Elena Kagan and John Goodman?
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Archive for May 2010
Separated at birth? (Warning -this one is tacky)
May 10, 2010Ouching Tiger.
May 10, 2010Tiger Woods apparently left the TPC tournament today with a sore neck. Makes sense, he’s had to swivel around constantly every few minutes since Thanksgiving to see if Elin is behind him with a nine-iron.
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Dallas Braden pitched a perfect game today in Oakland for the attendance-challenged As. But years from now at least a thousand people will claim they were there to see it.
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Marc Ragovin comments “So it was 27 up, 27 down, in Oakland on Sunday. And by that I’m describing the entire attendance during the seventh inning stretch.”
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This is just tacky, but what the heck. Tiger Woods withdrew from the TPC today with an injury. Well, if anyone has had experience in learning when to pull out…
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As a Giants fan I wish this was funnier that it is.
It’s only May but looking like as far as other National League pitchers who could keep Tim Lincecum from winning another Cy Young, the most likely candidates reside in the Giants bullpen.
(for all non-hardcore Giants fans, Lincecum is 4-0 and has left his last three starts with leads in the late innings, and the bullpen blew all three of them.)
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Happy Mothers Day. While all professional sports leagues playing in May make a point of honoring moms, you’ve got to tip your hat to the NBA – their players create so many of them.
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In their next effort to stop the oil leak, BP is going to try to clog the blowout preventer with garbage. They have full cooperation in this effort from NBC, who will be sending hundreds of copies of scripts from their prime time lineup.
Saturday Night, Alive.
May 9, 2010That’s the relieved statement of NBC executives about Betty White after she finished taping tonight’s show.
But you have to love Betty White. 88 years old and hosting SNL. She’s so old she can remember when the show was consistently funny.
(And she’s still funnier than about any host they’ve had this year! Anyone who’s reading this blog probably already saw the show, but if not, find it online. )
They are making a documentary about the Atlanta Hawks in round 2 of the NBA playoffs. The working title “Nights of the Living Dead.”
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from Nick Coombs: Who thought we’d see the day the Sharks lasted longer in may than the NBC primetime lineup?
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Tim Tebow’s jersey is the hottest selling in the NFL right now. Well, maybe this isn’t as unlikely as it sounds. Many people want to get on the “I told you so” bandwagon if Tebow actually surprises the critics and does well.
And if not, they can always use the jersey for target practice.
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Brian Cushing, the Houston Texans linebacker who is the latest NFL player to be suspended for a failed drug test, says what he took was NOT a steroid.
In some ways, aren’t these denials, if true, even worse? If you’re not taking steroids that boost your performance and you’re still stupid enough to take something that is banned? Maybe some of these guys should pay at least enough attention in college to be able to read labels?
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After Faisal Shahzad’s car bomb fizzled out and he was arrested on a plane at JFK airport, the Taliban is rethinking their terrorism efforts in New York. They are now considering renting billboards urging people to ride the Staten Island ferry.
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The AP reported that Hugo Chavez is number one on Twitter in Venezuela. Either that or he is the number one twit in Venezuela. Not sure.
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Eric Brynes was cut by the Arizona Diamondbacks, who are still paying him $11 million for the year. He’s now signed up to play on a softball team sponsored by a Menlo Park bar, the Dutch Goose. Well, it’s not like he lowered himself so far as to play for the Baltimore Orioles
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Good riddance to JaMarcus Russell. The biggest bust in the San Francisco Bay Area since Carol Doda. (Anyone under 30 going “huh?”, try google )
Ancient history…
May 8, 2010A recent German study indicated that Neanderthals and humans mated. Heck, this still happens most weekends at frat parties.
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Jamie Moyer, 47, today became the oldest pitcher in major league history to throw a complete game shutout. If he keeps this up, they may classify Metamucil as a Performance Enhancing Drug.
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The only other worry for Moyer, some have accused him of hoarding and using old baseballs he kept from the dead ball era.
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Besides being a top pitcher, Jamie Moyer is also a class act. He dedicated tonight’s win to the memory of his old Phillies teammate Robin Roberts.
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Meanwhile, in the NBA; Steve Nash, 36 and Grant Hill, 37, are helping lead the Phoenix Suns to a 3-0 lead. Not to say these guys are old, but when they started their careers, the American Indians were complaining about a European immigrant problem.
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Or if that’s too much of an exaggeration. When Nash and Hill started in the NBA, Kobe Bryant was just starting to hog the ball in his nursery school playgroup.
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Lawrence Taylor, 51, accused of raping a 16 year old, says that, first, they didn’t actually have sex, and two, he thought she was 19. Translation – I’m not a rapist, just a dirty old scumbag.
