Not taken for granite.

New Hampshire results are in. So now be know even more about what voters in small white states think.

But first some non-primary jokes:

 

Quicken Loans Super Bowl ad had the idea that people could get a mortgage on their phones, and asked: “If it could be that easy, wouldn’t more people buy homes?” Guessing they won’t run the ad in theaters before “The Big Short?”

If we needed any more proof that Jim Harbaugh is turning Michigan back into a powerhouse, the SEC has asked the NCAA to stop the Wolverines practicing in Florida over Spring Break, saying Harbaugh is taking his players “free time away.” Right, because the SEC is SO concerned about student-athletes’ well being….

Meteorologists are now saying Royal Caribbean should not have sailed their Anthem of the Seas ship into hurricane force winds as the storm was “well-forecast.” So guessing ambulance-chasing lawyers and class-action lawsuits in three, two, one…..

Disney’s “Frozen” is coming to Broadway in 2018. And so millions more American parents of daughters who weren’t old enough for the 2013 movie will discover the soundtrack and start wishing they really could “Let it Go.”

Rick Snyder was asked to speak before Congress on the Flint water crisis and declined, saying he has a budget meeting. Imagine how the GOP would react if Jennifer Granholm was still Governor of Michigan and declined such an invitation. Of course, if Granholm was still Governor we probably wouldn’t have the Flint water crisis.

At a Trump rally, the Donald repeated a woman’s insult about Ted Cruz “She said he’s a pussy.” Prompting calls for an immediate apology, from cats.

 

Chris Christie didn’t do that well in New Hampshire. But thinking all GOP candidates not named Rubio owe him a thank-you gift. Maybe bridge mix?

 

John Kasich tonight said “the light overcame the darkness of negative campaigning.” Translation, “if I start really gaining traction I’ll have my Super PAC do the negative campaigning for me.”

 

John Kasich said of his campaign moving on from New Hampshire to South Carolina from “We’re going to be changing some snowshoes for some flip-flops and we’re going to go from fried clams to jambalaya.”
Jeez, Governor, it’s jambalaya is Louisiana, in South Carolina it’s “perloo.” Get your pandering straight.

 

 

Chris Christie said he’s going to “take a deep breath” and go home. Apparently he’s out of money. But the thought of the Governor quitting and going back to his state might bring a flood of donations. From New Jerseyans.

So if today marks the end of the campaign, suppose it’s somehow apt that the happened on

Last Democrat to win ‪#‎NewHampshire‬ primary and the Presidency in the same year? ‪#‎JimmyCarter‬

 

A subdued Marco Rubio “We did not do well on Saturday and so listen to this: That will never happen again.” Does that mean Rubio is dropping out of future debates?

Donald Trump’s son Eric says that waterboarding is “quite frankly is no different than what happens on college campuses and frat houses every day.”
So just how many of the GOP candidates were frat boys anyway?

The Daily Show’s Jessica Williams, responding to Rudy Giuliani’s whine that the Super Bowl halftime show should have “wholesome” entertainment “You’re right…The fans deserve wholesome entertainment: Like watching 300-pound men give each other concussions while a crowd cheers like extras in the movie Gladiator. So what is wrong with Beyoncé, everyone? Were you not entertained?”
Three word hashtag ‪#‎YouGoGirl‬

Explore posts in the same categories: debate jokes, political jokes. election jokes, Uncategorized

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