Posted tagged ‘San Francisco 49ers jokes’

There she blows….

August 28, 2011

Hurricane Irene has brought more quiet and dread to New York than Phil Hughes coming in to pitch for the Yankees.

James Carville said in a post for CNN.com that there is some “weather-related” Darwinism with hurricanes. What he meant is that the weaker trees are blown down while the stronger trees survive. Of course, this Darwinism also applies to those people who ignore evacuation orders.


FEMA announced Saturday they are completely prepared and ready to assist with earthquake relief on the East Coast.


Hurricane Irene has already been blamed for massive and potentially long-term power losses in the East. SF Giants fans are wondering, did we miss a hurricane at A T and T Park earlier this year?

Many were worried after last week’s shootings and violence during the Raiders-49ers game at Candlestick Park. But fortunately, aided by a large police presence, there were no serious incidents at Saturday night’s game.

On the other hand, unfortunately the S.F. Police Department had much better results than the 49ers.

Alex Smith tonight for SF 49ers. 2 for 6 for 17 yards. 13 yards lost on sacks. Let the Andrew Luck chase begin.


From my friend Nick Coombs, a transplanted Californian now living in Madison: “On behalf of everyone in Wisconsin… I’d like to thank the 49ers for passing on Aaron Rodgers for Alex Smith.”


As scary as it sounds with both teams playing against opponents from Houston the SF Giants offense (2 runs in ten innings) outscored the SF 49ers offense tonight. (SF’s only points – a touchdown scored on interception.)


Sometimes a headline enough is enough to declare another Darwin award winner. As in this one about a Hurricane Irene death – “Huge waves kill surfer in Florida.”

Botox has now been approved to treat urinary incontinence. Wonder how? Maybe by making your face so rigid you can’t open your mouth to drink much liquid?


A positive NBA story for a change. During the lockout, the Warriors’ Stephen Curry is finishing up his undergraduate degree at Davidson. Curry is enrolled full-time this fall and is working on his senior thesis. Many of his fellow NBA players are wondering “What’s a senior thesis?” Others just wonder, “What’s a degree?”


And a non-positive “bus to hell” thought from T.C. “Former Washington Wizards player, Javaris Crittenton, who made headlines last year by bringing in a gun into a locker room, has been charged with murder. The woman he allegedly gunned down on an Atlanta street was not even his intended target.

His shooting percentage on the street isn’t any better than it was with the Wizards.”

PGA – Pretty Gawd Awful ratings.

August 14, 2011

How the mighty have fallen. PGA tour and television executives originally hoped for a finish with a battle between Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy or Phil Mickelson. Now it’s, well, the five players atop the PGA Championship leaderboard all have U.S. passports.


With apologies to Abbott and Costello, this year’s tournament could be subtitled “Who’s in first?”

Alex Rodriguez, still not talking to the media about those poker allegations, went 0-3 in his second minor league rehab start. A-Rod said he wasn’t complaining about his performance, and was just playing the hand he was dealt.


Barry Zito apparently reinjured his right foot in a rehab start in Fresno. No word on which member of the San Francisco Giants management allegedly put the rusty nail on the mound.


The Cubs’ suspended Carlos Zambrano for 30 days after his latest meltdown. Word has it Cubs management was considering a stiffer punishment – trading their mercurial pitcher to the Houston Astros.


Michele Bachmann won the Iowa Straw poll. This was great news for many Tea Partiers and all comedy writers.


Open note to everyone who thinks that Michele Bachmann’s win in the Iowa straw poll means she will be the GOP nominee, first ask GOP 2008 straw poll winner Mike Huckabee. And to all who think the Iowa primary winner will end up in the White House, ask 2008 winner Mitt Romney.


Meanwhile, wonder if Michele Bachmann will have to retire her endless refrain about being born in Waterloo.

It might have helped her in Iowa, but in the rest of the country anyone who studied history thinks of Napoleon, and anyone near baby-boomer age thinks of Abba.

Ron Artest now says he will definitely play in the U.K. this year. Londoners celebrated by making his”Meta World Peace” jersey the most popular choice to be looted.


Rough start for Coach Jim Harbaugh with the 49ers. Maybe he got cocky about being able to deal with playing professional teams after all those Stanford games against USC.


Lately Tim Lincecum has become the SF Giants equivalent of a great NFL quarterback. Leading his team to a win a week.


And yes, a tip of the hat to all readers who thought reading that other teams spelling relief as “G-i-a-n-t-s H-i-t-t-i-n-g.” that the hyphen could be moved from between the T and the S to the S and the H.


Walmart severed relations with one of the nation’s largest blueberry growers, after it was reported that the grower uses child labor -including kids as young as five years old, in their field.

Walmart stated they are totally against such practices and believe that kids should have the chance to be kids before they grow up to become exploited Walmart employees.