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So with the hung election results in England, the Queen might actually end up having to choose the nation’s next leader. Well, she’ll probably do a better job than our Supreme Court.
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Chaz Bono is now legally a man. So that means when out at a restaurant, he can go to the bathroom by himself. And my friend Rich Lieberman says he will also be taken into a dark room and let in on the secret of why men leave the seat up
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nonpolitical rant:
The media loves to run stories these days about thousands of people showing up every time a company wants to hire 50-100 workers. So how come how many people you deal with in service industries are still rude, incompetent or both.?
No clean sweeps..
May 7, 2010No clean sweep for the Conservative party in the British elections; the results indicate that the government may be headed for complete gridlock. On the bright side the English people have just been named honorary Californians.
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Detroit Red Wings fans threw plenty of dead octopuses (octopi) on the ice to celebrate their team’s 7 to 1 victory over San Jose. And there weren’t really any signs of life from all the Sharks on the ice either.
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Senator Joe Lieberman was quoted as saying about the BP oil spill – “Accidents happen.” Tell me about it, said Al Gore when asked about the man he chose as his running mate.
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If “Greece” is the word, today on Wall Street it’s a four letter one.
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So part of the 1,000 point (before rebound) crash Thursday may have been caused by a trader typing $16 billion rather than $16 million…
$16 billion instead of $16 million? Who makes that kind of error?. Except maybe the Yankees working out their payroll.
Or Larry Ellison approving expenses for his next America’s cup race.
Or for the commie pinko crowd – the Pentagon, with the cost of their latest wish list.
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The trader who allegedly made the “m” to “b” error allegedly works at Citigroup. Citi’s motto has been “Citi never sleeps.” Sounds like maybe some naps wouldn’t hurt.
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-if you’re not following California politics the next two may not make sense-
Sarah Palin today endorsed Carly Fiorina in the California Republican Senate primary. Which could be great news – for Tom Campbell.
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Some Tea-Partiers are upset by the fact that Palin picked Fiorina as opposed to the potentially even more conservation Chuck Devore.
But I believe her choice can be summed up with a simple phrase “Birdbrains of a feather..”
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A joint joke with my very talented friend Jerry Perisho: Cinco de Mayo celebrates a Mexican army victory over the French in 1862. But had the victory been a day later, we’d be celebrating “Sexto de Mayo.” It would have been Bill Clinton’s favorite holiday
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Hall of Fame pitcher Robin Roberts died at the age of 83. He holds the record for the most total home runs surrendered – 505. Just imagine what that total would be if he pitched at the new Yankee Stadium.
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Roberts was a modest unassuming man, in fact he gave credit for a lot of his success to tips he’d gotten from his teammate Jamie Moyer.
One I wish I had written from Marc Ragovin : The Phillies new slogan?: “Citizens Bank Park: Come Feel The Electricity”
Sexto de Mayo? Really.
May 6, 2010It’s a good day the Mexican holiday didn’t fall a day later, or it’s title would be “Sexto de Mayo.” And we think Americans make fools of themselves on this holiday now.
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A joint British/Italian study found that those who generally slept for less than six hours a night were 12% more likely to experience a premature death than those who consistently got six to eight hours’ sleep.
Great, one more thing to lie awake at night worrying about.
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The Philadelphia Phillies have had two fans jump onto the field at Citizen’s Bank Park in two days -despite the first fan being tasered. But even worse, fans also jumped onto the field at Camden Yards – and beat the Orioles.
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Phoenix beat the San Antonio Spurs tonight wearing their “Los Suns” jerseys to show their support for immigrants. Apparently the Washington Wizards are considering such a move for next year. But they worry “Los Wizards” jerseys might give DC area fans another reason to support deporting the entire team.
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Okay, all you baseball fans who expected Barry Zito (5 and 0, 1.49 ERA, to have the kind of comeback year he is having so far put your hands up. Now both of you liars put your hands down.
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A New York woman is suing Starbucks allegedly that they served her tea too hot. What’s next, a lawsuit allegedly that their Venti Chocolate Chip Frappuccinos are too fattening?
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Senator Majority Leader Harry Reid said today that Republicans are trying to “continue to make love to Wall Street.” GOP senators angrily denied the accusation and said that all they and Wall Street do is cuddle once in a while.
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Phoenix wore “Los Suns” jerseys tonight to show support for their Latino fans. Suppose it makes sense, how anti-immigrant can you be when your team is led by a South-African born Canadian citizen?
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Wednesday was Cinco de Mayo, former U.S. President George W. Bush’s favorite holiday. He thinks it’s a particularly happy coincidence that it is always celebrated on May 5.
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The perennially powerful Red Wings have apparently hit a wall in the Stanley Cup Playoffs and are now down 3-0. Who do they think they are? The Sharks?
