silence for the Planned Parenthood victims, or the children of Sandy Hook? ‪#‎politics‬ ‪#‎priorities‬

 

From T.C.  “Santa’s elves have a sense of humor, they are sending Jason Pierre-Paw a guitar for Christmas. He will probably regift it to Andy Dalton.”

I wanna be sedated/debated…..

November 11, 2015

So I’m confused, after this ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ how many of the remaining contestants get roses?

Four years ago, Rick Perry couldn’t remember the third Cabinet level department he wanted to eliminate. Tonight Ted Cruz said he wanted to eliminate five, and said the Dept of Commerce twice, while leaving out the Dept of Education. Makes some sense on education, Cruz certainly doesn’t seem to have benefited from it.

Ted Cruz keeps telling voters to go to TedCruz.org. Because the man who wants us to trust him to lead the free world wasn’t smart enough to grab the TedCruz.com domain. ‪#‎Googleit‬ ‪#‎notreadyforprimetime‬

So what does ‪#‎TedCruz‬ have against philosophers? Did he used to date one or something? ‪#‎GOPdebate‬

In his first answer, Marco Rubio said to fix economy we need to repeal Obamacare. So congrats to all those who had “5 min. into the GOP debate in the pool.

Trump. “We are a country of laws”and we have to depart 11 million people. Then for example fruit will obey the laws and pick itself

All these GOP candidates blame Obama & regulatory reform for U.S. economic woes. So why wasn’t the economy booming under Bush? ‪#‎GOPDebate‬
 So let me get this straight, contestants in ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ all say regulations are big problem for US economy, but they want to regulate banks.

#‎CarlyFiorina‬ keeps talking about how many of these world leaders she knows. Is this a ‪#‎GOPdebate‬ or a competition for Facebook friends?

Carly Fiorina also dissing government and talking about “people who don’t do their jobs very well.” Well she should know ‪#‎HP‬ ‪#‎yourefired‬

Ted Cruz is so out of touch he thinks wages in journalism can go any lower. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Ben Carson says he has a problem with “being lied about.” And apparently with not ending sentences with propositions.-

Congrats to ‪#‎SFGiants‬ Brandon Crawford for winning his 1st Gold Glove, and to Yadier Molina for winning his 8th. Think they just might want to make it automatic for the Cardinals’ catcher until he retires.

Target is being accused now of trivializing mental illness because they are selling a OCD (‘Obsessive Christmas Disorder’) holiday sweater. Beginning to think the real epidemic in this country is OPCD (“Obsessive Politically Correct Disorder.”)

Facebook wants us to give them our phone numbers to “help secure your account and more.” Yeah, it’s the “and more,” that worries me.

Oakland LB Ray-Ray Armstrong is being investigated in PA for allegedly taunting a police dog at Heinz Field – pounding on his chest and barking at the animal before the Raiders-Steelers game.
Uh, not sure about charges being filed but if Armstrong thinks it’s a good idea to taunt and anger a K-9, guessing the problem is going to work itself. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎Darwinwannabe‬

Non-profit investigative journalism site ProPublica has released a list of members of Congress who have missed a tenth or more of eligible floor votes since 2007. Hmm, maybe it’s time to start drug-testing our representatives.

Ohio State QB J.T. Barrett today did plead guilty to DUI. He will pay a $400 fine and have his license suspended for six months. With all due respect, since Barrett has NFL aspirations, maybe he should learn to live without driving these days, period.

Urban Meyer has reinstated J.T. Barrett as OSU’s starting QB for this weekend’s game against Illinois, after a one-game suspension for DUI. “It’s never easy. I think it’s the right thing at this time.” Translation, the Fighting Illini might be a tougher competitor than most people think.

Campbell’s says they are changing their chicken soup recipe to have fewer ingredients. Will one of them still be chicken?

Pastor Kevin Swanson, upset with Dumbledore being homosexual, says that rather than have kids read the Harry Potter books, for “tens of millions of parents it would be better that a millstone be hung around their (children’s) neck and they be drowned at the bottom of the sea.”
And Swanson said this at the National Religious Liberties Conference. ‪#‎oxymoron‬ ‪#‎jesuswept‬

An alligator was seen eating a python on a Florida golf course. If only the python had been armed.