Archive for May 28, 2011

Memorial Day Weekend

May 28, 2011

When most Americans look back and remember when gas was under $3 a gallon.

Frank McCourt has apparently secured funds to make the Dodgers payroll this month. Ah, for the good old days in Los Angeles when the only payroll worries for sports fans were about anyone finding out how much the players were getting paid at USC.

Amy Winehouse checked back into rehab in London this week, but according to the British media, not before stopping at a shop to buy a small bottle of vodka that she swigged immediately. That’s like Lindsay Lohan stopping on her way to home confinement to go jewelery shopping.

Fox News fired Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum because of their intentions to run for President. But despite similar signs from Sarah Palin, the network is keeping her on as a contributor. Translation, compared to Gingrich and Santorum, Palin has higher ratings.

Many sports fans around the world Saturday were rivited to the Champions’ League soccer championships between Barcelona and ManU.  In the U.S., however, many would just have asked “where’s Manu?”

(responded Jerry Hoffman, “with the Spurs.”)

The world didn’t end last weekend. Although in Chicago, where the Cubs have lost two straight to the lowly Pirates, including a 10-0 shellacking, the 2011 season may be officially over.

Amazing, Francisco Liriano of the Twins pitched a no-hitter earlier this month, and Anthony Swarzak almost pitched one today (into the 8th).  What’s most amazing, these pitchers have done this without the benefit of pitching to their own lineup. 

 

And we wonder why U.S. airlines have such lousy reputations for both service and profitability – example number 334:

Video announcement on United Airlines  “We’re taking significant steps in our merger with Continental Airlines – we’ve painted our planes….”  (Really, followed by all the things they are going to do.  Though to be fair the two airlines have synchonized boarding procedures, and some fees, usually by raising the lower of the two.)

From Bill Littlejohn:  “Yuma Scorpions manager Jose Canseco, who is smitten with her and has proposed marriage, has declared May 30th ‘Lady Gaga Night’ at the team’s home park.Free admission will be granted to those producing a restraining order”

Parenthetical thoughts…

May 28, 2011

Maybe a few history classes wouldn’t have hurt. Michelle Bachman got into trouble before for saying (twice) that the Revolutionary War started in Lexington, New Hampshire. Now she is kicking off her presidential campaign in Iowa. In the town of Waterloo.

(but who knows, maybe Bachman thinks the line “where Napoleon met his Waterloo” refers to a woman he was dating?)

Sarah Palin has apparently authorized a feature film about her career. The film has an announced running time of two hours but will stop halfway through.

Ray Small, former Ohio State WR, is claiming a student newspaper “twisted his words” about teammates selling their rings and getting car deals, and has retracted the statements. Although the newspaper editor says “everything Small said is recorded.” Well, when Small decides he is completely done with football, he has a great future working for Newt Gingrich.

Governor Jan Brewer is going to court to fight the state’s voter approved medical marijuana law.   So let me get this straight, Brewer trusts the people of Arizona to make the decision to carry a gun around, but not to light up a joint?

(Based on events in Arizona and Florida over the last several years, I am beginning to think that too much sun rots your brain.)

Meanwhile, over in Texas,  Governor Rick Perry is the latest to talk about running for President in 2012. Uh, Rick, with all this talk of secession for the Lone Star state, wouldn’t that make you no longer born in the U.S?

A new CNN poll shows Rudy Giuliani, who is not even an announced candidate, leads all GOP presidential contenders. Presume “None of the above” was not an option?

(My friend Scott Russell has an idea, if “none of the above” is the biggest vote getter in an election, throw both candidates out and start over.)

If you think golf needs Tiger Woods, how about women’s tennis needing the Williams sisters? The two top seeds, Kim Clijsters and Caroline Wozniacki, are both out of the French Open. And the response of most sports fans – “Who and who?”

 

 

Aubrey Huff, batting .212, hit cleanup again for the SF Giants today. Now, I love Aubrey, and we pronounce our last names the same way, but these days the only cleanup he’s doing well is helping the opposing pitchers clean up their messes.

(of course I wrote the above before the game, and he got two hits, so am posting it so as not to mess with success.)

Meanwhile, at home plate, Eli Whiteside over Prince Fielder by TKO.