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Headline on AP story: NY bomb suspect seen as good recruit for militants. Let’s see, among other things, the guy built a bomb that didn’t work, didn’t get the VIN number removed correctly from the car, and used his own name in emails inquiring about buying the SUV in the first place. If he’s a “good” recruit, then Americans may be safer than we have thought.
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From Bill Littlejohn:
“Tim Tebow, who has yet play a down in the pros, had the NFL’s top selling jersey in April. Which means he’s now in line to be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize”
Airlines, oil spills, and other insanity…
May 5, 2010Okay, you can’t bring a 4 ounce bottle of moisturizer on a plane, but you can buy a one way cash international ticket at the last minute. Anyone else think that maybe Homeland Security has their priorities just a bit out of whack?
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Faisal Shahzad apparently studied bomb-making in Pakistan. But if he really wanted to make a major bomb he should have gone to Hollywood and studied with the directors of “Gigli.”
(or alternate punchline. Faisal went to Pakistan to learn bomb-making techniques, because he couldn’t get Kevin Costner to tell him how he made Waterworld.”)
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Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell stated in reaffirming his support for off-shore drilling “You know every time there is a airplane crash, we don’t say we don’t fly any airplane anymore.” True, but a single airplane crash doesn’t spread wreckage over several states, and risk destroying both fishing industries and ecosystems.
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So the Red Wings fans throw octopuses on the ice when they win. Now a San Jose Sharks fan has thrown a small shark on the ice after THEIR win. Let’s hope no rabid Boston Bruins fan hears about this.
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The Washington Nationals moved up phenom Stephen Strasburg to AAA. So he’s now as close as you can get to the big leagues without actually being there. Except of course if he were playing for the Orioles.
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The San Francisco Giants won 9-6 in 12 innings, after the bullpen blew a late lead for Tim Lincecum, 4-0, for the second time in two stars. If Lincecum loses the Cy Young, it may be less to do with his competition than with his own relief pitchers.
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Former FEMA director Michael Brown think that Obama came out in favor of oil drilling when he was secretly against it, and then let this oil spill happen so he would have an excuse to shut down future drilling. Even Richard Nixon somewhere is thinking, “man, that’s twisted.”
Unpopularity contest?
May 4, 2010Who’s going to be less popular? Any Arizona legislator at Cinco de Mayo? Or any BP executive at Mardi Gras?
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One of many soundbites of the day, Bill Kristol saying, offshore drilling is “very environmentally clean, except when there is a disaster like the spill.” Other than that, Mrs. Kennedy, how did you like Dallas?
(or for those who still find a JFK reference too soon. Other than that Mr. Buckner, how did you enjoy the World Series?)
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Kind of bizarre in the midst of this immigration issue, the Phoenix Suns are having an improbably good showing in the playoffs right now, led by a guy who came here first on a student visa from Canada.
(Steve Nash, for all non NBA fans.)
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According to the Alabama Press-Register, BP was circulating waivers to coastal Alabama residents that would provide them with payments up to $5000 in exchange for giving up the right to sue over the oil spill. If true, perhaps BP should change the P in their name from Petroleum to a plural noun not appropriate for a general and potentially family audience on a blog.
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A 17 year old Phillies fan was tasered when he ran onto the field. While some think that was too drastic, the police could have inflicted more severe pain – they could have driven him an hour and a half south and make him sit through a week of Orioles game.
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silly but very funny joke from Alex Kaseberg – Turkish scientists claim they have found the remains of Noah’s ark on top of Mt. Ararat. In fact, they may even have the transcript of the last comment from Noah’s wife, Nammah. She said: “Bad news, Noah, I think the male unicorn is gay.”
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Former Georgia quarterback Zach Mettenberger, who was battling for a starting job until his arrest for a incident at a bar last month, pled guilty to two misdemeanor counts of sexual battery.
Mettenberger, a red-shirt freshman, has been kicked off the team, but according to ESPN.com he will apparently visit Cincinnati and Louisville next month, where he could have up to three years eligibility.
Or he could go right to Pittsburgh and understudy with Ben Roethlisberger.
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Conservative David Cameron, current Labour PM Gordon Brown, and Liberal Democrat Nick Clegg are all running to be the next Prime Minister of Britain. In case we in the U.S. think we have a monopoly on childish political behavior, two years ago Mr. Cameron was asked for a political joke. His reply “Nick Clegg.”
Tiger in the Tank.
May 2, 2010Rory McIlroy won his first PGA tournament today, at the age of 20. Just how young is that? When he was born, Tiger Woods was still trying to pickup girls in the sandbox.
