Posted tagged ‘New York Mets jokes’

Hot dogs and pizza and pie, oh my

July 4, 2012

Chuck E. Cheese is planning to do a major revamp of their mascot into a hipper rodent rock star with an electric guitar. Maybe they’d be better off to spend the money revamping their pizza?

California congressman “Pete” Stark told reporters today he’s not likely to debate his opponent this fall because “we’d only get stupid questions like you’re asking.” Is Stark running for re-election, or aspiring to be Governor of New Jersey?

Suspended New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton and his wife have filed for divorce. Wonder if she couldn’t face the idea of him around the house for a year.

 

Tuesday was the official weigh-in for New York’s annual July Fourth hot dog eating contest – one sport where Americans still can claim world domination.

The forecast in San Francisco for July 4 is for cool weather and fog that may unfortunately obscure fireworks. “Oh STFU” said residents of most of the midwest and east coast.

No one but Tony La Russa really knows if he left Cincinnati’s Johnny Cueto or Brandon Phillips because of a 2010 brawl between the Reds and the Cardinals. But remember this, La Russa is a man who intentionally walked Barry Bonds… in spring training.

Salon reports that a “source” says Justice John Roberts not only authored the majority opinion upholding Obamacare, but also much of the dissent. If true, who does Roberts think he is? Mitt Romney?

Mets general manager Sandy Alderson sent out this tweet today: “Wright vs. Sandoval: A city of 8 million was outvoted by a city of 800,000.” Brian Sabean probably should refrain from responding “It’s constitutional, bitches.

Just wondering New York Mets fans….where was the outrage in 2009 when David Wright was voted to the All-Star team, although Pablo Sandoval had much better numbers?

From Gary M.:  How successful was SF’s get out the vote campaign?   Sandoval also won Mexico’s Presidential election, yesterday.

Michele Bachmann was asked if she was being vetted by the Romney campaign as a running mate. Her response: “Whoever it is that he chooses to bring in as his V.P., it will be a highly competent person who could step in at a moment’s notice and assume the responsibilities of the White House.” If true, she’s not being vetted.

Nine people were injured in New Hampshire Tuesday night, when a fireworks explosion inside a home set it ablaze. Do newspaper editors have this template ready every July 4 so they can just change the location and details on the injuries?

NY state rep, Marty Golden, 63. facing a great deal of criticism, cancelled his planned business etiquette event on “posture, deportment and the feminine presence.” where women would learn “sit, stand and walk like a model.” Even Chris Christie had to be thinking Golden is out of touch with women.

R.I.P. Andy Griffith. You know you might be getting old if you remember he had a show before “Matlock.”

New York State of Mind…

July 18, 2010

Tampa-New York on television this afternoon. When will Fox drop the charade and just start referring to their Saturday baseball broadcast as the “Yankees Game of the Week.”


I would ascribe this if I remembered where I heard it first, but the numbers bear out. The New York Yankees had eight players selected for this year’s All-Star game. Their combined salaries – $123 million. This is more than the whole payroll for all but four major league baseball teams. ‘Nuff said.


New York Yankees pitcher A.J. Burnett was slightly injured and had to leave the game today when he threw a tantrum and hit some clubhouse doors in the middle of a loss. In a post-game apology, Burnett said he was just trying to pay his own tribute to George Steinbrenner.


Steinbrenner was laid to rest in a private ceremony Saturday. His family had to organize the ceremony quickly, before George posthumously fired the funeral director.


Meanwhile, over in the National League, the Mets are trying to figure out the answer to a question…what’s more embarrassing, losing three straight and being shut out for 24 innings by the SF Giants. Or allowing eight runs Saturday night to one of major league baseball’s worst offenses?

The New York Times has killed off their “Laugh Lines” online jokes column. Of course, maybe looking at the recent news with Lindsay Lohan, Bristol and Levi, and Apple’s “problem, what problem?” response, they figure nothing could be funnier than the front pages.

In A T and T Park’s 11 year history, there have been 33 opposite field home runs hit by right-handed hitters. (About half the number of “Splash Hits.”) And Buster Posey just hit one tonight. Yeah, I can see why the Giants didn’t think he was ready for the big leagues.


It might have been easier for sports fans who aren’t history or political science buffs if South African Louis Oosthuizen had his great rounds at the British Open before the World Cup. Then it wouldn’t be a surprise to realize that the Netherlands and South Africa share a great deal of history.


from reader and comedian Marc Ragovin, about the slow-footed Bengie Molina’s improbable triple Friday night. “Bengie kicked it into another gear as he approached second base: its called neutral.”


Joe Biden’s 2008 presidential campaign has apparently been fined more than $219,000 for sloppy bookkeeping and accepting excessive contributions. This is shocking, Biden’s presidential campaign actually GOT contributions?


And pick your punchline for this last one. Divers exploring an 18th-century shipwreck said they have discovered the world’s oldest drinkable champagne. The champagne was apparently intended for a party to celebrate…

1. John McCain’s first successful campaign.

2. Jamie Moyer’s first win.

3. Brett Favre’s first retirement party.