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McIlroy went 5 under for the last five holes and set a course record on Sunday at Quail Hollow. Of course, with Woods missing the cut (and the televised rounds), the reaction of most Americans became “oh, was there a golf tournament this weekend?”
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In her debate with Steve Poizner, California gubernatorial Meg Whitman apologized for her poor voting record, then added “But I tell you, I’m 100 percent engaged now.” Isn’t that a bit like Tiger Woods saying he is now 100 percent committed to his family?
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Quote from runner-up Phil Mickelson “I’ve got to congratulate Rory, he played some incredible golf. He’s an amazing talent. He is some kind of player.” For some reason, no one can remember Tiger Woods saying quite the same thing upon a second place finish.
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Zack Greinke of the Kansas City Royals is 0-3 with a 2.27 ERA. This might be the worst case of non-support since Pamela Anderson put on a training bra.
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BP is running out of ideas to fix their colossal mess in the Gulf. Here’s one – put the oil slick on NBC primetime, it will be gone in no time.
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The BP oil rig disaster is dominating the headlines, to the dismay of all Americans. Well, except for those working for Goldman Sachs or Toyota.-
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A former New Orleans Saints employee is alleging Coach Sean Payton stole and used Vicodin from the team’s supply. Now why would the coach of the Saints last year need Vicodin? Coaching staff on the Redskins, Buccaneers and Lions, maybe.
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commie pinko time.
While we don’t know for sure if the 40 year old white man caught on video changing his shirt turns out to be the Times Square wannabe bomber, part of me really hopes that he was a home-grown anti-government terrorist. Because then maybe some people will start figuring out that incendiary words can have consequences.
And by the way, to any conservatives reading this, I believe incendiary words are bad coming from either side, as witness some of the responses to the immigration bill, and some statements at times from some of the anti-war crowd. And while words may not incite everyone to violence, I think it’s a dangerous political game to play.
Cover up in Virginia?
May 2, 2010Whatever else he does in his tenure, Ken Cuccinelli, the attorney general of Virginia, will make the state seal safe for sensitive eyes. The picture below is of the historic seal, designed in 1776, by one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence and featuring “Virtus,” the goddess of virtue. Cuccinelli is having it redesigned to show an armored breastplate covering her left breast.
Your tax dollars at work. But at least delicate sensibilities will be safe.
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Recent polls in England show that because of a reasonably tight race between Labour, the Conservatives, and the Liberal Democrats, the country could end up after the election with a “hung Parliament.” Meaning total gridlock. Which would also mean, 234 years after the revolution, we’ll have brought Britain to a U.S. style of government.
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British Prime Minister Gordon Brown may end up losing the election after a woman asked him “All these Eastern Europeans, where are they coming from?” And Brown didn’t realize his mike was on when he called her a “bigot.” This wouldn’t have happened with Former President George W. Bush. He would have just answered the question with “Eastern Europe.”
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Congrats to Super Saver, the winner of the Kentucky Derby. Assuming he wasn’t named after the discount airfares. Otherwise the winning tickets would have paid out less surcharges for a weekend bet, fuel, security, taxes….
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Who is this new Giants pitcher and what has he done with Barry Zito?
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And for that matter, what’s more surprising, that the San Francisco Giants have gotten off to a great start and are in second place? Or that they are in second place to the… San Diego Padres?
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Bill Littlejohn, on Roethlisberger’s name has been replaced with Mario Lemieux’s on a Pittsburgh Zoo display that compares the height of elephants with other creatures: “They’ve moved Ben’s to a display that compares the height of horse’s rear ends with other creatures.’’
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commie pinko stuff below :
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Goldman Sachs, Lehmann Brothers, British Petroleum. Yeah, how’s that idea of getting rid of government regulation workin’ out for ya?
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And say, anyone heard from Sarah Palin lately?
New BP motto?
May 1, 2010New BP motto? Spill, Baby, Spill.
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But okay, since tea-parties are so against almost any use of federal government money, wonder who will be the first to complain about the cost of sending the National Guard and Air Force to try to save the Louisiana wetlands and coastline?
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Haven’t heard much from folks screaming about government regulation this weekend either.
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Brett Favre has been told he will need surgery on his ankle to play again in 2010, But he wants to get a second opinion from a good paleontologist.
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Tiger Woods missed the cut this weekend at the Quail Hollow Championship. Scary question, what if for Woods, sex was a performance enhancing drug?
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Troubled wide-receiver Santonio Holmes, only a month after being acquired by the New York Jets, was cited by police for being a “disruptive passenger’ because he wouldn’t turn off his iPod on a flight from Newark to Pittsburgh flight. Over-under on him being arrested for at least a minor felony before the regular season starts?
Left Coast Sports Babe 